"What is it?"
"It's everything…"
Those words echoed in Elphaba's mind as she slowly made her way from the music room. She was still thinking about Fiyero's journal in her bag as she mindlessly walked down the hallway. With all that happened between them, she was stunned that he would give her his journal with, as he described, "everything". While she told him she'd read it, she wasn't completely sure that she wanted to.
What if the secrets therein were too much for her to bear? What if Fiyero realized that his love for Aliyra was too much for him to move on?
What if Fiyero didn't love her anymore? What if he never really loved her at all?
She pushed the thoughts aside – it was all too much for her. Besides, Galinda was right – she had been neglecting herself too long and she needed to eat something.
With that, Elphaba decided to make her way to the Primrose Café.
Fiyero sat alone in the music room, silently praying that Elphaba would read the journal. His mother was right – writing down his feelings helped a lot. It didn't take all of the pain away but it felt like the weight of the world was off of his shoulders. The words he wrote had flowed effortlessly the night before – it didn't matter really what he wrote, he just wanted it down on paper. It didn't matter if the subject matter flowed or even if it made sense; it was just out there on paper and in the book.
And now, it was in Fae's hands.
Oh, Fae…
It still pained the Prince when he thought of how he hurt her. If he were an outsider watching himself argue with Elphaba at Adurin Iir, he probably would have slapped himself silly before he did anything stupid.
It was too late for that now. His only hope was that she'd read the diary and maybe it would help her understand how he felt.
Maybe, some day down the road, she'd forgive him.
Fiyero looked at the piano, staring at the keys as if they were to give him some great insight. Instead, it was if they were taunting him – commanding him – to play.
Reaching into his jacket, Fiyero pulled two sets of paper: one was the song that he and Fae wrote together.
The other was a song he wrote after finishing his journal.
Right now, he really wanted to work on the first song. However, no matter what he did, his mind kept going back to the second. Sighing in frustration, Fiyero realized that he had to sing his other song first – if anything, it would give him some peace for him to move on.
So, breathing deeply as if to summon his strength, he placed his hands on the keys and pressed down.
Elphaba had only made it a few feet from the music room when she stopped: she thought she heard the piano being played. It was soft at first, and it only seemed like random notes. However, the notes slowly turned to chords and the sound grew. Quietly making her way back to the music room, she stood outside and peered in to see that Fiyero playing the piano. She made sure to stay out of sight – it looked like Fiyero was lost in his own thoughts and she didn't want to interrupt him.
And then he started to sing…
Same heart but it feels just a little bit empty now
I sing our song but it just doesn't sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
It all just sounds like oooooh…
I was just too dumb to realize
That I should've bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should've gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to a party
When you felt like you wanted to dance
But now my baby's gone
And I'm no longer her man
Elphaba stood outside the door, mouth agape. He didn't know that she was there, but she realized that he wrote this song for her – maybe not specifically for her, but the words were addressed to her.
It was his unsaid apology beyond what normal words could describe: this came straight from his heart.
Fiyero continued to the second verse…
My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a beautiful woman like you to walk out my life.
Now I'll never...never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes.
Silent tears streamed down Elphaba's face as she listened to Fiyero sing. She could hear the pain in his voice as he sang.
Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
And if I am much too late
And another man takes my place
I just want you to know
Suddenly, the music became much softer, and Fiyero choked back the sob that was threatening to come out. He didn't even want to contemplate that Elphaba might find somebody else to love her better than he could, but he knew he had to sing the words he wrote.
He had to get it all out.
Straining to keep his emotions in check, he sang…
I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to that party
Anytime you feel you want to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done…
When I was your man
At the sound of the last chord, Elphaba watched as Fiyero buried his head in his hands. Though silent, she was openly crying now. She had just watched him pour out his heart to her in his song.
Fiyero didn't know if he'd ever sing his song to Elphaba or not; it didn't matter anyway. He knew the coming days would be the "make-or-break" time for them and he was willing to do whatever it took – even if, sadly, it meant that they stayed just friends.
Perhaps, one day, he'll share his song with her. For now, he decided to leave her be.
Shaking the thought from his head and wiping the tears from his eyes, he put his song away and pulled out the song that he and Fae had been working on.
Unbeknownst to him, a green woman silently made her way out of the building. Once outside, Elphaba wiped the tears from her face with her sleeve as she ran towards the women's dorms. Once inside, she slammed the door, threw off her shoes, hopped onto her bed and ripped open her book bag.
Her mind was made up – as much as she was going to get in trouble from Galinda, dinner with her roommate would have to wait.
She was going to read that diary.
A/N – I would like to give a HUGE thank you to the Ultimate Queen of Cliffies for letting me write this one-shot. Since so much of "Dances with Princes" revolved around music, and that Elphaba expressed her feelings in music, I figured Fiyero would also express himself in song.
Thank you so much for your support, your Majesty. Enjoy your trip to London. :)
And, I am sorry that I was remiss in giving a huge THANK YOU to all of you for voting for "Repealed" as "Best Bessa" in the last Greg Awards! Thank you so much for that honor.
The song enclosed here is Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man" slightly adapted to fit within the story.
Disclaimer: I own neither the rights to Wicked nor to "When I Was Your Man". Those belong to way more talented people than me.