Prologue

Cath sat alone in her room. Like always. No one to talk to. No one who cared. She could do anything in here, and nobody would notice. Her life was one big mess. It seemed like, whenever she thought things might turn out well, Satan came in and said: 'not today, bitch,' and just made a hell of her life again. It had all started over a year ago. Her grandpa was ill, and they had research at the hospital. They were not really sure what it was. Then, when the whole family was in the restaurant, with friends, Maura asked: 'what exactly is wrong with your grandpa?' and my mum said, he uh, kinda has a tumor in his lungs…. That was the moment, Cath realized, she was so very different then all of them.

Chapter one

'WHAT?!,' Cath screamed, way over the maximum volume you can shout at in a restaurant. 'WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?! I AM HIS FUCKING GRANDDAUGHTER! I AM SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS!' and then she just started crying. She cried so hard, her mom got embarrassed and told her to go to the toilet. She sat at the toilet, and thought. How can they not tell me? Of course they just forgot, but how come they always forget to tell her thing that are mostly pretty important. C'mon Cath, you can cry/think about this later, now go out there and enjoy the night. So she did. Or at least, she pretended to. How are you supposed to enjoy a night, when you just heard your grandfather has fucking cancer in his lungs.

When they got home, she went straight up to her room. Her lovely, lonely room. The only place she felt home in, and where she could be herself. She turned up the music. Her favorite band of course. Where would she be without One Direction. She knew all the songs inside out. It wasn't so long till she would finally see them life! It is gonna be perfect, she thought. Then she looked in the mirror. Damn, why do I look like this. I really need to lose weight. No one is gonna love me if I look like this.Cath decided to text Meg, to tell her everything.

''hey Meg, oh my god. My grandfather has cancer in his lungs. AND THEY DIDN'T FREAKING TELL ME! How can they forget to tell me? Ugh, this place sucks. I wish I could run away, but I can't. I miss you. Please talk to me…''

''ohmy, Cath that sucks. I'm sorry for you. But, he will get better right? Are they gonna do chemo? I understand you must feel awful rightnow. I shame those bastards who didn't tell you. What the actual fuck, this is NOT something you just forget to tell. Things you forget to tell are like:''oh yeah we are ging out for dinner'' and ''oh yeah you had to do this thing for school'' and ''oh yeah there is a fucking unicorn in your bed.'' This. Is. Not. Something. Like. That.

And all Cath could do was smile. Meg was her best friend. Well, of course she had her school friends, but they were nothing like Meg. Meg understood her like no one else could. They could talk about everything. At moments like these, Meg was all she had. And for a moment, she didn't even mind. Because Meg meant so much to her. More than anyone.

Next day at school, I tried to be as non-sad as possible. I was very good at this. I did it almost every day. Of course I had to tell my teacher what was going on.

'' Professor?''

'' Yes, Cath…''

'' There is something you need to know. My grandfather has cancer in his lungs. They will start doing chemo. My parents tols me last night and I didn't get much sleep.''

'' Oh my, Cath that is horrible! I really don't know what to say actually. I hope the chemo will work out and he will get better. I understand if it is hard for you to concentrate. It's okay don't worry about it. I'll tell the other teachers too.''

'' Thank you''

The rest of the day was one big blur of people talking and laughing and asking things and me not answering. My friends and classmates clearly saw something was wrong with me, but I didn't want to talk about it. It was way too soon. Instead I texted Meg.

''school is hell. People are asking what is wrong. I wish I could talk to our mutuals without being on twitter. u know, just like this but then with them….''

at lunch she texted back:

''OMG! That'd be awesome. Maybe we can make this group, with a few directioners, and just talk and fangirl and everything…''

Oh. My. God. What an amazing idea.

''yes please. One problem. I don't have any mutual who would want to be in a group with us.''

''don't worry, I got this''