L and Light: A love story
One day L was eating cake while genuinely looking forward to the fact that he would inevitably be stricken with a terrible case of diabetes. He was starting to get impatient and began to eat his cake much faster, then suddenly he spotted a severed penis in his cake. Normally he would just disregard something like that and eat around it but not today. Today it aroused suspicion. He looked to his right where Light was sitting and masturbating to an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. "Light, I thought I should tell you that there's a human appendage in my cake and there's an 84% chance it's because you are Kira." L said. "That's preposterous! I'm not Kira, you're Kira!" Light replied angrily as he quickly pointed an accusing finger towards L, but suddenly, before he even realized what was happening, Light's thumb detached from his hand and flew into L's mouth, quickly and firmly lodging itself there. L doubled over, choking on Light's thumb as Light wept silently with regret. Eventually L projectile vomited several bricks into Light's face and the thumb emerged from his neck, leaving a large, gaping hole there. "Can I have my finger back now?" Light asked. "The thumb is not a finger Light-kun. How could you possibly not know that?" L asked in return. Light then began to foam at the mouth and piss himself out of shame as L handed his thumb back to him. Once he had his thumb back Light went into his inventory, selected his thumb and immediately tried to equip it but it did not work, no matter how much he wanted to equip it or how many times he attempted to, it did not work. Eventually he realized that his stamina was depleting rapidly and gave up, exiting out of his inventory and dropping the thumb. The first thing he noticed upon doing so was that there was more than one thumb falling to the ground, there were many thumbs and they were beginning to multiply at an alarming rate. Soon enough at least half of the room was filled with thumbs. "Do not panic." L told Light. "I will save us." With that said L began to suck the thumbs into the hole in his neck like a vacuum. It seemed to be working until Misamisa burst into the room and attempted to pounce on Light but instead ended up getting sucked into the hole in L's neck, clogging it. As expected she instantly began to melt. "I'll put you out of your misery." Said Light as he took off his own leg and started beating L to death with it, before he could finish though L exploded. Then after a long period of silent contemplation Light went to live amongst the spiders, which was obviously the only sensible decision to make. Light could not adjust to his new lifestyle though. "I don't want to be a spider." He said. "That is who you are though Light." Replied the spider king. "Why can you not accept this?" "Because I was born to be a mountain man!" Light yelled. They both took a moment to consider that and half an hour later Light had turned his entire life around and had become the best washing machine he could be. He also adopted forty six dolphins but died from an undercooked grilled cheese sandwich he had eaten four days ago before he could name the third.