She is the very essence of beauty in my eyes. She can do no wrong. She is perfect. From the second I locked eyes with her in the quad in her booth, and then again in that blissful shower... She is all I think about. I know that this will only end in my own heartbreak. I am aware that I am floundering in my own sorrow that she is not mine.
But you see... She is my friend. She is my confidante when things get tough with my family. She helps me wade through this difficult thing we call life. I am wallowing because she is not mine, but at the same time I sing my rejoices for every day she is there, because that's got to be better than nothing... Doesn't it?
Chloe texted me this morning to let me know when rehearsal was this week. I love it when the first thing I see when I wake up is her name. It makes my heart pound and my palms sweat. It puts a smile on my lips for a good portion of the day. She has told me time and time again that she's straight. Not cause she knows anything about my feelings, but just in talking with her on a daily basis. "Oh, Beca, look at him! He would melt my butter". Or "Beca! Look at his butt! I bet I could bounce a quarter off of those hot buns!"
Chloe is so animated... So cheerful... So talkative... She makes me feel like I can be myself and not have to worry about impressing her.
It's the last week of my sophomore year of college. We rehearse right up til the last day before summer break. The Bellas have always done it this way, and everyone was shocked when I expressed my opinion that it made sense. "Come on guys, we'll remember more next year if we do it this way". In the back of my mind, I may or may not have been thinking that I could see Chloe's back end in those little shorts all the way up until we all had to go our separate ways for break. It'll leave me something warm to think about on those lonely nights at my mom's house.
On the last day of rehearsal we all shared our goodbyes. I hugged everyone and we all promised to call each other and text, even though we all knew it was crap... Except Chloe. Chloe was great about keeping in touch. It's probably one of the reasons I love her. She's staying at Barden this summer. Her folks are really starting to get pissed she hasn't graduated yet. She's going to have to graduate next year, probably at semester. And because of that, I have decided that I need to put this Chloe love behind me. No pun intended. I need to get over her. Jesse is a great guy. He's wanting more of a commitment. I can't blame the guy. I've been stringing him along with this for two years now while I figured out what I wanted.
Unrequited love is not healthy. This is what I finally figured out. I set myself a goal to get over her. How am I going to do this, you might ask... Well the answer is that I have absolutely no clue. I'll probably start by not answering every time she calls. Not replying to her texts the second I receive them. I can't tell her I need space, so I'll just have to make it on my own. I want... No, need to still be her friend, but I need to not feel my knees go weak every time I see her. I need to not have all of my attention focused on her when we are in the same room.
The first couple of weeks are going pretty well. Step one of my plan is working. I am thinking about her less and less. The real test will be this weekend when I go up to visit my dad. Saturday I will see her. We're going to lunch.
I see her in the parking lot. Just as stunning as ever! We hug, I open the door to the restaurant for her before I step inside.
Authors note: Thanks for reading. I haven't decided if I'm going to continue this story. You might have to decide what Beca decides to do for yourself. ;) I welcome your comments.