Chapter 1: It All Started With Kog'Maw
"Hey, have you ever noticed anything odd about Jarvan and Shyvana?" Diana asked, glancing across the dining hall.
"Mmmf? Ife notished noshing weird." Leona mumbled through a mouthful of eggs and toast.
Her girlfriend raised an eyebrow at her, disgusted. "I cannot understand a word you just said. Did your mother never tell you that it was rude to speak with your mouth full?"
Leona chewed and then swallowed. "Yes. And no, I haven't noticed anything weird with them... Apart from their usual Demacian-ness. Why?"
Diana decided to not mention anything more about Leona's manners. "Well... They've been spending a lot of time together lately. And they are always on the same team in a game. And Jarvan keeps looking at Shyvana strangely. And-" Her eyes bugged out as they witnessed something over Leona's shoulder. "A-and they... They just...-"
"Di, stop nosing into other people's business. You're making a big deal out of nothing." Leona chided, drinking her milk. "They are clearly not dating, if that is what you are implying."
Unable to say anything, Diana simply pointed behind Leona, gaping.
The Solari snorted and turned around... And then immediately spun to face Diana again.
Eyes wide, Leona stammered, "O-O-OK! I STAND C-CORRECTED THEY MOST CERTAINLY A-ARE T-T-TOGETHER! HOW HAVE I NOT NOTICED BEFORE!?"
The Scorn of the Moon swept her eyes around the other tables, pointedly avoiding the un-erasable sight of Jarvan and Shyvana-
No. Just no.
"Actually, if you look closely enough... A lot of champions are acting a bit off."
Sure enough, Riven kept glancing across the room and smiling randomly, Morgana was sighing every so often as she gazed wistfully at someone outside through the window, Ashe wouldn't stop looking towards the other side of the dining hall whenever Tryndamere stopped talking, and Zyra was continuously sticking her hands into a glass of water before her... Although that could've been normal planty behaviour, for all Diana knew.
"What do you mean?" Leona asked, snapping Diana out of observation mode (which was really just a fancy cover-up for 'spy mode' or 'gossip gatherer status')
"Look. Watch Pantheon. What does he keep doing?"
Leona observed her Rakkor friend for a minute. "Uh... He keeps bringing his fork to his mouth? And drinking his orange juice?"
Diana wanted to slam her head onto the table. "... No, dumbass. Well, yeah, he's doing that, but that's called: HE'S EATING HIS BREAKFAST. I meant, what kind of suspicious action is he repeatedly undertaking!?"
"... I don't know, that OJ is looking pretty suspicious to me..." Leona joked, much to the annoyance of her girlfriend.
"Try again." Diana growled.
Unconsciously, Leona gulped nervously and turned her brilliant amber eyes back to her childhood friend.
...
...
...
Diana sighed and bit into an apple. "You have no clue, do you."
"Heh... Heheheh..." Leona laughed awkwardly.
"Ugh. Ok. Fine. His posture."
"...?"
The Lunari could hear the unspoken question and let out another breath.
"He straightens for no evident reason and then goes back to his original position after a few seconds. As if he is trying to look a certain way whenever a certain someone looks at him."
The Radiant Dawn narrowed her eyes and observed Pantheon once more, finding everything that Diana spoke to be true.
"Humph. Who's the someone then, Gossip Master?"
Diana snorted at that. "We all know that Cassiopeia is the Gossip Master. My knowledge can't even match half of hers..." She glared jealousy at the half-serpent who was in the corner of the hall, sitting with her family. Or what was left of it. "But no matter... I remain vigilant!" She announced, pointing her chin skywards and slamming a fist onto the table.
"... Ok then, Great Observer..." Leona muttered. Secretly, the words 'Frozen Watcher' also popped into her head, and she glanced quickly at Lissandra, who was eating a popsicle. "So who is the someone?"
Diana's silver eyes turned to Leona.
"I have absolutely no idea."
"..."
"What?" Diana snapped. "I can notice what they do, but I can't see who or what they're staring at! They look away too fast and there are too many people in that general direction!"
Leona shrugged. "Well..." She trailed off once she caught the glare that she was given from across the table, daring her to question the Scorn of the Moon's observation abilities.
She quickly grabbed her glass of milk and drank it to stall for time... And a subject to change to.
"... So, uh... Did you get that letter from the Institute?" Leona finally blurted out.
Diana raised an eyebrow and crunching on her apple but decided once again to not question Leona. Even if her subject changing was so blatantly obvious.
"Yes. I cannot believe that the summoners are making us, the champions, take care of... THAT!" She spat, pointing at the screen to the side that displayed the current ongoing match, which was still in the champion selection stage. The Mouth of the Abyss had been the first pick for the blue team.
"Hey, don't be like that. Kog'Maw isn't... That bad..." Leona started half-heartedly.
"Ugh. He's disgusting!" Spat the Lunari, tossing her apple core onto the tray before her. "There is no way that I'm going to take care of him!"
"Well... Look on the bright side, Di..." Leona tried again. "It's only until the Institute finds summoners to replace the ones that Kog'Maw... Ate..." Even to her own ears, it sounded pretty horrible. But she kept going. "And the champions are all on rotation! Look!" Leona pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket. "They might have found the replacements by the time you have to go! And you're going... You're going..." She trailed off once she read the names and order.
Diana fixed a glare onto the paper, and then at Leona. "First. Today."
"..."
Or she would've been, if there hadn't suddenly been an announcement.
"Ahem. Attention, all champions." A male voice boomed from the walls. Faintly, his voice could be heard outside the dining hall as well, which meant that it was an Institute-wide announcement. "It has come to our attention that a certain someone has gotten it into their heads that it would be absolutely hilarious to kidnap the shopkeeper and replace all the items on the Rift with... With..."
The voice paused, as if the speaker were collecting his thoughts. "Pink dildo's."
Immediately, the whole dining hall erupted into raucous laughter.
"HEY! HEY! QUIET DOWN!" The summoner demanded, as if he could hear the champions. Which he most certainly could. Of course, his voice was ignored and drowned out amongst the laughter of the champions.
"Holy shit... That is amazing..." Diana managed to choke out in-between fits of laughter.
"Oh my Gods...!" Leona had fallen off of her chair.
"Pink... DILDO'S!" Ahri giggled. "MASTERFUL!" Tears were coming out of her eyes, she was laughing so hard.
Miss Fortune nudged the fox. "Hey, hey, Ahri." The bounty hunter winked. "I wonder if they still give... Penetration...!"
The fox was swept up in a new wave of uncontrollable laughter, knowing that Sarah was referring to the magic penetration items that Ahri always built.
Even Mordekaiser was chuckling under his helmet, along with Zed. Stoic Shen, who had been raised and trained to keep a neutral expression and level head, did just that, while Akali and Kennen tried and failed.
In all fairness, it wasn't the most hilarious thing to ever happen to the champions... But it was certainly up there. The monotonous boredom coupled with the sheer bravery and cunning of the prankster served to heighten the joke.
"Well, whoever did it has got to have some serious balls." A lone voice rose above the others. "So we know that it wasn't you, Jayce."
More laughter, although this time, Jayce didn't join in. He glared at the speaker, who was grinning viciously at him.
Blue eyes narrowed and gauntlets prepped, Vi dared Jayce to retort. Or even better... Fight her.
The Defender of Tomorrow was about to do just that, when Garen cut in.
"More fitting of Ezreal, actually." The Might of Demacia deadpanned. Everyone knew of his sincere dislike for the explorer, stemming from Ezreal's crush on the Demacian's sister.
Lux prodded her brother. "Garen! Do not say such things!" And then she smiled at Ezreal.
Diana had finally recovered from laughing. The summoner had gone quiet, most likely to either wait out the noise, or to escape to another room to release his laughter.
"Ahh... I wonder who did it." She giggled.
Leona stifled her laughter as well. "Probably Fizz or Wukong, you know? I sense it. I also sense something happening between those two." She pointed a finger at Ezreal and then at Lux.
Diana raised an eyebrow. "While you are probably right about the prankster, I highly doubt the possibility of Lux and Ezreal."
"W-" Leona had been about to ask, "Why," when she was interrupted by the voice returning.
"Now that you have all calmed down... Somewhat." The summoner continued, voice echoing through the room.
"As we have found that the... Items ... Still give their regular boosts and function like they should, matches will uh... Not be cancelled..."
The hall was filled with silence.
"Furthermore, it has come to our attention that the prankster who did this is none other than..."
'Ah, so that was why he went silent.' Diana mused to herself, waiting to hear the tricksters name. 'He must have been receiving information... Or yelling at the prankster. Or congratulating him.'
"Fizz."
Gangplank stood up and started applauding. "I ALWAYS KNEW YOU AT IT IN YER, YA MEDDLING LITTLE FISH!" He yelled, hoping that Fizz would hear, wherever he was.
The other inhabitants of Bilgewater all joined the clapping, followed by the Noxians and then the Piltovians.
Leona grinned and pumped a fist into the air. "Yes! I got it right!"
The emoji(s) that best described her feelings right now: ~(^.^~) (~^.^)~
The summoner started speaking again. "As punishment, the Tidal Trickster will switch places with the Scorn of the Moon in the new Kog'Maw rotation. He will now be going first."
The Solari's eyes widened. "Diana! That's you! You're the Scorn of the Moon!"
"I know that, Captain Obvious." Diana grumbled, pleased nonetheless. "When's Fizz going? Or was supposed to be going?"
"... Uh... In 5 days..." Leona replied, checking the schedule.
Diana sighed. "Not that much better, but still better. Hey, how about you switch with me?" She grinned at Leona hopefully.
"Hell no! Mine is in 2 weeks!"
"Aww, pleeeaaaase?" Diana begged. "Or you can do it for me!"
Leona rolled her eyes. "Why would I ever say yes to that?"
Diana's expression morphed into the cute-innocent-begging look that she knew would sway her girlfriend.
The Solari stared. "Oh fuck no... Not the look... DI!"
The look intensified.
"I-I-I... UGH! How about a compromise?!" Leona finally let out.
Diana tuned down the look. "Compromise?" She repeated in a very ominous tone.
Leona gulped. "L-let's have a bet... Or a challenge! Loser has to do the others Kog'Maw duty...!"
The Scorn of the Moon grinned evilly. "What kind of a challenge?"
Leona had absolutely no idea. Stalling for time, she said, "Uhh... I'll tell you after I throw my tray out." Standing up, the Solari warrior grabbed her tray and quickly fled the table.
Eyes flicking around the room, Leona frantically tried to come up with an idea.
Her gaze alighted on Jarvan IV, who was now having a staring contest with Xin Zhao.
A lightbulb lit above Leona's head (figuratively, of course).
She returned to her table only to find Diana giving her an expectant look. "Well?"
The Radiant Dawn cleared her throat. "The challenge that I propose... Whoever uncovers the least of the League's couples has to take the others Kog'Maw rotation."
The Scorn of the Moon raised a surprised eyebrow. "That... Actually sounds kind of fun. What you are proposing is that we must each try to uncover as many of the League's couples as we can, before my rotation?" It was a good challenge, considering that the only known couples were Jarvan and Shyvana, Ashe and Tryndamere (well, they were married...), Ahri and Sona, and Diana and Leona themselves. But there was no way that they were the only ones.
"... Yes."
"So we have 5 days, including today, to do this."
"... Yes."
"Sounds good. But... How do we know if what the other claims is valid?" Diana pressed. Leona thought for a second (or 5).
"Pictures?"
The corners of Diana's lips twitched upwards. "Pictures."
"Or some sort of other valid proof, like an audio recording or video. I guess."
"So if I can get a picture of a couple kissing or holding hands on a romantic moonlit walk... That counts?"
"Yeah... Any pictures."
The Lunari had one last question. "ANY pictures? What if they're... You know... Having..." She trailed off and raised an eyebrow again.
Leona sighed. "It's fine, I guess. It's not like anyone else is going to see it, and besides, we'll delete them right after. Which reminds me... End of the fifth night, we'll meet in my room to count points. If we have the same couple, that is one point each. If one of us has one that the other doesn't, then it's 3 points. If one of us proves one of the pairings incorrect, that's no points."
"Sounds good." Diana repeated, secretly thinking that by the end of 5 days, she was going to have a lot of nudes on her phone...
"Are we starting now?" She asked, and Leona nodded.
Grinning, Diana lifted her phone and snapped a picture of something over the Solari's shoulder.
"I'm in the lead!" She announced and leapt up from the table, running out of the hall before Leona could say anything.
Leona whipped her head around to see Jarvan and Shyvana just pulling away from each other.
She cursed and took out her phone. Diana had the head start. Not fair.
Twitch twitched in a corner of the dining hall.
"The one time..." He muttered. "The one time that I decide to pull such an elaborate and amazing prank, that fucking fish thing takes all the credit." Seething, the Plague Rat crept unseen out of the room to find Fizz.
Akali's eye twitched as Twitch slunk past her. "What is that smell?"
Her table companions sniffed the air and gagged.
"I think Singed forgot to shower again..." Kennen finally said.
Authors Note(s):
Yes. I am starting another story when I have one '_' THIS close to completion and one barely 5% done. I'm an animal.
I just... I JUST... NEEDED SOMETHING TO SATISFY MY SHIPPING NEEDS *Cries in the corner*
Updates, you ask? Probably quite often. This story shouldn't be too hard to write... Kinda fun, actually... I think?
Before you ask. No. No Gayren x Katarina. No Ezreal x Lux. And most definitely no Ashe x - fuck did I give that away? ;)
Anyhoo, should I even continue this story?
Later!
(Right, by the way, if you read any of my other stories, I have a new thing on the bottom of my profile that tells you how much of the next chapter that I have done. Don't kill me, please... Roommates is as hard for me to write as playing against a fed Nasus .
Anyways, LATER! IMMA GO EAT CHIPS AND ANNOY MY FAMILY AND WALLOW IN THE FACT THAT I CAN'T PLAY LEAGUE T_T
~Creator