DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to any real people is a coincidence. Unless you're Kati or Alex. Hi Kati! Hi Alex! I love you! Um… I don't own Dragonlance.

"Hey, Xan, are you alright?" Kelly asked her roommate.

"No, I'm not." She snapped. "My physics class is running me into the ground. My E string snapped again and I don't have enough money to replace it. Someone hit me on the elbow in a sabre duel, and I can't move my arm without it screaming in pain!"

"This is you saying you want to be left alone, isn't it?"

"Score three points for the genius." Xan collapsed on her bed.

Kelly discreetly left the room, leaving Xan to seethe. Life just… annoyed her here. And the worst part was that she didn't have Zack.

It wasn't like they'd ever dated, but she was closer to Zack than any other person she'd ever known. They were both incredibly alike and incredibly unalike… he'd been described as her evil twin, she'd been described as his evil twin. They'd never been sure which was which.

Although she was still emotionally close to the rascal, she was physically far away. She was at a small liberal arts college in Michigan, and he was at Duke University, two thousand miles south. And it was Monday. She couldn't call for another five days. Life generally sucked.

Of course, she couldn't know what was about to happen.

"Good morning, replacement Dalamar!"

"Wha?" she rolled over, realizing she was on a stone floor. "Where am I?"

"You are in the Tower of High Sorcery, Palanthas." The voice said. "You are Dalamar's understudy."

"And… what? I've got to be having the weirdest dream in the history of history…"

"Come along, you have to meet Raistlin's understudy." The voice said.

"Wait a minute- why are you calling me Dalamar's understudy?"

"Because you are. Didn't you read the contract? 'In event of the incapacitation or disappearance of the usual Dalamar, the understudy Dalamar will assume the identity of Dalamar and take on all of his duties.'"

"What contract?" She demanded. "When did I sign a contract?"

"Oh… well, actually, you didn't sign the contract. You see, we contracted with Ashlee Simpson, but she's making a movie and can't come. Then we heard Hilary Duff had dyed her hair black, but it turns out it was just a wig. Next, we went to Amy Lee, but she was too busy being talented. Britney Spears was pregnant, and Shakira's out because we don't speak Spanish… and Cher's just Cher. So you're the backup of the backup of the backup of the backup of the backup of the backup of the backup of Dalamar."

"Should I just give up and go insane now?"

"No, that's part of Raistlin's understudy's duties."

"Who's Raistlin's understudy?"

"Well, first we went to Pamela Anderson, but she was too busy divulging her life story to tabloids. Then we tried Jessica Simpson, but she would only do it if we hired Nick as Crysania… no way was that happening! Johnny Rzenik seemed good for the part, but his hair was too cool. Kevin Cronin was too busy calling Gary Richrath an alcoholic, but we thought we'd hit something with Paris Hilton, until the sex tape scandal broke. We then tried to use Paris Hilton's dog, but he got eaten by the Live Ones…"

"OK, explain something to me. First, who's 'we'. Second, who's the replacement Raistlin?"

"Oh, we're the OKCA."

"OK California?"

"No! The Official Krynn Casting Agency!" the disembodied voice insisted. "And the replacement Raistlin is this guy we picked up off the streets of Raleigh."

In the next room, she saw a black-robed figure. "So, the replacement Dalamar is here. Did you try getting Lindsay Lohan?"

"She dyed her hair blonde." The OKCA voice said. "We grabbed some chick from Kalamazoo."

"Kalamazoo? By any chance, do you know-"

"Xan Johansen?"

"What-" The replacement Raistlin turned around. "Xan! You're the replacement Dalamar?"

"Zack!" She grinned. "What are you doing here?"

"I woke up here. They told me I was the replacement Raistlin." He brandished the Staff of Magius. "However, I can't pronounce the command words right. Shirak!"

A large tub fell from the sky somewhere over Solamnia, covering a knight in custard.

"Ah well. Nothing happened." Zack shrugged. "You'll have to put on robes. Get in character, you know?"

"Wait just a minute. What kind of weird dream is this? I'm on Krynn, my best friend is pretending to be Raistlin, the Live Ones are fighting over a pink-sequined Chihuahua carcass, and there's an angry Solamnic knight outside covered in custard!"

"Come on, replacement Dalamar!" The OKCA voice says. "It'll be fun!"

"That's what they always say…" Xan put on the robes and grumbled unhappily.