A/N: I know this is something that a lot of people do, but I have a few of my own ideas (and some I stole from AthenaOwl10 and modified.) So here goes. This is Malorie's Ways to Annoy the Demigods, Gods, and Other Campers. Also, I do not own any of Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, or the Kane Chronicles.

Part the First: PERCY (part one)

Ask him if horses speak Chinese.

"Hey, Percy," Arietta said, walking up to Percy.

"Hay is for horses, Arietta."

"Speaking of horses," Arietta asked, "can they speak Chinese?"

"Speak Chinese? No, they speak horse."

"But if you were Chinese, how would you talk to horses?"

"Because I can speak horse."

"But what if Blackjack was Chinese, then how would you talk to him?"

"All horses speak horse."

Arietta contemplated this a moment and then said, "Neigh."

Ask him if Tyson ever texts him.

"Whassup!" screamed Malorie, hanging upside-down from Percy's doorframe.

"Holy moly Malorie! What are you doing up there?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask away."

"Does Tyson ever text you?"

"I don't even have a phone."

"Not even a shell phone?"

Percy groaned. "No. Demigods aren't supposed to have phones."

"But I have a phone, and Annabeth has a phone, and even Reyna has a phone."

Percy reached for Riptide slowly. Malorie quickly swung down from her perch and ran back to the Apollo cabin.

Try to drown him/Insult his canoeing ability.

"Hey punk," Clarisse grunted, stepping into the canoe.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm your new canoeing partner, Fish Sticks," she growled. "Wanna see how good I can capsize this thing?"

"Try me," Percy said, grabbing the paddle. Clarisse leaned over in one side of the canoe. Percy sent a wave up her nostrils. Clarisse picked up the paddle and hit him, then paddled like a pro to the center of the lake.

"Where did you learn to canoe like that?"

"Better than you, Fish Sticks? Navy school." Clarisse tipped over the canoe and Percy fell out with a yell. Before he could react, Clarisse grabbed his face and held him underwater. It must have been a full two hours before she let him up.

"You think that's funny?" he said.

"Duh," Clarisse said.

Replace his jeans with mermaid costumes.

The sun was hiding behind the camp Half-Blood horizon.

Connor and Travis stuck their periscopes up and watched through the window as Percy woke up, stumbled out of bed like a zombie, and reached for his jeans. Connor stifled his laughter as Percy, still half asleep, grabbed the Halloween costume tail and headed for the bathroom. The Stolls leaned around the side of the Poseidon cabin. A few minutes later, meaning, as soon as the sun was up and therefore the rest of the camp was awake, Percy gave a yell and ran out of the bathroom wearing the tail.

"Nice going," Travis whispered as the whole Aphrodite cabin burst out in a flood of giggles.

"Thanks. Tomorrow, let's replace his camp shirts with shells and seaweed," Connor suggested.

Travis nodded to the cabin just as a very angry Percy stormed out holding a seashell top. "Already did."

Percy looked around the cabin and saw the Stolls.

"Now we run," Connor suggested.

Force him to watch The Little Mermaid.

"Movie time," Annabeth announced, cheerfully walking into the Oracle's lair, Logan, Percy, and Will following her.

"Cool, what are we watching?" asked Percy.

Everyone in the room got an evil glint in their eyes. Rachel reached into her movie cupboard and produced a DVD.

"Oh, no no no," Percy said, backing away. "I refuse to watch that."

Ten minutes later, The Little Mermaid was playing on Rachel's screen and Percy was duct-taped into his chair.

"So are you two Facebook friends?" Logan asked.

"What? Who?" Percy asked.

"You and Ariel."

"What? No! She doesn't exist!"

"How about Ursula?"

"NO."

"Amphitrite?"

"Gods damn it."

"You are?"

"NO!"

I know there are lots more, but for now I'm doing five per chapter. Hope you enjoyed this. I'm doing Annabeth next. I'll try to update this daily.