Dear Editor:
So many times there are videos and stories posted about the wives of those service members deployed, but few about us…the children. Our sacrifices go unnoticed since we are the children. As the child of a service member, I longed for someone to understand that I missed my dad when he was deployed.
Christmases spent without him were the roughest. We bought and wrapped his gifts, only to carefully put them in a box and ship them out. He was great though. He always had someone snap a picture of him opening the gifts, so we could see how much he loved what we bought for him. He opened them the moment he received the box because he was never sure that he'd even live to see Christmas.
There was a few birthdays spent without him. That was tough. There were those moments on my birthday, the only gift I wanted was my daddy home…safe and sound. I wanted nothing more than a call from him wishing me a happy birthday. Those calls never came. And when they did, they were always days late. "Sorry, Princess, that I couldn't call on your birthday. You know how it is." was what he would always say.
Yes, I knew how it was, but it didn't mean I had to like it. I just had to accept it. And I did. I don't hate the Army or what my dad is, but I hate what he is often called to do. He is called to be gone for long periods of time, without contact with us because there is no phone service or there is little time to write a letter.
It was buffered by the fact that I grew up on Fort Marshall…near other Army kids. If I had to talk about what I hated about my father's job, I knew where to go. The basketball court. Not that any of us played, but it's where we would meet and talk.
Then, the news that my dad would be XO of Fort Marshall…that meant few, if any, deployments. But it doesn't mean he's always 'home'. He may come home every night, but his thoughts are never far from the men and women he is now CO over. Until he is permanently retired, our family will always come second to him and we have to accept that God, Country, Unit, and flag come before us.
That is hard to accept when you're a kid who just wants Daddy around. You don't understand why you have to always come second…sometimes third…to the man you love and admire most.
I can remember during one of my dad's deployments that I wore one of his shirts to bed. I was maybe seven or eight. I would look so tiny in the shirt, but I had to wear it. When I wore it, I felt safe. I felt that my dad was home with me; that he was protecting me, even from far away.
I guess I started it because one night I saw my mom wrapped up in his shirt, holding the collar close to her. I remember sitting on her lap and her wrapping the shirt around the two of us and then putting the shirt on me, telling me that Daddy was thinking of me and he'd want me to know that and from that moment, I only slept in his shirt.
I don't disregard the sacrifices that our mom made during our dad's deployment, but I often felt like I was left out. People disregarded me and Amanda as though our feelings about what Dad did meant nothing. Maybe that's why she protested a year ago about the war. Who knows?
People need to remember that the kids of those serving sacrifice. There are those that make greater sacrifices than Amanda and I ever did. Despite our dad being deployed, he came back alive. Maybe not the same, but alive nonetheless. There are those we grew up with whose dads came home in caskets covered by flags. Does anyone acknowledge their loss? Does anyone care?
If so, I've not seen it. Everyone reached out to their moms, but they had no one supporting them. They could only turn to other Army children, but even though I understand the deployment, I can not possibly understand losing a father to an enemy that hates us. How can I possibly understand that sacrifice? I've had to attend the funerals of those lost and I see the crowd gather around the wife of the fallen, but not one reaches out to comfort the child. Can someone explain why? Why not one person reaches out to the child of those who have fallen for our great country? Do you think so little of us or count us as unimportant? Do you think that we don't cry and grieve when our fathers are killed or deployed? Do you think that we are so young and so innocent that we don't miss our daddies? That we don't feel the loss of them in our lives? Or is it that you just simply don't care?
It is time that those who support our troops and their wives should reach out and support the children. We have less of an understanding of what our dads do than our moms. Yes, our moms (or dads) CHOSE to marry a Soldier and we DIDN'T CHOOSE to be born into the life. But our sacrifice isn't any less nor greater than our moms' sacrifices.
Do not forget to support the children when you support the troops and their wives. They make great sacrifices too, and I can speak from experience.
Sincerely,
Emmaline Holden
Daughter of Brigadier General Michael Holden, CO of Fort Marshall, South Carolina.