Title: Emotions and feelings so familiar
Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com
Rating: K+
Category: Neil.Andrea...Who else? Oh and the supporting cast, can't forget them.
Series: Story number twenty eight. What follows are titles and story ID numbers:
(1) After he's at her door – 2486705 (11) When they're back together – 2619492
(2) When the mighty fall – 2506192 (12) Life almost in balance – 2630121
(3) While his wife's away – 2525486(13) Life under pressure – 2666280
(4) While they're away – 2543010 (14) Trying to have a life together – 2699235
(5) When love's not working – 2543013 (15) Outside influences on their lives – 2704730
(6) Boundaries when broken up – 2562611 (16) When things start falling apart – 2727112
(7) What happens on the train – 2579012 (17) When they're approaching the end again - 2750079
(8) When they work together – 2595808 (18) Trying not to drift apart – 2891564
(9) When she wants him back – 2598312 (19) When the truth comes out - 2912317
(10) When they're stuck together – 2611364 (20) How things are going to be – 2954769
(21) When they work together…again – 2959211 (22) When Andrea moves on – 3181250
(23) Heart decided – 3188794 (24) When work takes over – 3198959
(25) When the truth is told – 3199261 (26) When she works out what he needs –
(27) When he lets everything out - (28) Emotions and feelings so familiar-
Spoilers: So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.
Archive (if applicable): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)loz06
Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.
Summary: When Neil is involved in a minor accident Andrea can't help but see her actions are the same as the first night he came to her door, despite the fact much has gone on between them since then.
Disclaimers: Those characters in this story you don't recognise are mine…the rest belong to a higher power.
"Rumour mill is in over drive out there," Suzie says entering Neil's office without knocking, she looks back into the outer office and then to Neil who's sitting in the depth of his chair comfortably, he also looks like a lot has lifted from him since last night. For a second she's pleased at the thought that their drink, plural in Neil's case, helped. Her thoughts turn to the kiss they were about to land on one another, she doesn't want to think about it, she knows it's ridiculous but wonders if Neil has interpreted it as being something more.
"Something about Ramani," It's then she lets Neil see just how worried she is, wanting their conversation to be private she closes the door. "Do you think I meant about us?" She puts the topic on the table for discussion; it's up to Neil if he picks it up. Neil realises it saves him from having to approach Suzie himself which would be more pointed than this but needs a few moments.
"Well you can tell the rumour mill out there that Ramani wasn't attacked by Peter Marshall, she tripped on his front step, and none of the family were home."
"Is she alright?" Suzie sounds concerned.
"She's fine, they checked her out at St. Hughes and she's gone home to rest. She's going to take some time off, she's been burning the candle at both ends lately, she hasn't been sleeping much, putting in long hours on the Marshall family and it's finally caught up with her, she had an accident and thankfully it was only a minor one."
"Like someone else I know," Suzie says kindly, Neil knows she's talking about him.
"Well we all can lose sight of what's important sometimes, what matters, this job isn't worth damaging yourself over, then you're no use to anyone, no one's going to thank you for doing unpaid overtime or burying yourself in work, for personal reasons or not, we've got to have a life, live a little, it's not healthy just to work all the time."
"I think I overstepped the mark last night," Suzie says suddenly sounding slightly embarrassed.
"I was the one who was going to kiss you Suzie, I went so far past the mark I couldn't see anymore," Suzie's small laugh puts Neil at ease.
"Look, I... I love Andrea immensely and we've talked about our issues for a while and we're going to get back together soon," As soon as he's said it Neil realises he shouldn't have, he's only going to make Suzie feel uncomfortable by the fact she'll think he thinks she read more into the night.
"Thank you for seeing what a bigger disaster I was going to make of my life that night and for stopping me. I'm sorry I behaved the way I did, I got drinking and I thought I could drown a few problems in alcohol...never a good idea."
"You don't have to apologise Neil, for drinking, for being emotional or anything else, you're going through a rough time, I understand that," Suzie is sympathetic, more understanding that she should be in Neil's opinion, given his actions.
"Let's chalk this one up to experience hey?" Neil suggests and Suzie agrees non-verbally, he'll have to check with her later in the day she's truly alright.
Just as she's about to leave Neil realises he's never thanked her. "Suzie," The dark-haired constable flicks her head around, no discernable expression on her face.
"Thank you for the other night, for caring and getting me to talk, it opened up a lot of things for me that I got out later," Neil leans himself against the edge of his desk, looking at his feet.
"Anytime Neil, I mean that, doesn't matter how bad you think your behaviour was the other night," With a smile Neil looks up from his shoes.
"Thanks Suzie."
The trip to the airport is a fast one and punctuated by large silences. The conversation when conducted is polite but with no real warmth. As Neil had picked up Julia it wasn't lost on him just how quickly the week had gone, in the car she seemed nervous, and a little on edge which prompted Neil to assure her Colin would be fine. She thanked him politely as ever but needed visual proof.
Neil never did get around to calling Colin and by the time he'd told Cally and Andrea everything there seemed no point, Colin would be home in the next few days, doing it face to face was always better.
He promised to call Andrea by now and hadn't…she hadn't called him either but he wasn't too worried.
Julia stands on her toes to see over the throngs of family and friends waiting for their loved ones to appear through the arrivals door. She spots Colin first, Neil craning his neck to see his son as Julia politely makes her way towards Colin.
He's not frowning and he doesn't look down which leaves Neil's optimism to grow. He watches his son look around for them, surprised when he doesn't see Julia till she's right in front of him. She gets the embrace Neil wants, luggage and the rest forgotten and when they kiss Neil averts his look to his coffee, he swirls and tips the cup, the fluid movements meant to waste time, the movement of the crema of no interest to him.
"Dad," Colin's voice says as his feet appear on the floor where Neil had moved his averted eyes. Neil looks up to his son, hoping for something positive, they only look at one another for a few seconds before Colin throws his arms around him. Over his son's shoulder, Neil sees the smile on Julia's face, she knows as he does that everything is alright.
"Dad, Julia and I are going out," Colin calls from his bedroom as soon as he's dropped his bags on the floor. Neil flicks through Friday's mail that he didn't get to yesterday. He wants to talk with Colin now especially knowing Monday is back to school but he's also just glad to have him back and smiling. Discreetly and pretending to be still interested in mail, he steps into the doorway of Colin's room.
"We need to talk tonight," Neil only looks up after he's made the statement, he didn't mean to be so ominous, he does his best to cover, Colin's look changes, he knows what the conversation will be about.
"Excuse me," Julia says from behind Neil, he turns and she's walking towards him.
"I think you should stay and talk now," She directs to Colin. Neil hadn't meant for her to hear, hadn't meant for her to get involved though she knows what the talk is about and why it is important. Neil had thought she was in the adjoining bathroom.
"No, it's o.k." Neil looks to both Colin and Julia. "It's not urgent and there's only one more day before school goes back." Neil smiles reassuringly at Colin and nods his head sidewards in the direction of the flat door. "Go on."
"I won't be late dad," Colin promises and bounds out of his room past Neil. Julia flashes Neil and knowing smile and they're gone.
Later Neil wakes with a start, not exactly sure what it was that woke him, he rubs his eyes knowing the flat wasn't dark and cold before; he's been asleep for a while.
"Dad?" Colin calls and Neil now knows what woke him.
"Living room," Neil shouts his location, turning off the TV that he can't remember sitting down to watch. All of the hours he put in at work recently are starting to catch up with him.
"So what did you do while I was gone?" Colin asks literally flopping next to his father into the sofa.
"Work," Neil yawns and Colin shakes his head at how hopeless his father is. "Yeah fair call," Neil smiles knowing he deserved it and Colin laughs. "So what did you do this week?"
"Nothing," That or a variant of it is the answer Neil expected from Colin, it was always going to be like getting blood from a stone.
"Must have done something," Neil presses remaining light in his tone.
"Went to the movies," Colin offers half heartedly but at least it's something.
"How's your mum?"
"Oh dad come on," It's clear Neil's hit on the topic Colin doesn't want to touch, he shakes his head as he gets out of the sofa.
"Sit down Colin," Neil clears his throat and switches to being serious. Under sufferance Colin sits back down again but won't look at Neil.
"I'm glad you came back happy and I hope you sorted out whatever was getting you down," Neil pauses, gathering Andrea's words. "It's o.k. to talk about mum and to tell me how your mum's doing, I don't hate her, I still care about her...how she is, about her well being. I always will, she's a good woman, she gave me you and I will always love her for that, I'm just not in love with her anymore. I don't want you to feel you have to act one way with me and another with your mum and not have anything cross over, you don't have to hide things or keep them to yourself, we're your parents and if there's something wrong we want to know so we can help you."
"It's not about me," Colin says quietly.
"Julia then, I'm out of touch but you can tell me and I'll try," Neil hopes to get a laugh but he doesn't.
"It's mum," Colin mumbles and a part of Neil is relieved to have it out finally.
"Well you can tell me," Neil says carefully, the speech equivalent of handling a ticking bomb,
"No, I can't," Colin explodes, standing out of the sofa again; he seems to resent Neil for not understanding at the same time.
"Why not?" Neil challenges but doesn't raise his voice.
"Because there are some things I can't tell you," Colin yells.
"Can't or won't?" Neil presses, the answers flowing.
"Won't, what does it matter?" Colin spits.
"Why won't you?" Colin hesitates and for a second Neil thinks he's just going to have to come out and say it.
"You'd be too hurt and angry," Colin says and Neil sinks, his teenage son is trying to protect him. It's too late for Philippa to challenge the divorce and he believes her when she says she wants things to be amicable, anything else doesn't concern him.
"Come and sit down," Neil requests softly and Colin complies.
"I don't want you to protect me Colin, you don't have to, I'm big enough and ugly enough to do that myself, I'm a police officer. If there's something that you think I won't like I want you to tell me, or not. If you chose not to I don't want you to feel weighed down by what you know...alright?"
"Alright," Colin agrees, mood lifting a little.
"Whatever this is, don't worry about it alright, I'm not going to," Neil tries to be upbeat for the sake of his son but in the back of his mind he frantically wonders what Philippa's secret could be.
"O.k.," Colin lifts a little more.
"My cooking or take-out?" Neil offers.
"Take out, no contest," Colin smiles.
"Ramani how are you feeling?" Neil slows his pace when he spots his DS leaning against the edge of Terry's desk the following Thursday.
"Better thanks Guv," She smiles, facing away from Neil Terry rolls his eyes.
"Well you know where I am if you need me," Neil heads off, he has a phone call he'd been meaning to make before the weekend and he's down to only hours left to do it in.
"Oh Guv," Ramani trots after him and Neil turns and tries to be polite but he's itching to call Andrea. "If you have some time later, I'd like to have a meeting with the Super, DCI and yourself about the rising amount of domestic violence in the borough."
"Let me know when?" Neil flashes off a half smile and makes it to his office without further interruption.
"Call him," Louise Martin good naturedly pressures Andrea standing over her desk.
"No," Andrea says outright, not taking her eyes from the press release she's putting together.
"Call him," Louise continues.
"No," Andrea laughs the word.
"Call him," Louise holds the phone handset out to Andrea.
"And say what?" Andrea relents, taking the phone from Louise and putting it back in the cradle.
"Oh I don't know, we said we'd call each other so that's what I'm doing and go from there," Louise suggests wryly.
"Oh come on," Andrea writes it off as ridiculous.
"I can't believe you have cold feet, I thought you'd sprint towards the gate he's partially opened...and then ram your way through," Andrea hates the awkward metaphor and is about to tell Louise until her phone starts ringing.
"I don't have cold feet," Andrea defends indignantly, letting the phone continue. "I don't want to appear too keen, it'll turn him off."
"What are you talking about, the two of you haven't just been on a first date, you're in love, and you don't want the gate to close again."
"Could be him," Louise suggests cheekily.
To prove her wrong and hopefully get rid of her boss, Andrea snatches up her phone, "Andrea Dunbar."
"You were going to call me," Neil teases good-naturedly.
"That's funny because I thought you were going to call me," Andrea answers, a wide smile spreading across her face. Louise makes her eyes wide with surprise at her correct prediction.
"This is you having a laugh isn't it, getting me back for pestering you?" Louise whispers and Andrea immediately shakes her head seriously.
"Well I thought I'd call," Neil says as Andrea watches Louise pump her fist, probably at the fact she was right, to Andrea's mock horror she then leans closer to the phone.
"Can you hang on for a second?" Andrea says politely but doesn't wait for an answer; she clamps her palm over the bottom of the phone and stretches the cord so the handset can go under her desk.
"Go away," Andrea instructs with a brilliant happy smile. "It is Neil and I will tell you everything later but I can't do this with you dancing around me," She's trying hard not to laugh.
"Ask him if he wants to double date with Joshua and I," Louise suggests playfully.
"Go," Andrea tries to be forceful but the call has put her in too much of a good mood. She laughs watching Louise until she's out of earshot.
"I'm sorry, work," Andrea apologises after taking a deep breath to calm herself, she'd caught onto Louise's enthusiasm.
"I can call back if it's not a good time," Neil says hastily.
"No it's o.k. It's pretty quiet today, by our standards," Andrea starts to run the spell check on the press release but stops, giving Neil her full attention. "So how's life?"
"Good, really good," The enthusiasm in Neil's voice heartens Andrea. "Colin's been back for a week, we had a really good talk."
"More teenage angst or girlfriend trouble?" Andrea suggests.
"Father trouble actually," Andrea tenses thinking it might be bad but it hasn't come across that way from Neil.
"Not bad I hope."
"He was protecting me, Philippa's done something or said something he thinks will hurt me or I'll be angry about and he's been bottling it up," Neil explains.
"I hope you set him straight," Andrea scribbles absently on the paper in front of her.
"We talk well these days, amazing since we only started less than six months ago," Again Neil doesn't give himself enough credit.
"You're not worried about whatever this Philippa this is are you?" Andrea always feels a little uncomfortable on the topic of Philippa.
"I don't think I could care less," Neil says with a shrug in his voice. On the phone the light for Andrea's second line lights up.
"Why don't you come over and see Cally sometime, bring the suit back if you need an excuse," Neil's clearly pleased at the suggestion.
"I'm on call this weekend, I might not be there," Andrea says recalling her schedule.
"Well I won't come this weekend," Neil replies, she'd hoped he'd want to come when she was there.
"Good," Andrea says in a shy voice.
"Well I should let you get back to work," Neil says though Andrea has nothing to get back to now, her second phone line is no longer flashing.
"I'll see you sometime next week then," Andrea can't stop herself smiling.
"I'll call you when I'm coming," Neil promises.
"Bye."
"Bye."
Andrea puts the phone down slowly, not wanting to sever the connection; still she smiles as she does. When she looks up, Louise is standing there and waiting.
"I've never seen you move so fast, actually I didn't see you," Andrea laughs.
"Well...you're desk or my office?" Louise asks impatiently.
"Thank you but I'm spoken for...well sort of," Andrea jokes.
"Quit stalling funny girl," Louise jokes impatiently.
"Get a chair then," Andrea points to the nearest empty desk across from hers, she sighs loudly, pretending this will be a tedious task.