My first attempt... Castle tries to surprise Beckett at Christmas. Very Caskett-y
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Christmas Day, 2011
6:30PM
Detective Kate Beckett sat at her desk in the empty precinct. She had volunteered to work so everyone else could stay home with their families. She looked down at her clothes - she'd tried to be at least a little festive, wearing a red top with her black pants. She rolled her eyes, knowing it didn't matter, It's not like anyone would see her outfit anyway. A few days earlier, her partner, Rick Castle, had asked what her plans were for Christmas. She lied and said she was spending the holiday with her father. The truth was, she and her dad had tried to celebrate the first couple of years after her mother was killed but soon realized, they were better off pretending it was just another day. She didn't want to tell him the truth knowing he would invite her to celebrate with him. It was hard enough dealing with the memories of her mother when it wasn't Christmas - she didn't need to have a breakdown in front of Castle and his family. She was so deep in thought, she didn't hear the elevator doors ding and the footsteps coming up behind her. She startled when a box dropped on the desk in front of her.
Castle plopped down on his chair and smiled as he said, "Merry Christmas, Detective. What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at your dad's."
"No," she replied. "Just catching up on paperwork. I should ask you the same thing - why aren't you at home with Martha and Alexis?" She noticed he was dressed more casually than normal, wearing blue jeans and a gray thermal shirt. He was holding his coat over his arm and she had to force herself not to look down at his strong chest and arms. She'd never admit it but she wished he would wear tighter shirts more often - he looked great.
He looked a little sad as he said, "They're both out with friends. Alexis and her girlfriends do a Secret Santa thing every year and Mother is at a party somewhere. I'm sure I'll hear all about it when she stumbles home in the morning. I was planning on dropping off your present so you'd get it tomorrow." He nudged the box towards her. "Since you're here now though, I think you should open it." He looked so excited, Beckett couldn't help but smile.
"I suppose. I don't have anything for you though…" She had racked her brain for weeks trying to think of something but came up empty. What do you get the man-child who has everything?
"Oh, that's ok, you really don't have to," he insisted. "I like giving gifts a lot more than getting them." She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to decide if he was telling the truth. He seemed sincere.
"Ok, you win," she said. She reached for the gift and found a rectangular box with an envelope taped to the top. She tore off the envelope and as she started to open it, he covered her hand with his. "This part is just for fun," he said. "Your real gift is in the box." She tilted her head, giving him a confused look.
She tore open the envelope and couldn't hold back a laugh. It was a homemade coupon book. He had even drawn pictures on each page. She flipped through them and noticed a couple of funny ones - a whole day of Castle-free whining about driving her car, and an entire week without a single CIA, alien or mob conspiracy theory. She set the little book down on the desk and looked at him. He was grinning like an idiot, so proud of himself.
What Beckett didn't realize (and what Castle hoped she wouldn't find until later, when his ear was out of pulling range) was that he had hidden a few serious coupons in there too. There was one for a home-cooked dinner at his place, another for a soak in his luxurious whirlpool tub (his company optional), back and/or foot massages whenever she wanted, and unlimited drives in his Ferrari (his company required). He hoped she would actually want to use them so he could spend more time with her outside of the precinct.
"Thank you, Castle, this is a really cute idea," she said. She couldn't help but poke fun a little. "I'll have to save the CIA one for a really juicy case." An idea suddenly dawned on her. "Wouldn't it be hilarious if the one time I chose to use it, the CIA really was involved?"
He pretended to look hurt, clutching his chest and leaning his head back, but she knew he was joking. He got impatient and said "Ok, hurry up and open the other one!"
"Settle down, I want to take my time and enjoy this. It's fun to watch you squirm," she laughed. Still, she was excited to see what was in the box so she picked it up and tore off the wrapping paper. She set the box on the desk and paused with her hands on either side of the cover. She liked this part the most - the moment of anticipation before the big reveal. Beckett looked over at Castle and he was smiling widely. He was just as excited as she was. She lifted off the cover and folded back the tissue paper. She gasped and covered her mouth.
"Your Avengers #1 comic book?" she squeaked, her voice about an octave higher than normal. "No. There's no way I can take this! I know how much this is worth, it's way too much!" She started to push the box back towards him when he once again covered her hand with his to stop her.
"Kate," he started, giving her a serious look. "I want you to have it. Really. I decided this would be your gift when I saw how interested you were during the Lone Vengeance case." He folded his arms and sat back in his chair, smiling.
"Seriously, Castle," she said, "I really can't accept -"
"Nope," he cut her off. "No backsies. It's a gift and you have to take it. Besides, I have tons of comics. If I had known this would make you so happy, I would've given you one every day..." He started to trail off as he realized what he was saying. The smile dropped from his face and he looked down at his hands, feeling awkward.
"Hey," Beckett said softly as she reached out to touch his arm. "Thank you. This is really great, I love it." He looked back up at her and she smiled warmly, still touching his arm. His grin returned and they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Beckett finally looked away when she realized the idea of leaning over and kissing him was creeping into her mind.
"Um," she stammered nervously, "I'm, uh, going to grab some coffee." She stood and quickly walked toward the break room. He stared as she walked away, confused by what had suddenly made her so jumpy. He put down his coat and followed her, stopping in the doorway. She stood at the sink, her back to him.
"Beckett, is everything okay?" he asked. "I mean, I guess if you really don't want the comic, I can take it back…" He couldn't think of anything else that could be wrong so he figured it was worth a shot.
"No Castle, that's not it. Everything -" She started to say everything was fine but stopped mid-sentence as she turned to face him.
"What? Everything is what?" Castle asked. He had no idea what was going on with her tonight. She continued to stare at him as a smile slowly spread across her face.
She started to walk to him. "I just figured out what your present is going to be," she said. She still looked nervous, but happier too. She bit her lower lip and closed the distance between them with a few more steps. He turned to face her with his back against the door frame. She leaned closer and his eyes widened.
"Uh, Beckett, not that I'm complaining but what are you doing?" Castle asked uneasily. All she did was smile and point up. He looked above his head and noticed a sprig of fake mistletoe taped to the wall over the door. As he looked back down, he was shocked to find her soft lips meeting his. She held onto his shirt with both hands to pull him closer and he finally caught up, putting his hands on her hips. She slid her hands behind his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. After a minute, she broke the kiss and pulled back, smiling at the stunned look on his face.
"Wow…" he said, blinking a few times. He couldn't form a complete sentence if he tried. His head was spinning.
"Merry Christmas, Castle," she whispered. She turned and walked back to her desk. He couldn't move, feeling rooted to the floor, still in a daze. She turned off her computer, pulled on her coat and picked up her gifts. She laughed to herself, watching him still standing in the same place, staring blankly. She picked up his coat too and walked back toward him.
"Hey Castle? Castle?" she called, finally snapping him out of it. He looked at her, his eyes scanning up and down.
When did she put on her coat? he wondered. "Sorry," he said, "what did you say? I was just kissed senseless by an amazingly beautiful woman. Maybe you've seen her?" His attempt at humor was weak but it was the best he could do under the circumstances. She was intoxicating.
"I was just saying we should get going. I was hoping to redeem a couple of coupons tonight," she said coyly. She smiled as she slipped two of them into his still outstretched hand and then headed for the elevator. He looked down at the coupons and was immediately convinced this entire experience was a dream. Maybe he had fallen asleep on his couch after eating too many Christmas cookies… He blinked a few times and looked down again. He was holding the one for a home-cooked dinner and the one for a soak in his tub. She hadn't given him any indication she had seen these earlier - had she? He looked up at Beckett and she was just standing there, patiently waiting for him to realize that he wasn't dreaming. Castle started to sprint towards her but only made it a few steps before stopping. He turned back, grabbed the mistletoe from above the door and then ran the rest of the way. She laughed as she pushed the button, handing him back his coat. As the doors opened and they stepped inside, he tapped her on the shoulder. She looked at him quizzically and he pointed behind them. He had stuck the mistletoe to the wall behind him and was looking at her, eyebrows raised.
"Sorry Castle," she said, "not yet." She laughed again as his jaw dropped. She loved keeping him on his toes.
###
The drive to Castle's loft and the walk inside were quiet. They hung up their coats and walked into the kitchen.
"So Detective," Castle started, rubbing his hands together. "What would you like for dinner? There are no limits as to what's on the menu. Anything I don't have here, I'll go get."
"Hmm…" she said, tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully. She couldn't keep a straight face for long though. "I really don't have a preference. What do you feel like making?"
"Oh no," he said, "you're not getting out of this one. It's completely up to you." He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face the refrigerator. He opened the door, bowing dramatically as he said, "your wish is my command."
After looking to see what he had on hand, she pulled some ingredients out of the fridge and the pantry and spread them out on the counter. "Here," she said. "I'm in the mood for Chicken Parmesan."
"Great!" Castle said. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" He smiled and winked at her as he started to chop some vegetables for a salad. "Do you want to go pick out some wine?" he asked.
"Um, sure, I guess. You'll tell me if it's a good one though, right? I mean, to go with dinner?" She really didn't have any idea how to pair wine with food.
"Yes," he laughed, "but I'm sure anything you choose will be perfect. Will you turn on some music while you're over there?" He liked this new, more hesitant side of Kate. She was usually so sure of herself. Just another layer to the onion, he thought to himself.
After pouring glasses of the wine she had chosen (and Castle had insisted went well with chicken), she sat at the center island while he finished cooking. She couldn't help but stare - he looked cute in an apron. He dished up their plates and suggested they move to the dining room. He dimmed the overhead lights and lit a few candles. When she first saw the coupon for dinner, she had no idea it would be so romantic. She had hoped it would be, of course, and she should've expected him to go overboard, but she was still pleasantly surprised.
The conversation while they ate was light and relaxed. They talked and laughed, enjoying how comfortable they were together. As they finished, Beckett leaned back in her chair and stretched. "Wow, Rick," she said, "that was delicious, really. I had no idea you were such an excellent cook!"
"There are oh so many things you have yet to discover , Detective," he smirked, silently giddy she called him by his first name. "Maybe if you came over for dinner more often, you'd know that about me." He smiled as he cleared their plates, putting them in the sink and deciding that clean-up could wait until later. "Do you feel like having dessert too? Or do you want to wait until later?"
"Ugh, that will have to wait," she said, her hand resting on her stomach. "I couldn't eat another bite."
He refilled their wine glasses and led her to the couch, keeping his hand at the small of her back. Kate was thankful he was behind her and couldn't see her blushing. She blamed it on the wine at first but quickly admitted that it was all Castle. They sat down, closer than they normally do but still with some distance between them. She appreciated the fact that he was still giving her space even though she was sending him some crazy mixed signals tonight.
"So," he said, unsure where the night was headed. "Do you want to watch a movie? Or jump right to soaking in the tub?" He nudged her side with his elbow, wiggling his eyebrows.
She rolled her eyes with a laugh and said, "A soak in your tub sounds perfect right about now, but this couch is so comfortable too. It's hard to choose…" She sunk down further into the cushions and closed her eyes, smiling. All he could do was stare; he couldn't believe how lucky he was to be sitting here with this gorgeous woman.
After a few minutes, she sat up. "Ok," she said, "if I don't get off this couch, I'll fall asleep." Kate stood and reached out her hand to help him up. He gladly took it and when he stood, they ended up almost nose to nose. There was a moment when Castle thought she might kiss him again but as usual, she looked away. He decided not to press.
"I'll go start the water," he said. "Be right back." He headed to his office, which led to his bedroom and bathroom. Kate waited awkwardly, standing in the living room. She was toying with an idea but wasn't sure if she could go through with it. She took another big gulp of wine for some liquid courage and decided, what the hell? She had already crossed the line with Castle more tonight than she ever had before and everything was fine. Better than fine, if she was being honest. She was having a wonderful time and didn't want the night to end. By the time she heard his footsteps returning, she'd made her decision.
"Ready?" he asked, standing in the doorway to the office.
"Almost. Can I see the coupons for a second?" She held out her hand and waited for him to dig them out of his pocket. "And can I have a pen, too?"
"Um,,, sure? What do you need it for?" Again, he was confused. He grabbed a pen out of a drawer and handed it to her.
"You'll see. I need to make a slight adjustment." She smirked as she covered her hand, hiding her writing from his view. He tried peeking anyway, wondering what was possibly going through this woman's head. She grinned and handed the coupon back to him. He looked at it and only saw one word in her handwriting - under where he had written the part about the tub, she wrote '+ wine'. Well, yeah, obviously. She already had wine. Kate saw that he was confused and told him to turn it over. On the back she had written '+ while I read to you from the book of your choosing'. His eyes grew wide and he looked back up at her. "Really? You want me to read to you? While you're in the tub? You do realize I'll be in the same room as you while you're naked, right?"
She smiled while he rambled, expecting his reaction. She held up her hand to stop him, saying "Yes Rick, I do. I actually wanted to tell you something but it's kind of hard to talk about…" She looked down at her hands for a moment, gathering her nerve to reveal a secret she had never told anyone. When she looked back up, he was waiting for her to continue. "I'm only saying this now, tonight, because it's Christmas, and because I really am trying to be more honest and open with you." He smiled, trying his best to keep quiet and not interrupt. She went on, saying, "I know I've let it slip a few times that I was a fan of yours before we met but you have no idea. You really are my favorite author." Castle was suddenly glad his tub had a sensor to automatically turn off the water when it was full - he had a feeling this was could be a long story.
"Please don't let this go straight to your head," she said with a smirk, "but my mom was also a big fan. I actually didn't read any of your books at the time but she did, constantly. One night right after she was killed, I felt like I just needed to be close to her. My dad was out drinking somewhere so I climbed into her side of their bed. The sheets still smelled like her." He was staring intently now at the far-away look in her eyes. It astounded him that even after all these years, she could recall the smallest details of her mother.
"I saw one of your books sitting on her nightstand, with her bookmark about three-quarters of the way through. I had seen them around the house but hadn't ever picked one up. Sorry, no offense." He smiled, taking her hand and finally speaking. "None taken."
She noticed he was rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand and she was comforted. "Anyway, I started reading the book and got completely sucked in. I read the entire thing that night, cover to cover. At the end, I had such a feeling of… peace, I guess. The good guy won, the bad guy got caught, there was justice for the victim - a happy ending. It made me think that maybe someday, there could be a happy ending for me too." She was looking at him again, with so much gratitude in her eyes. He felt like his heart was going to burst with love.
"After that, I read every one of your books I could get my hands on. I bought the new ones the day they came out and even stood in line to have some of them signed. Before you say anything -" she paused, seeing the stunned expression on his face (how many times had she done that to him tonight? she wondered). She continued, "- yes you can see them. I'll show you next time you come over." He squeezed her hand, still amazed at how well she could read his mind, even though she did it every day.
"Remember when I came here for dinner after the bank robbery?" He nodded, puzzled why she was bringing up that day now, in the middle of this story. "Well, you were wrong when you were counting how many times we've saved each other." She looked down at her hands again; he could tell she had something tough to admit. "You saved my life so many times before we ever met on that first case. Any time I felt like I was starting to spin out of control trying to solve my mom's case, I would read your books and feel grounded again." When she looked up at him again, she saw tears in his eyes. "So that's why I would love to have you, my favorite author, read to me from one of your books." She took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling like a weight had been lifted. She had barely taken another breath when she felt Rick's arms crushing around her.
"Thank you," he whispered into her ear. "No one has ever given me such an incredible compliment before, about my books or anything else. I wish I could remember meeting you at those book signings but I'm honored to have helped you through such a difficult time in your life. And I promise, I won't ever tell anyone, or let it go to my already massive ego." She pulled away and smiled, seeing the sparkle in his eyes.
"Of course, in true Castle fashion, you have to go and ruin a nice moment." She laughed as she said it, knowing he was joking to make her feel better.
"Seriously though," he said, "thank you. It really means a lot that you would share this with me. I should let you know one more thing about these coupons too." She looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "The good ones, the ones I would also like, have unlimited uses and no expiration." He grinned and raised his eyebrows, handing the two she had redeemed back to her. "The other ones though, like the no whining and no bizarre theories - those are one time use only. And also, they expire at the end of December." They both laughed out loud as he grabbed her hand once again. "Ready to go unwind in the most awesome bathtub in the world?" She nodded and he led her towards his office.
###
Kate stopped in his office to choose a book while Rick continued to the bathroom to check on the water. While he was doing that, he also lit some candles and put towels on the heated towel rack. They would be toasty warm when she finished.
Kate realized as she looked through the titles that she had never paid close attention to his library. She felt badly, like that was something she should've done a long time ago. He spent so much time and effort getting to know every minor detail about her habits, her likes and dislikes, her mannerisms. What had she gotten to know about him? She heard him walk back into the room so she turned and handed him a book.
"Good choice," he said. "Going back to the beginning." She had given him Heat Wave, the book that started it all. "Everything is ready so if you want to get settled, I'll be in after a few minutes. I'm sure you can figure out the jet controls?" She nodded and walked into his bedroom, leaving him staring after her. He had to pinch himself. The one and only Detective Kate Beckett was walking through his bedroom, about to get naked in his bathroom and get into his bathtub. He shook his head to snap himself out of his daze and walked back to the kitchen. He grabbed her wine glass on his way through the living room and refilled it. He took these few extra minutes to call Alexis and see how her night was going. She was having a good time and was thrilled when he suggested that she sleep over at her friend's house. Normally he wouldn't go for such a thing on Christmas so she hadn't even bothered to ask. Castle grinned as he hung up the phone.
He had to stop and take a deep breath as he waited outside the bathroom door. This was really happening. He leaned his ear to the door and listened. Hearing the jets going in the tub, he figured it was safe to enter. He knocked and called out, "Beckett? Can I come in?"
"Yep, it's all clear. You were right, by the way, this is the best tub ever." He opened the door and walked in, speechless at the sight of her sitting in his tub. Just her head and the tops of her shoulders peeked above the water. "Well?" she asked after a minute. "Are you coming in or not?" She laughed at him still standing at the door, his mouth hanging open.
"Uh yeah, sorry." He fumbled closing the door and crossed the room. He set her glass next to the tub and sat down on the chair he had brought in earlier. The mood was perfect.
"Are Martha and Alexis coming home tonight?" she asked, eyes closed, head resting back against the edge of the tub.
"No, actually, I just talked to Alexis a few minutes ago. She's sleeping over at her friend's house." He watched Kate smile as she kept her eyes closed. "As for my mother, it'll be a Christmas miracle if she shows up before dawn. I would bet money on her rolling in around 11:00, demanding an omelet and a bloody Mary." He opened the book, flipping to the first chapter.
"Well, how about this?" she said lazily. "If that happens, I'll make the omelet and you can mix the drink."
His eyes bugged out of his head and he nearly dropped the book. Did she mean to say that out loud? he wondered. Was she planning on staying here tonight all along? Maybe in the guest room, he thought. Yeah that's probably it. He was not going to assume that she wanted to sleep in his bed tonight. He couldn't. There was no way he'd be able to sit here and read to her, from his book, that was based on them, with that thought in his mind.
She opened one eye and peered over at him, still enjoying the fact that she could render him speechless when no one else could. "Are you going to start reading or what?" She smiled as she watched him fumbling again.
"Oh yeah, sorry. Just let me know when you want me to stop, okay?" Kate nodded, her eyes slipping closed again and he started reading. She couldn't believe that her most desired fantasy was actually coming true.
###
Nearly an hour later, Kate was still sitting in the tub, listening to her favorite author read to her from one of her favorite books. She had read it so many times, she could practically recite it with him. When she heard him coming to the end of a chapter, she opened her eyes and held up a hand.
"Ok Rick, I think I'm ready to be done," she said. "Be sure to mark your spot - I wouldn't want you to forget where to pick it up next time." She smiled as she saw the wheels turning in his head, hearing his thoughts. Next time?
He folded down the page, stood up and stretched. He was sore from sitting in the same position for so long. He caught her staring as his shirt rode up, revealing a sliver of skin. Now it was his turn to laugh, watching her bite her bottom lip and blush. "Here," he said as he handed her a towel. "I'll wait out in the living room."
"Actually, Rick?" she asked, surprised when she felt that the towel was warm. When did he do that? she wondered. "Can you get me a t-shirt and some sweatpants or something? I don't really feel like putting my work clothes back on."
"Sure," he said as he reached for the doorknob. "I'll be back in a second." She noticed the grin on his face as he headed for his closet. He came back with something for her to change into and then left again.
She emerged from his office several minutes later, looking extremely relaxed and comfortable. Rick was sitting on the couch waiting, smiling as he watched her walk over to him in her bare feet, wearing his clothes. She sat down next to him and pulled her feet up under her. He reached behind him, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch, asking, "Are your feet cold? Here, put this on." He covered her legs and tucked it under her feet.
"Thanks," she said, "this is perfect." They sat quietly for a few minutes, neither one sure what to say next.
Castle decided to take a chance and reached for her hand. She laced her fingers through his, drawing random patterns on his arm and laying her head on his shoulder. He could tell she was deep in thought and didn't want to be rude, but he just had to ask. "What are you thinking about?"
"You," she said without hesitation. He was surprised - usually she wasn't so forward.
"Really?" he asked, squeezing her hand. "What about me?"
"I honestly can't remember the last time I had this much fun, and it's all because of you. The whole night - first at the precinct, then dinner and the bath, now this…" She trailed off and turned her head, placing her chin on his shoulder. Quietly, she added, "I don't deserve you."
"Hey," he said, turning to face her, now holding both of her hands in his. "Don't say that. You know that's not true."
She tried to look down but he stopped her by putting one finger under her chin. "Yes it is. You're so wonderful and kind and generous, and I'm such a jerk." She turned and folded her arms over the back of the couch, burying her face.
He started to say no, she wasn't but she cut him off. "Yes I am! Look at us! Do you know how many times in the last few hours I've caught myself thinking that we could have this every night? That this could be our life? That if I weren't such a disaster and a head case, we could be happy together?" Her voice was raised and her hands were flailing and animated.
"Kate, stop." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, hugging her closely and rubbing his hand up and down her back. "We will have this every night and we will be happy together, someday. I promise. Okay?" He felt her shake her head against his chest and pull away.
"No we can't, not when you're going to hate me for what I have to tell you." She took a deep breath, looked him directly in the eye and said, "I lied. I remember everything that happened at the funeral."
She expected him to yell or throw something or tell her to leave, but he didn't. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lightly. "I know," he said simply.
"What?" she cried. "You know? But… how?"
"Kate, do you honestly think that after shadowing you for almost four years, I can't tell when you're lying?" He raised his eyebrows and it finally dawned on her. He really had known the whole time.
"But… why aren't you mad? I've been pretending that I didn't hear what you said for months. If I were you, I'd be furious," she said.
"I was hurt, at first," he acknowledged. "I figured you had your reasons though, and that you'd talk to me about it when you were ready. It had to be overwhelming when you first woke up and I didn't want to push. We still hadn't talked about our fight, or had a chance to grieve for Roy, you were still with Josh and I'm sure part of you thought I had only said it because I thought you were going to die."
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. How could he possibly know her so well when she tried so hard to keep him and everyone else out? She nodded her head. Everything he said was true.
"Well, just so you know," he continued, "I didn't say it just because I thought you were going to die. I said it because I didn't want you to die without knowing how I felt." He used his thumb to brush away a few tears that had fallen down her face.
"Really?" she said softly, biting her lower lip and looking up at him. She looked adorable with her forehead scrunched up.
"Absolutely. It's still true, too. Has been every day."
She waited a moment before jumping in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. She pulled away, held his face with both of her hands and said, "Good, because I love you too, you know."
They held each other tightly, not saying anything for several minutes. Rick had his face buried in Kate's hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. He knew that he was going to have to tell her the secret he had been keeping too, especially now that she'd been so honest with him. He needed to enjoy this for a few more minutes though, in case she panicked and left.
"Kate?" he mumbled.
"Hm?"
"I need to tell you something too." It was now or never. "Please do me a favor, let me finish before you say anything, ok?"
She sat back a little but nodded and kept her arms around him. He told her everything - about the phone call, how he didn't know who the mystery man was or where he called from, that he had files of information but he had no idea what was in them or who they could potentially take down. He told her that he had even tried investigating on his own but it really was all dead ends. He made sure to emphasize that he was only keeping this from her to protect her; that he'd rather risk the case never getting solved and therefore never being with her, as long as it meant she was alive. He couldn't meet her gaze by the end of his rambling speech, afraid he wouldn't be able to get through it if he saw how hurt she was. He braced himself to get hit but when he looked up, he was surprised to see a small smile on her face.
"I've been seeing a therapist," she said. Really? he thought. That was her response? She continued, saying, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but he's really been helping me. It's nice to get an outside opinion from someone who can be objective." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "He helped me realize that solving my mom's case is not the key to my happiness. If I want to move on with my life, I need to let her go, whether the case is closed or not."
This was not the reaction he expected. He kept quiet and listened.
"If you had told me all of this a few weeks ago, I would've stormed out of here so fast and ignored you for weeks," she said matter-of-factly. He believed her. "I would've been so angry with you for going behind my back and hiding this from me, I would've been blind to the big picture. I know you did what you had to do. I trust you, you know that. I don't like that you kept investigating on your own, considering they wouldn't hesitate to kill you too, but I understand. I would've done the same thing."
They both took a few deep breaths, reeling at how far they had come in such a short amount of time.
"So…" he started slowly. "Where do we go from here?" He was treading carefully, not sure how far he should push. He really should just keep his mouth shut and let her be in control, but he was feeling lucky.
"Well…" she said. "From now on, I think we should promise not to keep any more secrets. I don't know about you but the guilt has been killing me." She smiled with relief and he had to laugh. He felt the same way. "As for us…" she paused, causing Rick to hold his breath. This was the part he was worried about. "I'm done wasting time. I'm ready to do this if you are." She grinned as she waited for him to process what she had said.
"Really? Are you serious? Of course I'm ready!" He jumped up, pulling her off the couch with him. He lifted her in a big bear hug and spun her around in circles until she was laughing out loud. When he stopped and put her feet back on the floor, she kissed him, feeling him smile beneath her lips.
"I love you, Castle," she said.
"I love you too, Beckett." He responded by kissing her deeply, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist. He whispered into her ear, "Best. Christmas. Ever."