I'm sitting here alone…completely and utterly alone. I'm not waiting for anyone, or anything. I'm simply alone. I like it--it doesn't bother me. There are people around, but they don't notice me. Most would be upset, or need the attention, but not me. I enjoy the quiet, I like the nothing, but most of all, I love the distance. Being alone works for me.
Another person walks in. I glance up, but only for a moment. It's no one special…just another person to avoid and ignore. It's just one more person to walk in and out without really seeing what's going on around them. If a person enters my personal space bubble, they normally get a small nod, and maybe even a small smile if I feel up to it before I go back to the beautiful nothing.
Dick would have a problem with this. He would see it as a bad thing. He wouldn't see how comfortable I am with it. All he would see is how I'm not doing what he would do. He always has…he always will--I don't know why. I don't see a problem with it. Then again, I never do. I don't see myself as isolated, but Dick does. I have people I hang out with. It's a small group, true. And, of course, it keeps getting smaller, but it's good enough for me. Why can't Dick see that? Why is he always pushing me to interact with more people? It's not like this is part of my Robin duties. It's not like this affects him. So, why can't he just let it go? Why can't he just let me be me?
Why doesn't he get it? I'm not him. I don't like big groups of people. I'm not really into hanging out with a bunch of random people that don't really know me. I'd rather have a small group of close friends. I don't know why, but going to the movies, or bowling, or whatever else with a large group just isn't appealing to me. I would rather just sit in silence and watch as strangers walk by, or stay at home and listen to music.
It's not like I enjoy complete and total silence. I guess that's why I come here nearly every week. I get to sit by myself, and enjoy not having to deal with anything. I can sit here have a cup of coffee and just let the world continue around me. I enjoy watching and listening to all of the commotion around me and not actually having to be a part of it. It sounds odd, but it's relaxing. It's like taking a vacation from life for a few hours, and with my life, minutes are like days and hours are like weeks. It's nice. I don't have to be Tim Drake--or Robin, for that matter. I can just be the quiet guy who sits at the very last table, facing the door, sipping his coffee. It's simple, and I miss simple.
When did my life stop being simple? It seems like an easy enough question, and yet I can't seem to find the answer. Maybe my life has always been complicated one way or another, and it has just taken me a while to notice. Maybe my life is only simple when I'm only looking at the broad overview of it. Maybe watching people and life go by, even if it's only for a short while, shows me just how far away from normal my life is and probably always has been.
Maybe the reason Robin can't get his act together is because Tim is too busy wanting to be alone, and knows he truly can't be--the reason for that being, that even if I did manage to somehow get away from everyone, Dick would eventually track me down. He always does. At this point it just isn't worth it to even bother trying anymore. So, we compromise. I come here to this little coffee shop, have my moment of alone--or as close to as I can get, and Dick knows where I am. It works, or at least that's what I tell myself. That's why, when my few hours of blissful nothing is up I simply get up, pay my bill, and meet him around the corner. We don't talk about it…we don't talk about anything…we just continue the way we always have, and we tell ourselves it works.
The End