Finnick was right it takes ten times longer to put someone back together than it is to tear them apart. Maybe a hundred times or maybe you just can't put someone back together at all. That's how I feel. I will never be put back together. Ever, ever, ever.
My name is Katniss Everdeen. I repeat again and again till I feel sick. Till the word sound odd, till I doubt my existence.
I deteriorate slowly for about a month, falling into a darkness that I long to engulf me, but there is always a crack of light at the top, I know I will never be free from the burden my life has thrust upon me.
After that frightful month, I realise that what is the point. What is the point of not living my life. But I think of Prim, I feel guilt, would she want me to mourn here over her? Is this what she would want, no. No she wouldn't, she would want me to move on live my life and be free of the capitols burden now they have been brought down. I want to punch myself for not realising this sooner.
Greasy Saes visits become less frequent, for I am hunting myself now, able to provide my own food, though she checks on me sometimes. The first time I went into the woods felt amazing. Freedom washed through me. I felt rejuvenated as I ran shooting arrows through the eyes of many a creature, making beautifully clean kills. It seemed like I had not lost my talents, they were fresh in my mind as if it were yesterday I was out hunting here with Gale.
I had tried to refrain from thinking of Gale too much. It just caused me pain and heartache, for I knew that the chances of him coming back to twelve were second to none. He would be off making a new life for himself somewhere, probably wouldn't be thinking of me, so why should I be thinking of him.
He must have noticed me going out and hunting, he must have noticed me slowly getting better, because one night I hear a knock at my door. I don't get visitors, Haymitch tended to leave me alone until I got better. But I know it's not him, he would probably be under the sleepy haze of all the white liquor he consumes by now. I slowly proceed down the corridor, and open the door. That's when I see him standing there, the boy with blonde hair, the painter, the baker, the boy with the bread. I open the door and he says my name 'Katniss'.
I invite him inside.
Another month passes since the day Peeta came to my door, I never regret letting him in. I think he realises that I still needed a bit of time to heal, he is steady on me. It reminds me of what a wonderful person he truly is so beautiful, caring and considerate. I know he would never do a single thing to hurt me, only protect me.
We work on the book, recording our memories, the pain, the tears, the blood. He paints and bakes, I hunt.
The first time I laugh in months is with Peeta. We are working on our book and he makes a joke about one of the younger bakers at the bakery. Such a simple remark, yet I am laughing, and I realise Peeta has done it, he has fully healed me, I am ready now.
The laughter warms me up and the smile I have on my face seems to be stretching my skin in an unfamiliar way, but I love it, it makes me feel young again. Peeta's smile is radiant too, for he must realise he has completed the seemingly impossible task of making me happy again. Before I know what I am doing I wrap my arms around him and embrace him, he wraps his arms around me too as I turn my face into his neck and revel in the feeling I thought I had lost forever. His soft t-shirt, the smell of freshly baked bread and clean air, the wonderful warm feeling of his skin reminds me of what I have missed. Why I love him.
That night I is late, the fire is blazing in the fireplace, the flames remind me of the past, the girl on fire that I once was. I used to refuse to have fires on in the house because of the painful memories, now I can handle it, now I have Peeta I can handle it. We are sitting by the fire, we are holding hands, and he is looking at me. 'Katniss, I think I better be heading home, it's getting quite late.' He said in his usual soft tone. I realise now completely that he is the only person in my life that really matters. He had braved all for me, and I have never truly realised or appreciated it. Before the games, he loved me, but he was too afraid to talk to me, even then he would have done anything for me. He saved my life and risked his by giving me the bread. During the games, he tried and did everything to save me; every action he made was for my benefit, not his. The quell, again he did everything on my behalf. And then when Snow took him away, he tried to battle through, he kept himself alive knowing that he would be able to get to me again. Though he had been hijacked he made his way through it, dug his wrists into those handcuffs and fought because he loved me, because he never gave up hope on me.
And I had never returned the love he gave to me back. So I decided starting from now, that I would.
'No Peeta, I don't want you to go anymore, please don't leave me again, and stay with me.' I replied. He looked at me with such warmth in his eyes, how could I have ever thought he was out to kill me. He answered 'Of course.'
That night, it felt so incredibly amazing to have his arms wrapped round me again, to be able to have his body so close to me again like all those nights on the train. He was still awake so I turned to face him and looked into his eyes, although darkness was upon us, the clear moonlight illuminated his face and his crystal blue eyes. I leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was sweet and heavenly. I loved him so much. I went in for another kiss and he returned it with passion, I could get lost in this kiss forever, it was beautiful and romantic but also heated. I wrapped myself around him and he wrapped his arms round my neck, pulling my lips closer to his own. My hands were tangled in his blonde curly hair.
As the sun was rising and the sky was a beautiful shade of diluted pink with hints of Peeta's favourite shade of soft, glowing orange, he looked into my eyes and whispered. 'Do you love me, real or not real?'
And I answered, without a shadow of doubt and with all the passion and love in my soul. 'Real.'
(A/N: Thanks so much for reading this. I love the Hunger Games so much and I love Peeta as you can probably tell! It would really help me out if you could review as my stories don't get a lot of reviews and it really makes my day and helps me to write more great fics! I was wondering whether to continue this story, show the rest of Katniss's and Peeta's lives, like when they get married and have their kids, maybe even Gale coming to district 12 again and stuff! Tell me if you would want some more chapters about the rest of their lives in a review or feel free to dm me any suggestions! Once again thanks a lot and have a happy new year! Happy hunger games Grace xxxxx)