Ok, this is my first Twilight fic and I have tried to keep this as close to the book as I could cos I like fics like that ;)
Huge thank yous to my new Beta, Maddyson Ruby for tweaking a few bits and pieces.
Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think :)
And I wish I owned Twilight but sadly, I don't and all the characters, settings, lore etc belong to Stephanie Meyer who is utterly amazing for letting us write stories using her excellent characters.
I stared out of the window, the weak sunlight of winter strained through the bare trees towards the house, dancing over the river than ran beside the place that I called home. My best friend, Jacob and my daughter, Renesmee were walking at a human pace along the side of the river, their hands clasped and deep in conversation. A part of my complex mind felt affection towards Jake. Years ago he'd had to work so hard to have me understand my own feelings towards him and now he needed to do the same with my daughter. She still thought of him as a good friend, a brother, someone to trust and turn to in times of need but we all knew it wouldn't be too long before she saw him the way she was meant to, for the rest of eternity. Jake promised he didn't mind, the strange thing about imprinting, as long as he can be with the person of his affection and he was the type of person she needed, he was happy. Today she needed the brother and friend Jacob. That train of thought ran out to join the rest of my mind in grief.
I could no longer cry - I hadn't done so in nearly 10 years but the feeling was still the same. We had returned to Forks for a few weeks, a combination of our family's lack and Renesmee's abundance of ageing had reached a dangerous point just 5 years ago and forced us to move to Napavine. To the public of Forks we had to New Hampshire to finally attend Dartmouth but for my father we had stayed close enough to still see him. He loved Renesmee and I so much. Had loved.
Edward came and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, doing all that he could to try and ease my pain. I turned to hide my face in his chest, wishing his arms could swallow me up and hide the truth. He began to softly hum my lullaby, reminding me of the human times I had felt this grief and he had done the same to comfort me.
"Wha-what happens now?" I whispered, my musical voice breaking.
"Sue has already confirmed that it's him so we should be able to make arrangements for the funeral in the next few days." He said the words slowly, carefully, and held me to his chest tighter as fresh pain ripped through my soul at his solemn words.
"Is it safe for me to see him?" I had to know. He had been so full of life only last week when Edward, Nessie and I had visited him for his birthday. He face was crystal clear in my mind with the smile that lit up his face when he'd opened our present - a new fishing rod.
I couldn't help but feel if we hadn't given him the present, we wouldn't be here now and he would still be alive. But no. Charlie went fishing every day that he could and he would have been on the lake regardless of a new rod or not. No one quite knew what had happened. All I knew was he was dead. The entire Cullen family and Jake and returned the moment we had heard the news to search. But of course Charlie had been on the reservation, in wolf territory. Alice hadn't been able to see it coming and it had taken the combined strength of Edward and Emmett to stop me throwing myself across the border line and putting the treaty into jeopardy in a frantic need to be there.
Paul had found him. My fears for Charlie's safety from other vampires had never ceased after I had been turned and my first thought instantly ran to the conclusion he had been killed because of me. But Edward had at least seen through the pack's mind that he hadn't been bitten or harmed in any superhuman way. It really had just been a tragic accident. Even still, guilt consumed me.
We now had to hide at the house to wait out the time it would take to travel if we truly were in New Hampshire. I hated all the lies. Becoming a vampire had helped to me tell a lie but I still hated it and felt sure everyone could see straight through me to the truth.
I didn't trust my voice for the moment. The rest of the family were giving us some space but they were still in the house and I didn't want them to hear my voice break again. It took more effort than usual but I pushed the shield away from my mind far enough to include Edward. I felt him wince at my shared my pain. 'Can we go?' I thought.
"It may be a little difficult as we are supposed to be nearly thirty," he whispered. "But Alice has many tricks and although she hates doing it, she can make us look older."
A small wave of hope and gratitude flooded through me for my sister. I had been worried I wouldn't be able to be there to say goodbye to Charlie the way I wanted to. But there was still the matter that I couldn't cry.
"As I said my love, there are ways." He kissed the top of my head, doing all that he could to fill my heart with love and comfort. I pulled back to show him my weak smile while letting the shield around my mind spring back. Charlie's death had hit with so much agony my mind had strengthened its shield tenfold and I was struggling to hold it away for very long.
"Sue must be devastated," I said, not even letting myself try and see it from her prospective. I had lost my father but she had lost her partner. "After Harry as well, I should be there to help her."
"She has Sam and Leah too. They will help." Edward reminded me, already predicting what I wanted to do. "It would be too risky for you to be in the house now. Just wait until tomorrow."
"But she knows about us. I can get to the house without being seen, you know that." I argued back. Helping everyone else and supporting them was still as part of my nature now as it had been when I was human. "Please, it would help us both."
A small smile graced his lips to send the familiar ripple of love towards him through my heart but the sorrow stopped it short. A decade we had been together and yes, we were worse than Emmett and Rosalie. "You are so much trouble. Alice saw you would go anyway but I can't leave you when you're like this. I'll come too."
I nodded once and pulled out of his arms, clasping his hand in mine as we left for the door.
"I'll let Nessie and Jake know where you've gone," Rosalie called across the room. She had remained only slightly cautious towards me over the last few years, envy for the away I had been able to stay in contact with my human family when she'd had to leave hers after her own transformation. But today I felt she could feel my pain too and sympathised. It had been in the papers when her parents had died but they had been older and she had already been dead for years.
"Thank you." I smiled weakly back at her before Edward and I disappeared into the trees together.
We ran in silence, following the familiar path to my old house where Charlie had continued to live and Sue had moved into. Seth had taken over my old room while Leah had refused to join her family with mine and remained on Quileute land. They knew we would be in Forks soon and Leah's continuing resentment was not something I was looking forward to. Of the 16 wolves that had faced off to the Volturi all those years ago, we knew only a few more kids from the reserve had since expressed the wolf gene. No more had emerged from the day that we moved, but some had left. Sam was the most noticeable loss as he had given over his pack to Paul, choosing to remain in his human form to restart his ageing and join his wife Emily and their small children Ben and Sally in a normal, human life. It was everyone's hope that we wouldn't be here long enough for any more wolves to emerge.
We paused at the edge of the forest, looking down the hill at the small house. A cloud moved and allowed a weak ray of winter sun to confine us for a while longer. I hissed and bared my teeth, glaring at the sky that stopped me. I could already smell his weak scent on the breeze. It would be torture to smell him still in the house but it was something I needed for now. It would be easier for the scent to wane over time than the abrupt loss I now felt.
A feral instinct was taking over. I wanted to be in the house but the damn sun was stopping me. Even with the sun this weak we would still catch the human eye, however fast we tried to get into the shade of the house. I dropped Edward's hand and started to pace the line of light I could no longer cross to.
"How many are there?" I shot the words with more fury than I intended.
"Sue, Seth and Billy are in the house but others from the town are visiting frequently." Edward replied, his voice laced with worry, concern and tension. I hated him to see me like this. It was still a reminder of what had happened years ago when he had been deluded to think I should stay human. A corner of my mind remembered the day last year that I had been able to have him admit that he should never have tried to leave me human and that changing me had been for the better. At the time he had meant it in regards to the other alternative, had he not, I would now be dead. But I knew he now felt that even if Renesmee had never been conceived and born, forcing his actions, I should have become a vampire anyway. Ten years of utter joy, happiness and euphoria were being marred by the accident.
We were so used to Alice predicting the future once a decision was made, we had almost forgotten how to react when foresight and the opportunity to change an outcome was removed. Edward said she was still beating herself up about that. I would have to reassure her later. These things just happen to humans. Suddenly I appreciated the pain Edward had gone through in those years when I was just as breakable. I had never really seen how vulnerable I had been to harm but the last 24 hours had shown me. Knowing he had worried all those years ago stopped my pacing and I threw myself into his arms, not sure who needed the comfort.
We stood as two statues, waiting. The sun was hidden by clouds but we still had to wait. The Vicar Weber was talking to Sue about next week. Tuesday apparently. God I hated the secret.
The light was beginning to fade when the Vicar finally left the house, climbed carefully into his car and drove away.
"Come on." Edward broke our embrace and took my hand as we flew down the hill to the house. Seth was standing with the back door open so we could run straight in without a pause that may be seen by a prying neighbour.
"Thought I smelled you guys out there." He said with a tight smile. "How are you, Bells?" He was still such a sweet kid.
I couldn't reply. Inside the house Charlie's scent was so strong I wanted to collapse and immerse myself in it. The burn in my throat at the human scent flared before my control pushed it back.
We kept away from humans mostly at the moment. It was just safer for a while that only Carlisle, Jake and Nessie were known by the locals of the town near to where we lived. Carlisle as the busy doctor who worked in the next city, Jake and Nessie as his nephew and niece who stayed with him, were home schooled and generally didn't go to the town except to buy food. Occasionally the rest of us were spotted but as far as Edward had been able to tell, the town accepted us as distant relatives who visited. It had been a while since I had been this close to people and had been due to hunt just hours before we heard the news. I would go tonight but needed to feel this torture first and to help Sue.
"We're still in shock." My wonderful husband answered for me when he realised I couldn't. He threaded his fingers through mine to give them a squeeze and let me know he was here. I shouldn't have let him come. Bad enough that I felt the burn but he shouldn't have to suffer because of me. I turned to say these things but when I saw his eyes, also dark from the thirst; I knew nothing was going to send him away from me.
I remembered Seth standing there; watching us and guilt flooded me. This was his house now really and I hadn't said a thing. I waited while he closed the door before giving him a short hug, wrinkling my nose at his distinctive aroma, similar but different to Jacob's at the same time. "Sorry Seth, I'm getting there. How about you?"
He gave a rueful smile as we separated, a combination of my scent and grief on his face. "Charlie's been like a dad to me over the last few years." He explained, looking at his large hands as he towered over me. "So I guess we both know how we're each holding up."
I nodded. Charlie had been a father to Seth and Leah as much as he could but it had been a struggle not only with Leah's resentment towards anyone favourable to us but also through his own inability to talk about feelings and emotions with others.
We moved quietly through the house, entering the old front room where Charlie had sat and watched every sport imaginable on the battered TV. I had tried to replace it last year for him but he'd refused. Something about not wanting to take from us while we were just starting out. It was easier to pretend to be a young couple forever for Charlie rather the supernatural that we were who could earn money without the need to work.
Sue was sitting on the sofa, her eyes red and a damp tissue in her hands. The salty smell of tears mingled in the room with that of human, wolf and dust. Billy was beside her in his chair and they both looked up as we walked in.
"Why did you let this happen?" Billy suddenly challenged his voice full of pain, anxiety and frustration. "You said your lot could see the future and would know if something like this would happen!" He choked and was caught in a fresh wave of grief while he hid his face in his hands. Billy had always been such a quiet but strong man that his outburst shocked me to the core.
"Alice couldn't see while he was down at the Quileute Reservation," Edward replied calmly in an attempt to soothe. "She can't see wolves and when they are close to others she is watching, their entire future disappears." He didn't remind Billy that he did know that, Jake saving me from drowning years ago had highlighted this problem but now wasn't the time.
From the way Billy's shoulders shuddered I knew he remembered but wouldn't say so. It was easier to blame people you were supposed to hate anyway when something like this happened.
"Billy," Sue placed her hands over his and I noticed how frail he was now beginning to look. "We discussed this; there was nothing anyone could have done. It was an accident and Charlie wouldn't want us blaming his only daughter and her family for this." She rose and walked towards me, her arms open for a hug. She shivered slightly as she felt how cold my skin was. We had always joked that with Seth about, who needed heating?
"So, when are you officially back?" She asked as we found seats. Edward, however, leaned against the window, ensuring the curtains were fully closed and we couldn't be seen by anyone walking by. My father's armchair remained empty.
"Um, tomorrow evening, I think." We had checked the flights and realistically, that would be the soonest we could have arrived in Forks after hearing the accident. "We think it's safe for us to stay at home but we'll pick up a hire car from the airport. We can only risk myself, Edward and Nessie but the others are still here." It was easier telling them the charade than it was to talk about the space in the empty chair. "Jake is supposed to appear in the morning after driving from Ellensburg." The town had known of tension between Jacob and Edward so it would have seemed stupid for all of us to be moving to same place. We had convinced him to finally finish school in the last few years and he was now pretending to attend Central Washington College. "Has anyone managed to speak to Renee?"
"I left a message on her home phone this morning." Sue whispered and guilt instantly flooded me. How stupid to ask his current partner if she had told his ex? Renee had been a difficult point for the last few years. I had managed to avoid seeing her and had to use a fake bad line each time we did speak so she couldn't hear the change in my voice. While it had been safe to let Charlie come to his own ideas over what had happened shortly after I married Edward, Renee was too perceptive and could never just accept something for what it was. I was going to have to see her soon but that thought could wait for later.
"Sue, I'm sorry. That was unkind and tactless to ask but thank you for doing so." I tried to keep my voice even but it just kept breaking through the weak smile I tried to give. She nodded in return, her gaze still focused on the damp tissue in her hands.
We allowed the silence to grow and fill the room. I kept breathing deeply to saturate myself in the scent that would soon fade from this world but I was determined to ensure it remained in my memory for the rest of my existence. After wanting to be here and help Sue so much earlier in the day, now I was here I didn't know what to do.
"Is there anything we can organise or help out with?" Edward's soft voice broke the trance in the room. I knew he couldn't hear my thoughts at the moment but he had an uncanny way of knowing what was on my mind anyway.
Sue took a deep breath. "We've organised with the Vicar for the service to be held on Tuesday next week but we haven't yet chosen where to...where to lay him to rest." She closed her eyes as another fresh wave of emotion tried to push its way through. I watched as she refused to let it take over her body and pushed it back so she could carry on speaking. She was always such a strong person and I couldn't help but wonder, if there was a god, how he could force such a wonderful person to go through burying two partners. "If you would like to choose somewhere… that would be a great weight off my mind."
"Of course we will." I nodded back, feeling my own wave of pain crashing around me again. The idea of having to wander around all the graves in the small church yard and choose the best place to lay my father's empty, cold body to rest was an unpleasant job for any of us but Sue had already done that once.
Silence stole over the room again. Edward saved us. "I'm sure you would like to hold the wake here but you are more than welcome to use our house. Charlie was a very popular man in Forks and I'm sure lots of people will want to pay their respects."
"We're having it here." Billy responded in a hard tone, his eyes closed against us.
"There's no need to be rude Billy." Sue scolded him, throwing him a confused glance. Billy had always been friendly to us in the past but it seemed loosing his best friend was going to take its toll on him. "Thank you Edward but we'd like to keep everything close to the town."
"Of course." He was such a gentleman. Suddenly, I was pleased he was here with me. I wasn't sure I could have coped with Billy in this mood on my own.
"Sorry mum," Seth spoke in a strained voice. "I...I need to check something with the pack." He abruptly got up and left the room, banging the back door on the way out.
"Seth wait!" Sue cried after him but he was already gone. She had half risen from her seat before sinking back into the sofa. "I'm so worried I'm going to lose him. It was so difficult loosing Harry, exactly the same time he and Leah had first begun to change and I just don't know what this is going to do to him." She said this under her breath, half to herself and half to us. I chose to ignore her for now. We would talk to Seth as soon as possible.
A sharp rap on the door made Sue and Billy jump. A thought crossed my mind to wonder how they hadn't heard the approaching footsteps before remembering that their human hearing couldn't pick up such delicate sounds. I really had been away from humans too long. I hoped I wouldn't have to practice moving at an acceptable speed again.
I glanced at the clock. We had been here over an hour already but it felt like only minutes had passed. Edward and I nodded at each other once. We would have to leave before whoever it was saw us in the house.
"I'll be back in the morning if you would like or we can leave it until later in the day when we officially come back." I told Sue, wrapping my arms around her in what I hoped was a comforting hug and I was glad I had worn a long sleeved jumper to protect her from my cold skin.
"Let's leave it to the afternoon, please." She replied, avoiding my gaze. I didn't need to glance at Edward to know he would tell me her thoughts later.
The person at the door was impatient and knocked loudly again. I paused to rest a hand on Billy's shoulder before leaving the room and heading to the back door.
It was completely dark outside by now, not even the moon was casting a shadow as we raced from the house back to the safely of the trees.
"What was going on in there?" I asked my husband.
He sighed. "Billy is still sure it's somehow our fault but he knows really it is just an accident. But Sue... I don't know. It's like she kept thinking in code, as if she didn't want me to know the extent of what's going on." The frustration was clear on his face. It was the same look he'd had when trying to hear my thoughts when we had first met and only finding a brick wall. "I desperately want this to be something I'm over thinking but I still have this feeling there is something I can't shake."
Suddenly his face and entire body froze. We hadn't gone far from the house but I couldn't be sure who he could hear or where they were.
"Edward? Edward what is it?" His pose was naturally defensive and my instincts had my body poised for action.
He took a deep breath. "Seth wants to talk to us. What happened, may not be an accident after all but the pack are at a dead end." He took my hand and we raced through the trees in a wide semi-circle around the house, heading towards La Push.