disclaimer: i do not own glee, i just like to fan fiction about it is all...

Chapter 1: the rules of high school

Blaine

Okay so this is weird, i don't know what it was about him because, lets face it, he is only in grade 10 and i still had Kurt, and well I'm sure beyond a doubt that he is straight despite the whole unique thing. I wonder if he meant what he said about not coming back to glee. " Blaine... Blaine"

" Sam" i said with a warm smile. He looked at me weird and shook his head.

" are you okay dude? you have been off in space all lunch" i looked over his shoulder at Ryder, he was by himself at a lunch table. He always sat by himself, it was endearing, he was handsome part of glee and football and yet he seldom was scene with any friends, he and hake had been close once upon a time but that all changed after he kissed Marley. It made me almost sad. " Blaine!" Sam said with a light shove.

He followed my eyes. " do you think maybe we should ask Ryder to sit with us?"

" um why?" Sam asked confused. I scoffed looking at him unbelieving.

" why not?!" i asked " he is all by himself, and we are all on the same team after all"

" which team is that again?" Sam joked i punched his arm lightly.

" ha-ha" i said rolling my eyes.

" and he was on our team Blaine" he said with a shrug. " he quit"

" um if Kurt where here would he still be part of the team, would Rachel and Quinn and Mercedes?" Sam sucked his teeth at my stubbornness.

" that's different" he said.

" its not, its the same thing" i said with my arms crossed. " lots of people have quit and come back to glee for different reasons, Mercedes left almost the whole first semester at McKinley, i was told all of this stuff about how sassy diva she was and hello plot twist, she quits"

" if we go sit with him will you shut up?" he asked seriously.

I nodded and got up taking my tray with me. Sam had finished his food so he took his to the garbage. I walked over to Ryder's table, he spooned around his mac and cheese in contemplation. " hey mind if i sit?" he looked up his eyes were red and glossy, like he hadn't slept or was high or something.

" no, go ahead" he said, his demeanor changed a bit, he sat up straighter. " whats up?" i smiled and sat putting down my lunch, Sam came to the table and sat down too. " hey Sam"

" sup?" Sam said awkwardly. There was silence for a few minutes before Ryder studied us for a brief moment.

" so... did you want something?" he asked clearly confused by our presence. Was it that odd that two of his teammates would want to sit with him at lunch? It made me a little uncomfortable, in the almost full school year since Ryder had been at McKinley he had more downs than ups and this was due to not only being shut down by Marley but also wade's invasion of his personal space, which only turned him into the kid who got cat fished. He had confided in the group a deep scarred secret and they had thrown it back in his face Sam included. When i really did think about it, why would he want to sit with us at all.

" we just thought maybe you would want some company." i said, i realized how stupid it sounded. I didn't smile and he shrugged.

" i don't care" he said. Sam just sat there before deciding to get up.

" I'm gonna go to weight room, get in some lifting before gym class" he left the cafeteria, he could sometimes be a band wagon jumper. When Ryder left glee, glee had become team unique.

" why are you here?" he asked plainly. I could see the pain behind his eyes, the hurt he felt in his soul. He was in pain and no one cared, Marley the girl of his dreams didn't care, Jake didn't care unique cared once but now all of that was replaced by hatred. Obviously someone so over the top would make his refusal to accept her as Katie a homophobic thing.

" i guess you just looked sad, i thought... you know what its stupid i guess I'll just go" i said getting up.

" no... what, you thought what?" he asked. Clearly i had triggered something.

" are you okay, like i know that's a vague ting to ask, but are you like alright?" i asked. Until i asked it i hadn't realized how genuinely concerned i was about Ryder. " with everything"

We shared a look for a moment, it was just a few seconds but it was enough to know he was not okay, his eyes where glossing over and i could see real pain, he was not okay.

" I've got to go" he said getting up. My heart sank as he walked quickly away from the cafeteria.

How odd, or if read correctly predictable. I sat at Ryder's table alone with my lunch, i was okay with being alone with my thoughts. Most of the time my time was divided up between glee, Tina and Sam it was nice to have some quiet. But the haunting thoughts that went alone with it were fresh and scarey.

" messages" Mr .Schue said like a hallmark card. " sometimes the message you think you are sending is not the message that is coming across to others" we all looked around at each other. It was true i guess.

" that's what caller id is for" kitty said crossing her legs. Mr. Schue gave her a long hard look.

" that's why i want this weeks assignment to be sending a message" he said ignoring the girl completely. " who are you and what is your message?"

" so you just want us to be ourselves" Marley said like an innocent swan. " and let the music be our message"

" yes Marley, and i want all of you to sing it in front of the school" everyone began whispering, i just looked at the white board.

" so like is there going to be an Assembly or something?" Tina asked beside me.

" not necessarily, flash mobs and gorilla marketing are happening all the time, find a fun and creative way to send your message, and maybe we will find a replacement for Ryder among the students at this school" after that everyone's creative juices got flowing as to what they where going to do, groups where confirmed and others decided they would work alone. I didn't say anything. I was bothered.

Why were we being so quick to just replace Ryder with someone new, why was no one else seeing that Ryder was having some serious issues and we should be helping him and embracing him? But then again that was the assignment this week, maybe instead of trying to find someone new i should fix what was broken at regional's. " so what are we doing?" Sam asked, it annoyed me a little that he would just assume we would do something together.

" i think i might be doing my own thing" i said with a shrug.

" but you always do your own thing" Tina chimed in. " when are we ever going to do something together?"

" i wasn't talking to you" Sam said

" look this kind of assignment, sending a message of who you are... its not something you can do as a group, all of these guys, kitty, unique they all go into an assignment like its a competition. like there is something to be won"

" yeah like a solo" Tina said. She just didn't get it. No one did, Mr Schue didn't give us assignments to see who is better, he gave them to make us better, better emotionally better vocally and better musicians over all. I could only get better on my own.

" solos mean nothing to me" i said.

" easy for you to say since you get them all of the time" she said getting up. " thanks a lot Blaine." they both got up and crossed the room looking for someone else they can gloom off of in a search for success. What they didn't understand is there was no success for them if they followed the whim of someone else .

I loved both of my friends but sometimes it felt forced. I got up deciding i no longer needed to be here to move forward with my assignment and i made my way to the weight room to hit the punching bag around, it always helped to blow off steam and get me really inspired. When you are angry hitting something gets rid of your anger. But violence is not the answer, so the bag works the best. I heard a sharp intake of breath as i was leaving the shower and froze, i hadn't scene anyone come in when i was hitting but i could get centered and complacent to the things going on around me. I walked across the locker room towards the sinks, i stood at the end of a row of lockers and peered around the corner. It was Ryder. He was in tears and looking over his shoulder at his back in the mirror. He sniffed and wiped his eyes trying to see what ever it was that was causing him so much pain.

I looked at the mirror and saw the red mark on his left shoulder, my brow furrowed. I backed up a little bit and his head snapped up. " who's there?" he pulled his shirt on quickly. " I'm not messing around, please..." i stood in the shadows for a few seconds not sure what to do, i decided to walk from behind the lockers.

" I'm sorry" i said. " i just i..."

" just leave me alone" he said walking past me.

" no Ryder... wait, those burns... do you need help?" he stopped in his tracks and he turned around.

" i don't need your help" he said. I raised an eyebrow.

" then why did you turn around?" i asked. " look , i wont ask how you got it, i just... i have some cream, in my locker it helps burns, better than cold water" i could tell he wanted the cream. He nodded, i could almost see the relief on his face.

" shouldn't you be at glee?" he asked i could hear spite in his voice just slightly.

" shouldn't you?" i asked right back, it silenced him for a few moments.

" i don't belong there" he said . " no one there likes me"

i reached into my locker and grabbed the cylinder of cream. " of course they do" i said, i honestly didn't know if that was true , Marley was fake to me, she had strung Ryder along for a while and played with his head and even chose unique over him in all of this mess. Jake well there was tension there and Sam had taken a shining to him because he was Pucks brother. Ryder was alone a lot of the time. I suppose he and kitty talked but, kitty was awful.

" they all knew it was him/ her, i don't know" he said. " do you think you could..." he pulled the shirt over his head. I saw the burn up close, i winced and felt bad knowing it probably hurt him a lot. I put a dab of cream on my fingers and rubbed it lightly into his burn. The shape was odd, i had no idea what could have made the burn in the first place. Ryder groaned as the cream touched the burn. " shit dude, that feels really good" i felt a little odd, as a gay male Ryder with his shirt off was enough to turn me on, but the fact that i was rubbing cream into his shoulder and the noises he was making where sensual to say the least its safe to say i was a little aroused.

" why aren't you there anyway?" he asked suspicious.

" i don't know i guess i just wasn't feeling it today" i said " does it feel better?"

he nodded groaning again, clearly he hadn't had any access to this kind of stuff at home. "Blaine you just saved me life"

" I'm glad i could be of service" i said. I stopped rubbing his back and shook the nervousness out.

" i don't know, i guess i just feel like i don't fit in in glee" he said. " and i know its supposed to be this place where everyone is welcome but a lot of the time i just feel like I'm not" he looked at the burn in the mirror once more and i studied the round lines , i was baffled as to what had done it but i wasn't sure i wanted to know. For more reasons then i could count i was worrying about Ryder. And i understood in a way, the day Kurt graduated i had never felt more alone and unwelcome at McKinley and especially in glee.

He pulled the shirt over his head and i saw a real smile on his face for the first time in a while. " i know what that's like, look maybe do you want to hang out, go to a movie?" he frowned.

" i don't think i can" he said shaking his head. I felt the humiliation of rejection and then felt a hand on my shoulder. " i, its not that i don't want to... i just i cant" he walked past me and i touched the spot on my shoulder where his hand had been. So did that mean he did want to hang out, and why couldn't he? Ryder Lynn was a mystery, but for some reason i was drawn to the boy. I couldn't just give up.

I got in my car and drove home, my mom was cooking dinner, i went to my room quickly and well one thing led to another and well... i wiped up with a tissue and redressed, after rubbing that cream into Ryder's back i knew i had to release the tension, i went up stairs for dinner and my mother was sitting at the table. " hey Hun i left your dinner on the stove" i turned around towards the kitchen as soon as i got to the stove i stopped in my tracks. Stove, i looked down at the little burner and Ryder's scar flashed across my mind.

" yeah i think i am just gong to eat after" i said walking down stairs. The horrifying realization setting in.

" everything alright?" my father asked.

" yeah i just realized I'm not super hungry yet, I'm just going to go have a shower" i said lying, in truth i was a little traumatized and i just needed to hit something.

A/N: so excited about this one, the themes are dark as usual for me and once again you can expect updates most Tuesdays, i have often struggled with writing glee fan fiction but this idea just sort of came to me after i watched the last episode of last season, i had been behind in watching but when i dead i sort of gained this obsession with Ryder and where his cherecter will go... and for anyone following my HSM story the lost in life chronicles and is wondering when the sequel will be coming out i can tell you i have started it and you will see something soon...ish.