A message from Otaku250: I wrote this story with another person, Gamed9x. We decided to write this story because #yoloswag. We hope you enjoy this fanfic that will most likely not care about the five nights at freddy's lore, or as we call it, Freaky Fridays.
A message from Gamed9x: This is probably the dumbest thing ever. Also, it's mostly Otaku's fault that this monstrosity exists.
Wario was sitting on his couch, as usual, eating f*cking garlic like he usually does. After ruining his morning breath entirely, he saw something on the television.
"HEY! YOU, YEAH YOU! DO YOU WANT TO GET A JOB?"
"No," he replied.
"AWESOME! COME DOWN TO FREAKY FRIDAY TO GET A JOB, AND GET RÉSUMÉ UP THERE! YOU'LL GET THE BIG BUCKS AFTER YOU QUIT THIS CRAP JOB!"
"...Hmm… maybe I can do this and get MONEY!" Wario said excitedly. Wario hopped on his super legit motorcycle that he used to run over multiple pedestrians. However, as Wario sat on the seat, the motorcycle caved in on his massive buttocks. So instead, Wario went over to his brother Waluigi's house, and stole his car. His car was a lame four door Malibu station wagon, but it still works.
"Wa hah, I'ma get the money." Wario exclaimed excitedly as he popped another clove of garlic down his throat in one swallow. He drove by the Freaky Friday establishment, and bashed through the doors. "HEY! Gimme the job."
"May I see your résumé first?" replied the manager.
"I don't have one…"
"You're hired! You start tonight at 12 am! Good luck (you're gonna need it…)."
"Okay! Just one question…"
"Shoot."
"Do I get paid a lot, or minimum?"
"Yes."
"No, did you mean the latter or the former?"
"Yes."
"So, yes or yes?"
"Yes!"
"Okay…" Wario gets into the stolen car and crashes it into Waluigi's house. "Thanks for letting me borrow your car!"
"Wario, you little di-"
"Okay, goodbye! Have a rotten day!"
"This is why I can't get a date with Daisy… or Peach… or Rosalina… or Birdo..." Waluigi said to himself…
12 AM
Wario sat down on his comfy chair, only for it shatter underneath him, because he's so f*cking fat and lazy, and he can't even make a résumé. Wario looked at his fancy tablet and flipped through multiple cameras like a dumbass."What the hell?! Why is there a bunch of f*cking robots in my restaurant?!" Wario said as he looked at the disney mascot rejects. The Blender Chuck-E-Cheese mascots stood there and did nothing. "This is the most boring sh*t I've ever done in my life, and I was in Mario Party… 3!"
Wario looked throughout the restaurant until he saw Michael Myers. He was walking at an incredibly slow pace, so Wario wasn't worried. As Wario sat on his fat ass like snooki, the phone began blare into his waxy ears. Wario hit the "play call" button as he dug into ears to ease his pain, only to find a one-up in his black hole that was his ear hole.
"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO, HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO." an obnoxious voice shouted.
"WAH!" Wario shouted in response to this voice.
"Uh… hi, um, welcome to the Freaky Friday's establishment, a place for family fun and eating like fat blobs. You are most likely here as the new night-time security guard or you are one of the homeless refugees that we have to shoot out of our restaurant. If you are the latter, get the hell out, if the former, welcome to our family."
"What the f*ck!" Wario said.
"Now, there is some stuff you should know about our fine establishment. First, we do not take any responsibility for any loss of limbs, organs, or garlic on your shift."
"NO!" Wario screamed hysterically as he held on to his clove of garlic.
"As you may already know, Freaky Friday's main attraction is the animatronic characters. Our first and main animatronic is Freddy Fatbear, who justs sits and eats like a f*cking pig. Next is Bonnie Buddy, a purple rabbit who is our main source of income for his host of adware. We also have a female animatronic named Chica the duck, however, do to multiple horny teenage boys slapping their cucumbers on her, we have restricted her to the stage. Finally, we have a secret fourth animatronic named Fuxy the piracy agent, but, due to an incident where Fuxy bit someone's head, we keep him in disrepair."
"Hot."
"Now, the animatronics due tend to get quirky at night. We suggest that you keep close observation of them as they may try to enter your office and repeatedly shove you in the local Taco Bell's blender."
"Hot."
"All the advice that I can give you is to conserve your power and watch those damn animatronics. Oh, and there may have been some stuff about some guy with a white mask trying to kill every security guard, but I'm sure you'll be fine." the phone finally clicked off as wario smashed his fist into it.
"Finally, some peace and quiet." Wario said to himself. He checked the camera's again to find Michael Myers walking into the front doors and smashing his face in repeatedly. Wario looked back at the center stage and found that Bonnie Buddy was missing.
"Where the f*ck is Bonnie Buddy." Wario shouted at the tablet, he flipped through multiple camera's but could not find it. Wario started to panic a little.
"D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH I MISSED!" Wario shouted. He looked at his fart stained watch and saw that it was only 1 AM. With his super MLG 360 no-scope reflexes, Wario slammed on the light button for the left door. The light showed Bonnie Buddy, except his bunny face was replaced with a purple gorilla.
"Good evening, how has your day been." Bonnie Buddy said cheerfully. Wario immediately shut the door and curled up into his little ball. As he sat there, Bonnie Buddy kept telling horrible joke after horrible joke. "What did the Beaver say to the tree, 'it was nice gnawing you'." This joke by Bonnie Buddy caused Wario's ears to bleed garlic and wooden splinters. Wario hesitantly tapped the light button and saw that Bonnie Buddy's shadow had disappeared. Wario opened the door and checked his power meter, seeing it was at 80%.
"What kind of f***ed up job is this!" Wario said as he picked up his camera monitor. He saw that the front doors were opened...but Michael Myers was walking into a wall, so Wario was still not worried. Swiping through the cameras, Wario found Bonnie Buddy standing in the closet with his creepy smile. Before Wario could comment on how stupid Bonnie Buddy looked, he heard a s*** ton of racket from the kitchen. Wario turned on the kitchen camera, but all it showed was a video of Birdo and a bunch of toads, what they are doing I will let you imagine.
Wario looked back at the stage to find Chica had disappeared from the stage, while Freddy Fatbear was munching on some twinkies.
"D'OH, I want'a twinkie!" Wario cried as he looked at the yellow deliciousness of the twinkie that was currently in Fatbear's mouth. However, with his aforementioned 360 no scope powers, Wario turned on the right light to find the disgusting slobbering form of Chica the Duck. Wario looked at the disgusting creature and could only think of one thing.
"Yummy."
2 AM
Wario was currently "gnawing" (wink wink) on the cybernetic parts of Chica the Duck.
"This tastes like chicken!" Wario exclaimed as he bit on Chica's bill. Wario looked back at the camera to see Michael Myers was walking around in circles at the party room. Unfortunately, Wario also found that Freddy Fatbear had finally left the stage, leaving a bunch of food items on the ground. Wario just shrugged as continued eating the cybernetic remains of Chica.
"WWWWWOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!" a noise erupted from the building. Wario lazily got up and swiped through the tablet until he saw the bathrooms. The sight that he saw is something that shattered his very soul, something that crippled his sense of security. He saw Freddy Fatbear… come out of the girl's bathroom.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! WHAT IS'A THIS! MY MOTHER TOLD ME TO NEVER GO IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM TO CRAP IN. YET, THIS FAT F***TARD CAN GO IN AND OUT JUST BECAUSE HE IS'A FAT BEAR! D'OH I MISSED!" Wario shouted. Wario was so angry, knowing that everything he was told was wrong was simply ignored when a bear did it. To calm himself, Wario grabbed a whole stack of garlic and began chomping away. However, Wario's 360 no-scope powers activated, allowing him to turn himself around fast enough to spot Freddy Fatbear.
Wario was just about to turn into super Wario and b****slap the f*** out of Fatbear. However, Freddy pulled out a double chocolate garlic cake with whipped talcum powder, One of Wario's favorite treats. Wario looked at Fatbear, then at the cake, then back at Fatbear, and finally back at the cake. Wario came up with the ultimate decision that couldn't possibly fail.
4 AM
Wario was enjoying his snack of garlic cake and Fatbear parts as he flipped through the cameras. Bonnie Buddy was still standing still in the closet while Michael Myers was in the kitchen, presumably standing perfectly still. Wario was somehow enjoying his stay at Freaky Friday's, despite the annoying voice of Bonnie Buddy echoing through the halls. A thought dawned on Wario's head as he finished eating the top hat of FatBear.
"THE PIRACY AGENT!" Wario shouted as he flipped to piracy cove, only finding an open curtain and a sign that said "EAT SOPA PUNK!". Wario flipped to the left hallway camera and saw the piracy agent running while shouting "SOPA, SOPA, SOPA, SOPA!". Wario's 360 no scope allowed him to shut the door quickly before the piracy agent could get into his office and cease this fan fiction from continuing. Fuxy banged on the doors loudly, causing Wario to get really annoyed.
"That's'a it, im'a gonna protest." Wario said heroically as he held out a SOPA protest sign. With the holy light of protesting, Fuxy disintegrated into a pile of ash, ash that Wario consumed. Wario had decided that enough was enough and decided to deal with the last very major thing… that annoying Bonnie Buddy. With the grace of an elephant and the poise of a meteor, Wario rushed through the halls and into the janitor closet, only to find the horrid Bonnie Buddy.
"Im'a gonna win!" Wario shouted as he and Bonnie Buddy charged full force at each other, possibly entitling the biggest most baddest fight ever…
5 AM
After the most epic battle that couldn't even be described, Wario was happily munching on the robotic remains of Bonnie Buddy, which tasted of malware. Wario was pretty chillaxed about the last hour of his new job, not caring if anything could get to him. In no way, shape, or form did Wario think he forgot about anything. Wario happily looked at the clock and waited for 5:55 to turn into the lovely 6:00. Unfortunately, Wario did forget about one very important thing.
"MICHAEL MYERS!" Michael Myers was carrying a radio as it played the Halloween theme. Wario was shocked and scared, so scared that every piece of garlic he ate all erupted out of his bum. A massive fart erupted inside the pizzeria killing Michael Myers and melting the radio. Wario looked at the computer. He saw a purple gorilla overlay on top of the cameras.
"Hello there!" A message box popped up asking for his name. Wario entered his name. "Hello, Wario. I'm Bonzi! The more I stalk you in your sleep, the more I know you! I can steal your history, your passwords, and send you ads! I'll even sleep with you!" Bonzi exclaimed with glee. Wario did the only logical thing he could do in this situation… he ate the computer. A loud rang erupted throughout the pizzeria as the clock finally came to 6:00.
DING DING DING DING. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Wario's Boss immediately showed up out of the blue.
"HOW WAS WORK!?1?!one" the Boss asked with excitement. Wario punched his boss in the face and took his $125.50.
"Waa, ONLY 125.50?! FOR THAT?" Wario zoomed away in Waluigi's car.
THAT NIGHT
Wario was sleeping in his bed, when all of the sudden, his computer turned on. On the monitor was the face of Bonzi, watching Wario sleep. "Hello there."