AN: So I thought this up just today. It was really quite 'spur of the moment' actually. I wasn't even thinking about doing another Instant Star fic for awhile(I'm still trying to get over the betrayal I feel from the series finale). Anyway, I was reading a super sad fic for Life With Derek, and this just all of a sudden popped into my head. So here it is. I hope you enjoy reading it much more than I enjoyed writing it. Read, relax, & enjoy!

Summary- How does he see, when all color has been drained from his life? How does he feel, when all has lost it's texture? How does he hear, when his world is filled with silence? How does he breathe, when all his breath is taken? How does he live, when all he feels is dead inside? See how he copes.

Disclaimer- I don't own, nor do I want to anymore. IS has turned to sh!t. God, it's so terrible.

Warning-
This could hold spoilers for those of you that have not seen the series finale. I wouldn't recommend reading this if you don't want to have the ending spoiled for you.

Forever Yours,

He sat on his couch drunkenly gazing out into his apartment. Magazines were strewn all about, and glass covered every surface he could see. The table that once stood upright in his living room was now shattered into pieces; just like his life, it seemed. He was staring into complete and utter chaos, and all he could do was sit and wonder how his life had done a complete 180 on him.

It all happened so quickly that he couldn't wrap his mind around it. They were happy, or at least they seemed to be. He could finally see his future clearly, and he saw her in it. Now, that future didn't exist, and he had to wonder why.

She had said yes. She had looked so happy, sounded so happy. Ecstatic with the fact that she would one day be his wife. He had seen her eyes light up as he got down on one knee and asked that life altering question. Sure, he could have done it better, but it was spontaneous. He had acted out of love. He didn't need to think it all out. He was ready, and he thought she had been too.

God, he couldn't have been more wrong.

He thought back to earlier that week, when he'd last seen her. She was as beautiful as ever. She seemed to glow, her happiness undeniable. Her eyes were bright and shining, and her smile was so wide that it looked like it hurt. She was absolutely radiant...and it was all because she was leaving. She was going to live her dream, and he was going to be stuck on the sidelines once more, watching her go by.

And then she looked at him. With her unforgettable blue eyes, and he felt it all come crashing down on him with that one look. He couldn't deny it. She was really leaving, and this was their goodbye. He felt the need to reassure her somehow, before he no longer had the chance. He could feel the moment slipping away as each second went by. So, putting up a brave front, he placed a small smile upon his lips and looked her straight in the eye.

It was his silent Goodbye. It was his way of saying that he would be okay, even if it wasn't true.

He needed to let her go, even if he wasn't ready to do so. He had to let her do this by herself, even though he wanted nothing more than to stand by her side through it all. He put all he had into that one look, because it was his only chance, and it worked. He saw that any traces of indecision had been erased completely, and a small smile lit up her face once more. With one last nod in his direction, she got into her town car and left, unknowingly taking his heart with her.

He regretted not doing anything to stop her. He regretted not being brave enough to say something, anything. He regretted so many things, but not her; never her. She had been it for him, that he was sure. He only wished he could've been that for her, so that maybe she would have stayed with him. So that his heart wouldn't be breaking every time he thought of her over there living her new life.

He was pathetic, sitting there moping and trying to drown his sorrows in booze. He didn't care though. He was past caring that he was a total mess, and that his life was much the same. He was numb to it all. He had to be, just to get through the day without breaking down. He was slowly spiraling out of control, not even caring where he would end up.

Her departure had changed him, and not for the better. He was angry all the time, bitter even, and more times than not, you could find him drunk. He was unsocial and awkward when it came to people. He was disconnected from the world, and he liked it that way. He didn't need people to see what she had done to him, nor did he want them to. All in all, he was miserable, and it was all her fault.

Not that he would ever blame her for it, much to his dismay.

He wanted to be angry with her. He wanted to be able to hate her for making him this way. He wanted to yell at her, scream at her, call her out on her stupidity. He wanted to blame her for everything wrong in his life, but he couldn't. He'd tried so many times, but it never lasted more than a minute. It was impossible for him. He loved her too much.

She was his girl, and she always would be.

Forever