Watashi no Sukinahito
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AN: This one-shot is loosely based on CLAMP's "The One I Love" or in its Japanese title, "Watashi no Sukinahito". Each aspect will either be Kyoko x Shou or Kyoko x Ren, and it will also be in first person, but I will not say who is the narrator. You'll have to figure that out on your own.
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Different
"I wanted to try something a little different, to become a little different."
To become different, I did something different. I consider it as a new start. I cut off my hair and dyed it a new color. I'm different now. I'm not the innocent, pure, naïve, girl that you used and stepped all over. I told you before, didn't I? I'm going to make you so regretful that you will wish to die.
This is my scene right now. I'm discovering myself to such lengths that I am no longer the person you once knew. I'm different now – and I'm going to show you!
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Cute
"I think 'cute' is such a vague word."
"Cute" was not the way to describe her. I used to think of her as makeup-less, boring, and plain. But once I saw her with blond hair (so it was a wig, so what?), blue eyes (all right, they were contacts), and that long white, lacy dress, my previous description of her changed.
"Cute" was not the way to describe her. There was no word to describe her now. No matter what word I used – gorgeous, beautiful, magnificent, lovely, pretty, attractive, stunning, dazzling, elegant, brilliant, fabulous – none of them could even come close to what I saw!
Aside from not being able to describe her, how can you describe this feeling inside of me?
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I Miss You
"When I can't see you, I don't know if something's happened to you."
I always want to be there to protect her. I know, that's impossible. Our work separates us, calling us to be in different places at different times.
I always want to hold her. I know, that's impossible. She doesn't feel the same way as I do. I am not strong enough yet to fully keep my feelings entirely in check.
It hurts me when you don't tell me the full truth, or if something is about him.
And after you leave me, or I leave you, I can't help it. I miss you.
I guess that's love, right?
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A Younger Woman
"It's not like I fell in love with you because of your age."
She's only four years younger than me, and yet I am bound to a chain that keeps me from her. There was a chain from the start. This chain drew me to you, closer and closer. First I admired your perseverance. Then I found myself struggling, and it was you who helped me discover what I was missing. What I was missing was you. I needed someone to love to know what it was like to be in love.
Then I heard what that chicken said: "'Falling in love'…it's a feeling that can't be described in words. Little things can make you happy. Hearing a beloved voice…recognizing a familiar silhouette…meeting each other's eyes…all of those bring happiness. Just by staring at her face, no matter how weary you are, deep inside your heart, you will feel warmth that spreads to the surface. This is a 'piece of joy' or better yet, 'love'."
I want you, yet I can't have you.
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Suddenly
"Love always happens so suddenly."
How did this happen? My feelings towards her was usually, "You're mine. I'll always have a place in your heart because you belong to me." When did it happen? Was it when we were growing up? Was it when you were dressed up as an angel? Was it when I knew the Beagles were stalking you? Was it when I could only think of your safety?
At some point, all I could think of was you. All of those songs I wrote were about you. You, you, you… Suddenly, it feels like we have switched places. You're using me, and everything I do has you in mind.
I can't help it if I suddenly fell in love with you.
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Together
"I just wanted to have something in common with that boy."
Before, I didn't feel happy unless I was with him. My whole existence was dedicated to him. Whatever he hated, I hated. Whatever he liked, I liked. I always wanted to be by his side. I believed that everything else around us was meaningless.
That's so terrible. I was used and thrown aside as if I was a washcloth. I sacrificed myself for him. I made myself hate the same people so he would like me. Still, in the end, it was not enough. That's all changed now. I'm not with him anymore. I can like and hate whomever I want on my own accord!
I know you hate him, but I admire him. You can't influence me any more when we are not together.
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Pretty
"Today's the day I want to look my prettiest!"
I didn't care what I looked like before. Now I do. As an actress, one should always be at her prettiest. Too much makeup makes me look terrible. Too little makes me look bland. I have finally found how much I need to put on to be "pretty."
I know when I have done it right when he turns his head to look at me. He always has an expression that I am all too familiar with. He smiles and there is always a hypnotized look of wonder in his eyes. So when I come to work with my hair disheveled and no makeup at all, he still has that look in his expression.
Then he makes me feel like I am already at my prettiest no matter how dreadful I may look.
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Insecure
"I love him, but maybe he doesn't feel the same way."
When I first realized my feelings, I was shocked. All of those times I mistook them as respect and admiration, it was actually more than that! Now whenever I talk to him, it is hard to hold up. I cannot help but think, "Does he feel the same way?" He has always treated me with such kindness, despite his annoying teasing and mind games.
He has done something for me that I am incredibly grateful for. If something is broken once, the pieces can be mended back together, but it will never be the same. Falling in love with him has been smoothing the cracks and polishing it as if it was still new. He has given me back the one emotion I needed to survive in this industry. He has given me back the desire to love another person.
And that person is you.
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Courage
"I found the courage because today was a special day."
I have been so nervous before in my life. My real emotions can be hidden, but this is something I can no longer hide. No matter how many times I am told to calm down, I can't do it. I want it to be the perfect situation. It has to be so perfect for a life changing moment for my life and hers.
All I am going to do is call her up and ask her to meet me somewhere. I want it to be somewhere public where everyone can see. I want it to be somewhere public where I can announce how much I love her. In that moment, I'm going to reveal the small box, open it up, and ask her:
"Will you marry me?"
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Normal
"How do all of those couples cross the threshold from 'love' into marriage?"
I hate sitting in public places where couples gather. It makes me sick to my stomach. No matter how much I try flirting with older women, I feel like I can't do it anymore. The only one I really want is her. I guess that it is normal to fall in love with your childhood friend, then get married, start a family, and live together faithfully for the rest of your lives… No, that sounds too much like a clichéd story.
When I look at those couples in love, there are times when I can't help but imagine what would happen if I treated her better. She would probably have put effort into looking pretty. I probably would have been in love with her a lot sooner. Then we probably would have followed that stupid, predictable story. If she and I did get married, would things still be the same? We lived together for so long that we knew what the other liked and disliked. We could reach each other like a book.
Somehow, if there were some slight chance we could be together again, I would treat her so much better than I ever did. After all, I'm in love her.
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Apart
"When we're this far apart, we can't even hold hands."
We have never been this far apart before. The farthest we have ever been was the distance between our houses when we were kids. After I turned you away, it was a little strange not having you around me all the time. Slowly I got used to it, but when you started getting stalked, I suddenly wished you were back with me.
When I am reminded of you, I wonder how you are doing. I wonder if you are with that man I really hate. You know, in another world, you and I would be in high school and holding hands. We would always be together, and I would never let go. Ever.
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Marriage
"I feel like I'm turning into someone completely different."
Marriage is difficult. It takes both the husband and wife to compromise and reach a united decision. Since marrying her, it has been hard to reach that decision. I'm always out working and coming home late. When I come home to her, I always find dinner wrapped up and left on the table. She is always on the couch, sound asleep, and waiting for me. The only time we do see each other is in the morning before we both set off for work.
It makes me feel guilty about not seeing her for so long. I made a commitment to her. I vowed to stay by her side. So why am I putting my work before her? Don't worry. I'm still the same man you fell in love with. From now on, I will always put aside time in my busy schedule for you and the family that will follow.
Hello again, and thank you for reading! Thank goodness I am finally done with this one-shot! It took me a little while because this story was a little different than the ones I'm so used to writing. As I said at the very beginning, this is based off of CLAMP's work "The One I Love" or "Watashi no Sukinahito". I used the same titles and quotes from the manga. I only changed the original title of "A Younger Man" to "A Younger Woman" to make the aspect fit Skip Beat.
This story accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. I wanted the aspects to be short and not go into very great detail. I was rather surprised when I saw I had written completely in stream-of-consciousness. I also wanted the narrator to remain somewhat ambiguous and a mystery. I'll give you kudos if you can tell me who is the narrator for each aspect and who their thoughts and love is directed at. Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you will look forward to my future works!