Because Of What Haunts Me
Stiles was running. He was running through the woods as if his life depended on it. And it probably did, considering that an evil witch was chasing him. Stiles threw a glance over his shoulder to see where the witch was. The night was dark and there was hardly any moonlight. Nevertheless Stiles could make out a shape not far behind him. "Damn it, she is gaining on me," Stiles thought. Panicked he turned around again and started running even faster. Which was probably the reason why he did not see the tree root in his path. He stumbled and fell down. A searing pain went through his right ankle. In spite of the pain Stiles got back up quickly. His fall had cost him valuable seconds though and the witch was almost on him. As she was coming closer and closer, Stiles heard her muttering some kind of spell in Latin. At least he assumed it was Latin. "Lydia would know," he thought. He couldn't properly run anymore because he didn't dare to put too much weight on his right foot. And then suddenly there was no escaping the witch any longer, she stood right in front of him, extended her arms towards him and cast her spell. All of a sudden Stiles felt pain like he had never known it before. His whole body was on fire and it was like ants were crawling all over him. Stiles started to get dizzy and nauseous from the pain and in the distance he heard someone screaming. He recognized the voice and suddenly he knew that it was he that was screaming. He started to black out and then felt more than saw himself falling into a gaping black abyss. Just when he thought that he would crash to the bottom of the abyss, which would probably lead to even more pain, he felt himself surging upwards accompanied by an even louder scream. And that's when he woke up.
Stiles' heart was pounding in his chest and the t-shirt and sweat pants he slept in were drenched in sweat. It took him a minute to get his bearing and figure out where he was. "Just another nightmare," he thought, "I'm okay".
Or at least as okay as a person can be who has nightmares every single night. Deaton had warned them of the consequences of the spell they did to save their parents. He had warned them about the darkness around their hearts. However, Stiles would never have thought that the ritual would affect his sleep the way it did.
First there had been the insomnia which had driven Stiles nearly insane. He had been this close to taking sleeping pills, even though his shrink (yup he was seeing a shrink now, his dad had insisted on it) said that Adderall and sleeping pills did not mix. He had been so desperate that he had even texted Derek asking for advice during the long hours of the night when he was awake. Of course the sourwolf had not texted him back, typical. Stiles wasn't even sure if Derek still used this cell number.
So Stiles kept texting and texting him, turning these texts into a sort of diary, telling Derek (or rather cyberspace) about his day, what had happened to him, to whom he had talked, what Scott was up to and how he was dealing with his new Alpha status. Writing all this down had been cathartic for Stiles and made him a bit calmer in the evening. However, sleep still eluded him and he kept asking Derek if he knew of some herb or tea which would help him fall asleep. He was insistent and tenacious and one day Derek apparently couldn't take Stiles' texts anymore because he finally answered Stiles, told him to ask Deaton about valerian root tea and told him to take care. At first Stiles was so relieved that Derek finally answered him, he forgot to be mad at Derek for not telling him anything about himself. Although, come to think of it, that could be expected from the former Alpha, his shrink would have a field day with Derek's trust issues. Stiles told Deaton about his insomnia and that Derek had suggested valerian root tea. Deaton was worried about Stiles and agreed that he should give the tea a try. He even had some at the animal clinic, which he gave to Stiles.
The first couple of nights the tea did not seem to work, Stiles' insomnia was as strong as ever and Stiles was starting to get desperate. However, from the third night onwards he experienced an improvement. He didn't fall asleep immediately when he went to bed, but it took him much less time now to fall asleep. So he continued taking the tea and finally getting some much needed rest again. He was so grateful that he texted Derek back a simple thank you and refrained from giving him shit about not telling him anything else or for taking so long to reply.
So for a few weeks Stiles' life almost went back to normal. But then the nightmares started and that's when things went to hell.
"Stiles, are you listening? I'm talking to you." Scott's voice seemed to come out of nowhere and Stiles jumped.
"Geez, Scott, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Announce yourself next time, will you?" Stiles exclaimed while closing his locker.
Scott frowned and looked at him with concern in his eyes.
"I did," Scott said, "I've been talking to you for a few minutes now. Apparently you did not hear me. I'm really started to get worried about you, Stiles. You are jumpy and anxious all the time and you walk around like a zombie. Maybe you should take the sleeping pills after all. You cannot go on like this."
Stiles only stared at his best friend. He did have a point, he was looking terrible these days. The insomnia and the constant nightmares were taking their toll.
"I'll discuss it with my shrink again," Stiles said, more to placate Scott. He had no intention of taking sleeping pills, they freaked him out too much. Plus he was sure he would get addicted to them pretty fast and then he would really look like a zombie.
"Speaking of Dr. Barker, I should get going, I have an appointment. See you later, buddy," Stiles said as he was walking away from Scott. No it was more like fleeing, he actually did not have an appointment today, he just wanted to be alone. He couldn't take Scott's constant concern and he always felt ashamed when he saw how well Scott and Allison were dealing with their darkness. He was clearly the one out of the three who was failing here. He did not know why the ritual had affected him the most but it seemed that was his cross to bear.
Stiles left the school and walked to his car. Having lied to Scott about his doctor's appointment, he had no idea where to go now. He didn't feel like going home, knowing his dad would probably be there and he couldn't deal with his worrying today, Scott's had been enough. He got into his car and drove off. He turned on the radio and listened to the music, not really knowing or caring where he was going. It was a dark and cloudy day and it looked like it was gonna rain soon so he didn't feel like driving to the woods and taking a walk, as he sometimes did to clear his head. He didn't really focus, he was so tired he was lucky he didn't run off the road. Before he knew it he was suddenly in the parking lot of Derek's loft. Or rather the loft that used to be Derek's home. Stiles sighed, if he was really honest with himself he had to admit that he missed the sourwolf a lot and he missed hanging out at his place. Stiles didn't know if the loft had been rented out to new tenants and decided to take a look. It was not like he had anything better to do.
As Stiles was riding up to the loft in the elevator, he felt his throat go dry. The memories of all the time he had spent in that place rushed at him, all the plotting and scheming with Derek and the others or when he had provided some tiny bit of comfort to Derek on that fateful day when Boyd died. He had had the impression that day that even in his grief and utter despair Derek was a bit grateful that Stiles had been there putting his hand on Derek's shoulder. Or maybe that had just been wishful thinking on Stiles' part because of his own unadmitted feelings for the werewolf. He tried to repress these feelings as best as he could because he knew that Derek would never return them but he didn't always succeed. Certainly not in his dreams and fantasies about Derek where he was doing things to and with the older man that made him blush when he thought about them during the daytime. Since Derek had left, Stiles was having a better grip on his crush (or whatever it was). He missed him like crazy sure, but not seeing him every day made denying his true feelings a bit easier.
The elevator stopped on Derek's floor with a loud rumble. Stiles pushed open the doors and stepped into the hallway, feeling very nervous all of a sudden. He walked up to Derek's loft, checking the name plate next to the doorbell. There was no new name mentioned. The name plate still said "D. Hale". Stiles softly rubbed his finger across Derek's name, slightly smiling to himself and feeling relieved that no new tenants lived in Derek's place. As he was moving his feet off the welcome mat in front of the door, he felt something move underneath. He bent down and lifted up the welcome mat, seeing a shiny silver key lying on the floor. "What the hell?" Stiles thought. Did Derek leave an extra key behind? Or did he forget that key was there? Was he still paying rent for this place?
After a moment's hesitation Stiles picked up the key, put it into the lock and turned it around. The front door of Derek's loft opened smoothly. Cautiously Stiles peered inside, seeing nothing but a big empty apartment. Nevertheless he closed the door and walked further into the loft. Dim light was coming through the row of windows in the main room, providing Stiles with just enough light to walk around. He examined the entire room and the bathroom but didn't find anything. He hesitated when he came to the spiral staircase. He had never been up there, it was where Derek, Cora and Isaac's bedrooms had been when they still lived here. The second floor had always been off limits to him, but screw it, Derek was not here anymore.
He turned on the flashlight app on his smartphone and slowly started walking up the dark stairs. There were three bedrooms up here and another bathroom. The first two rooms he checked were completely empty. His heart was pounding as he approached the third room. "This must be Derek's bedroom," he thought, "it's the one the farthest away from the staircase, providing the most privacy." Stiles knew how important privacy was to Derek. Carefully he pressed the door handle and slowly entered the room. What he saw made him suck in his breath. This room was not empty, not in the slightest. There was a big comfortable bed covered in sheets and pillows that took up most of the space, accompanied by two bedside tables. There was also a wardrobe, a desk and a chair. Stiles opened the wardrobe and saw clothes and shoes in it. What did this mean? Was Derek coming back here after all? The thought made his heart beat faster. Sometimes Derek's absence hurt him all over and made it hard for him to breathe. Maybe he should have told Derek how he felt about him after all. Maybe he would have stayed. And maybe not and he would hurt even more than he was hurting now.
Depressed, Stiles sat down on Derek's bed, surprised at how soft and comfy it was. As he sat there Stiles realized how tired he really was. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, longing to lie down on Derek's bed. Maybe he could sleep here. It was not like anyone else was using this bed, he thought bitterly. As he was lying down in the middle of the bed, Stiles noticed a faint smell coming from the pillows and the sheets. He sniffed them and nearly fainted with relief. They still smelled of Derek. Even if he didn't have werewolf senses Stiles would know his scent anywhere. Stiles buried his face in the pillows and covered himself with the sheets so that he was completely surrounded by Derek's scent. The scent was so comforting to Stiles and made him feel so safe and relaxed that it did not take long before he fell into a deep sleep.
It became a sort of ritual for Stiles. Every day after school he would make up some sort of excuse to his friends so that he could sneak off to Derek's apartment and catch up on some sleep. He still didn't sleep well or rather hardly at all in his own bed so the few hours he actually did sleep in Derek's bed did wonders for his physical and mental wellbeing. Of course Scott was rather curious and suspicious about Stiles disappearing on him all the time and started peppering Stiles with all these questions about a girl being involved, etc. Stiles vehemently denied this and just said he needed some time to himself to deal with his inner darkness. Scott didn't push him too hard after that, for which Stiles was grateful because he hated lying to his best friend. However, there was just no way he could have told Scott the truth, it was just too embarrassing and revealing. He just couldn't tell Scott that the only time he felt any peace and could really relax was in Derek's bed with sheets and pillows that still smelled of him. Scott would have wanted to talk about what this all meant, would have wanted to know if Stiles had feelings for Derek and Stiles was just not ready for that particular discussion. So he kept his afternoon naps a secret for now.
Things continued like this for a few months. One afternoon Stiles was particularly tired because he had been lying awake all night because he couldn't shut off his brain. This night it wasn't nightmares that kept him up but his brain torturing him with pictures of Derek. Stiles was missing him so much that it physically hurt. So after school Stiles had driven over to Derek's apartment in a haze, yawning and almost falling asleep at the wheel. He sighed with relief as he opened Derek's door and dragged himself up the stairs. He plumbed down on Derek's bed and was fast asleep within seconds.
Some kind of noise startled Stiles out of his deep sleep. "What was that?" he thought. Derek's apartment was usually very quiet, you didn't hear anything from the street and the neighbors were hardly ever around, certainly not during the day. Still hazy with sleep, Stiles looked at his watch. 6 pm. Wow he had slept for over 3 hours.
Suddenly Stiles heard the noise again, it came from downstairs. "Somebody must be breaking in," Stiles thought in a panic. Quickly he searched Derek's bedroom for some kind of weapon. All he found was a baseball bat. Well better than nothing. Stiles grabbed the bat and opened the bedroom door as quietly as possible. He listened for a second and then moved silently down the hallway. Just as he was getting ready to go down the stairs, a person emerged from the spiral staircase. Stiles nearly dropped his bat, he was so startled. He recovered quickly though and raised his bat higher, getting into an attack position.
"Jeez Stiles, what do you think you are doing with my bat?" asked a voice that Stiles would have known anywhere. This time he did drop the bat, he was so shocked. And then he stood in front of him, the guy he had been dreaming and fantasizing about for months: Derek, looking better than ever and wearing a sarcastic grin on his face.
"I …. uhm …. What are you doing here, Derek?" Stiles finally managed to stammer.
"You mean in my own apartment?" Derek asked while raising an eyebrow.
"Eh yes. I thought you were gone for good," Stiles said accusingly.
"I never said that I wouldn't be coming back. I just needed to spend some time with my sister, away from here where everything happened with Jennifer and Boyd," Derek replied, turning serious.
"Yes of course that makes sense," Stiles said in a somber voice.
"I think the more interesting question is, what are you doing here, Stiles?" Derek asked.
Stiles blushed and mumbled something about trying to keep an eye on the place so that people wouldn't break in but he could tell that Derek did not believe him.
"Come on, Stiles, you can tell me the truth," Derek said with a concerned look on his face. It was that look that made Stiles break down and he told Derek the whole story about his afternoon naps in Derek's bed, about his constant insomnia and nightmares. Derek looked more and more worried as the story continued.
"I didn't know it was that bad," Derek finally said after Stiles had finished talking.
"What do you mean, I texted you about it all the time," Stiles said indignantly.
"Didn't the tea help you at all?" Derek asked.
"Eventually it helped a bit with the falling asleep part. Unfortunately, it did not stop the nightmares," Stiles replied.
"I'm sorry, Stiles, I would have come sooner if I had known it was this bad," Derek said softly. His eyes were full of concern and something else that Stiles couldn't quite put his finger on. He looked into Derek's beautiful eyes and nearly drowned in them. They kept staring at each other for a few seconds longer than was polite. Derek was the first to avert his gaze.
"So, I'm happy that you managed to find some sleep here then at least," Derek said. He sounded nervous, Stiles thought. Why would Derek be nervous? Stiles was confused and slightly embarrassed.
"Yeah well, now that you are back, I guess I will have to find someplace else for my afternoon naps," Stiles said sheepishly.
"Why is that? I don't mind having you over here. Anything I can do to help you overcome your sleep issues," Derek replied while not meeting Stiles' eyes. Stiles was stunned.
"Who are you and what have you done with Derek?" he blurted out.
"What do you mean?" Derek asked frowning.
"Well, I don't remember you being this helpful and friendly is all," Stiles retorted.
"Yeah well, maybe I changed," Derek said, clearly being uncomfortable with the whole conversation. "I mean, it's fine if you don't want to come over anymore. I just thought I was doing you a favor. But if you don't want to, fine, whatever." Derek sounded peeved.
"Whoa, no need to get so snippy, mister," Stiles said placatingly while thinking to himself that this sounded more like the Derek he remembered. "I'm grateful for the offer and will gladly take you up on it. However, it's getting late and I should get home before my dad gets worried. So see you tomorrow afternoon, sourwolf?" Stiles grinned at Derek.
"I'd love for you to forget that nickname," Derek grumbled.
"Why would I when it bothers you so much?" Stiles asked in a teasing voice. "Okay I'm outta here. See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Stiles."
Derek watched Stiles go down the stairs and out of his apartment. Derek walked down the hallway and into his bedroom. The pillows and sheets on his bed were all messed up from Stiles sleeping there. Derek sat down with a sigh. He tried to resist the temptation to sniff the pillows and sheets but it didn't take long before he succumbed and lay down on the bed. His werewolf senses were on overload, his sense of smell was inundated with Stiles' scent, it was everywhere and it was a heady experience for Derek. Maybe coming back to Beacon Hills had been a mistake. So far he had been able to keep his confusing feelings for Stiles in check, but he didn't know if he could continue doing that, what with Stiles coming over every afternoon. But maybe, a little voice inside his head whispered, a voice he usually suppressed, just maybe this could be a chance for the two of them. He knew that Stiles was attracted to him, even if he tried to hide it of course. But Stiles didn't stand a chance against Derek's werewolf senses which had picked up on Stiles' arousal on several occasions. Also, that whole story of Stiles only being able to sleep in Derek's bed gave Derek hope. Stiles was 18 now so he wouldn't be doing anything criminal if he and Stiles started dating. Of course Derek had no idea if that was what Stiles wanted. He knew Stiles wanted him sexually, but maybe that was as far as Stiles' feelings for him went. He was a horny teenager after all.
Derek's feelings for Stiles, when he admitted them to himself, which was rare enough, went much deeper. At first he had felt nothing but strong irritation and frustration towards Stiles. But then somehow over time his feelings for Stiles had slowly changed. He kept being impressed with how smart Stiles was and how brave. He never just sat back and let the werewolves do all the work. He always wanted to be involved and help out wherever he could, despite his limitation as a human being. Derek started feeling protective towards Stiles and he even started to appreciate his sense of humor, which at first had so annoyed him. And then when Boyd died and Stiles had put his hand on Derek's shoulder in a simple gesture of comfort, something in Derek broke and he realized that he had fallen in love with Stiles. Stiles was the only person he was always happy to see, the only person who made him feel something other than rage. It was unfortunate that he had to leave town with his sister because he had missed Stiles like crazy when he was gone but it had done Cora and him some good to be away from Beacon Hills. But now that he was back, who knew? Maybe he and Stiles actually had a shot. If he ever got over all his emotional baggage and managed to open up to Stiles, that is. What were the chances of that?
Depressed and tired from his trip, Derek pulled the sheets smelling of Stiles over himself and snuggled into a pillow. Stiles' scent was so soothing and comforting that he fell asleep instantly.
The next day Stiles was even more hyper than usual. People threw him funny looks and Scott looked at him full of concern.
"Dude, did you forget to take your Adderall this morning? You are all over the place," Scott said to Stiles on their lunch break.
"Yeah I forgot. I overslept and had to hurry to get to school on time," Stiles replied.
He hated lying to his best friend again but there was no way he could tell him the truth. The truth was that Stiles had hardly slept last night because he kept thinking about Derek and about how he would see him again today. He was nervous and excited and apparently, despite having taken his Adderall, extremely hyper. He had been so surprised the day before when Derek told him that he could come back to his apartment even though Derek was living there again. When had the sourwolf become so helpful? Or was there more to it than that? He could have sworn that there had been something in Derek's eyes yesterday that suggested more than just being a helpful friend. But no, that could not be. Why would big, tough and butch Derek Hale feel anything for him? Plus he had never given any indication that he was into guys. But then again Derek was very private and secretive and rarely shared something personal so who knew? Stiles decided to pay extra attention to Derek's behavior today, maybe he could figure out why he seemed so changed in his attitude towards Stiles.
Stiles managed to get through the school day somehow and sneaked out as soon as the bell rang. As he was driving over to Derek's place, he tried to figure out how he should approach Derek. It was probably a bad idea to be blunt and tell Derek that he thought there was something going on between them. Derek would either flee or punch him so that option was out. After much debate with himself, Stiles decided to try to be as normal as possible and treat Derek like he always had.
As he knocked on Derek's door, Stiles felt his hands sweating and wiped them off on his jeans. His heart was beating like crazy. He took a deep breath to calm himself down.
And then there he stood in all his glory: Derek. Apparently, he just been working out because he was shirtless and sweaty and breathing hard. Stiles felt his mouth go dry and as he was staring at Derek's perfectly sculpted abs his cock gave a twitch. Derek smiled at Stiles, giving no indication that he knew exactly how affected Stiles was by his half-nakedness.
"Stiles, there you are. Come on in," Derek said holding the door open.
Stiles swallowed and entered the apartment tentatively. Derek walked into the living room, took a towel from the couch and started to dry himself off. Stiles couldn't stop staring at Derek's naked torso. Derek opened a window.
"Sorry, I have been working out, so the air is a bit ripe in here," Derek said. Stiles was still speechless.
"Hey, are you okay? You are not usually this quiet," Derek asked with concern.
"I'm, yes, I'm fine," Stiles finally managed to stammer.
"Okay then, you want to go upstairs and take your nap?" Derek asked. "I'm just gonna take a quick shower and then I'll be downstairs, if you need me."
Stiles was completely confused. Was Derek flirting with him? What was that line about needing him about? And why did he have to tell Stiles that he was gonna take a shower? Now Stiles had the image of a naked Derek soaping himself up and touching himself everywhere in his head. How was he supposed to get any sleep now?
Sighing, Stiles followed Derek up the stairs. Derek went into the bathroom and closed the door while Stiles walked to the end of the hallway and entered the bedroom. Derek had made the bed and already lowered the blinds. He really was trying to be helpful. The thought made Stiles smile. He lay down on the bed and was instantly greeted by Derek's much more potent smell. Of course he had slept in his bed last night, no wonder the sheets smelled so heavenly. Stiles tried to calm down, slow his breathing and most of all get his erection under control. But as hard as he tried to push the images of a naked Derek in the shower out of his mind, the images kept on coming and made it impossible for him to control his arousal.
Finally he decided that there was no use and he gave in to his fantasies. He reached down and started stroking himself and fantasizing about Derek, what he looked like naked glistening with water, how he was touching himself, how he was touching and stroking his cock and thinking of Stiles, how he started pumping faster and faster until he came shouting Stiles' name. Stiles moved his hand faster and faster, almost reaching his climax, precum already leaking from his cock when he suddenly heard a noise.
Startled, he opened his eyes and almost had a heart attack. In the doorway to the bedroom there was Derek, dressed only in a towel around his waist, grinning at Stiles. Stiles turned bright red, grabbed his boxers and pulled them over his erect, exposed cock.
"What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be sleeping," Derek teased.
"What do you think I'm doing? Ever heard of knocking or not, you know, disturbing a guy while he is jerking off?" Stiles shouted, pissed off now.
Derek just kept grinning and making Stiles even madder.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Get out of here!" Stiles yelled at Derek, fully aware that he was kicking Derek out of his own bedroom.
"You know, Stiles, there is a much more satisfying way of doing this," Derek whispered in a low and sexy voice.
Stiles just stared at him, unable to form a coherent thought. Derek slowly walked into the room and over to the bed where Stiles was lying. Derek sat down next to Stiles and looked into his eyes. Apparently he saw something there that gave him permission because he reached out and softly stroked Stiles' cheek and then his lips. Stiles gasped and got lost in Derek's beautiful eyes which were dark with lust now. Could this really be happening? Everything he had dreamed and fantasized about for months? Derek leaned in and kissed Stiles on the lips, softly and tenderly at first and then more and more hungrily and passionately. Stiles opened his mouth and let Derek's tongue enter. The moment their tongues met, Stiles' erection was back in full force. Derek moaned and kept kissing Stiles like he wanted to devour him. Stiles still could not quite believe that this was happening. He, Stiles Stilinski, had just made Derek Hale moan! It was like a dream.
After what seemed like an eternity but was still too soon for Stiles' liking, Derek broke the kiss and looked at Stiles full of affection.
"I have wanted to do that for ages," Derek admitted quietly, continuing to touch Stiles.
"You what?" Stiles exclaimed in surprise. "You have kept that well-hidden," Stiles grumbled. "And I guess you know all about my wanting you, what with your creepy werewolf senses and all."
"Yes Stiles, I have known for a while but I chose not to act on it because you were underage. But you are 18 now and I just could not hold back any longer. Not when you are lying in my bed touching yourself and thinking of me. You were thinking of me just now, right?" Derek asked, suddenly nervous that he had misjudged the situation.
"Yes I was thinking of you, Derek," Stiles admitted, overwhelmed by Derek baring so much of himself.
"You are all I have been thinking about since we met," Stiles whispered, hoping he would not freak Derek out with so much honesty. But Derek just sighed with relief and took Stiles in his arms.
"So what does this mean?" Stiles asked while snuggling into Derek's strong arms.
"It means that we can start dating if you want. Or if you just want to have sex, we can do that too. But for me this thing between you and me is about more than just sex. I would really like to get to know you and date you, if you think you can stand going out with such an old and screwed up guy," Derek replied with a nervous laugh, unsure of himself.
Stiles was stunned. This was way better than his fantasies. Yes he was in love with Derek but he never would have imagined that his feelings would be requited. He looked Derek squarely in the eyes and said, "Yes of course I want to date you! I never thought that this was what you wanted!"
"Well it is," Derek replied and started kissing Stiles again. Pretty soon they were both breathing heavily and this time it was Stiles who broke the kiss.
"Mmm Derek?"
"Yes Stiles?"
"There is just one thing. Can we take it slow? I have never had sex before, with a guy or a girl, so I'm a bit nervous." Stiles turned bright red again when he said those words, but he decided it was best to keep being honest with Derek. Derek looked at him full of love.
"Of course, Stiles, we can take it as slow as you want. You just tell me when you are ready, okay?"
"Okay, thanks."
Stiles laid his head on Derek's chest and couldn't believe his luck. He had never been this happy in his entire life. Derek was stroking his hair and occasionally putting little kisses on Stiles' head. Stiles felt so warm, safe and loved in Derek's arms that despite his best intention to stay awake, he eventually fell asleep anyway, knowing that Derek would be there to comfort him should he have a nightmare. But somehow Stiles very much doubted that he would ever have a nightmare again while he slept in Derek's arms.