"Commander Shepard. Alliance Navy."
The words haunted him; provoked him. Stupid decisions, questions that could never be answered and a dream never to be fulfilled. Kaidan had been around but, dealing with death had never been a strong point.
"No matter what happens, I will always love you."
It was that, those simple words that seemed to echo in his ears more often than not. The gentle touch of her fingers to his skin and time had seemed to slow as the world burned around them. He would never had known that that would be the last time he'd ever set his eyes on her again.
It was four in the morning. The Normandy rocked as they moved through space, traveling at the sort of pace that he was so used to- it never seemed to be a problem before now. But that was before Shepard died. That was before his world was sent to the most sudden halt he had ever felt. It was the exact same place he sat almost 3 years ago. The same place he sat when Rahna saw a monster- the same one who saw Vyrnnus draw his final breath and know that he would never harm her again.
He sighed at the thought, rose. stepped out of the crew quarters and walked with soft feet to the men's restroom. As he washed his face, he thought about Shepard and wondered what she would say if she saw him like this. He was a ghost in the halls. He saw no one and felt nothing. The sting of her dea-
No, not death. She would come back. She had to come back. Shepard always came back.
She would never leave him like this. Never. He had to come to terms. He had to face where they had laid. He had to face the essence of Shepard again.
He stepped into the elevator and let his memory guide him. His fingers pressing the first button on the console. The elevator climbed up- it seemed to be forever- and halted hard when it came to his stop. As the metal doors cleared, he faced the door and moved his fingers to let it trigger open.
The bed was intact. Her makeup- the little she wore- intact too. Her papers, computer, files. Everything about her was there. It was like she never left. Like she was just on the Citadel and would be back in a few hours. A temporary vacation after destroying the Reapers, the easiest way to escape instead of dealing with the political fallout. The ramifications of her actions would be intense, it would be insane. And so she just… left. Yeah. Left. To avoid dealing with it.
"She's gone." he said, outloud, shutting off any indication that she was around in the first place. Curbing any thoughts of her returning and destroying them.
"Is she?" the soft voice rose from behind him. It echoed against the metal walls.
"She has to be. She would have returned by now. There would be something, Liara. Something." He whispered, his hands grazing her data pad.
"It's too early to tell, Kaidan. Reparations have to be made. They have to look for the rema-"
"Liara. She isn't dead. She can't be dead. I feel like… I feel like I would know."
Liara rest a hand on his shoulder and her fingers curled to squeeze the muscle. "I can't help but agree."
"I just.. I want them to find her. Just seeing her would give some closure."
"She would… she would be here, wouldn't she? She would say that it would all be alright and the Reapers have paid for their crimes against this galaxy." She sighed, putting her head in her hands. "Kaidan, I found her once. We're going to get her back and give her the burial she deserves."
"She's alive." he whispered, harshly and tinted with aggravation. "I will find her."