Hehe. I've wanted to write this forever. The story is just for a little laugh. This will probably only be two chapters long. Have fun reading! Please read and review.
Oh, and Harry Potter or anything related in this story does not belong to me. Only my plot and insane ideas can I claim.
Summary: A muggle magazine about Dumbledore's revealed homosexuality sets off a paling Ron, a fuming Snape, and a very confused Dumbledore. He doesn't know he's gay… or does he? Parody of Dumbledore's revealed orientation
Rated K+ for references to the hotness of Snape and sexual orientation
Chapter One: But He's… Dumbledore
"Hey, Ron!" Harry whispered.
"Shhh! Snape may hear you!" Hermione scolded Harry and turned back to Snape's lecture to catch up with any notes she may have missed in those few seconds she spoke.
"But I found out that Dumbledore is gay!"
"Noooo!" Ron said in disbelief. "Are you sure it's true?"
"You didn't know about that? I swear, it was so obvious," Hermione said a matter-of-fact, still taking notes. "It was all over the muggle news."
"But… he's… Dumbledore…" Ron slowly said, as if that would explain it all.
"It was obvious, Hermione?" Harry commented, doubt etching his every word.
"Well, of course. He never seemed interested in the female population. And I could remember him eyeing a few guys…"
Ron's face paled.
"Like who?" Harry's curiosity picked up.
"Well, Snape, of course."
Ron looked as white as a ghost.
"What do you mean 'Of course'?" Harry gaped at Hermione in horror.
"Oh, come on. Snape is not bad looking. If it wasn't for his snarky attitude," she paused to dip her quill in some ink and continued with her notes, "he would be one of the hottest teachers around. He's in great shape and he has nice assets as well. Why, just the other day, some of the girls were talking about how his voice sounds so-"
Ron whimpered, pleading silently to the gods to get something to shut Hermione up.
"Stop. I'd rather not hear why someone would even try to fancy Snape of all people." Harry shuddered at the thought.
Ron gave Harry a grateful look and thanked the gods ten-fold.
"Well, you were the one who wanted to know who Dumbledore had his eye on," Hermione huffed.
"But isn't Dumbledore a little old to be liking anyone?!"
"Don't be daft, Harry. Dumbledore is too smart to carry out any of his interests. Think of what the 'Daily Prophet' would say! Rita Skeeter would have a field day!"
"You two can't be serious," Ron finally spoke up. "He's… Dumbledore!"
Hermione sighed, irritated. "Just because he's Dumbledore doesn't mean that he can't have feelings and affections like any other human being!"
"So? He's old and he's… Dumbledore." Ron crossed his arms and stubbornly waited for his best friends to come out of their little insanity. "The muggles are just lying. They don't know any better."
"Really, now? Hermione, do you still have that magazine?" Harry asked.
"Magazine?!"
"Yes. It's in my bag. Right on the top. Get it yourself. I'm not missing these notes," Hermione replied, still scribbling quickly on her parchment.
Harry watched to see if Snape was looking and snagged the magazine in the blink of an eye. He thrust it hurriedly under the table to Ron so that Snape wouldn't see.
"Can you believe it now?!" Harry exclaimed quietly, waiting for Ron's reaction to the magazine cover and article.
Ron's jaw dropped at the cover and was near speechless when he read the article. "But…but…"
"And just WHAT do you think you're doing, Mr. Weasley?!"
The Golden Trio jumped at Snape's voice that came from right behind them and Ron dropped the magazine in fright.
"I never expected you to act like Miss Brown and Miss Patil and bring magazines" he almost spat the word out, "to class. 15 points from Gryffindor."
Just when they thought that would be it…
"And ten points from each of you for gossiping in my class."
The whole Gryffindor section groaned at Snape's ruthlessness. That was 45 points out of their precious score. Ravenclaw and Slytherin were so close to catching up to them now. Malfoy and Zabini traded smirks.
"And now, pay attention! I was in the middle of the crucial point of the explanation of the most dangerous potions!"
The Trio stayed silent and hoped that Snape would walk away… but luck wasn't on their side.
Snape suddenly stopped on his way back to the front of the class when he saw the magazine cover. He quickly picked it up and scanned the article fleetingly, eyes widening when it mentioned Dumbledore's little affair with Grindelwald. They began to pop out when the article began to discuss how Snape might be a good candidate…
"What… In… THE… WORLD!!" his voice rising with each word.
The whole class cringed at Snape's volume.
Snape spun around, his robes practically flying, and glared down at Harry, Hermione, and the ever-paling Ron.
"You, three," he whispered, with the barest constraint of anger, "are coming with me to Dumbledore's office."
None of the poor targeted Gryffindors moved.
"NOW!" Snape roared.
The three Gryffindors ran out, but Malfoy had a little comment.
"Ha! Weasley, I never took you for one to read girly magazines, but I guess it was pretty obvious. I mean, you do stray off course."
The Slytherins all laughed at the gay insinuation, but Snape was livid.
"DETENTION, MR. MALFOY! ONE POINT FROM EACH SNICKERING SLYTHERIN!"
All of the Slytherins instantly shut up. Was this really their Snape that they all loved and adored? Did he really just take points from them?
None of their questions could be answered as Snape had already disappeared from the dungeon.