Hello Hollows fans. Here's another Jenks/Rachel for you. I'm going to try and stay a chapter ahead on posts (HA!) so I already have a second chapter done. My other fic 'Oak Leaves' new chapter is just about done, but to tell the truth I like this plot better so I'm going to be focusing on this one. Mostly 'cause this one actually has a plot. –sigh-
Uh, its M cause there will be sex in later chapters, but this one has a strange plot so I dunno what will happen until it happens. First chappie's a bit emo if I do say so myself. The second one is quite funny though so stick with it. :)
DISCLAIMER: I do not and will never own any plot, character, etc… created by my favourite author Kim Harrison. I'm only writing fan fiction because it's soooo long until February 24th waah.
Storms:
The shadows on my bedroom wall were long as another round of silent tears fell down my cheeks. I was alone, Ivy was staying at her parent's house. Her dad had just died for the first time. Jenks was probably long asleep by now. I felt pathetic, this was the third night in a row I'd done this to myself, but god it was all just too much.
Marshal had left after I told him about my little sessions with Al; ok, maybe that's a little bit of a lie. I had told him to go. I had no right having a boyfriend after what happened to the last two. Ivy and I were just friends now, and I felt like a failure because of it. I could barely meet her eyes anymore; the tension between us was gone only leaving smothering silence and regret.
I watched as more tears filled the corners of my eyes and overflowed onto my wet hair and pillow. Jenks had lost Matalina not long after Al had come for his first visit, he hadn't been the same since. I missed him even though he was still around. I didn't blame him. I was so scared that one day I would wake up and he would be gone all together. He was still Jenks, but I never saw any genuine happiness out of him anymore, he covered his feelings, but in his eyes I knew he was falling apart. His kids were moving away and getting married, leaving him even more alone. It seemed like he had less and less to hold onto. I didn't think I could stand it here if he was gone, it just wouldn't be the same without him. My stomach ached with remorse, and I pulled my knees up to it, trying to stop the pain.
I let out a shuddering sigh; all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and tell him it was ok. I wished he was big again so I could hug him, but it was impossible. He was going to die soon, and my sense of urgency only made me even more depressed. It was a year today that I'd lost Kisten, and I was still dealing with it. I only dated him for a couple months but god, my eyes still welled up whenever I thought about him. I couldn't conceive losing someone I loved so much after ten years, it would rip me apart.
Just thinking about Kist made me suppress another sob, I missed him so much, down to his cocky ass grin, his musky scent, and his warm arms. I couldn't believe I'd been there when he was killed. Anger flashed in my gut for a moment but it was slowly smothered with more sorrow. There was nothing I could do until we found his murderer.
Feeling utterly helpless I wrapped my arms around myself and a sob racked my body and escaped into the silence of my lonely dark bedroom. I tried to suppress the noise but finally gave up. No one was here to hear it anyways. Ignoring my now openly flowing tears, I stared out my window wishing for something to change; something that I could fix, something that I could touch and not feel guilty about. My brain was telling me to suck it up, there were so many people worse off then I was and I was lying here in bed crying my heart out about things that I couldn't change.
Deeper, however was this pain that I'd never dealt with, the loss, the lack of companionship, the scary stuff I'd never dealt with until now came pouring back, and I cried for it, however delayed it was. God I even missed my dad… I released another sob and took a deep breath, feeling weak and stupid.
"Rache, you okay?" The familiar voice made me jump as the door to my room was eased open, but I didn't turn around, instead I wiped my tears away, embarrassed, as waited for pixy wings to buzz in my ear.
I nodded, not turning around, "Yeah, I'm fine, just, gimme a minute, is there something wrong?" I covered, blinking back the remaining tears and wiping my nose.
I took a deep breath and got ready to turn when the bed sunk in. I jumped as someone sat down. Shit! Who is that?
Warm arms wrapped around me and for a second I just laid there, shivers going down my spine, nostalgia clouding my brain. Kist… This had to be a dream. The comfort I was getting just seemed so familiar. Warm breath tickled my neck. Realizing I had just snuggled in I jerked and turned around, only to be met with new-leaf green eyes. I jumped.
"Jenks! Shit…" More tears streamed down my face as I took in his familiar features, blond hair, defined cheek bones, small smile… I couldn't help the relief flooding through me and I flung my arms around him. His warmth penetrated my cold body. His comforting green scent eased the tension in my shoulders.
"I missed you so much…" I mumbled, was shaking with relief, and his arms only tightened around me. I was talking to him, but it was more like a confession, a confession to myself, it felt like I was talking to everyone. It was like a dream. This didn't seem real…
"Shh, Rache it's okay…" His voice was smooth, soft. He rubbed his big hands up and down my back as I calmed down. I took a deep breath my senses filling with his familiar green scent. This had to be a dream…
I jerked up to a sitting position and he sat up too, his bare chest shining off the filtered moonlight from the window. "H-how did you…?" My relief turned to shock.
He sent me a small smile, "Ceri says happy birthday…" He stated quietly. I shook my head,
"T-this can't be real, you wouldn't… You'd need my blood." I shook my head, my hand ran quickly over my frizzy curls.
Jenks blushed, "I uh… kind of stole some. I didn't want to ruin the surprise." Looking terribly put-out he ran his hands through his hair, his eyes were guilty when they met mine. I was suddenly very aware of my current attire, a large t-shirt.
My eyes filled again and flooded down my cheeks, "Tink's panties Rachel, stop that…" He reached out and wiped a stray tear off my cheek, only to have new ones form, these were from relief. His finger tips were so warm and smooth. My heart raced as realization came over me, he was real…
"What, what about your kids, the garden?" my mind raced, I was getting a little dizzy, I got up and paced a little bit, glancing back at him to make sure he was still real. He gazed up at me and shrugged, a small smile gracing his lips through the concern, maybe it was just a little amusement shining through. That was the first I'd seen of that in a long time.
"They're moving out, they don't need me anymore and it's not like I'm leaving them. They can take care of the garden just as well…" His voice was sad but resolute. His gold locks shone in the moon light, silhouetting his young features. His muscular chest shone in the faded light, he was in black silk pyjama bottoms. His eyes shone up at me, dead serious.
"But…" I shook my head, still not comprehending fully.
"Rache, I have nothing left being small… My kids need to learn how to live on their own, Mattie… she's… gone." He stopped for a second, his eyes full of sorrow before he sighed and pulled a hand through his shock of curls. "There's been so many times when I wanted to help you and all I could do was try to find help in time. This way I can help, I don't have to worry about losing you or Ivy. I-I love you Rache. I hate hearing you cry and not being able to do anything." He admitted looking down.
I stood there for a moment, stunned, my eyes still pooling with tears. He wanted to take care of me… I slowly walked towards him, and he stood, towering over me once again, his eyes soft as he looked down on me. I reached up and ran a hand through his soft hair before pulling him into a hug. His strong arms enveloped me and I sighed.
"I can't believe you're… that you… Thank you." I mumbled into his neck. His hands came up and stroked my hair, relief slumped my shoulders. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead with soft lips, and then backed off just enough to look me in the eye.
"You're the best partner I've ever had Rache, you think I'm just going to leave you high and dry?" He asked, his eyes softened on my tears. I shook my head, I didn't think he could have sacrificed so much for Ivy and I.
I rubbed my eyes and stared, I couldn't find the words to even begin to describe the relief. "C'mon Rache, I'll get you a glass of water." He stated softly, motioning for me to go through the door first. I walked through numbly.
When we got to the kitchen he poured me a glass of water and I sat on a stool, watching. It was so damned surreal. My eyes stung from all the crying and the lump in my throat made it hurt, but I managed a smile when he handed me the glass. "Thank you." I stated quietly, putting more meaning into it then for just the water.
He smiled, his eyes lighting up genuinely as he sat across from me on his own stool. "You're welcome."
I took a sip of water, feeling almost instantly better as I did. "You surprised the hell out of me, you know that?" I asked feeling more like myself. He chuckled and sent me a cheeky grin.
"That was kind of the point. I was going to wait until both you and Ivy were home at the same time and then just walk in the door, but when I heard you last night too, I decided it was time." He explained.
I felt a blush colour my cheeks, "You heard that huh?" I asked, drinking more water to hide my face. He nodded, clearly sorry he brought it up. He shifted a little on the bar stool. Relief hit me like a slap in the face, and left with most of the weight on my shoulders.
"I can't even believe you…" I shook my head, calmer now that I wasn't liable of a heart attack, and pulled my hair out of my eyes. "Where are you going to sleep?" I asked glancing around.
Jenks shrugged his eyes flicked to the couch and then back to me. "I'll find something." He stated, I couldn't help my smile.
"If my old couch hadn't been cursed you could have had a hide-a-bed." I stated, I finished my water and played with the leftovers in the bottom of the glass.
"Oh hell no, I don't even want to know what happened on that thing." He started, I laughed at his expression.
"I washed it afterwards." I retorted. Jenks paled like I was being serious.
"No amount of cleaning could ever…" He noticed me grinning and chuckled, "Feeling better?" He asked, I nodded,
"Thanks Jenks, I mean it. I don't think I could keep running if I lost you." I admitted. "It's just been rough lately." I looked away my eyes lingering to the coming dawn out the window; Ivy would have usually been home soon. The garden shone in the new light, pink, gold and green.
Jenks stayed silent, his face pensive as he looked out the window as well. I cradled the glass in my hands, not wanting to say anymore. Finally he sighed, "Yeah," He agreed. He looked up at me, his eyes searching mine, probably looking harder then he meant. "Rache, what's wrong?" He asked finally. "You've cried 3 nights in a row now, that sure as hell isn't like you."
I lowered my eyes a little, Jenks was usually the one I talked to about this, but after he had lost Matalina it was hard to open up to my depressed best friend. My problems always seemed too small compared to losing a spouse.
"It's stupid Jenks, don't worry about it. You weren't even supposed to hear that." I stated, I put the glass on the counter and spun it so it rocked back and fourth. Suddenly I was exhausted; crying takes a lot out of a girl. Jenks watched the glass with a weary look.
"Tink's panties Rachel, I lost my wife not my sense of compassion." He stated crossing his arms. He pulled his legs up and crossed them so that he was sitting cross-legged on the stool, looking indignant. I got up and put my glass in the dish washer, my bare feet slapping on the cold linoleum.
"Sorry." I apologised. "It just all kind of sunk in lately. I didn't really have time to think about it before." I began. "I know you don't want to hear it but I'm worried about you Jenks, I really am. It's been eating away at me slowly. Excuse me for being selfish, but I don't want you to die. I knew you were hurting and I couldn't do shit about it, you know how frustrating that is?" I stopped and met his eyes, his eyebrows rose, "Ok, maybe you do."
"Not only that but my room mate just lost her father for the first time, and I can't do shit about it because I'm scared. I could really help her Jenks, but I can't. Now we just don't talk about it, and she's slipping. Kisten died a year ago and we still don't know who killed him." I took a deep breath, I was rambling and I knew it but it felt good to let it all out.
"Not to mention I'm a freaking demon and I can't under any regular circumstances even think about dating anymore. It's not exactly good manners to a guy when you take him home and sleep with him and then decide, oh, by the way you could have just created a little demon bundle of joy. That is, if it ever got that far, which I wouldn't let happen. Even if I couldn't have kids with them, look at me, I'm a freaking demon, if that's not a turn off then there's the whole thing with me and Al once a week, and if that's not a turn off there's got to be something wrong with that person. I mean look at Nick." I shook my head, my eyes hot with un-spilt tears.
Jenks shook his head and stood. "You aren't a demon Rachel." He stated finally. "You know that." He added. I frowned,
"Then what am I Jenks? Look at my freaking soul, it's almost black. I'm sure as hell not a witch." I didn't like talking about my soul with Jenks, I knew it bothered him, but I was so damn desperate to get my point across.
Jenks frowned, his eyes showing more hurt then I cared to see right now, "You are one freaky ass stupid witch Rache, but you sure as hell aren't a demon. You might have demon blood, but you have a mind like a witch, and a heart like a witch. The fact that you care so much about the black on your soul and the people around you is enough to convince me you never will be anything but a witch." He stated, he came over and placed a hesitant hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, my mouth opened and closed but not words came out.
"We'll find a way to get the black off." He whispered, his hand tightened on my shoulder and I let out a shuddering sigh. Then a thought struck me,
"…Jenks?" I started, my body suddenly cold, tears threatened to fall once again and I looked up at him with swimming eyes. "who took the imbalance for your curse?" I asked, my words hesitant. I felt him stiffen above me and looked up, blinking on my 'aura vision.'
I gasped, my heartbeat in my head, and stood back peddling only a second. His beautiful aura, the one that had matched his eye colour, was…
My arms were around him before I could comprehend, tears fell down my cheeks and pooled at my chin, but I was too distressed to wipe them off. "I would have taken it, I would have." It came out as a muffled sob, "I'm so sorry Jenks I swear I would have…" His arms tightened around me and he pulled back, silencing me with a look.
"I know. That's why you couldn't know." He stated looking calm. More tears fell, I felt like punching the man.
"You dumb ass, you said yourself pixies are made out of Ever After, and it could have killed you." I shook my head; the relief of having him here was slowly taking over the anger. "You should have told me, you should of…" I ran both hands over my ruffled hair.
"By the Turn Jenks do you have any idea how much you could have damaged yourself?" I asked, I had to sit, I couldn't stand anymore. He pulled a hand around my shoulders and led me back to my bedroom, I sat on the bed and he sat on a chair across from me.
"I'm fine Rachel." He stated seriously.
"You shouldn't of-" I wiped my tears away, "Jenks, I love you, what if you would have died?" I continued. In the smallest most morbid part of my mind I felt relieved that I wasn't the only one anymore. Maybe I'd really find a way to get it off.
"Then I would have died. It's nothing you weren't expecting anyways. You know how long we're supposed to live Rache." He continued seriously. "You would have found someone else, you'd make it." He stated knowingly, his eyes sparkled in the limited light.
I shook my head, not wanting to think about it, but instead I looked up and forced myself to meet his eyes. "It wouldn't be the same." I whispered. His lips twitched upwards.
"'Course it wouldn't, but you would have made it." He stated, he glanced at the window and then back at me, taking in the rising sun. He sent me a small grin and I answered with a smile.
"I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore huh?" I asked. He only grinned, looking like a scallywag with his shock of curls falling in his face. He didn't bother pushing them out of his eyes.
"Yeah, now all we have to worry about is getting you laid." He stated wiggling his eyebrows.
"Oh that sounded great coming from you." I stated sarcastically, then I looked down, "To tell you the truth it's really not the sex I'll miss as much as the part after the sex." I stated.
He raised his eyebrows, "Tink's leopard print bra Rache, you must not have had very good sex then." He stated, "I don't blame you, if I had to sweat instead of dust during sex I wouldn't enjoy it very much either. That's just nasty." He crossed his arms and I laughed.
"Oh I wouldn't say that, and it was good sex, but you know that feeling-" I blushed a little bit, annoyed I'd let the conversation get so personal. "Just afterwards where you just feel safe, like the person beside you will always be with you and that the love couldn't be deeper…" I sighed and looked up at him.
"Oh?" He asked, his eyes glimmering.
"Yeah…" I let my voice trail off, I didn't like where this conversation was going. I didn't know if it worked the same way for pixies. I knew Jenks and Matalina had loved each other more then life itself, and I had seen it all the time, but they both knew it would last as long as they lived. I'd never had that.
He got up and strode across the room, crossing it in 2 steps, his bare chest turning gold as the light from the rising sun hit it. "You mean," He started, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and placed a kiss on my cheek. He ran a finger down my jaw line "Like this?" He whispered his voice was breathy as he ran his other hand down the side of my torso. I shivered. "You aren't the only one who's selfish Rachel." He whispered, nibbling my ear with his hot mouth.
"Jenks you don't have to…" I started, unconsciously leaning into him.
"I know…" He began, he wrapped his other arm around me too, encasing me in the warmth of his body heat.
"Are you okay with…" I began again, he chuckled,
"I started it Rache." He stated, he pulled me down to the bed and I removed the curls from his eyes, he looked confident and sad at the same time. I placed a kiss on his cheek, feeling both surreal and comfortable.
"I'm sorry she died Jenks. I really am." I whispered running my hand down one arm. I felt him shudder, and I cupped his jaw. "God you probably need this as much as I do." I realized. He didn't say anything, instead he kissed down my arm, one of his legs entwined around mine.
I opened my mouth again, but he silenced me with his own mouth, his too soft lips caressing mine with a light smooth motion, I deepened the kiss by opening up and allowing him to enter my own mouth, our tongues crashed together, and I was taken by how sweet he was, like honeysuckle.
He pulled back, "Don't." He whispered, his green eyes darkening, the frustration evident in his voice, "I miss my wife Rachel, I can't sleep without her. I-I just need…" I wrapped my hands around him and rubbed circles over his constricted back.
"I know. It's okay." I soothed. I realized quiet tears had slipped down his cheeks, and the sharp odour of dandelion milk filled my senses. I wiped them away with a knuckle.
"I'm sorry I just… Damn-it Rachel I don't know what I'm doing." He moved to sit up and I painfully let go. "If you want me to go I'll-" He began he was half standing already.
I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, "Stay." It was supposed to be a request but it came out sounding more like a plea, and I scrunched up my nose. I placed a kiss on the back of his neck. His shoulders drooped in relief. He grabbed my hand and placed gentle kisses on each finger tip. I pulled him back down to the bed.
"I won't do anything else if you don't want to." I reassured, realizing he was shaking, his jaw worked. He gave me a scared look, his eyes wide. Looking younger then I'd seen him in a while, and shook his head.
"It's not you I'm worried about." He mumbled, pixies weren't supposed to live long after their spouses died. I pulled him back down, and into a hug, watching him swallow. I pulled a curl out of his face and chuckled.
"What a pair we make." I stated sarcastically. I couldn't help my yawn. He settled down beside me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I was engulfed in his warmth, and his warm breath tickled the back of my neck.
"Jenks?" I whispered into the darkness. He shifted a little, and I leaned into him.
"Yeah Rache?" He mumbled, his voice diluted from my pillow and travelling through my hair. It sent a shiver down my spine, it still felt so unreal. I would have never in a million years thought that he would be lying beside me, so close. For a second I imagined him small, standing on my palm and suddenly didn't know what to say.
I chuckled instead, my muscles unclenching as I did. "Just making sure." I mumbled, I felt him chuckle behind me,
"Go to sleep Rache."
So I did.
Chapter 2 should come up soon, as long as I don't get a job before I finish chapter 3. DX