A/N: Hi everyone. I started writing this fic in April in French. After a while, I decided to translate it in English and I hope that you will like it.

The story takes place after Lisbon started dating Pike. I really don't like the guy, and not just because he had been with Lisbon for a few weeks. For me, Jane and Lisbon belong together.

I have 10 chapters written and I don't really know how many more I will write. When I start a story, I never know how long it would be.

I would like to thank Jane Doe51, my beta, for her help with the translation. We both are French and I would like to apologize for any mistakes we could have missed.

Now, I let you read that chapter.

After a fight with Lisbon, Jane is send away on a case. It is then that someone from their past comes back to haunt them, starting with Lisbon. Will they find out who it is before something bad happen?

Shadow from the past

Prologue

Lisbon had just returned home after spending the evening with Marcus Pike. She had been dating the agent for two months now and everything was fine between them. She had never considered dating an FBI agent, or anyone working in law enforcement. It was pretty hard for a cop to have a private life, let alone having a family. Impossible schedules, very little free time. Constantly putting your life in danger. Here's what awaited every cop.

For a long time, she had accepted the idea of having a normal life, a companion, someone to love. She had a job in which she excelled and everything she needed. At least until Patrick Jane had entered her life. The day he arrived, he had changed her life. It took her a while, but she ended up enjoying it and they even became friends.

Jane had always been more or less distant, secret. Still, she had developed some sort of affection for him, which subsequently became more than that. She had gradually fallen in love with him. Of course, it took her years before she realized and admit it. The first time was when he had disappeared for six months to find the murderer of his family. This long separation, this silence.… it had been unbearable. She had had the impression of being abandoned over again, having lost what mattered most to her.

Then he came back and had asked her to follow him in one of his plans. As always, she had followed him, couldn't bear to lose him. When he had told her that he loved her, she thought that her heart would jump out of her chest. It was like a dream come true. Unfortunately, he had taken back his words and that had almost broken her heart. She knew that those words were hard for Jane to say, they were too important. She also knew that he meant them, even if he had taken them back. He had been afraid and she couldn't blame him. He was still in her life and she was content with that. They were friends and the most important to her was having him in her life.

Time had passed, until he found his enemy and killed him. She always knew this day would come, and she could do nothing to stop him, even though she had always promised herself to do so. She had always refused to see him become a criminal, it was unbearable. But he did. Then he disappeared without telling her where he was going and if she would see him again someday. During his absence, she had lost her job, the life she had built. She had tried to start over elsewhere. It had not been easy, she had suffered a lot. Nobody would give her a job, because of what had happened with the CBI. For everyone, the officers were all corrupted and she couldn't blame them. If it had been her, she would have thought the same thing, would have been suspicious.

But with much perseverance, she got a job as sheriff. It wasn't the job of her dreams, but at least she did something that was close to her training and what she had done throughout her life. It had take some time, but eventually she had gotten used to her new life. She had kept in touch with Rigsby and Van Pelt. They had become friends after leaving the CBI. They sometimes came to see her, to talk about everything and nothing. They had even asked her to be the godmother of their daughter.

And then one day, a letter arrived, a letter that would change everything for her. After months of silence, Jane had sent her a letter to give her some news. She had felt her heart beating again, as if it had stopped since Jane had left. Several others had followed after that and every night she make it a habit to settle on the sofa with a glass of wine and a box in which she had placed all the letters. Contrary to what she thought, he had not completely abandoned her. He informed her as often as possible that he was fine, telling her what he did every day. Never telling her where he was, he told her his habits and just for that, she loved him more.

But now, as she was well settled in her new life, agent Abbott had come to see her. She had not seen him since the investigation that had ended the CBI. He wanted information about Jane and his whereabouts. She had not answered, she couldn't say anything to him anyway because she knew nothing. But the man had finally found Jane and brought him back to the US. Then they had made her come to Austin where she had seen Jane for the first time in two years.

Her joy was back. Jane was back. But her smile had disappeared by the time Jane had refused to adhere to the contract offered to him by Abbott. He would only agree to the terms he had written on a napkin. She had tried not to laugh. But when this woman had come in, agent Kim Fischer, Lisbon had felt her heart stop. She knew Jane, she even seemed to know him well. He had called her Kim, not agent Fischer.

His refusal to accept the FBI's terms had led him to a jail cell for three months. And then, she had started writing to him, to show her support and affection for him. After all, he had agreed to return under certain conditions and the first was to work with her, Teresa Lisbon. Even if she had not liked that he'd been making decisions about her life, she had enjoyed being part of his priorities.

Subsequently, agent Fischer had come to see her to ask for help on a case, and thus work with Jane again. She knew from the beginning that this was not a good idea, that she was likely to be controlled by her feelings for this man who had never brought anything good for her career. But it had been about Jane and his freedom. It had been the only way to get him out of jail and she was desperate to get him out. Knowing that Jane was so close and yet so far. She couldn't leave him there. So she had agreed.

After that, everything happened very quickly. He had worked his way as always. He had taken initiatives without telling anyone and she had felt left alone again. She had pointed it out to him and she'd seen the pain in his eyes. She had blamed herself at first, she didn't like to hurt him. But he must understand what she had felt when he had left, two years ago, and then a few hours earlier.

She knew that when he went away during those two years, it was to protect her. He didn't want her having to testify against him, he wouldn't force her to lie for him. Because she would have. She knew what he had done was wrong, but her feelings for him were so strong that she couldn't stand the thought of him in prison and would have done everything she could to avoid it. She didn't really blame him, even if the distance between them had been difficult.

But during the investigation, she had really believed that he had fled again and she had yet to find him. It had hurt her so badly and she had wanted him to understand. He had realized it, she had seen it in his eyes. And later, when she went to see him in his cell to tell him she was willing to work with the FBI, with him, the stars in his eyes had warmed her heart.

Time had passed. Lisbon was well established in her new life, in her new job. Her position at the FBI was perfect. She was no longer in charge of Jane and therefore did not have to fix things when he messed up. Things became easier and more difficult at the same time.

She had thought that things would change now that Red John was dead. There was no longer a threat, they could finally let speak their feelings. Because she knew Jane had feelings for her. They had known each other for over fourteen years, had been friends all this time. If Jane had tried to protect her throughout these years it was because she mattered to him. The Love you three years ago meant something.

But nothing had changed. Jane had remained the same. The only difference was that they were not working together. Jane teamed up with Fischer and she stayed in the office. Sometimes she went to the field, but she was no longer partner with Jane and it hurt. He seemed pleased, however, and she was satisfied. She loved to see the smile on his face, hear him laugh sometimes. The only problem was that it was not with her but with Fischer. She was jealous, but couldn't do anything about it.

Then there was the art case. She had teamed up with Jane for the first time in almost six months. Better yet, she had to pretend to be his girlfriend. And though she would never admit it, she had enjoyed it. If she wasn't mistaken, Jane had also enjoyed working with her so closely. Holding hands, his hand on the small of her back when they passed a door. All those little things that meant so much to them.

They had solved the case, as always. And then something changed, something that she didn't expect. Marcus Pike, the FBI agent who had requested their help, invited her to eat pancakes with him. He had been direct, telling her she was a beautiful woman and he that wanted to know her better. He had done what Jane had never done, he had been honest with her from the start.

She had agreed, blushing slightly. Spending an evening with a man, feeling like a woman… it was something that hadn't happened to her for so long. But as they prepared to leave, Jane had appeared. She saw the pain in his eyes when he realized that she had decided not to wait until he was ready. Of course, at that time she had not considered that things would go so well between her and Marcus.

They had been dating since that day two months earlier. They got along well, more than well. They had many things in common, enjoyed a night out after work. She hadn't been that happy for so long and it was all thanks to Marcus. He always seemed to know when she wasn't feeling well, when she preferred to stay home at night rather than going out. He didn't always stay with her, he would go out alone. She didn't blame him. She wasn't always of good company, she did not even know why.

Sometimes it felt like if melancholy was taking possession of her being, as if something was missing in her life. Yet she had everything to be happy: a job she liked, a boyfriend she loved, a stable life. What more could she want? But she wasn't the only one affected by this. She had noticed that Jane sometimes had the same look she had. She didn't know how to help him, she didn't even know how to help herself.

Tonight, she still had a great night, with Marcus. They went to the restaurant a little too fancy for her taste. The man had a habit of taking her to places like this, he liked to see her wearing beautiful dresses. She didn't like that, but she had seen his eyes when he had set eyes on her, his admiration. For that alone, she had made an effort.

Lisbon dropped her jacket on the couch and walked to the kitchen to make tea. She put the kettle on, took a cup of the closet and put it on the counter. She was tired, but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her evening had been good, but the day a little less. Their case had been closed in less than a week, luckily. They didn't even have to leave the city. Everything had been more or less fine.

The only problem was Jane. He had not done anything illegal, he had not insulted anyone. He had followed the orders of agent Fischer without discussing and that just didn't seem normal. It had been a long time since he had done anything to upset anyone. Lisbon was a little worried. Jane had always had the habit of doing what he wanted, piss people off, to achieve his ends.

The last time he had not followed the orders and had put his life in danger was when Grace had been abducted. Haibach had come after someone that mattered to him and Jane had never allowed that. Nobody had the right to attack his family. Lisbon understood it perfectly well, she also didn't like anyone harming her beloved ones. If only she could have done something ... But Jane had done it for her, without telling her, putting himself in danger to save her life.

Since the art case, Jane had changed. He was no longer the carefree man he was before, he wasn't smiling like before. She often saw him sitting on his couch, lost in thoughts. She had tried to get a reaction from him, to make him smile again. Sometimes it worked, but when the evening came, he became sad and distant again. She didn't like the new Jane he had become, it made her sad, but she could not help it.

When the water began to boil, Lisbon let her thoughts drift away and prepared her tea. She shouldn't been thinking about all of that but about her new life. Marcus had told her he had plans for the weekend but hadn't wanted to say more. She was eager to find out what he was planning to do. Maybe a weekend away from the city and from work? She would like it. Maybe being away would allow her to think of something else than Jane. She doubted it, but she could always hope.

Lisbon grabbed her cup and walked to the living room. She was about to settle on the couch when she heard a car engine, saw headlights through the living room window and the engine stopped. She paid no more attention and made herself comfortable on the couch, grabbed the book she had left on the coffee table and opened it to start reading. It was only then that she heard a knock at the door. Looking at the time, Lisbon huffed and got up to go see who it was at this late hour.

When she opened the door, Jane was standing there, looking as sad as usual. This squeezed her heart and she took his arm to get him in. She walked over to the couch where he sat. She went quickly to the kitchen and came back with a cup of tea that she brought to him. He took the cup without a word. She sat next to him silently. She didn't know what was wrong, but he needed a friend. She would be there for him as long as he needed her.

They stood for several minutes in silence. Lisbon felt that fatigue was beginning to set in, her eyes began to burn a little. She needed to sleep, but she couldn't send Jane away, not now when he really needed her. So she waited a little longer, maybe he would speak. She looked up at him to see him stare at her with the same sad look that he often had. Without knowing why, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. And for the first time in years, she saw a small smile appear on his face.

- "I'm sorry Lisbon," he whispered softly.

- "Sorry for what?" She questioned.

- "For disturbing you so late," he replied. "But I don't know ... I needed to see you, I needed reassurance that everything was fine."

- "I'm fine Jane," she reassured him. "Why would I not be?"

- "I ... I haven't had a lot of chances to see you lately, I'm always on the field with Fischer and I no longer work with you."

- "I know," she whispered, looking down. "I miss it too. I loved working with you and I would like to do it again."

- "Really?" His eyes lit up. "I could talk to Abbott."

Lisbon smiled. Yes, she would love to work with him again, find the complicity they had shared before.

- "It's late, I should go," said Jane, pretending to stand up. But Lisbon held him by the hand and he dropped a surprised look at her.

- "You can sleep here if you want," she timidly said.

- "I… wouldn't want to intrude," he declined. "What would Pike think?"

- "We are not married," she said. "You seem tired and I would feel more comfortable if you stayed here."

- "Very well."

Lisbon smiled and stood up. She picked up the cup she left in the sink before returning to Jane. He was waiting on the couch. She remembered a few weeks ago, during their last case together and that made her smile. He was about to fall asleep. But Lisbon could not let him sleep there, he would be much more comfortable in a real bed.

She walked over to him, grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs with her. He followed her without a word to the guest room. He entered the room and went to sit on the bed. He looked at Lisbon as she took some clothes out of the dresser and smiled. Some clothes belonging to one of her brothers, he thought. He remembered that once, years earlier, he had slept at her place and she had given him similar clothes to sleep in. She had explained that Tommy had forgotten them long ago when he had sent her a surprised look.

She approached him to give him the clothes that he took with a smile. They stared at each other a moment before Lisbon leaned over him and laid her lips on his cheek. She stayed longer than necessary, enjoying the softness of his skin under her lips, the smell of his cologne she loved so much. How many times had she dreamed of doing that? All too often, and now she could.

She stood up to leave, but Jane held her by the hand. Surprised, she looked at him to see his eyes changed. His eyes grew dark, his breathing became more difficult. She felt her cheeks blushing under his intense gaze, she knew what he had in mind. She also knew that it was not a good idea, she was involved with another man. She could not do that.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, her feelings for Jane were much stronger than the ones she had for Marcus. When Jane put a hand on her cheek, she leaned toward him and, after a glance, she kissed him softly on the lips. He kissed her back as tenderly, encircling her waist with his free arm. He made her move and she found herself on his lap. She felt his desire for her between her tights, through his pants. The heat got into her body and the kiss became more intense.

Jane put his hands on Lisbon's chest and stroked it before gently undoing the buttons of her shirt. She let him do it. She knew it was crazy, she shouldn't do that. A thought for Marcus crossed her mind but quickly disappeared when Jane's hand touched her breast through her bra. As she had suspected all these years, even in that department, Jane was gifted, knowing full well what she liked, which gave her pleasure without having to ask.

He gently discharged her of her clothes, laid her on the bed and the rest of the world disappeared. There was Jane, his hands on her body, his lips on her skin, his entire body on her. She did not realize that she had helped him to take off his clothes, just the feeling of her naked body on his was what she had always wanted, what she had been waiting for so long. She let herself be overwhelmed by her desire and love for this man.

- oooo -

In the morning, Lisbon was awakened by a hand caressing her bare back. She felt chills run through her body, the heat rising in her once again. She turned around and her eyes met Jane's. She sat up suddenly, dragging the sheet, revealing her naked body. Jane had a smile and she blushed, pulling the sheet over her to cover her up.

- "There is nothing I haven't seen before," he smiled.

But she didn't feel like smiling. She had just made the biggest mistake of her life by sleeping with Jane and she knew she could not go back. She loved this man more than life. But she was with another man she liked very much, who was willing to take risks to make their relationship work. That night with Jane had only made things more difficult for her.

- "What's wrong Teresa?" He asked, worried.

- "It was a mistake," she said, and she saw the pain in his eyes. "It must not happen again, never."

- "Teresa ..." Tried Jane.

- "No," she cut him off. "You had your chance, you had years and now that I've finally found someone, that I'm finally happy, you do that." She paused before continuing. "You should go. We will never speak about it again."

She left the room and locked herself in the bathroom, without a glance at Jane. She knew she had hurt him, broken his heart. But hers had been broken so often that she couldn't take the risk of it happening again. She had to protect herself. She loved Jane, and would always love him. But she couldn't let him take her heart and reduce it to ashes when he was done with her.

She heard him get dressed and leave the room. She slid down the door and cried. It hadn't happened to her for a long time and she had vowed never to let it happen ever again. And as always, she hadn't kept her promise. She had hurt Jane and she knew he would suffer for a long time. But he would eventually move on, at least she hoped. What she hoped above all was she hadn't broken his heart too much. She would not forgive herself if she had.

After a few minutes, Lisbon got up and went to shower. She didn't want to be late for work, she didn't want anyone asking her why she wasn't in time when she was always the first in the office. The hot water did her good and she let her thoughts wander to another time when things were much less complicated. A time when working with Jane was more or less easy, when she had to make sure he didn't do too much nonsense. She regretted that time, when they were just friends. Although she had always wanted more from their relationship, now everything was different. A relationship with Jane was impossible and what they had done would make things even more complicated.

Lisbon came out of the shower and got ready quickly. She took one last look to the bed where she had spent the most wonderful night of her life, bravely kept the tears that threatened to fall and left the room. Arriving in the kitchen, she was greeted by a good smell of coffee and despite herself, she smiled. Jane. Despite what she had done to him, he continued to take care of her. This led her to wonder if she really had made the right decision. Could she really say that a relationship with Jane was impossible when she saw what he was doing for her every day?

Marcus was a good man, he made her laugh, they were happy. He was everything a woman could dream to find in a man. But he was not Jane and never would be. He didn't really know her, knew nothing of the darkness of her childhood, the suffering she went through throughout her life. He only knew about her what she had told him, which wasn't much. Jane knew everything without her ever saying anything. He had learned to know her and she had no secrets for him.

She took a sip of coffee and images of the past crossed her mind. Jane bringing her a cup of coffee in the morning, Jane lying on her couch, simulating a nap, Jane annoying powerful people and her cleaning his mess. Jane giving her a pony for her birthday, them sharing an ice cream on a workday. Small moments that were so important to her. No, she couldn't do that to him, she couldn't deny him what he wanted most, what could finally make him happy. And more over, she could not refuse herself the right to happiness when all she had always wanted was right in front of her.

She then took a decision. She would give them a chance. She had to make him understand her point of view, why she had rejected him this morning. She loved him, he had to know. But he must also understand that all this was not easy for her, that loving him was the most dangerous weapon against her, because this love could make her as happy as it could break her. He had to know the power he had over her. He always knew everything about her. So he must have known what it meant to her.

Lisbon put her cup in the sink and realized that the ones from the previous day were not there anymore. Jane had washed them. It brought a small smile on her face. She took her hand-bag and was about to leave when an envelope on the ground outside the door caught her attention. She bent down to pick it up, turned it to see that there was nothing written on it. Curious, she opened it and her smile disappeared. She quickly read the letter, her heart rate accelerating with every word.

The letter wasn't signed, so she didn't know who it was from. But whoever had sent it didn't want her any good. Maybe she should talk to someone, like Abbott? No, she could not. She didn't want him to think she was not able to take care of herself. She was a cop, she could protect herself. Whoever that person was, she could defend herself against them.

She shoved the letter in her bag and left the house. She would see to that later, for now she had something important to do, talk to Jane. She had to apologize for her behavior this morning. Then she should talk to Marcus. It would not be easy, not after the two months they had shared. But she couldn't silence her heart telling her that Jane was the one she wanted, not Marcus. She knew that that would hurt him and she felt bad. But her love for Jane was much stronger, had always been. The time she had spent with Marcus was great and she would always be grateful to him for having made her feel loved. But she could not continue.

Lisbon quickly arrived at the FBI, parked her car and entered the building. She was eager to see Jane and to apologize. She had already prepared what she would say to him, how she would tell him. Oh, she knew they would not end up kissing passionately, her words this morning had hurt him. But she hoped her honesty would be enough and that he would see in her eyes how much she loved him.

When she arrived at her floor, she tried to find Jane and saw him on the other side of the room, along with agent Fischer. Unwittingly, she felt a pang of jealousy. There was nothing between these two, she knew it, but to see them always together, working on the field as she was left at the office was hard to swallow. They seemed busy, she would talk to him later. Then she sat down at her desk and turned on her computer.

Minutes passed, then an hour. Lisbon didn't see Jane returning or Fischer and was about to go looking for them when she saw Abbott in his office beckoning her to come. Maybe he would give her a case, she could finally go to the field. She had waited for this moment for so long. A smile appeared on her face. She went into the office, shut the door and sat on the chair in front of her boss.

- "Agent Lisbon, I asked you to come to inform you that Jane and agent Fischer will be away for a few days, maybe a week," he explained. "Our office has been called to a case in New York."

- "What kind of case?" Lisbon asked, trying to hide her disappointment.

- "I can not tell you about it Agent Lisbon, sorry. But know that Jane is in good hands and he knows he should stay in line." Replied Abbott. "During their absence, you'll team up with agent Cho and you will be in charge of the team."

- "Thank you sir," although the idea of a team leader again was exciting, not having Jane would be different.

- "You may go."

Lisbon got up and left the office. Jane had left and she didn't have the chance to talk to him before. He had left thinking that she didn't want him, something she had said to him and regretted now. So, when he would come back, would he have changed his mind, would he still want her? Who could she blame except herself and her fears? Perhaps a week away from each other would help. She would have time to think about the situation and that would leave her time to talk to Marcus.

She pulled out her phone to see if Jane had sent her a text or anything. But nothing. He was still angry with her and she understood it. Otherwise he would have left her a text informing her that he was going away. He had promised never to leave her in doubt. So she sent him a text wishing him luck and told him that when he would come back, they would have to talk.

She then moved to her desk and was about to read her email when she saw another envelope underneath her keyboard, like the one she had found this morning. She looked around, curious to know if the person who had left the envelope was still there. But she saw no one other than her colleagues. She turned her attention to the envelope, opened it and pulled out a letter. It said more or less the same than the one from this morning. And like that one, she tucked it into her bag.

She didn't know who had written the letters, but she felt that all of this was not good. If she kept receiving them, she would have to tell someone. Not knowing who had written them was pretty scary. She knew, from the contents of the two letters, that that person didn't want her any good. But at what point that person did want to harm her? She would see it tomorrow. If she'd received an other letter, then she would speak to Cho. Meanwhile, she was eager for Jane's return, to talk to him, and maybe have the chance to finally be happy with him.

TBC ...

A/N2: So, what do you think? Do you want more? I will update as often as I can.

Sweety