A/N: This is a fan fiction that the three of us (see below) came up with one day spontaneously. Yup. Just like that. We're just awesome like that. The authors are Sir Weston, Jellyfish Jam (a.k.a. the artist previously known as Jinks Loather,) and Fluxit Aqua et Sanguine (a.k.a. Raven Black, or the artist formally known as Raven Black.) So, without further ado, enjoy this crappy fan fiction.
Note that, below, we traded off paragraph-by-paragraph (sometimes more in the case of speech) and that is why the chapter is so short. We plan to add length in the future.
None of us claim rights to the magnificence of Jeeves and Wooster which we so madly worship, either.
Chapter I: The Scheme
I can't remember my life without Jeeves. Or a valet, for that matter. He has gotten me out of a lot of sticky situations. Especially when it comes to- I shudder, here,- marriage. I really have no idea how I would live without him.
I might have, for example, been miserable married to Honoria Glossup due to the mistakes of my friend who had been trying to engage with her instead. Yes, to say I have been leading a much fuller life is a bit of an understatement, if I do say. Not to get the wrong idea or anything. It's not like I'm terrified of woman or anything. Just the ones that my aunts have forced upon me have been less than satisfactory. I don't want to be tied down.
And so, we come to this, the deepest bowl of soup I've ever landed myself in: My Aunt Agatha, as usual, had come to finding some relatively toothsome filly to get myself hitched to. While adverse to this, - who wouldn't be? – I said to her that I would go and meet the girl, a Dubliner of fair repute from a wealthy family. You may ask why a Wooster would ever go with a plan such as this, knowing my past until this point, but, you see, this is where my man comes in: He had concocted a scheme to come away from this situation unharmed by simply making our presence known somewhere besides the Emerald Isle.
It was such a simple plan, too. My first idea was, plainly, to make myself undesirable to the lady, with witty remarks, and a quirky attitude. Apparently, however, that seemed to make me more desirable, and she demanded my hand in marriage at once. After she wired me a picture, I said that she wasn't that pretty, but then she informed me that she had been waiting for a man who didn't praise everything she did and act as if she was a goddess. We had been communicating by telegraph, for me to be ruder, but that didn't stop her.
When that didn't work, Jeeves proposed a simple solution which, for some might seem a bit cowardly, but to me was a stroke of brilliance.
"Why not just leave the country, sir?" he suggested to me one night.
"I beg your pardon?" I asked him, barely remembering what it was that had caused him to say this.
"Leave the country, sir," he repeated. "Say you're taking a tour of the world. You're trying to find yourself. I'm certain it is the only way to leave your engagement."
"Engagement?" I repeated. Then I remembered. "Oh yes! My engagement to Sophia O'Flahertie, the little beast. How do you propose this should work? Won't it seem a bit cowardly?"
My man shook his head at me, and settled steady blue eyes upon those of the befuddled Wooster before him, "It could hardly be considered an act of cowardice were anyone to be aware of your position, sir. Were any lesser gentleman put into the same situation, I would imagine that he may have long disconnected himself from this world entirely." A grin came unwillingly over my face at this.
"It does seem to fit the bill, Jeeves, but I worry for ulterior motives in this scheme of yours." He fixed me with a puzzled look, and "sir?"-ed me with the whitest streak of innocence anyone would believe but myself.
"I know the way this will go, Jeeves," I started, with my long-suffering tone at its fullest. "You will drag me off to the South of France, or wherever it is you propose to hide from this blasted beazel, and as soon as a week or so is up, you will say that an Aunt has caught wind of our whereabouts and drag us off to some other bally remote location in the Pacific. I'll not have it."
Jeeves looked horribly upset and offended, (by which I mean his eyebrow raised a quarter of an inch,) and sighed. "Well, we would travel where you want to go, of course," he informed me, "But I do feel this is the only way to escape engagement. The woman seems persistent, and it may give her the hint that you don't want to marry her. Unless you want to marry her..."
"Oh good heavens no!" I replied, holding up my hands in disgust. I looked at him thoughtfully. "Now that you think of it, I do need a bit of vacation. And I do want to escape this engagement I've found myself in. I think we'll do it. We shall travel the world and see all there is to see. Hopefully by the time this is over, Sophia will have lost interest in me and maybe have found someone else."
Jeeves smiled that strange smirk of his. The one he always wore when he got his way. "Very good, sir," he replied in a calm voice. "I shall start packing your things at once."
"Right ho, Jeeves!" I agreed, throwing my hands up in the air. "I would like to leave as soon as possible."
Only hours after this conversation, we were set on the overnight train to the coast, and then on a particularly extravagant vessel to France. Everything was perfectly well, it seemed, living in what I could have said was veritably the bliss of a life at home... until I received a wire to the ship that told me I was being met by Miss Sophia in Nice.
A/N: So it begins the epic journey that will send Jeeves and Wooster around the world. We apologize for the rather short and slow start, but it must be done. We promise that the next chapter will be awesome and fun. ('Promise'... yes.)
Please Read and review. We would be ever so grateful.