Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it's not over yet
We are miracles and we're not alone
~ This Is Home (Switchfoot)
There are only seven of them left. There shouldn't be any. Sometimes she wonders if any of them really deserve to live, anyway, after everything they've done. The rebellion would be nothing without them, but maybe it's better that way. Even more people dead, because of them, because they were the fuel to a fire that consumed the whole country.
But this is war, and people die. They tell her this, but she thinks it's more to convince themselves than her. She knows. People die. People like him.
He was her best friend, and now he's dead. They're all dead, she thinks. Inside, at least, they're all broken. Not all of them are shattered into pieces that can never be put back together, but none of them are completely whole anymore. She imagines that they all left a part of themselves in the arena and can never get it back.
Her home isn't really her home anymore. It is where she grew up, where she used to feel most alive. Not anymore. She wonders if she'll ever feel at home anywhere, if she'll always be on edge, spending the rest of her life looking over her shoulder for an enemy that isn't there.
It takes her a while to realize that the scars she has on her body don't come close to matching the ones inside. The physical pain goes away after a while but the nightmares never stop.
It's not all bad, though. His wife and son are her family, now. The home she'll never have anywhere else. They need her too, but she imagines they have no idea how much she needs them. The others, too, are her family, even the drunk and the psycho.
They're all broken, but they're alive. And maybe that's not so bad, after all.
Okay, so this was really short, but I kinda like it. What do you think?
Officially it's Johanna-based, but it could really apply to any of the seven victors alive after Mockingjay.