After all these years, after all those lousy partners, Leader finally found one. He's handsome, got a personality that's like no other, unique…

The only problem with him? He chooses to practice chastity.

His name is Hidan, a fitting name for one of his stature. A sadomasochist at heart, he loves to piss me the fuck off, which he's pretty good at – he does it all the time, so he'd had plenty of practice…

Plus I can lop off his head without worries. Hell, he's immortal, so he'll survive anything I do to him. Lucky thing, too, because I lose my temper a LOT.

We go on missions together, him and me. We get plenty of alone time, but all that does is make it hurt even more. None of the other Akatsuki members know I'm gay – the only other known gay one is Deidara, and you can tell he's gay just by looking at him, with his long, pretty hair and shit.

Today we're on a mission. Well, it's a personal mission, really – there have been reports of a bounty in the area with a large price on his head, and it's my job to get him. Hidan tags along and make a load of noise every time. He never understands why I go for the ones with bounties… I've tried explaining to him over and over why it's important to Akatsuki.

"Hey, Kakuzu, have you found that piece of shit yet? It's fucking cold out here."

"…That's why you need to wear a shirt under that cloak, zealot."

"Don't call me that, all right? I was just asking a fucking question – you don't need to get all anal about it, asshole."

"Whatever." That's one of the bad things about him. Jashin.

His religion – Jashinism. That's ALL he talks about… His 'god' promotes only death and destruction, which is probably one of the only reasons why he joined Akatsuki. He could kill anyone that crossed his path if he wanted to, which he does anyway.

It's the middle of December, which is why Hidan was complaining about the cold. Snow was starting to fall in flakes about the size of my fingernails, and it was sticking, too. Wonderful. Another thing I can add to my list of loveliness.

"Jashin fucking damn it all! Kakuzu, when the fuck can we go back to that hotel?!"

"Shut it, Hidan, before I slice off your head!"

Then I heard it. Rustling off at a distance, to the right. "Shut up, I'm trying to listen." Hidan finally quieted, and then I heard it again, along with a faint curse.

"Follow me," I whispered to Hidan, motioning. I start in the direction of the voice, moving very quickly; I don't want a fight that lasts more than ten minutes. We finally find our target.

A young woman was before us, looking to be around twenty years old. She was wearing a green kimono and had a calm expression, but don't let that fool you. This woman was a little dangerous, and she had a reason as to why she was in my book of bounties.

She was bent over a small babbling stream, collecting water. Her camp must not have been far off. Her guard also seemed like it was down… but it would be too easy if it was. She MUST have heard us. A glare is fired in Hidan's direction, and he raises an eyebrow, bewildered.

Half a moment later I attack. I rush at her with a kunai in hand, moving faster than what most ninjas are capable of.

And I was right about her guard. At the exact same time, she stood, with her own kunai, ready to deflect any attack. Her blue eyes were fixed on mine, stern and angry. The look is returned.

We jump away from each other, still making eye contact. Then Hidan comes in, standing behind me, a smirk on his face. He drawled, "So this is our target? How pathetic."

"Shut up, Hidan," I hiss, and he scoffs.

"Why are you after me?" She calls in a strong, commanding voice.

"We've come for the price on your pretty little head," Hidan replies. She makes the slightest falter, obviously not expecting our answer.

"Price? Bounty or not, I won't allow you to take me without a fight."

"It was as we expected." I mutter.

Hidan flies at her, his scythe at the ready. His large weapon soars toward our target faster than he does, and misses by half an inch, grazing her hair as she dodges. I come at her while her focus was on the scythe, and she jumps away, wincing.

Wait. Wincing? That could mean only one thing, and one thing only. She had an injury.

I jump at her again, smirking. She jumps away, and finds herself against a tall wall of stone. Hidan takes this opportunity to pin her against it and smiles his ever-sexy smile. She freezes, holding her breath, seeming to tremble.

"So what's up, babe?" He leans against her, and I'm pretty sure I see a kunai in his hand, pressing against her throat. "Your name is Naomi, right? Pretty name."

She spits in his eye.

"Not a good move," I breathe, chuckling. Hidan retorts to the action by slamming her head against the rock, his palm on her forehead, his body pinning her down. It's not his usual style for attack. The blade in his other hand drags across the surface of her tanned skin, and makes the tiniest cut, drawing the smallest amount of blood.

Hidan jumps away and drags the tool's edge across his tongue, tasting it. He smiles, and I say more to myself than her, "Now you're fucked, Naomi." She hisses at us and struggles, attempting to flee.

My partner pulls away from her and stands a few feet away, slitting his wrist with the kunai and letting the blood drip onto the ground. He then takes his foot and drags the fluid around to form a circle. He added an equilateral circumscribed triangle, and then stood in the center, his skin taking on a creepy appearance. Hidan turns black and white, now resembling a distorted skeleton. He was the image of death itself.

Naomi screams a moment later. Hidan had stabbed his thigh, which resulted in her doubling over and clutching her leg, in obvious confusion. The long, sharp, pointed rod my partner loved to use for his rituals pulled out of his flesh and plunged itself into his body again, deep into his chest, narrowly missing a vital organ. Hidan was good with anatomy; he knew what to hit and where to make pain prolonged.

She screams again, cursing at us and trying to form a hand sign. A kunai is flung at her – from yours truly – catching her palm and pinning it to the ground, coaxing yet another curse.

"Ahh, to bask in succulent sublime suffering, the fucking core of my life… Isn't it just beautiful? The pain, the excruciating pain, where we embrace physical injuries, the two of us. Aren't you thankful to be alive? Shit, this hurts good…" Hidan starts going on and on, and leads into prayer. Again and again he stabs himself, and at the end of his verbal praying, he strikes his heart. The expression on his face seems like he was enduring an orgasm… I vaguely wondered if this is the expression he would adopt if he was under me like I'd imagined for so long… He falls onto his back, falling limp, still inside the circle of blood. She writhes in agony, eventually halting all movement. I'd thank whatever god there was out there for a quick fight. Hell, it couldn't even be called a fight. More like a distraction, or something to do, maybe.

Maybe my book lied about her being so dangerous, but then again, she could have been distracted by Hidan's looks. A lot of women are. I know I would have been. Either way, she was careless; the fight was far too easy. Her injury could have contributed, as well.

A half hour later Hidan stirs. It's like this with every fight. We find them, we fight them, we kill them, and if Hidan had his way, he'd pray silently for a while. I always bring the newspaper with me when he does.

"You done, Hidan?"

"Fuck… yeah…"

So I gather up the body. It looks like she was suffering from a broken ankle. Hidan starts to get up, groaning from pain. I was already on my way; he can catch up.

Two hours later, after snow had collected and left about three inches on the ground, we reach my exchange point. A bathroom.

"A fucking bathroom? What the hell, Kakuzu?"

I go inside, ignoring his complaints. "Smells like fucking piss and dead corpses. This is disgusting."

After my knuckles tap a certain way on a certain urinal, it falls back, revealing a narrow hidden doorway. Hidan blinks and follows me as I go inside.

A man is sitting at a desk inside, beside the far wall. He gets up and greets me. "Kakuzu-sama." He bows, and then shuffles toward one of the several cabinet doors covering the walls. He opens it and pulls out a long empty shelf. I drop the body on it, and he pulls out a clipboard.

"Now, who is this? She seems familiar."

"Naomi Yushuisu." He flips through multiple papers, checks one of them over, and nods.

"It is indeed her. You are never wrong when you find your targets, Kakuzu-sama…"

Hidan was in the background, covering his nose and mouth with his sleeve and cursing at the stench. I glance back at him, rolling my green eyes. "Fine, if you don't like it, then go outside and keep the snow company," A glare accompanies my snap.

"…I'll stay." He shuts up without another word. My lord, it's the apocalypse…

"Now, last I saw, the price on her head was two million Ryo, correct…?"

"That is correct, Kakuzu-sama; this way, if you please." He scuttles to his desk and pulls out a briefcase, then opens it, brandishing wads of money kept in clumps of hundreds of bills. I spend a moment counting the money to verify it was all there.

"All right, let's go, Hidan." I close the briefcase and watch Hidan leave.

"Your partner doesn't seem to have an appreciation for money, Kakuzu-sama."

"It doesn't matter… he's got his good points."

And I leave without another word, leaving him to ponder my statement.