Warnings: Character death, swearing, angel and hunter sex, torture (very very brief)

Notes: Okay, so this is the companion piece to 'It Will Always Be You'. It's basically that story told from Dean's point of view. I don't think you really have to read that one before this one but if you do that's cool. And when you've read this fic, you may want to go read it from Cas' pov and go read the other fic which is also more than cool.

Anyway, this fic is based right after the end of season four so pretend everything that happened after that never happened.

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

It isn't until Chuck tells him that Cas is dead that Dean realises he loved Cas.

Okay, maybe not loved him because Dean Winchester doesn't do love like that but maybe that he liked Cas more than he let on, more than the platonic friendship that he had forced upon them. Because Cas had been annoying, had worn that stupid trench coat freaking everywhere, always did that weird baby bird head tilt at Dean like he was trying to count his damn freckles or something, oh, and he did not get humour at all. There were so many other annoying things about Castiel, more than Dean could count, but those things that were annoying about him? Those things that made Dean want to tear his hair out? They're all gone. Cas had died for Dean, had chosen humanity at the very last minute just because Dean had asked him to. The guy that didn't understand his awesome pop culture references, the guy that always stood way too close to him to be considered platonic is just gone, as easy as that, and Dean doesn't know what to do with that.

It doesn't exactly help that the guy that he maybe had more than a lot of feelings for had died for no damn reason, had died so Dean would stop his brother and of course, Dean had failed. He'd failed his brother, he'd failed Cas and he'd fucking failed the world.

"He's- He's dead?" Dean asks, trying to mask the crack of his voice with a cough, averting his gaze from Sam who is giving him the 'I know how you're feeling and this is all my fault' face and Dean really wants to argue back that no, he really doesn't fucking know how he's feeling because Cas is dead, his Cas.

"The archangel smoked the crap out of him," Chuck sighs, not looking at Dean, looking anywhere but Dean and Dean can't help wonder what his face must be looking like to Chuck that he won't even look him in the face. Is he really so obviously showing how fucking broken he feels?

Dean gulps and turns slightly away from them to steady his breath, steady his expression, because he really doesn't want to have to talk about this, have a 'man to man' chat with Sam about his feelings for Cas because he can't do it, he won't do it.

"This was my fault," Sam murmurs, his voice wrecked and Dean can't help but flinch at the words and feelings behind it.

"Shut up Sam," Dean retorts, quite proud of himself that he can mask his feelings with anger which shouldn't really surprise him because that is his thing after all. He's kind of a master of it.

"It is my fault," Sam insists and Dean has to fight the urge not to punch his brother in the face. Ever since they'd been put on that plane by god knows what Sam had been a guilt ridden mess, had done nothing but apologise and say it was all his fault. Now, Dean's starting to get sick of it because yes, it is kind of Sam's fault but Dean's trying to get past that fucking point but he can't if Sam keeps reminding him dammit. And now that the apocalypse is happening they kind of have bigger freaking fish to fry than playing the blame game.

But the apocalypse being here doesn't stop Dean's mind from travelling back to Cas, how he had told him to get to Sam, how he had basically sacrificed himself and Dean's never going to be able to thank him, is never going to see that stupid face with those stupid blue eyes and messy hair again.

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam murmurs.

Dean whirls around to meet his worried gaze and practically screams, "No, you know what, I'm most definitely fucking not-"

Dean stops, blinks and then blinks again, wondering whether his state of grief has actually turned him into a crazy person who hallucinates. Because right there in front of his very eyes is Cas, without even a scratch on him, his trench coat in perfect place, his blue eyes bright even in the darkness of the room. Dean opens his mouth to speak, to say anything, to ask whether Chuck and Sam are seeing the supposedly dead angel in front of him but he fails to even get a word out. He just stares some more, probably looking like an idiot.

"You were dead, I- I saw you die!" Chuck yells in what sounds like an accusation.

Okay, so at least Dean isn't imagining Cas, that's something.

Castiel eyes are, as always, on Dean as he says matter-of-factly, "I was."

"Cas, is that really you?" Dean asks, suddenly finding his voice because Cas is here, right in front of him, alive and it's not too late, none of it is and he doesn't really know what to with that information other than to stare at Cas and not look away for a second, almost like he'll disappear on him if he does.

"Yes it's me," Castiel replies with a small smile and Dean very nearly collapses on the floor because today has been an epically long fucking day- he'd been kidnapped by angels, one tax accountant angel had gone against the entirety of Heaven to help him and in the end die for him. Oh and they'd started the freaking apocalypse.

"But how did you-?" Chuck asks and Dean has to admit that's a pretty good question to ask because Cas had been dead, had been torn apart by the archangel by the sounds of it, yet here he is, good as new in his stupid fucking trench coat.

"Did you stop it?" Castiel steps towards Dean and of course Cas has to ask him, not the other two. Dean feels himself wince and curl up on himself because he doesn't want to admit this, doesn't want to tell Cas he'd basically died for nothing. Quickly, he shakes his head, not daring to look at Castiel because he knows what he'll see if he does and he doesn't want to see it, see how much he's let down the angel.

"Lucifer is free?" Castiel asks and Dean stops himself from wincing again because he asks it so coldly, so emptily and he just knows how much Cas had put into Dean stopping Sam, from stopping all of this and he'd failed.

"He couldn't stop me in time, it's all my fault," Sam says, rather unhelpfully.

"Cas?" Dean looks up at Castiel eyes, sees the anger bleeding inside them, the complete and utter disappointment and Dean can't blame him. Honestly, he doesn't know why Cas hasn't punched them all yet because damn straight they deserve it. And then Cas does something that he never does, he looks away from Dean and that's when Dean knows that their relationship is screwed, that Cas basically hates them now and blames them for everything. Dean silently screams for Cas to look back at him, for this to be fixed because he needs this to be fixed. Instead, Castiel pushes his fingers against Dean's chest, a quick flash of pain hitting Dean straight in his chest and ribs. Castiel wordlessly does the same to Sam and Chuck, still not making eye contact with any of them.

Dean rubs at his chest, wondering if it's some kind of angel punishment, "What the hell was that?"

Castiel says calmly, "They're a ward; they'll stop angels being able to locate you, even Lucifer."

"So you won't be able to find us either?" Dean asks because this isn't exactly a good plan. Cas needs to be able to find them, that is unless he stuck by them all the time, but he guesses in Cas' annoyed frame of mind that isn't going to be happening anytime soon.

"No."

Dean tries not to wince at the shortness of answer and instead forces a grin, trying his hardest to joke, "Well, look like we're going to have to get you a mobile like the rest of us human folk."

Castiel doesn't even smile, doesn't even look at Dean which makes Dean all kinds of mad and sad and fucking angry because he so did not need his angel hating him at this moment in time, especially when he's already not so happily hating himself.

"Why do we need to be protected from the angels?" Sam asks which Dean thinks is kind of a stupid question because the angel's had Dean locked in a freaking room a few hours ago. But then again, Lucifer is free now and they need Dean to slay him or whatever so doesn't that mean they're all on the same side again? That thought just makes Dean want to vomit because he so does not at all want to be on the same side as those douches that call themselves angels.

"Because they'll want to kill you," Castiel sighs, looking down at the floor.

Dean frowns, not really expecting that answer, "What, but I thought I was the 'righteous man' and all that bullshit."

Castiel sighs again, looking like a parent does when they're having to explain the most simple of things to their child fifty times, "That's exactly why they'll want to kill you. They don't want the apocalypse to stop; they want Lucifer to fight the Earth until there are no humans left. You are prophesied as the only man who can defeat him and that means they'll want you executed before you even have the chance to try."

"Why the hell do they want Lucifer to kill everyone?!" Dean shouts because this is so not okay and most of all makes no sense whatsoever. Why would the angels, beings that are supposedly God's children, want any of this?

Castiel finally fucking looks at him and Dean kind of wishes he hadn't because that look right there is anything but friendly, "Isn't it obvious? The angels detest the human species. Now that God isn't here to give orders it gives the angels higher up the chance to finally rid the Earth of our Father's preferred species. When the human race is all but extinct, they'll probably bring you back to defeat him but that won't be till years to come."

"Seriously?" Dean can't help suck his breath at that because shit.

"I'm being serious Dean," Castiel replies brusquely.

"Fuck," Dean breathes out, "So this is all because God decided to take a vacation? So because of Him all the angels decide to wipe out all of us humans?! Sorry Cas, but your dad can go fuck himself."

Castiel suddenly has his smiting face on and Dean flinches as the angel grits out, "It's not His fault."

"Whatever, what about Sammy, why would the angels come after him?" Dean asks because yeah, he gets why the angels would want Dean in their possession but his brother has nothing to do with this, not now that he's released Lucifer anyway.

"They have no use of him anymore. He has served his purpose of releasing Lucifer, that's all the angels needed of him."

"Great," Sam says sarcastically, "Glad I could have been of help."

"I swear Sam, if you don't stop guilt tripping yourself I'm going to shoot you," Dean yells, ready to actually shoot his brother in the freaking foot if he doesn't stop this because if he has to think about how Sam took a demon's side over him one more time he might actually scream and just shoot himself in the head in blind rage.

"What about me, I'm just a prophet, why would they want to kill me?" Chuck decides to finally engage in the conversation, probably noticing the tension and trying to diffuse it which is not going to work because when Dean is pissed, Dean is pissed.

If Castiel were human he would be rolling his eyes right about now, "They won't kill you but we cannot let them have you at their bidding. The angels must not know the future, we cannot risk them taking you and knowing what will happen while we don't. In fact, gather any of your belongings, I will take you somewhere where we can only find you."

"You're serious?" Chuck raises his eyebrows.

"Yes."

Dean has a horrible thought, his whole body going tight as he asks hurriedly, "What about Bobby, will the angels go after him as well?"

Castiel seems to consider it before saying, "I don't think the angels would, they don't understand how humans can bond with each other when they're not related by blood. I doubt Bobby has even crossed their mind."

"But still, will you go and do the rib thing to him too?" Dean asks because he is not taking Castiel's 'doubt' as a sure thing, not when it's about Bobby's safety.

"If it will assure you, yes. I'll go to him once I've taken Chuck to a safer place," Castiel nods and Dean wants to grin and say thanks but Cas is still standing tightly, still not having smiled once yet and Dean doesn't know whether Cas would burn his arm off he tried anything.

"Yeah but Dean," Sam says, ever the intellectual, "Bobby's not going to move out of that house for no one, so even with the ward on his ribs, the angels will still be able to find him easily."

Dean turns back to Cas, waiting for him to have some kind of answer and thankfully he does, "I'll teach him angel wards to prevent angels from coming anywhere near his property."

"Yeah, thanks Cas," Sam smiles.

Okay, so with that little titbit out the way, Dean turns to the more obvious, more alarming topic, "Now what though? How do we defeat the fucking Devil?"

Castiel tilts his head slightly at Dean and says calmly, "We don't, it's impossible."

"But you said that I was the one who was going to stop it all," Dean shouts, feeling more than a little frustrated because after all this, after the angels had pulled and pushed him around, telling him that they were only doing it to prepare him to defeat Lucifer and now Cas is telling him it's impossible? So why the fuck had Dean been treated like shit for nearly a year if he can't stop Lucifer?

"Yes I did but I don't even know where we would begin in defeating Lucifer," Castiel admits and at least he has the decency to look a little ashamed at saying that.

"So what are we going to do? Hide from the angels and twiddle our thumbs while Lucifer fucking kills everyone?" Dean steps towards Castiel, his jaw clenched, because that plan fucking sucks and there has to be something.

Castiel's face lights up somewhat, "I know who would know how to defeat him, who could end this all now, who is the only one possible in bringing me back to life."

"Who?" Sam asks, suddenly perking up but Dean doesn't because he knows that whatever comes out of Cas' mouth is not going to be that easy.

"God, I'm going to find God."

Yep, not expecting that one.

"Shit," Chuck practically shouts before widening his eyes, "Sorry, erm, I'm going to go get my stuff from upstairs."

Dean turns to Castiel when Chuck has finally left them, "God?"

"Yes," Castiel nods, acting like the fact he is talking about God, y'know the creator of everythingis a normal conversation piece.

"You think he's the one who brought you back?" Sam asks from across the room, standing up hopefully.

"Yes, he's the only one who has the power to do that," Castiel assures and the look of pure awe on his face makes Dean's heart swell because he knows what it's like, to put your entire faith on your father like that and Dean most definitely knows that it never ends well.

"Do you think he's the one who put us on that plane?" Sam asks Dean softly and Dean opens his mouth to reply that Sam is an idiot and of course it wasn't freaking God but then finds he can't really argue back because they don't know who did it and he supposes that God, of all people, is just as likely a suspect as anyone else.

"Plane?" Castiel asks, his eyes flicking from Dean to Sam.

"After I," Sam gulps, "killed Lilith, the whole floor started lighting up and Lucifer was coming from Hell in about five seconds. We tried to get out of the room but we couldn't but then we were suddenly on a plane."

"It was God," Castiel says certainly, "He saved you."

"But why? I mean, I just released Lucifer," Sam shakes his head, guilt evident still in his voice and Dean wants to thump it out of him which probably wouldn't be very much of a good idea but it's the only one in Dean's mind right about now.

"God must see you as worth saving Sam, as do I," Castiel smiles faintly and Dean fights the urge to hug him because Sam actually smiles, his body relaxing somewhat and Dean wonders why Sam will listen to Cas but not him. Maybe it's the whole angel of the lord thing. Who cares anyway if Sam is actually smiling.

Dean pulls the conversation back, trying not to keep the scepticism out of his voice but failing, "So what, you think that not only is God out there somewhere but he's willing to help?"

"He's not in Heaven, he has to be somewhere and I intend to find him," Castiel lifts his chin.

"How?" Dean asks because surely finding God is a bit more difficult than finding a freaking needle in a haystack.

"I will find a way," Castiel assures.

"Well good luck on that one, but while you're on a goose chase, we're going to try and find a way to stop the frigging Devil," Dean says and he's trying not to sound like a dick, he really is but like he said, it's been a long day and currently their only way of defeating Lucifer is finding God.

"That's what I am trying to do," Castiel's eyes blaze as he takes a step towards Dean, way too close to comfort when Castiel's face looks like that so Dean takes a step back instinctively because he doesn't want to be burned to a crisp. But he kind of deserves it, he guesses. He'd gotten Cas killed and now Cas is only trying to help and yet again, Dean is being a dick.

Dean sighs, looks at the angel apologetically, "Yeah I know that Cas, it's been a long day okay."

Castiel seems to understand Dean's apology and nods before placing his arm on Dean's shoulder, exactly where the hand print is, might Dean add. Dean looks up at him, eyes wide because maybe Cas doesn't hate him as much as Dean thinks he does. Maybe Cas still sees Dean as some kind of a friend. Please let him see you as a friend (Please let him see you as more than a friend). Castiel frowns before taking his hand away, stepping away from Dean quickly, and avoiding looking at Dean.

Dean frowns because what the hell does that mean? Does it mean Cas is his friend or not? Why the hell are angels so damn confusing?

"I'll take Chuck to his new home, I'll see you when I have news," Castiel states.

"Wait!" Dean calls out instantly, not wanting Cas to fly out on them. Cas turns to him with a frown before Dean realises that he kinda needs a reason to stop Cas from going anywhere which he- well, which he doesn't. But he does have something that would mean that Cas isn't ever out of reach.

"Here."

Castiel catches the phone easily, looking at it like it's the most puzzling thing in the world. And yeah, he looks like an adorable little baby bird. Ugh, shut up Dean.

Dean coughs, trying not to make it obvious that he's thinking of his friend (maybe not even that anymore) as adorable, "Keep that, it has Sam's number in it and my other phone's number. You call us if you need anything okay?"

Cas looks like he wants to say something but instead just simply murmurs, "Thank you."

And with a blink he disappears and the rustling upstairs stops too so Dean can only assume that Cas has taken Chuck to his brand new house, wherever that might be.

"So, uh, what now?" Sam asks, slightly timidly.

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose, "Right now, we go find a shitty motel so I can sleep because I most definitely need to sleep this fucking day off."