Wheelchairs and Trampolines Don't Mix.
By Shadowgate
….
The fourth grade boys showed up at Clyde's house for a planned football game. Everyone was in shorts and short sleeved shirts because it was a hot summer day.
When Clyde came out he said "hello everyone I was just watching the news and they want to ban trampolines."
Token said "I heard about that."
Craig added "it's bullshit the American Academy of Pediatrics has gone too far."
Kyle told everyone "we can use Cartman's fat ass as a trampoline. It wouldn't be any harder on him than a football game tackle."
Cartman responded "oh that's very funny Kyle. Hey you what would be really funny? Seeing you get hit by a garbage truck Kyle."
Kyle responded "well I didn't think your suggestion was funny fat ass but since you said mine was 'very funny' let's use those ropes on Clyde's backyard fence to tie your hands and Clyde can get a pair of toy handcuffs from his room to hold your feet together."
Butters, Craig, Token, and Stan grab Cartman and tie both his hands with the ropes hanging from Clyde's fence. Clyde came out with handcuffs and put the key on a backyard table.
Kyle said "ALRIGHT EVERYONE STEP RIGHT UP FOR YOUR CHANCE TO JUMP ON THE FAT BASTARD'S BELLY. THIS IS A REAL LIVE FAT ASS TRAMPOLINE."
Clyde jumped on Cartman's belly and went over the fence.
Craig was next.
Kyle
Terrance
Bill
Fossy
Stan
Jimmy jumped but didn't make it over.
Jason
Butters
Token
Kenny
The last one to jump was Timmy and then he rolled on to Cartman at full speed and tipped over.
Kyle said "oh shit dude!"
Stan said "let's get Timmy off of Cartman and help Cartman up.
Clyde got the handcuff key and Stan, Kyle, and Kenny checked Cartman for the following.
Trouble breathing.
Broken bones.
Heartbeat/Pulse
Scabs and bruises.
Cartman was sitting down and recovering and he said "wheelchairs and trampolines don't mix you guys. I suppose that's the Goddamn lesson we get to learn today."
Kyle said "you're right fat ass. When you see kids on a trampoline whether it's a photo or on television you never see a kid in a wheelchair bouncing up and down on it like kids who aren't paralyzed."
Cartman responded "well Kyle everyone knows that but in spite of knowing that none of you stopped Timmy rolling on top of me at full speed when I was used as a motherfucking human trampoline."
All the other boys say "hmm" but Kyle adds "you're right you fat fuck we didn't stop Timmy from running you over."
All the boys laugh at Kyle's comment except Cartman.
Cartman said "you assholes are so funny. I mean seriously you guys Timmy can't even play football much less jump on a trampoline but he got to participate and I was used as a human trampoline because I'm big boned. It's discrimination Goddamn it!"
Stan said "look on the bright side Cartman you made a sacrifice for the common good. We all had a good time."
Jimmy said "I agree with Stan, I thought it was fun and I couldn't make it over the fence."
Cartman said "I was forced to make the sacrifice because you tied me to the fence and Clyde put handcuffs around my ankles."
Kyle said "you're right but let's face it you'd never sacrifice for the common good on your own. You do however expect others to sacrifice for the common good."
Cartman said "I can sacrifice for the common good on my own."
Kyle replied "you never do that. You could have a 12 piece bucket of chicken from KFC and Starvin Marvin could be standing here and you wouldn't give him one piece and live with having to eat just 11 pieces of chicken from KFC."
Cartman said "well he's not standing here. Plus if he was and I had a 12 piece bucket it might be illegal for me to give him any."
Kyle asked "why the fuck would it be illegal for you to share food with him fat ass?"
Cartman said "well first off all anytime Starvin Marvin has been here he never at any point became a naturalized citizen of the USA."
Kyle said "that doesn't mean shit Cartman. Illegal aliens get fed all the time even at taxpayers' expense."
Cartman said "well he came from Africa and there are lots of disease outbreaks there so me feeding him might come into conflict with the Park County Health Department."
Kyle said "oh that's a bullshit excuse and so was the first reason you gave as to why you not only might not share with Starvin Marvin but you absolutely would not share period."
Cartman said "I could share easily. Hell I could throw a piece of chicken to Token and live with only 11 pieces out of 12 for all you know."
Token said "oh right me out of all the other kids would get one of your pieces of chicken."
Cartman said "well if I had to share one to prove a point to Kyle as well as sharing in the name of giving which would be in the name of the common good what would be wrong with sharing with you Token?"
Token said "it's not that sharing it with me would be wrong it's that I'd be the last you'd share with regardless of your reason for sharing. Hello I know you didn't just forget I'm black Cartman."
Cartman said "of course I know you're black nobody's forgotten that."
Token said "right and because I'm black I'd be the last person on your list you'd share chicken with out of all your other classmates."
Cartman said "oh Token's paranoid, he thinks I would share with anyone of you over him because he's black. If you guys think he's right raise your hands."
Everyone raises their hand, Jimmy raised his right crutch and the name "Timmy" was stated before the last hand went up.
Cartman said "whatever you guys can we just play football?"
Stan said "all this talk about KFC has made me hungry for KFC. Let's eat and after that we can play football. Cartman I'll buy you lunch since you made such a great human trampoline."
Cartman said "well thank you Stan that's very thoughtful."
Craig said "hold up jackasses it's only 10 AM. KFC does not open until 11AM."
Kyle said "there's a Jack in the Box beside it we can eat there."
Stan and Kyle took down everyone's orders and their money. Clyde was able to provide Dr. Pepper from his kitchen so Stan and Kyle wouldn't have to carry drinks.
When they got back Stan gave Cartman's food to Butters to give to him in a bowl. Butters put the bowl down and said "here Eric eat it like a pig."
Cartman yelled "GODDAMN IT BUTTERS!"
Butters got behind Cartman and pushed him down. That's when Cartman said "ahh fuck it" and began eating his breakfast out of a bowl.
Kyle said "GODDAMN BUTTERS THAT'S DEGRADING WHAT YOU JUST DID TO CARTMAN!"
Butters said "look at the way he treats me."
THE END