First time doing Teen Titans fanfiction and such, and it's a random idea that just popped up, so read, and enjoy (!). Or read and don't enjoy, it's up to you (but you'll make me happy if you likey-likey.)
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Deep inside a dark abode….
Lonely, except for the hum of machinery…
The only sound that accompanied it.. was soft snoring.
Slade rolled over in his bed, clinging dearly to a one eyed teddy bear.
"Why, no, Ms. Olsen, you're much better than your sister… Heheheh… You could teach the boy wonder to be wondrous…" Slade pushed his head deeper into the pillow, and dreamt on.
But sometimes.. People dream nightmares.
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"All right, boys, Tamaranians, demons, and cyborgs… Let's do this… Titans! GO!"
The five combatants leapt upon their adversary. With all of their strength and training they were battling one man. Not just a regular man, but they were assaulting a cripple. They were fighting a man with one eye.
Starfire flew down upon Slade, yelling a war cry. She opened her arms wide, charged a starbolt, and met Slade head on. They locked hands… and began to weave around in a beautiful slow dance.
"Why, Ms. Koriand'r, I'd say you're a natural." Slade said happily.
"Oh, do you really believe such a thing?" Starfire asked.
"But of course, my dear… Now dip me!"
Starfire leaned forward forcefully, slamming Slade into the ground painfully. She hopped away from him and raised her fists again, ready.
"Magnificent! Perfect! Truly perfect! Now, Beast Boy, to make a man out of y-"
He was cut short as Robin swung in, kicked his legs into Slade, and lifting him across the large room they were battling in.
"Yes, Robin! It appears the Batman has taught you much! But.. Can you do this!" With that uttered, Slade fell back onto the ground, curled up, and began spinning in a circle on his back.
Robin smiled smugly. "Come, Raven! Dance the swan with me!"
Slade gasped, and giggled happily. He watched the two birds dance the marvelous moves… of a bird.
Robin spun about a few times, while Raven floated majestically above and let Robin lead her in their exercise. The ended up, breathless, in front of Slade.
Slade nodded, and then suddenly stood tall. "Well, now, it's time for business." He said, his voice returning to its usual gruff and intimidating grunt.
"But we have not yet done our visual representation of the finer points in the Bill Clinton's presidency!" Starfire uttered, stomping her foot in frustration.
Robin nodded. "I'm the star, and she's the fire in my pants!"
Slade walked over to Robin, and looked down at him menacingly. At least, as menacing as a guy in a one eyed mask can look. Their staring contest lingered for a few seconds, before Robin said, "But you can't see my ey-"
SMACK!
Slade had suddenly and forcefully planted himself upon Robin, and was trying to rip his clothes off. "I'll make you my apprentice! You see what's for sale and you'll like it!"
Robin giggled, and playfully batted Slade's hands away. "But my out-hole is only the in-hole for Batman, silly!"
Slade stepped away from Robin suddenly, his one eye open in shock. "But I wanted to de-dandelion you!"
Robin shook his head. "Sorry, but this bird only takes big, long worms from one man."
"Raaaaugh!" Slade screamed in anger. "I'll show you! I'll show you all! Get them!" He gestured widely at the Titans, and out from the shadows burst at least a hundred of his robotic slaves.
Beast Boy screamed in horror and leapt into Starfire's arms, who cradled and hid him from the incoming onslaught.
Just when they were about to be torn asunder by the terrible minions, Cyborg suddenly ran up. He had on an ensemble of a purple top hat, purple dress shirt, and tight, metal hugging purple sweat pants. He spun a cane in his hand and pointed it skyward victoriously. "I got it!"
"What is it that you are having some of?" Starefire asked confusedly.
"This!" Cyborg pressed a large purple switch on the top of his hand, and then… Everything in the entire room suddenly went pitch black.
There were screams of horror from all inhabitants, robotic and human alike.
"Robin!" Raven gasped, "How many times do I have to tell you not to touch me there?"
"Oh, crap! Female! Sorry!" Slade whispered ashamedly.
"All right, all right. Everybody ready?" Cyborg asked.
"Yes, sir!" An army of voices chanted.
"Here we go!"
With the uttered, the lights came back on…. And the Titans were all decked out in a suit similar to Cyborg's in design, yet each one with a varying color. They stood at the helm of Slade's army which, strangely, was standing at attention… For Cyborg.
"And now," Raven, who was dressed in a pink version of Cyborg's suit, said, "We break it down."
Cyborg nodded, and the lights flickered off, then on, and an array of colors shot down from the ceiling and spiraled about the room as a disco ball would.
Cyborg was silhouetted against the lights, and he began tapping his foot. Techno music began belting out of some hidden speakers, the thumping that drove the music along aligned just perfectly with Cyborg's movement.
"No.." Slade said hoarsely, backing away from the monumental sight of his robots accompanying the Titans.
Cyborg stopped, spun to face Slade directly, and swiftly folded his arms. He nodded his head, and all others he commanded mirrored his movements. They held this pose for a moment, the began furiously kicking their legs in a massive Riverdance.
Slade twitched and convulsed. "No… No!" He spat savagely, continuing his retreat from his advancing foes.
They paced themselves toward him, all the while kicking their legs and hopping to the music.
When they were finally near to Slade, they all stopped. Swiftly and totally in synchronization. Then, each dancer began to drift off in pairs, where they then stood at attention for Cyborg's instructions.
When all had been paired off, Cyborg continued staring at Slade. Eye to eye to robot eye to nothing but a mask.
Slade looked fearfully at Cyborg, but managed to ask the only question on his mind. "W.. What do you want from me?"
Cyborg continued the stand off, a grim look on his face. "I only want…."
Slade gulped and tried to hide it.
"This dance."
Slade sighed, the proverbial weight finally off his shoulders. "But of course."
Cyborg smiled and took Slade by the hands. He nodded, then began to drift off with Slade.
The music started back up, this time a different song. Slow paced, but it began to draw out, to speed up.. And then it began a rousing country song, complete with the whole stereotypical shebang of glass bottles, banjos, fiddles, and singing which one would be more inclined to call "passionate yelling."
Each pair of dancers, as numerous as they were, still mimicked each other perfectly. They all drifted about, and did exactly as Cyborg began commanding. "Swing your partner round and round!"
Cyborg's words were cut off as the ground underneath them rumbled, cracked, and a monument chunk levitated magically into the air.
"Aww," Slade said happily, "Did you guys get me a clown, too? How'd you know it was my birthday, anyway?"
"Then allow me to give you a present.." A disembodied voice said, echoing out of the large hole where the floating rock once resided. It definitely had a feminine tone to it.
"And a magician, too?" Slade asked, nearly bursting with joy.
Swiftly and suddenly, a bright yellow streak from the hole, and slammed into Slade.
"Holy crap! Mad clown!" Beast Boy screamed. He jumped and cowered in the arms of his robotic dance partner.
"You stick your left foot in..." The person atop Slade said. The person was standing on Slade by just their left leg, apparently in a massive kick the began in the hole.
"It.. It's you…" Beast Boy said, dropping to the ground.
The stranger spun to face beast boy, an immaculate face free of any and all blemishes. Not an ounce of dust or dirt covered her…
"ROCKY!" Beast Boy said, suddenly sprinting forward in a hug.
"ADRIAAAAN!" The person said, opening her arms wide.
"ROOCKY!"
"ADRIIAAAN!"
The two encircled each other in a loving hug. Their frantic, loud voices matched the tone they exuded from the embrace. The feeling of warmth, long forgotten and newly recovered..
"Heeey… Wait a second!" Slade said, wagging his finger in their direction. "You're supposed to be a big ol' chunk of granite right now, aren't you?"
Terra turned to face Slade, and, in a voice even deeper than the one that he possessed, said, "Surprises happen, baby."
Beast Boy nodded, and his usual voice had been replaced by something even higher pitched, almost enough to make one squeamish through just the way (s)he spoke alone. "Yeah, and people should accept us for who we are… And what our love is!"
"But.. I thought.. Everyone loves me.." Slade murmured sadly. A single tear wormed it's way out of his mask, and streaked it's lonely way down to the ground.
"Some people are just.. Ahem.. Better equipped." Beast Boy said, blushing slightly.
"Oh… Hahahahaha!" Each person in the room all laughed joyously at that, robot and human alike.
"Hahaha- AAAGH!" Slade screamed painfully. Suddenly he was trapped beneath the mammoth rock Terra had been holding aloft with her mind.
"Oops." (S)he said, failing to hide her smirk.
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Later, while everyone was gathered around group of police cars just outside of Slade's headquarters….
"Well, guys, I think this calls for a celebration. We just beat Slade…. Again!" Robin said proudly.
"But of course." Cyborg said, nodding.
"And celebrate Terra's newfound freedom! In expressing who and what she really is.. And also in being free from her stony imprisonment!" Starfire declared.
A few feet off, a cop was accompanying a miracuasly alive Slade into the back of a police car.
"I would have gotten away for it, too, if it weren't for that green dog! Or green rat! Or green ferret! Or green oc- Agh!" Slade winced from having his head slammed into the roof of the cop's cruiser. "Hey! Watch i- OW!" Having his head pummeled a second time, Slade grudgingly ducked into the car.
"Watch your head." The cop said.
"A little late for that, isn't i- ARRGH!" Slade yelled yet again, this time from having the door completely close around his leg from the knee down.
"Aah," Raven sighed. "It feels so good to be good. I just want to be a naughty little demon once…" She leaned into the metallic chest of one of Slade's robots. "Don't you?"
"Well," Robin said, finally taking action as the Titan leader. "I think we should go out and do something. How about a gay ba- Aaaahiiii, I mean pizza?"
"All right! Let's do it!" Cyborg bellowed, pumping his arm into the air. There was a soft click, heard by all except for the Boy Wonder. "Oops.."
"I just want you to know I'm proud of you GUYS," Robin said, gesturing towards the Titans. "And I want to thank you for all that y-" Robin stopped in mid sentence as his addresees suddenly stepped to the side of him. "What's wr-"
SMACK!
The robots continued the original river dance acting, beginning with a massive kick – and one landed right between Robin's legs.
"Oh, Robin.. We love you!" Each Titan said warmly.
"I.. I.. Ice pack on my p.. package.." Robin whimpered.
Starfire stooped down, hoisted Robin over her shoulder, and the Titans began to journey off down the road.
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"Stupid kids… They made my spine go Snap, Crackle, and Pop!" Slade hissed.
"Hey…" A voice asked from the front of the squad car.
Slade blinked in surprise, and settled back down calmly. "Psh, there's nobody in the front seat. That's just my mind playing tricks on me! I mean, I may be crazy but there's no way I'd be insane… Right?"
"So you like the Rice Krispies guys, huh?"
"…" Slade looked around the cop car in confusion, trying to find the source of the voice.
"Down here, guy!" The voice said angrily.
"Huh.. Oh! There you are! But… Who are you?"
"Argh! I'm the Keebler elf! Don't you know me! Come on, man, cut me a break! What's so good about the Krispies kids? I'm fifty years old, three inches tall, and my head is three inches WIDE! Do you think I've ever gotten a girl! No! I haven't! I tried to pay a girl once… But you now what? She stepped on me man! SHE STEPPED ON ME! How would that make you feel?
Slade listened quietly, intently staring at the elf. "Well.. If I may make a suggestion.. Maybe you're a bird of a different feather. If you know what I mean…"
The Keebler elf looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Well… Let's put it like this… Girls… Once a month they always get to say, 'Hey, back off, it's that time of the month.' But you'll say, 'Honey, it's been that time for the past month! You can't have a time of the month when it's 30 days long!' Then you know what she'll do? Well, it won't be you! Nope, her legs will be shut like vicegrips, man. Impenentrable iron, you know? But guys… Let's take me for example. I was just slammed into the ground by a rock weighing… Oh, about six tons. But you know what? I'm hungry right now! You know what I have a craving for?"
The Keebler Elf shook his head, listening attentively to Slade's speech.
"Sausage."
Following that, there was an intense silence. Then, a communal nodding of heads.
"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship," The Elf said, climbing in the driver's seat.
"Let's roll!" Slade shouted, overflowing with joy.
The elf jumped to the car's ignition, and his weight turned the key. The car sputtered to life, and…
BOOM!
It exploded in a brilliant fireball of heated, melting metal and blinding red flames.
(Teen Titans.. GO!)
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"What was that crap?" Asked Toucan Sam, the Froot Loops mascot.
"Christ, guys! I'm 'The Artist Formerly Known as Snap.' Argh, I need to get an agent.." Snap said, sighing.
Crackle nodded. "And I prefer to be called 'Tominique De Le Ceur Fleur the seventh.'"
"Whatever floats ye boat. Because, ye know, it's better than a sinking boat." Cap'N Crunch nodded, puffing a cigar and rubbing his glass eye. "Wish they'd let me use an aaaaaaaye patch, matey."
"Well, I think we SHOULD let it BE BROADCASTED. I think it was GOOD." The Trix Rabbit said, twitching and drooling slightly. He was injecting himself with a questionable liquid. "Damned kids, won't SHARE the Trix.. I'll share a BULLET with their HEEEAAADS!" He cocked a pistol, and placed it with a few other instruments of death strapped to him.
"I'm a freaking FAIRY and I thought it was pretty queer. I mean, come on." Lucky the 'fairy' said. He was dressed in a frilly pink tutu, and his hat was adorned with hearts, not accompanied by stars, horseshoes, clovers, or blue moons, no pots of golden rainbows, and certainly no red balloons.
"Well, guys, I thought it was GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!" Tony the Tiger said, striking a dramatic pose.
"Oh, Tony! Hahahaha!" Chorused the myriad of cereal mascots.
BLAM!
"Shit! That wasn't the safety!"
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And then.. A collective bow from the cast. Cyborg is squatting down to accommodate for the height difference between him and the Keebler elf.
"I assure you, I can reach your hand without ai-" SQUASH!
"That's not great!" Tony the Tiger said, examining the bottom of his foot, which littered with elf guts.
The bow completed, and the curtain fell… Then someone strolled out from behind the curtain, looking around shyly.
It was one of Slade's robotic minions, who, after a seconds hesitation, boldly stepped center stage. He looked at the crowd, stood firm… And began to do the robot.
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"T-t-th-th-that's all, folks!" Porky Pig stammered out, before succumbing to a violent coughing fit.
"God! I need a smoke.." He wheezed, reached into his pocket, and fished out a cigarette and lighter. He stuck the cancer stick to his mouth, took a puff, and hastily threw it to the ground.
"Hey! Hey, you!"
Porky spun around and looked for the voice's origin. "Who's th – Crap!"
Porky suddenly bolted in the opposite direction he was facing, a look of raw fear on his face.
Smokey the bear ran swiftly in the other direction, waving a net about his head. "And to demonstrate how to properly dispose of fire… We're going to cook some BACON!"
The cameraman swung about, and followed the fleeing two. He stripped of his clothes, and underneath.. Was a black cape, and a tight shirt adorned with a large 'R'.
"Teen Titans… GO!" Robin yelled.