AN - some of you may recognise this story from ao3 but since i managed to dig out my account (i just really like my username here) i decided to cross-post it (since it looks like the grayza community is much more active here anyway).
ah the good old days of where i used to lurk around the ft fandom looking for grayza fics.
WARNING (for new readers) - this is supposed to be canon-compliant, so there will be spoilers up till the avatar arc, there will be a little angst, and there will be slight juvia and jerza moments.
onward with the story!
Gray sits at the bar top of one of Magnolia Town's many pubs, nursing what is probably his first mug of beer in an entire year. The beer is less strong than those from Cana's stash, the barmaid less hospitable than Mirajane, and the atmosphere less friendly than that at Fairy Tail, but Gray knows not to be fussy. With Fairy Tail now gone, he wouldn't have come back to Magnolia Town at all, had he not needed help from Porlyusica for the black markings on his body.
He clenches his right fist, feeling his ice magic thrumming through his veins. It is a cool, comforting and familiar sensation.
Only now, this sensation is coupled with a feeling of strength. A feeling of immense power he hadn't possessed till recently.
Gray smirks in satisfaction, watching the marks twist and bend on his skin at his command.
Time to find the book of END.
As Gray is contemplating his next course of action, though, the door to the bar is flung open with unnecessary force. He turns around curiously as the entire bar suddenly quietens, but his initial irritation at the disruption soon morphs into surprise when he sees the visitor.
"Erza!"
"Gray! Why are you here?"
As it turned out, Erza had been travelling alone for the past half a year, researching into a cult called Avatar on Jellal's request. She had run out of leads and had, out of frustration and a desire to go somewhere safe to decide her next move, decided to come back to Magnolia Town to rest.
Just as Gray is updating Erza on his current plans to find and destroy the book of END, however, Erza fixes him with a thoughtful look.
"Since you're looking for the book of END, why don't you start somewhere with a link to Zeref?"
Gray looks at Erza quizzically.
"What I mean is," she continues impatiently, "you could join Avatar as a member. That way, you'll get first-hand information on Zeref, and you can provide me updates on the inner workings of Avatar as a whole."
Gray's confused look immediately turns into one of incredulity. Erza has had plenty of crazy ideas before, but this is certainly a whole new level of dangerous. "You want me… to infiltrate into Avatar?"
"Yes." There is a characteristic gleam in Erza's eyes, one that usually spelled trouble. "Don't worry too much though - I'll provide you with plenty of support from outside."
Gray starts to hesitate, but then he hears his father's words echo in his mind, and then he feels his magic coursing through his body. Steeling his resolve, he stares directly into Erza's challenging gaze, his own one equally determined.
"I'll do it."
"Good," Erza smiles in approval. "We'll work out the details later. Now, though, since we're back here…"
At this, Erza's smile widens meaningfully.
"Walk with me, Gray."
Of course, Gray knows better than to disobey, for Erza is still Erza, no matter how much more powerful he gets.
They wander aimlessly around Magnolia Town, drinking in the nostalgic sights and sounds they had left behind one year ago. However, it is not long before Gray finds themselves ambling down a well-trodden road leading to a familiar river, and it is just before they walk past the stone bridge when Erza suddenly tugs at Gray's arm in a gesture to stop. Not that she pays any mind to his reaction though, for she subsequently tugs him wordlessly along until they are both settled comfortably on the river bank.
Gray barely has enough time to glower about being manhandled (yet again) by Erza, however, before she turns to address him.
"So, how are things going on with you and Juvia?"
Unprepared for the sudden question, Gray stares at Erza in shock. She is eyeing him intently - ever the woman with a mission.
"Why're you suddenly asking about Juvia?" He grouses petulantly.
Damn Erza and her big-sister mode.
"Didn't I tell you to be more resolute in your actions?" Erza grins playfully in response. "So now that you're living with her... Does that mean you've told her how you feel?"
Gray scowls.
"Geez, there's nothing to tell. I... don't like Juvia… in that way - " he mutters, blushing slightly. His words come out more hesitant than he had intended, and Gray quails slightly under Erza's knowing gaze. Erza is definitely perceptive enough to be able to sense his uncertainty, and she is definitely not one who has any qualms about calling him out on it.
" - I think," Gray corrects himself, looking away sullenly.
The unspoken "I don't know what I feel" hangs in the air, and even though he knows that Erza will be able to pick up on it, Gray doesn't bother clarifying his feelings.
How could he, when those words are the closest to truth?
The truth being that Gray truly doesn't know what he feels for Juvia.
Sure, Juvia is physically attractive, and anybody with a functioning pair of eyes can see that, Gray notwithstanding. He is, after all, a typical teenage male, and he can appreciate a nice set of curves when he sees one, be it on Juvia, Lucy or even sometimes on Erza. Granted, though Juvia may constantly express her adoration for him in an excessive and somewhat annoying manner, Gray knows that she doesn't actually mean any harm. And yet, Juvia is more than just a beautiful, talented mage with a kind heart, and Gray can't deny that Juvia was the one who had always been there for him when no one else was, especially when he had needed the support.
Especially when…
Gray unconsciously clenches his right fist, trying to shake off the memories of that evening, where it had just been him, the cold winter air, and the clumsily marked grave standing crookedly in the snow.
It had taken weeks for him to stop dreaming about his own father.
His jovial, benign father of his childhood days, vanishing right in front of him, leaving not a trace of his existence behind.
Juvia had been so warm, that evening.
So…
Does that mean…?
Frustrated, Gray groans, cradling his head in his palms.
He knows that Juvia likes him, but does he truly like Juvia back, over and above his usual care and concern for the other Fairy Tail members? Just because she was there for him when he needed it most?
Is this… what love is?
What does being in love even feel like?
…
Why are feelings so… complicated?
A hand falls lightly on his shoulder, breaking his train of messy thoughts. He turns to find Erza gazing at him, her expression soft and filled with sympathy.
"I apologise for my question, Gray. I was only trying to tease you," she says, a hint of regret in her voice. "You can hit me if it makes you feel any better."
"Uh, no, it's fine." Gray waves off her apology awkwardly. He would have had to confront his feelings sooner or later, anyway.
Erza sighs, before turning back to face the river. Tucking both legs against her chest and wrapping her arms around them, she rests her chin on her knees. "But I think I understand what you're going through, myself."
Gray irresistibly feels a sense of déjà vu. It had been a moonlit night, during the Grand Magic Games, with just the two of them talking on a balcony overlooking the entire town of Crocus. Erza had brushed off his concern back then.
"Is this… about Jellal?"
Gray isn't surprised when his question is met with silence. He knows that for all her meddling, Erza isn't one to talk about her own feelings.
She was always on her own, wearing armour around her heart…
And crying.
A sudden surge of protectiveness wells up from within him.
"You… love Jellal, don't you?"
Erza tenses up next to him, but Gray is nothing if not patient.
He has to find out.
"I… don't know," she finally exhales in resignation, her lips pursed in an unhappy line.
Gray is reminded once again of that moonlit night.
Love, hate… these things are too heavy for me.
"What is love… exactly?" Erza murmurs contemplatively, a hand reaching up to twirl absently at a lock of scarlet hair, now a deep shade of maroon in the weak evening sun. "Do I… love him…? Even though he's caused me so much pain? Even when… he's determined to walk in his own path... away from me?"
Gray looks at her apprehensively.
How can he respond to that, when even he himself is not sure of what love is?
Erza is apparently not looking for an answer, though.
"I think… I do love him… if love means being there for him in his darkest times…"
Her voice is soft, but steady. Then again, Erza is never one to be unsure of herself.
"I think I love him… if love means letting him do what he thinks is best for himself…" she falters, before continuing resolutely, "even if it's not the best for me…"
She lapses into silence, lost in her own thoughts.
"I think I love him… even if by loving him… it means… that I have to let him go."
Erza smiles faintly, her gaze clouded. She is evidently recollecting some sort of bittersweet memory.
"This is our answer, after all… and…"
"… it's not so bad, is it?"
And Gray cannot find any words he can say in response to that.
So they both sit quietly, mulling over their shared conversation, as they watch the sun setting behind the far off mountains. It is a cool evening, perfect for staying outdoors, and a gentle wind toys with their hair as it makes its way downstream. Their surroundings are otherwise still and tranquil, save for the gushing of the river. The water flows by ceaselessly, endlessly, and the gentle sounds it makes as it runs over pebbles and rocks cast a hypnotic spell over the two, lulling both Gray and Erza into sleepy and content states.
And for a moment, Gray wishes that time would stop.
Right now, right here, where it's just him and Erza, two friends bound together not by obligation nor by complex feelings, but by a deep-rooted and mutual sense of trust, affection and lo -
Love...?
And when he sneaks a peek at Erza, he notices that her normally tense features are relaxed and calm, and he inexplicably gets a feeling that she feels the same way.
(She does.)
Unfortunately, time, like the river, stops for no one.
The sudden ringing of a bell breaks them both out of their reveries. The sun has now fully set, and a full moon glows faintly in its place. Behind them, a boy and a girl laugh gleefully as they race on bicycles. The girl is evidently in the lead, and her high pitched voice rings out from afar as she crows in victory. An argument subsequently ensues as the two children continue along the path, but Gray and Erza both remain silent even after the sounds of their bickering have faded into the distance.
"It's getting late. Let's head back to the inn," Erza finally says, as she slowly rises from the grass. Her tone has regained its characteristic authoritativeness, even if currently laced with a tinge of exhaustion.
She reaches out a hand to help Gray up, her lips upturned in a small, pensive smile.
"We can discuss the details of the mission tomorrow. We still have some time, but I hope that we can make a move as soon as possible."
Gray grabs her proffered hand wordlessly, wondering how to lighten the melancholic mood about them.
Suddenly, an idea strikes him.
He grins at her.
"Well, if there's gonna be an infiltration mission, shouldn't we have fancy code names? You could call me… Sub-zero Hero?"
Erza laughs tiredly.
"Geez, you're as bad as Natsu sometimes," she chuckles wearily in amusement. "We will definitely need code names, though. It's going to be dangerous, and we can't let anyone know about it, or get involved in it. And that means," Erza glances at him, a knowing look in her eyes, "you won't be able to tell Juvia about it, even if she asks."
Gray frowns slightly at her words, but he nods in assent all the same. He hated lying, but he'd rather die than let anyone get hurt on his account.
"Of course."
"Good," Erza smiles slightly at him, seemingly reassured. Not that she has any reason not to be, Gray thinks. Since when had he ever let her down anyway?
A head on his chest shakes him out of his musings. It is an unfamiliar gesture, for Gray can't remember the last time Erza had hugged him, but it is definitely not a foreign, nor unwelcome one. Erza is a warm and comfortable weight against him, and Gray involuntarily leans into her.
"Code names. I'm not very good with names. I'll just be… Code Red or… something like that, Mr Sub-zero Hero," she mumbles into his shoulder.
"Code Red? Then… I'll be Code Black," Gray replies absentmindedly, as he tentatively reaches out a hand to pat her head. He knows she's thinking of her hair colour. The colour red has always meant a lot to Erza, after all.
Then again, though Gray's not particularly concerned about his own hair colour, Code Black admittedly sounds cooler and less tacky than Sub-zero Hero.
He feels her shake her head against his shoulder.
"Code Blue. You'll be Code Blue."
Blue?
Gray frowns in confusion.
But blue…
It takes a moment for the implications of her words to sink in, and when it does, Gray looks at Erza in surprise. It is not an easy feat, for her head is still on his shoulder.
Erza doesn't look at him. Instead, she turns to stare at the flowing river. Her eyes are clear and bright as she gazes at the water, now dyed an inky black by the pale glow of the low-hanging moon. Without warning, she silently snuggles further into him, wrapping her arms lightly around his torso.
Gray smiles in understanding, and drapes an arm loosely around her shoulder.
"Okay. I'll be Code Blue."
He senses, rather than sees, Erza smiling back.