Pirates of the Cara Bean

Chapter One:

The Cara Bean

Once upon a time there was a Pirate named Captain Jack Sparrow. He was hilarious looking because of his face. His favorite pastime was drinking. His favorite things to drink are rum, rye, Mike's hard lemonade (was that invented back then?), and many many many more things. Now you know Captain Jack Sparrow.

On this lovely Tuesday morning, Jack was on his way to the SSDPC (Super Secret Drunken Pirate Club). With him he brought rum and his non-pirate friend Will Turner. He brought Will Turner with him because he could sense that there was going to be a job assigned to him today and he didn't want to be alone.

Will didn't want to come so Jack had to pull him. Will wasn't very strong so pulling him was very easy. Also Will was ugly. He was so ugly that even the ugliest people in the world (Like Anna Nicole Smith) ran away after seeing him.

"But Jack!" said Will "I'm not a pirate! I'm too ugly to be a pirate!" he started to cry because he had just reminded himself how unattractive he is.

"Shut up Will! For goodness sake! Who cares if you're ugly! All the pirates except me are ugly! So you fit in! Even if you are uglier than the rest of them!" yelled Jack who was very attractive but only when he's a pirate and not when he's Willy Wonka or anybody else.

After much yelling and crying they finally walked through the doors of the SSDPC secret headquarters. It was in an oversized dumpster.

"ARG!" yelled all the pirates shielding they're eyes. Some of then started to cry in horror. "Why did you have to bring that hideous monster?"

Will started to cry and curled up in a ball in a corner of the dumpster room.

"Okay! Now that we've taken care of that we must assign Jack with the hardest mission we have just because we know he'll do it because we're to lazy!" said the leader who was named Billy Joe. Everybody said "Arg!" in Lazy delight.

Jack was busy staring at a very attractive ant and he didn't hear anything that had been said. "JACK!" screeched another pirate named Mike.

Jack looked up and smiled a very cute attractive smile. That made everybody smile and blush. I think they all had crushes on Jack but you never know with Pirates. A pirate named Tre broke the attractive silence.

"JACK! STOP HIPNOTIZING EVERYBODY WITH YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS!" roared Tre.

Jack looked down. "Sorry" he said

"Now." Said Billy Joe. "Jack. You're assignment is to go deep into the land of the munchkin's in search of a magical bean. This bean has a cursed name that shouldn't be said out loud but I will say it. It's called the… Cara Bean!"

Everybody except Jack (cause he was too attractive) and Will (because he was too ugly) gasped. And because it was cursed to say "Cara Bean" lightning came from the sky and hit Will.

"Ouch!" said Will. He then dropped dead. It didn't matter because Will had inherited immortal powers from his great great great (keep saying great for precisely fifteen minutes) grandfather Kenny from South Park.

Billie Joe gave Jack a map to the land of the munchkins. So Jack left the Dumpster dragging Will with him. Will was still crying.

"Why are you crying?" asked Jack avoiding looking at the repulsiveness of Will.

"Cause I'm ugly! I'm hideous! I'm unattractive! I'm disgusting!" cried Will

"Hey! On our way to the Cara Bean"(A giant metal man walked up to Will and punched him in the face) "we can visit the Lizard of Oz and ask him to make you handsome like me!" said Jack and he smiled his attractive smile. A group of teenage girls (and some guy's) screamed and fainted because he was so handsome.

Will stopped crying "Really? Hurray!" He yelled causing some nearby people to look at him and scream at his spitefulness and run away.