Aurikku/Gikku for Bonzai1990
I'll Keep My Memories Inside
AN. An Aurikku/Gikku (Aurikkugikku!! That sounds so cute!!) fic requested by Bonzai 1990. Sorry it took so long but I've been so busy and, Gikku not being something that I really support… well, it's been kind of like scratching at the bottom of a dry well, or digging a tunnel to China with a plastic spoon, maybe, just looking for some sort of inspiration. But here it is! I hope you like it!! –Riss
3 Years after the events of Final Fantasy X-2
Yunie asked me the funniest thing today. She said: "If you could freeze just one moment in time forever and ever, what would it be?" I said that it would be me, winning our bet about when Lulu's second little bubba is gonna come, but she said that it had to be something that had already happened. I thought of you instantly, Auron, but then I stopped. I thought of Yunie, and Lulu and Wakka, and Tidus coming back, and even meeting Paine!! You don't know her but she's great- even if she is a bit of a cranky puss! …I also thought of Gippal.
Gippal is my dad's friend's friend's dad's niece's granddaughter's husband… or maybe he was the cousin of my dad's friend's- Never mind. We grew up together, but I hadn't seen him since before that day we met on the Moonflow. That is, until I joined the Gullwings. After that, it seemed like he was everywhere, and just as annoying as always, too!! But that's not the point. I'm scared, Auron. I have so many happy memories of you, but they're fading away. I'm making new memories and I'm happy about it, just… I really don't want to lose you.
I must sound so stupid. "Memories are nice, but that's all they are"- right? No… They're not just memories. They can't be- not when they're all I have left of you.
It's almost funny- during the pilgrimage I just wanted you out of my hair and nothing more, but now that you're actually gone… It's been five years and I still can't get over it…
Anyway, I started crying and Yunie looked really shocked because I know that she'd been thinking of her beautiful little wedding on the beach last weekend, but I couldn't do that. Even my happiest memories are so complicated- so sad…
Gippal was at the wedding, he came with Nhadala and Brother and for a minute there I was so jealous that you can't even imagine!! I swear, in that moment my ears were smoking and my eyes were… well, more green than usual! Then I found out that Nhadie had actually come as Brother's date (though Yevon knows why she'd wanna go out with him) and that Gippal was still single! Oh, Auron! I felt so relieved! …And then I felt guilty, because... Well, officially we never broke up, right? I guess I just didn't want to make it final by saying it out loud- or even thinking it. I thought that if I just pretended like everything was okay, then one day you'd just… Oh, I can just imagine the patronizing look you'd be giving me if you could hear this!! "The power of love" and all that. Well, don't you dare mock me- it worked for Yunie!!
…Baralai proposed to Paine at the wedding, I was so sure she was gonna kick his ass for even suggesting that she settle down- her being so fond of adventure and all- but, no! She said yes! She said yes and she kissed him and everybody cheered!! I was really happy for her, and for Yunie too, but to be honest, I was still thinking about you.
When I left Yunie's today I was feeling really depressed and I knew that she could tell and that she was worried about me but I couldn't bear to tell her the truth- I just tried to be happy and chatty like always. It's just so cruel of me to be jealous of my very bestest friends' happiness but I am! I want a lover like Paine's Baralai, a husband like Yunie's Tidus- even a baby like Lulu and Wakka's Vidina, and the little one that's on the way right now!
It doesn't seem fair that all of my friends can be so happy. I mean, Yunie's love came back from the dead for her!! But I went through that pilgrimage too! Don't I deserve some sort of reward?! I risked my life just like Yunie did!! It's horrid of me to say it, but what about me?
…And now I'm scared. What if my happy ending is right in front of me –what if it's Gippal I'm meant to be with but neither him nor me can be happy because I'm so torn up whining over you?! I love you, Auron. I love you so much and, five years on, it still hurts terribly that you're gone… but I want to love and be loved like all of my friends. I want the hot steamy nights, the passion-filled kisses, the pretty dress and the bouquet… I want to plan my wedding, choose my colours, set up a crib in the spare room... I want to love and to be loved in return! Dammit all!!
I'm 20-years-old, hardly out of my teenage years- is my life really over already? If it is… well, Yevon must really hate me, huh?
I'm seeing Gippal tonight. I hope you don't mind, but I can't bear to just sit and watch any longer. Anyway… I just wanted to say thanks for everything, and… goodbye. I'm not going to stop loving you, but I can't think about you anymore. I've gotta worry about what's best for me and, well, what's best for me right now just isn't you anymore. I'm sorry but it's the truth.
I will always cherish the memories that we shared in the past, but I will not allow them to take over my future. I'm going to be okay now, so don't worry. Don't be sad.
I'll keep my memories inside and I'll love you forever.