She believed in him. He was the reason why she got out of bed every morning. She lived for him. She was glad to be close to him every day. He was her energy, her life force. Without him, she was simply a weird outcast on a hopeless quest. He was her light in the dark, the flower on a grave.
She thought that he liked being around her too. She wanted to repay him for being her life by leading him on many adventures.
Aren't you a bit too old for pretend? he'd always say. And she would always reply with, Of course, but all of the best things in this life are pretend. He would chuckle, and ruffle her hair. She loved making him laugh, but those days were over.
How did he return her love? By laughing at her feelings. She could still hear the laughter, over and over. Over and over and over. It hurt worse than anything else. It hurt even more than knowing that all of what she so desperately wanted, what she so desperately wished to be true, was not real. Not in this world, nor in any other.
Everything she'd heard about heartbreak was absolutely, utterly, wrong. It was a dull ache, an empty pit in the stomach that could never be filled by delicious food.
The pain in her chest grew into a gaping chasm. Was that really how others saw her? Was it how the rest of the group saw her? A foolish girl stuck in a fantasy world, with no real hopes, dreams, or aspirations? A foolish girl who stepped on others to get what she wanted?
The whole time that the brigade was created, was it all a lie? She'd wanted to believe. Had the kindness just been a lie, like everything else?
Yes. It must have been. Ghosts, espers, aliens, time travelers, sliders– of course those didn't exist. Friendship was a lie too. Like leaves on a tree that look beautiful at first, but with a weak breeze, flutter to the ground.
I don't want this world to exist. Not in a world where Kyon and I aren't together. Where the Brigade is separated. Where all of my fantasies don't exist. I just want to be happy.
"Haruhi? Are you there?" Kyon's concerned face stared back at her, his finger tilting her chin up gently. She opened her eyes.
"Yeah, I'm right here, you dummy. You're touching me, aren't you?" Her smile was forced.
"What's wrong?" The rest of the Brigade's attention turned towards her.
"Nothing really. I was off in another world, I guess."
"You always are, aren't you?" Yuki gave her a meaningful look.
"Yes, I suppose I am." The group left it at that, and walked on to their destination. Kyon held her close.
"I'm glad you're here." His gentle smile made her heart hurt, but she smiled back. It was for the best.
A/N: Apologies if this didn't really make sense, I wrote this to get something off of my chest. I put more emotion into this than thinking, so it doesn't have a plot or anything.