Title: Marshmallow Addiction

Rating: T

Genres: Humor, Friendship, Romance, Adventure, mild Hurt/Comfort and Angst

Summary: The new DADA teacher is weird. He has a marshmallow addiction. He's ridiculously misleading. He loves teasing. He… he's not even teaching them magic! Dumbledore might've wondered if Dolores Umbridge was a better choice for DADA teacher if it weren't for the fact that he picked Byakuran because of aforementioned traits.

Pairings: 10069100, 2759, XS, R56, 18D; others undecided.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, hilarity in general, crude humor, spoilers, post-manga, possible OOC, Byakuran, TYL, the works.

~oOo~

Dumbledore's first impression, after he's pulled off the blindfold?

He's impressed. The Vongola mansion he's visiting is about half the size of Hogwarts, and this is only one of their minor branches. And it's beautifully decorated, while men and women alike mill about, talking animatedly about their day.

Not exactly the kind of thing you'd expect from the mafia, but he's heard rumors of the Vongola Decimo's extreme kindness.

As he walks towards the gate, a silver haired young man, perhaps twenty-three or twenty-four, chewing an unlit cigarette, looks up at him with guarded but seemingly disinterested green eyes, their color vivid like young Harry Potter's.

From the look of him, he looks slightly Asian but mostly Italian, although the hair color is a little misleading.

"Albus Dumbledore-san?" the young man asks, tilting his head. He's most likely part Japanese then, Dumbledore decides, since he uses an honorific.

Upon hearing his name, Dumbledore nods and says their meeting phrase: "Storm, rain, sun, lightning, cloud, and mist."

"They are all powerful, but cannot exist without a sky," the man replies in flawless English, and Dumbledore is, yet again, very impressed. "Welcome to one of Vongola's Scotland branches. I am Hayato Gokudera, the Storm Guardian and the right hand of the Vongola."

Dumbledore, to be honest, is rather flattered that Decimo has sent his right hand man to greet him. He follows after Hayato, who's turned and is leading him into the mansion. People around them turn to the young man, dipping their heads in respect.

They reach the dining hall, where Hayato kicks the door down, startling Dumbledore quite a bit but he manages not to show it as he follows him into the room.

It's large. And there's no grand table or anything; just small tables and the such scattered all around and Dumbledore looks around in slight confusion as he wonders where the Decimo and his guardians sit.

Reading his expression, Hayato rolls his eyes. "The Decimo and his Guardians don't sit together at one big table. We sit with whomever we like, and everybody knows that they can feel free to take a seat anywhere they'd like. The Decimo's kind like that."

Dumbledore watches as several people, around Hayato's age, come in, dragging a huge table, and taking out the others. "But today's a special occasion," Hayato adds. "Since you're here, the Decimo thinks it'd be nice to invite you for dinner to discuss the mission details with the core members of the Vongola."

"I'm… flattered," Dumbledore tells Hayato sincerely.

A tall tanned man comes over, a bamboo sword on his back before Hayato can reply. "Ah, is this is our client?" he asks with a Japanese accent.

"Yes, you dumbass," Hayato retorts, rolling his eyes. "Dumbledore-san, this is Takeshi Yamamoto, but feel free to call him baseball nut. He's obsessed. And he doesn't take offense."

As if to prove his point, Takeshi just grins widely before pointing to the seat next to the largest one. "You're sitting there," he says. "It's just so conversation is easier… and you're also safer there. And Gokudera likes sitting on the right side."

Safer…? Before Dumbledore can question it too much, he's being shoved towards the seat as others start flooding in, and they are quite… odd…

Just like Takeshi said, Hayato takes a seat on the right hand side of the head of the table, where the seat is still empty. Takeshi takes the seat next to Hayato, quickly waving over another pale-haired man, maybe a little older than Takeshi and Hayato, but this one's louder.

"Are you extremely our client?" the man booms energetically. "If you are, I am the extreme Sun Guardian, Ryohei Sasagawa! It is nice to meet you to the extreme!"

"Sit down, senpai," Takeshi laughs. But before Ryohei does, a poker faced and black-haired man practically glides in.

For some reason, the young man gives him the chills, but Dumbledore suppresses the feeling. But Ryohei seems to lack survival skills and as soon as he spots the man, he smiles even wider. "Hibari!" He prances towards him and latches onto his arm, practically dragging him over to his seat. "This is Kyouya Hibari to the extreme, our Cloud Guardian! This is our client!"

"Stuff it, herbivore," Kyouya deadpans, taking the seat right next to Ryohei. "And don't touch me, or I will bite you to death. Also, I know who he is. If the smarter herbivore let him in, he's clearly our client."

Hayato grunts. "Well, thank you so much for the compliment, you stick in the mud." Kyouya ignores him.

Another white haired man comes in, but he has odd lavender eyes, and a purple mark under one of them. He blinks, stares at Dumbledore for a moment, before taking the seat next to him. "Would you like a marshmallow?" he asks, proffering Dumbledore a bag.

Dumbledore takes one. "Thank you mister…?"

"Just Byakuran's fine," the man replies cheerily. "I don't have a surname."

Suddenly the doors slam open again, and a motley rabble of loud people enter. Louder than Ryohei, if that's possible.

"VOOOOIIIIII!" screams a long white-haired man. (Seriously, what is up with these people and white hair?) "ARE WE LATE?"

"Who cares if we're late, trash!" roars another, throwing a wine glass at the other's head, and it splinters. "We don't give a shit about these guys! Besides, the Decimo ain't even here yet!"

"SHUT UP, SHITTY BOSS!"

Byakuran giggles. Yes, giggles. "Those are the Varia, the elite assassin squad of the Vongola," he tells Dumbledore.

"The loud one who's shouting 'butter' in Finnish is Superbi Squalo. Just call him Shark or Squalo, and he's the Rain Guardian and the right hand. The one with all the scars is Xanxus; he's the boss of the Varia. You see that guy with the permanent deadpan and the ridiculous hat? That's Flan; he's their Mist Guardian."

Then he sees a blonde shoving knives into the hat. Dumbledore watches in surprise.

"Oh, we're all used to it," Byakuran assures. "Flan got a trident shoved through his head, don't worry too much. The blondie is Belphegor, and he's the Storm Guardian; just call him Bel. And you see those two weirdos in the back? The one ogling Xanxus is Levi, the Lightning Guardian, and the clearly gay guy is Lussuria, their Sun Guardian."

Xanxus marches over to the other head of the table, plopping down in the seat and looking grouchy as Squalo sits on his right side, Levi sitting on the left. Before they get too clear on the seating arrangements, a purple haired man with a low ponytail saunters into the room, followed by a young girl with a similar pineapple hair style.

Kyouya, for some reason, glares at him.

"That's Mukuro Rokudo, and the girl is Chrome Dokuro," Byakuran informs him as he waves over the pair, and Mukuro takes a seat next to Byakuran, Chrome taking the next one down. "Hibari-kun and Mukuro have a terrible relationship, isn't that right?"

Mukuro just smirks and Dumbledore realizes he's heterochromatic, with one eye red, the other blue. "Kufufu… the little skylark is pathetic… he doesn't realize he'll never bite me to death. And birds don't have teeth, at any rate."

Kyouya glares at Mukuro and growls.

"Ah, Mukuro-shishou," Flan says in a monotonous voice. "You're here." He takes a seat next to Chrome, while Belphegor takes the open seat next to Flan. Flan doesn't seem to realize there are three knives sticking out of his head.

The door opens again, and a blonde walks in, smiling brightly, before promptly tripping over his own feet and falling face first on the ground. Kyouya, upon seeing him, raises an eyebrow before standing up and pulling him up. "You're pathetic," he tells him.

"Haha, Kyouya! I knew you missed me!"

"Keep talking like that, and I'll be handing you a one way ticket to hell."

"The clumsy blonde is Dino," Byakuran says. "He's absolutely hopeless unless one of his Famiglia members is around. He's actually part of the Cavallone Famiglia, but he's almost Decimo's older brother, so he's invited."

Kyouya walks Dino to his seat, kicks him in (which the blonde still falls out of) and returns to his seat between Dino and Ryohei.

Dumbledore tries to prevent himself from staring. "Is it possible to be that clumsy?"

"Apparently," Mukuro says, still smirking.

Finally, Lussuria takes a seat next to Squalo, clearly much to the white-haired man's discomfort.

Suddenly, a group of fifteen year olds led by a pair of thirty year old and twenty year old young women enter the room. A teenager with a fedora takes a seat next to Dino, a blonde wearing an army outfit joining him after exchanging greetings with Ryohei.

"The man in the fedora is Reborn, the Sun Arcobaleno, and the blonde is Colonello, the Rain Arcobaleno," Byakuran says, gesturing at the two who're now arguing with each other. "The thirty-year old scary lady sitting next to Colonello is Lal Mirch, the one with the Corrupted Pacifier, and Yuni-chan is the girl sitting next to her, the Sky Arcobaleno."

Indeed, Lal Mirch does seem incredibly terrifying.

"The Hibari-kun lookalike sitting next to Belphegor is Fon, our Storm Arcobaleno. The not-female hooded one is Viper, the Mist Arcobaleno, but he prefers Mammon. The scientist one is Verde, our Lightning Arcobaleno."

Byakuran tilts his head slightly. "So, I think we're missing our Lightning Guardian, Lambo, Ranking Fuuta, Basil, and I-Pin. Since Kyoko-chan and Haru-chan aren't actually part of the Famiglia, they won't be coming; Shoichi and Spanner are in Italy, so they can't come either… and the last of the Arcobaleno, Skull, the Cloud Arcobaleno, is hiding from Reborn and Colonello. Can't blame him, though."

The door opens, and it's a brown-haired young man with sea blue eyes, leading a group of teens into the room. "And that's them!" Byakuran exclaims. "Basil-kun is the blue eyed one, Fuuta is the younger brunette, I-Pin-chan is the cute little girl, and Lambo-kun is the curly haired boy."

As soon as I-Pin sits next to Yuni, Lambo next to her, Fuuta next to him, and Basil across from them, the door opens, and the Vongola Decimo enters.

"Sorry I kept everyone waiting!" the brunette calls with a slight Japanese accent, smiling warmly. "I had to clear up a couple of misunderstandings with the rest of the people here; they understood of course."

"It's no problem, Juudaime," Hayato replies, and it's clear that the poor boy is infatuated with his boss.

"Of course they would," Xanxus grumbles. "We're scary as shit, man. We're the fucking Varia."

The Decimo takes his seat, smiling warmly at Dumbledore. "I'm Tsunayoshi Sawada; a pleasure to meet you, Albus." And to Xanxus, he merely smiles slightly. "Xanxus, I'm going to have to ask you to cut down on your attempts at being badass. While it works, you also triple your terrifying appeal every time, and you end up scaring my subordinates."

Xanxus rolls his eyes. "Put a sock in it, trash. I don't give two shits about what your subordinates think of me."

"Xanxus. Do we need a repeat of the Crib incident? Or, the Cradle Incident, if you'd like."

Xanxus blanches. "No. No sir."

Squalo cackles loudly, resulting in Xanxus picking up an empty wine glass and smashing it over his head. Dumbledore winces.

"Don't worry about it," Tsunayoshi says, smiling quite cheerfully. "This happens every time. Unfortunately, we end up scaring our clients a lot. I hope you're used to insanity."

Dumbledore laughs. "I certainly am, being the Headmaster of a school of magical children."

"That's great," Byakuran pipes up. "Because as soon as the food is served, something will be set on fire. What was it last time, Tuna Fishie?"

"I think it was the punch," Tsunayoshi replies after thinking a little. "Don't even ask how a bowl of punch got set on fire."

"No, Juudaime," Hayato corrects patiently. "That was the time before last time. Last time it was the roast pig."

"Ah, thanks, Gokudera-kun."

True to Byakuran's word, as soon as the food is served, the pasta is set on fire.

"Hah!" Hayato cries triumphantly. "Yamamoto, you owe me twenty euros!"

Takeshi sighs and tosses it on the table, which Hayato collects.

Byakuran reaches for the pitcher of ice water before dumping it over the pasta, most of the noodles already turned to ashes.

So while Dumbledore attempts to hold a conversation about the mission he wants to give to Tsunayoshi, the other parts of the table are in chaos.

"So, Decimo, you've done dealings with wizards before, am I right?"

"Yes," Tsunayoshi nods. "And you can call me Tsuna if you'd like, Albus."

"Alright. Tsuna, then. I'd like a teacher for my school, to take up the position of the Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Tsuna blinks. "We can't do magic though."

"Yes, but I'd like a teacher who's focused more on the physical part of training," Dumbledore replies. "And also, the Ministry's been breathing on my neck the entire summer."

"Ah, I see. Politics, then?"

Dumbledore nods helplessly.

"I feel so bad for you," Tsuna groans. "I hate politics. Sure. Take one of the people here; I'll make them go if they don't want to; pick anyone."

Dumbledore is shocked. He thought he'd need a lot more convincing to do. "How much would you like for the payment?"

"Actually, Albus, just keeping silent about us and taking a guy or two would be payment enough," Tsuna says with a pained smile. "They're insane. Ten or so months away at school would mellow them out."

Tsuna pauses. "Wait. Take all of the Arcobaleno. Please. Make them students. I beg you. With the exceptions of Lal and Yuni."

A little surprised, Dumbledore nods dumbly.

"Thank you. So, who are you taking? Please don't say it's Gokudera-kun. I need someone to keep me sane."

Poor Hayato, Dumbledore muses. He probably would love to hear that coming from his boss's mouth, but he's too busy yelling at Takeshi.

And actually, Dumbledore has considered Hayato. "No," he decides, shaking his head. "Would Byakuran be a good choice?"

Tsuna spits out the water he'd been drinking before breaking out into giggles.

Dumbledore waits until Tsuna has recovered. "Yes. Please do. It will make Reborn's life hell, having to listen to Byakuran of all people."

"Alright then," Dumbledore decides. "I'll take him."

Tsuna insists that he stay for dinner, and the food is certainly excellent. But it's nothing compared to the entertainment.

First, Xanxus tosses a slab of raw steak (where did that even come from?) at Squalo, and the Varia Rain glares at his boss before plucking the meat off his head and tossing it across the room.

That causes Belphegor to throw knives at it to practice his aim, and the poor slab of meat ends up with three knives buried in its side.

That causes Lambo to look down at his cow print shirt self-consciously before hiding under the table, which causes I-Pin to crawl under with him, but her braid slaps a sharp knife into the air (somehow) and it lands straight in Kyouya's sushi, which causes him to look around dangerously and proclaim that he'd bite whoever did that to death.

And that causes Dino to stand up and try and drag Kyouya down, but somehow ends up tripping onto the table, sending food flying.

Needless to say, a food fight broke out, while Tsuna, Dumbledore, Basil, and Byakuran just watch as it disintegrated into chaos.

Dumbledore now understands why Takeshi had said that hanging around Tsuna is safer.

~oOo~