A/N: Ok, I'm a spoiler whore and I read the script for the season 8 premier: Still Charmed and Kicking. And I just love the wake scene, and seeing that I can control myself, and wanting to be the first one to do it, I decided to mess with this scene. This scene was very funny. But I made it funny my way. I know I'm a sick person, but bite me! If you do want to read this, be warned it contains spoilers for this whole scene, but not for the rest of the episode or season. So if you don't mind just ruining this scene for you, or you're a spoiler whore like me, and already read the script, read, enjoy and review!
Disclaimer: I Own Charmed... not. Don't sue.
Title: The Charmed one's funeral.
The Manor was full of mourning people. What people? Oh I'm sure we know some of them... let's see... Um Victor! And um... Elise! And... others. Ok, we've never seen these people before. Anyway, everyone's sad. The sisters are dead. A mourning woman goes over to Victor.
"I'm so sorry for your lost." She says like she actually knew the girls. Who knows? Maybe she did. We've just never seen her.
"Thank you." Victor says shaking the woman's hand. Then, a hot brunette woman walks up to them smiling.
"Wow, what a great turn out." The hot brunette woman declares. Victor and the mourner glared at her. "I mean. How very so sad." She corrects. The mourner leaves outrage. "What got up her ass, I'm the one that's dead. And who is she by the way?"
"Phoebe?" Victor asked, whispering.
"Ew, dad, no! I'm Piper!" the hot brunette informs. "Phoebe's that one." She points to a slut-y looking brunette woman, who's wearing a micro mini skirt and, from the looks of it, no bra.
In the living room, three tables stand. One has an urn and a picture of Piper. Many, many, many, many people are crying around it. Cause Piper will be miss. The one next to it has an urn and a video-tape with a picture of Phoebe. The video is titled: Cole and Phoebe Volume 4, unedited version. Men, demons, Seers, old men, midgets, dwarfs stand around it. The next one has an urn and a picture of Paige. No one is there. The writers seemed to have forgotten that Paige had a life before she was "charmed". Where are her uncle and aunt we heard so much about? Didn't she work in a gazillion temp jobs? And she worked in social services for years! Where are her co-workers and boss? Where are the grateful families she helped? She dated a lot too! Where are the ex-boyfriends? Is Richard to lazy to get out of his big ass mansion for a quick stop?
But... whatever... moving on...
The slut-y brunette walks to a man, who's crying by Phoebe's urn. "Wow, you must really missed Phoebe." She gloats, liking that people missed her.
"Yeah, I really liked her. A lot. She was hot." The man answers glumly.
"Well why didn't you ask her out!" The slut screamed. Several people look.
"I'm sorry, what?" The man asked, confused as he backed away from the slut-y brunette. The hot brunette walks over.
"How many mini skirt and cleavage revealing blouses did Phoebe wear every day and NOW you suddenly you want to date her? Now that she's dead! How could you!" The slut-y brunette slaps the man.
"Sorry, she forgot her pills!" The hot brunette explained as she grabbed the slut by the arm and dragged her to Victor. "Phoebe! You're picking up guys at your own funeral! That's low, even for you."
"Oh please, just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a life." The slut explains.
"Well, I'm just glad this many people came." The hot brunette smiled. "I didn't think we knew this many people."
"Well, I didn't know so many dwarfs like me."
"That is very creepy."
"This is so confusing." Victor sighs.
"What's so confusing?" The hot brunette asked.
"Oh, other than the fact that you guys keep changing your look every other second, nothing."
"It's so sad." The slut begins. "No one came to for Paige."
"Yeah, guess she's regretting becoming a Charmed one now." the hot brunette snickers.
"Do you think we should... go over there?" The slut offers.
"We could... but then we wouldn't be able to gloat." They both high five. The bitches.
Then, all of a sudden, Angelina Jolie walks in the manor. Everyone mumbles. Angelina walks over to Paige's urn. "Oh my dear Paige! I'll miss you so ever much!" Angelina says pouting her Oscar winning lips.
"She knew her?" A random person asked.
"Wow." Another random person answers.
"Let's go hang out by Paige's urn!" All the mourners move to Paige's urn.
"Hey, hey, hey!" The hot brunette complains as all leave Piper's urn. "Phoebe!" She yells at the slut-y brunette who was also now hanging by Paige's urn.
"What? It's Angelina Jolie! I could get Brad's number!"
"Oh Paige!" Angelina continued. "You were the best lover I ever had! Better than my brother even!" The hot brunette and the slut-y brunette looked on, suspicious.
"Um Angelina?" The hot brunette started. "Can you come with me to the kitchen?" She pulled the Oscar winner to the kitchen. The slut followed.
In the kitchen the hot brunette turned back to Piper. "Ok, Paige, cut the bull."
"Yeah!" The slut added changing back to Phoebe.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Angelina covered. Piper gave her a do-you-want-to-really-be-dead-?-look. "Ok, ok." Angelina changed back to Paige. "But, SOMEONE had to come to my funeral, since apparently all my relatives and friends died in the same accident."
"Paige, I'm sure people tried to come." Piper consoled.
"No! They wanted to stay way from me ever since I came to this God forsaken house."
"Manor." Phoebe corrected. Paige hit her with a pan.
"Now if you'll excuse me, Angelina has autographs to sign." Paige said turning back into Angelina and walking back out.
"Oh if she gets to be a star, I get to be one too!" Phoebe said turning into... into...
"Shannen Doherty!" Piper was baffled.
"Hell yeah." Shannen walked back out.
"Maybe I should've really killed them..." Piper muttered.
Back at the wake, Angelina signs autographs. Shannen got booed and spit on. "Hey! I was in Mallrats for God sakes!" Shannen tried to defend herself.
"You suck!" A random person yelled, throwing a pie in her face. Shannen ran out crying.
Then, Holly Marie Combs walked in. Everyone stared in wonder. "They knew Holly Marie Combs?" a random person gasped.
"Correction. Piper knew me." Holly beams. "Cause she was the best."
"Indeed." All added.
End.