Title: Dance, Dance
Author: alienangel19852003
Summary: H.G. Wells Jr. Sr. High is having a Valentines Day Dance, but Pim has other plans. Keely, Phil, and Pim are all bummed out by the holiday. Will Pim's plan change things for them or will it get them all expelled.
Rating: T, language and partying.
Author's Note: This story is not AU for once, I do not own the title nor do I own the characters from POTF. It's an anti Valentines Day fic. Lots of use of the word Venereal. But not having much to do with actual venereal diseases in general.
"You know what next Tuesday is kids?" Lloyd Diffy questioned over dinner.
"Another commercial holiday invented by the greeting card company?" Keely Teslow asked brushing her blonde hair out of her face.
"And to make the single feel inadequate." Phil the oldest Diffy child said glancing at his blonde best friend.
"I hate Venereal Disease Day." Pim Diffy stated stabbing the roast beef on her plate.
"No, it's Valentines Day." Lloyd said.
"I think that's what they meant." Barbara Diffy said coming in from the kitchen with another bowl of mashed potatoes.
"I take it none of you have dates for the dance." Lloyd said.
"Nope," Phil said.
"Not a single inkling of an invite to the dance." Keely said.
"Who wants to go to that stupid dance anyways? It's going to be a bunch of couples that just practically sprang up overnight; they'll be broken up come next Friday." Pim said as she continued to stab the roast beef.
"I think its dead sweetie." Barbara told her daughter.
"I think it would be kind of nice to have a date." Keely said.
"Why don't you take her Phil?" Lloyd suggested.
"You could," Barbara agreed.
"Everyone knows Keely and I are best friends it would be kind of pathetic if we went together." Phil said.
Pim was the only one who noticed how crestfallen Keely looked when Phil said that. Anyone who paid a speck of attention knew the two were perfect for each other, and Phil went screwing things up every chance he got.
"Yeah, pathetic." Keely said.
"Why don't you just go with Owen and Via again?" Pim asked.
"Owen and Via are probably going together, they just totally hooked up in homeroom this morning." Keely said.
"Why is everyone in school hooking up and getting dates but us?" Phil asked.
"Julie Davis had hickey the size of a golf ball on her neck on Thursday. Her dad found them making out and it was the end of Billy Hendrix." Keely said.
"See, I never get give girls hickeys or get run over by anyone's dad's cars." Phil said woefully.
"There was a time Grace McCracken had it bad for you." Pim said.
"But that was a misunderstanding, if someone hadn't stolen my InstaMorph and tried her hand at matchmaking, that wouldn't have happened." Phil said looking at Keely.
"Really who would do that? Gee these mashed potatoes sure are tasty." Keely said shoving more than the recommended spoonful into her mouth.
"Wow, look at her go." Pim said, "Phil, I think Keely could fit her whole fist in her mouth if she tried."
Phil looked at Pim as if she was insane, Keely nearly choked, and Pim laughed when Phil started thinking about it and blushed.
"That's enough Pim. If you keep it up you'll go to your room." Barbara threatened.
"What are they talking about? I never know what they are saying." Lloyd said.
"It's called a double entendre Lloyd."
"Double entendre," Lloyd considered this.
"It's how Pim can be sassy and rude at the same time and get away with offensive sexual references without it being too terribly offensive." Phil explained.
"Oh. I still don't see why you would care if Keely could fit her fist in her mouth."
"I'll explain it to you later dear." Barbara said.
"Can we change the subject please?" Phil shifted uncomfortably.
Pim smiled her work was nearly done, "I bet if we put that on some flyers you'd get plenty dates then, by any chance are you double jointed?"
Phil sunk down in his chair; he did NOT need think about Keely being double jointed, Keely putting her fist in her mouth, he was having enough time not thinking about Keely as it was.
"Pim, clear the table. You're on dish duty tonight." Barbara said.
"Perhaps I should have stopped at the fist thing." Pim said.
"Perhaps, after the dishes are done I want you to clean that room of yours." Barbara said.
"We'll I think it's time we got going." Lloyd said rising from the table, and extending his hand to his wife.
"What?" Barbara asked placing her hand in his.
"Barb, we're taking that Skyak out and we're going see the world. Stay in France for a couple of days and come back next week."
"Lloyd, I don't know what to say…" Barb started.
"Say you'll come away with me and celebrate Valentines Day." Lloyd said.
"Alright. I've just got to pack and–"
"It's all taken care of." Lloyd said.
"But–"
"We'll be fine mom." Phil stated.
"Okay, if you need anything. You know how to find us. But you'd better not need anything." Barb said.
"I love Venereal Disease Day." Pim said smirking and rubbing her hands together.
"Stay out of trouble and keep you sister from world domination," Lloyd told Phil.
"I'll try," Phil said following his parents out of the dining room.
"No parties, no chickens, and don't to do anything that I wouldn't do." Barb winked at her son.
"Darn, now I'll never be able to get any decent cock in this house." Pim said.
"Dirty!" Keely said.
"Pim!" Barb shrieked.
"What? I've always wanted a rooster." Pim said with an innocent smile.
"You be good and don't burn anything down." Lloyd said giving them all a hug even Keely.
"Call us if you need bail money." Phil told his father who scowled at him.
"We will." Barb said giving them a hug.
"Have fun." Keely said.
They stood in the doorway and watched as the only link to adult supervision in the Diffy household flew away on the Skyak.
"I thought they'd never leave." Pim said, leaving Keely and Phil gawking in the doorway.
"What's on the agenda tonight?" Phil asked.
"We can do whatever we want." Pim said jumping over the back of the couch, and sprawling gracefully onto the cushions.
"Well its six thirty, we could go see a movie." Keely suggested.
"The only movies playing are a gushy romantic movie about some bitch finding love. And the movie that makes fun of all the other movies which we saw last week, and then of course there's that thriller about a stranger calling a babysitter." Pim said.
"I definitely don't wanna see the last one, I've got to baby-sit tomorrow night." Keely said.
"We could bowl." Phil suggested.
"We kinda got banned from Shady Lanes." Keely said.
"Those dammed dirty replicates." Phil said shaking his fist.
"And not to mention the popcorn fiasco. They'll never let us in that place again." Pim said.
"You and Via just had to go and wrestle in popcorn. You could have used mud or pudding or guacamole or something. No one will pay to see popcorn wrestling." Phil said looking at Keely.
"I thought it was golden." Pim said, "Popcorn does not objectify women or cause their bikinis to stick to them."
"I think you're missing the point of the whole thing." Phil said.
"How about we get Owen and put you two in Speedos and have you wrestle in guacamole and see how you'll like that." Keely said.
Pim pulled out her cell phone, "That could be fun I'll make the necessary calls."
"Oh no you won't. No way no how are you getting me into Speedo." Phil said.
"Come on Philly-Willy. It'll be fun. You were all for me and Via wrestling in that popcorn."
"Actually, I liked the hot fudge idea better–"
"Well, if you want it like that then fudge it is." Pim said.
"No fucking way. I am not wrestling another guy in hot fudge wearing a Speedo." Phil said.
"We'll see." Keely said.
"No, actually you won't see, I'm not wearing a banana hammock."
Pim hung up her phone, "It's all set. We're having an Anti Venereal Disease Day party. And you will put on that Speedo and love it." Pim said.
"Wanna bet."
"Actually I do." Pim said.
"Okay if I win, then you do my chores for a month."
"How lame is that? I can do all that in ten minutes with my Wizard." Pim said.
"If I win which we all know I will. I'll tell you what you have to do later." Pim said.
"No way." Phil said.
"I think you're afraid you'll lose and end up assed out and covered in fudge." Keely said.
"He's probably right. He's much to petite to be wrestling anyways, what was I thinking?" Pim said.
"I am not petite, I'm just…" Phil said, his height was kind of a sore subject and Pim made sure to bring up every chance she got.
"A small guy, and there's nothing wrong with that, I think you should apologize Pim." Keely said.
Pim looked at the blonde and then at her blushing brother, "I'm sorry, you've got to face up to the fact that you'll never be much taller than that guy from Lord of the Rings." Pim said.
"You know what I'll do it I'll wrestle Owen, but only on the condition that we can wear shorts at least, and none of those hot pants with the bunnies on them either." Phil told Pim.
"Okay it's done." Pim said, "Next Tuesday after the dance tanks we'll come back here and show them how to really get down."
"I don't like the gleam in her eyes." Keely said.
"What do you mean 'when the dance tanks'?" Phil asked.
"I've got something in the works for those love struck lust bunnies. You just wait and see Phil, you just wait and see." Pim rubbed her gloved hands together and laughing manically.
"Uh oh." Keely said.
"We're just gonna let this thing play out, she might have a point. Wanna watch South Park?" Phil asked turning to go upstairs.
Keely stood there staring after him for a second before shrugging to follow him.
"Wait for me Cartman is my inspiration." Pim said.