When you try your best, but you don't succeed
Jade gave her all at her audition, like she did at every audition, but this was one that she really wanted. It was for the Fall Production of Evita, which just so happened to be Jade's dream role. She was easily the best girl to audition; she knew this because not only had other people who heard the auditions told her, but because Sikowitz-who was one of the audition panel-had told that she was a shoe-in for the lead.
So, imagine her shock when she saw the name "Tori Vega" next to the role of Evita. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened.
"Hey, did you get the part you wanted?" Tori's annoyingly cheerful voice asked.
Jade just turned on heel and walked away. Walking past Beck, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the janitor's closet.
"Babe, what-?" Beck began to ask, before she saw the defeated look on her face, "Jade, what happened? What's wrong?"
"She got my part." Jade's voice was small as she wrapped her arms around his waist, "Vega got my part."
"I'm so sorry." Beck replied, his voice soft as he rubbed her back, wrapping his arms around her tightly, "You deserved that part. You worked so hard on your audition."
They just stood there, just hugging, until Jade was able to build her walls back up.
When you get what you want, but not what you need
Jade walked into the school, her head held high, and made her way to Beck's locker.
"Hey," Beck smiled, ready to give his girlfriend the most enthusiastic birthday greeting she had ever received. The smile faded when he noticed that she had a faraway, almost sad, look in her eyes. Concern immediately flooded his expression, "What's wrong?"
"I got that necklace I wanted," Jade replied, pulling out the large Opal pendent on a thick silver chain, "My parents left it in an envelope on my nightstand before they left to catch their planes. I'm used to them missing my plays, and concerts, and even my birthdays; I just thought that they might be here for my eighteenth birthday."
Beck wrapped her in a tight hug, his way of trying to protect her from the world around them.
She pulled back after a minute, saying, "Come on, we have to get to class."
"Not yet." Beck smirked, pulling her back to him and kissing her before opening his locker and pulling a box out, "I got something for you."
She gave him a small, gentle smile before pulling the lid of it and pulling out a stack of hardcover books. She gasped as she read the titles, all of her favorite Charles Dickens books, the first editions; Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, Tale of Two Cities, A Christmas Carol along with all of the Sherlock Holmes books.
Jade immediately dropped the books and launched herself into Beck's arms, "Thank you so much!"
Beck smiled down at her affectionately, "Anything to see that smile."
Jade kissed him sweetly before dragging him off to Sikowitz's class.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
Jade was exhausted. She had spent the whole day trying to keep her eyes open. In fact, she had gotten into bed shortly after she got home from school. It was now one in the morning and she had yet to fall asleep.
She sighed as she picked up her phone and called Beck.
Without even thinking, he picked up his phone immediately, knowing exactly who it was.
"Hey, babe." He greeted, his voice gravelly from sleep.
Jade smiled at the sound, "I'm so tired."
"I know." Beck replied with a smile.
"I can't sleep." Jade continued, "I thought that since the sound of your voice can usually relax me…"
"I'll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep." Beck smiled knowingly before beginning to talk about random things that popped into his head, landing the reasons why he loved her.
"God, you're so sappy." Jade laughed, eyes finally fluttering closed.
Beck laughed but continued on with his topic of choice until her breathing changed and he knew she was asleep. Smiling lovingly, he whispered, "Sweet Dreams. I love you, Jadelyn West."
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
Jade's friends surrounded her, Cat and Andre flanking her, Beck standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her to give the constant comfort she needed; Tori stood on the other side of Andre and Robbie on the other side of Cat.
They were at Jade's grandmother's funeral, her mom's mom, the only person in Jade's family to express love and support for her. Jade was her grandmother's favorite person, the apple of her eye; her grandmother was also Jade's hero. She had barely made it through her eulogy before she began to cry for the umpteenth time since she had found out her grandmother had passed.
As the coffin was lowered into the ground, she turned in Beck's arms and clenched her eyes shut. He tightened his hold on her, letting her cry into his long ruined shirt, as Andre and Cat pulled Tori and Robbie away, getting in their cars and heading to the location where the reception was being held.
Beck whispered words of comfort in Jade's ear as she clung to him. His eyes began to water seeing her so devastated. He did everything in his power to try and comfort her.
"I love you." Beck whispered, rubbing her back, "I'll be there to help you through this."
Jade gave him a watery smile before taking his hand and starting the long walk back to his car, "I love you, too. Thank you, for everything."
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Jade entered her house, throwing her keys down into the key dish and dropping her backpack by the door. It was Christmas Eve and her parents were supposed to be coming home today.
"MOM!" Jade yelled, walking further into the house. "DAD!"
There was no answer. Jade walked into the kitchen and over to the answering machine. Seeing one voicemail, she pressed play and sighed as she listened to her mom explain that she and Jade's dad had meetings in New York the day after Christmas and had decided to spend the two days before the meetings there.
Jade deleted the message angrily and pulled her cell phone out, calling Beck , who was over at Tori's with the rest of the group.
"What's up, babe?" Beck answered the phone, his smile heard in his voice.
"My parents flaked on me." Jade replied, trying to keep her voice even, "They're spending the Holidays in New York…again."
"Jade, I'm so sorry." Beck replied, feeling guilty that he was having fun while she was obviously feeling abandoned, "Do you want me to come over?"
"No." Jade shook her head, "Have fun at Vega's. I'm just gonna watch Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown and go to bed."
"It's four in the afternoon."
Jade didn't respond for a moment, just squeezed her eyes shut and said, "I'll talk to you, tomorrow, Beck."
Beck tried to say something else, but she just hung up the phone.
"Is she okay?" Cat asked, instantly coming down from her sugar high.
"Her parents broke their promise to her…again." Beck clinched his fist, he never did like her parents. Standing up, he grabbed his bag, "Come on."
"Why?" Tori asked, "Where are we going?"
"To Jade's." Beck stated like it was obvious, smiling as Cat squealed and quickly jumped up.
"Come on!" she encouraged, "We need to bring Christmas to Jade!"
Andre smiled, picking up his keyboard as Cat began to pack all the food back up with Robbie. Tori shrugged and moved to help.
Fifteen minutes later, the group stood outside Jade's house. Tori moved to ring the doorbell but Cat pushed past her and unlocked the door.
"Jadey!" Cat sang as she entered the large, empty house, that looked too clean to actually be lived in.
"What?" Jade's annoyed voice floated down the stairs as she walked out of her room.
She walked down the stairs as she heard Cat setting something up in the living room, dressing in her pajamas-a pair of black plaid flannel bottoms and Beck's Batman shirt she had stolen from him. Entering the living room, she saw her friends sitting around with a bunch of food, Beck starting a fire in her fireplace.
"What's going on?" Jade asked supiciously.
"No one should be alone on Christmas." Tori shrugged.
"Especially not you." Beck wrapped his arms around her. Kissing her forehead, he said, "I love you."
"I love you, too." Jade replied with a small smile. Turning to everyone else, she said, "And, I guess, thank you for coming over."
Cat laughed before hugging Jade tightly.
Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,
Jade felt so lost, she almost always did. The only people who could really pull her out of it were Beck, Andre, and Cat-her best friends since they were six. She had mouthed off to her dad, about how they always found a way to make it seem like it was her fault when they broke promises to her, and he had told her to find somewhere else to go until she cooled down.
So, there she was; walking around in the pouring rain, shivering. She didn't know where she was going, she just let her feet take her somewhere. She looked around her after a while, beginning to recognize where she was, warm light streaming from Beck's RV like a beckon on a lighthouse.
She knocked on the door, and was shocked when Tori opened it.
"We were working on a project." Tori immediately said.
"Jade!" Beck pushed past Tori and ushered the soaked girl into the RV, "What happened?"
"I told my dad how I felt and he told me to go cool down." Jade replied softly, knowing that Beck would understand what those words meant.
"Tori, you should probably go." Beck said, pulling out a pair of pajama pants and an old t-shirt for Jade to change into.
"Okay." Tori said wearily, before heading out and running to her car.
Jade quickly changed and Beck began to towel dry her hair, before she got under his covers, still shivering.
Beck smiled and got in next to her. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her temple before the two drifted off to sleep.
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Cat stopped mid-skip when she noticed that Jade was sitting with her back against the wall, eyes looking straight ahead, unblinking.
"Jade?" Cat approached wearily, "Are you okay?"
Jade didn't answer, just continued to stare straight ahead, her eyes empty, void of any emotion.
"Jade, you're scaring me." Cat tried to keep herself calm, "What's wrong? What happened?"
Again, Jade didn't answer, just slowly moved her eyes up to meet Cat's slowly, still empty. She slowly moved her sleeve up to reveal a new cut over her many faded scars, he eyes finally beginning to leak tears, extreme sadness and loneliness filling them.
"Jade!" Cat gasped, her voice thick. She sank down next to her best friend and hugged her tightly as the brunette let her tears fall. Cat held her tightly, glaring at anyone who dared to stare too long at the usually stone-faced girl, trying to comfort her as best as she could.
After a while, and well into their first class period, Jade had finally calmed down and caught her breath.
"How did this happen?" Cat asked softly, trying to choose her words carefully, "You promised me-you promised, Andre, Beck, and yourself-that you were done; that you would stop. What happened?"
"I don't know." Jade shook her head, "I just… I don't remember. My parents were tearing into me again, and after that… nothing."
Cat just tightened her hold on Jade, as if she could slip away at any second.
That's how Andre and Beck found the girls during the break between first and second period. They didn't say anything, they didn't need to. They knew there was only one reason for Cat to be clinging to Jade, and Jade to Cat. They merely helped them up and hugged the two girls tightly, squishing the girls between them.
"We should probably get to class." Jade said after the bell rang, wiping her eyes, thankful that she had been too out of it to put on make-up that day.
Reluctantly, her friends agreed and the four headed to Sikowitz's class.
"You sure you're okay now?" Cat asked, pull Jade away from the door as she went to follow Beck and Andre.
"I'm a big girl, Cat." Jade smiled softly, "I'm fine."
Cat reluctantly let her go and followed her into the classroom, not really believing her. Cat didn't let Jade out her sight for the rest of the day.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Jade stood on the sidewalk in front of her house, looking at the lit up Victorian style house, all its lights shining through the windows. She bit her lip, debating on whether or not she would dare go into the cold two-story.
In the upstairs bedroom, the curtain was pulled aside and Jade saw her father make eye contact with her before turning off the lights in the house, expressing that she was not welcomed after she had said that him coming to see her perform was more important than a business meeting.
She squeezed her eyes shut and began walking, not knowing where she should go. She didn't want to impose on anyone.
An unknown amount of time later and she found herself in front of Beck's RV. How she got there, she didn't know. She guessed that it was just instinct; that whenever she was in pain, she was drawn to Beck.
She knocked on the door softly, and when he opened it, he didn't need to ask what was wrong. He just stepped aside and let her in, wrapping her in his protective embrace as they lay on his bed, no words needed.
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Jade walked into Sikowitz's class twenty minutes late. She ignored everyone as she took a seat that was apart from the rest of the class.
Beck was the first one to be brave enough to approach her, only to feel his eyes sting as he took in her broken appearance. He silently pulled her up and led her out of the room, where he promptly wrapped his arms around her as she began to cry, heartbreaking sobs making him blink away tears.
They just stood there together, Beck holding his sobbing girlfriend, trying to get the tears to subside.
"What's wrong?" Beck asked, pulling back slightly, looking her in her gorgeous green eyes.
"I was pregnant." Jade replied, looking at the floor.
"Your what?" Beck asked, shocked at the news.
"I hadn't been feeling well, and Cat bought the test. It was positive. I was trying to figure out how to tell you, but it doesn't matter anymore. I made an appointment with my doctor this morning, and she told me that..." Jade's eyes filled with tears again as she choked out, "I lost the baby."
"Jade," Beck replied, his voice full, wrapping his arms around her tightly, overcome with emotion, "are you okay? Not hurt or anything?"
"I don't know how to feel." Jade replied, "I didn't want to be a mom now, but when I heard that I lost the baby… I…"
Beck nodded in understanding and hugged her tightly, kissing her hair, "At least you're okay."
"How are you feeling about this?" Jade asked, her voice soft, "I mean, I hadn't even told you until now."
"I don't know." Beck replied, placing a sweet kiss to her forehead, "But we have plenty of time to make more babies."
Jade gave a soft smile and Beck kissed her gently before leading her out to his car.
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Jade opened her door, surprised to see Beck standing there.
"What are you doing here?" Jade whispered, pulling him into the house and quietly shutting the door before pulling him upstairs to her room.
Once the bedroom door was closed, Beck said, "I love you."
"I love you, too." Jade replied, confused.
"No, like I really love you. I want to be with you forever." Beck pressed on, "Let's just leave. Run away together."
"No! We're still in high school!" Jade replied, "What brought this on?"
"My parents are thinking about moving back to Canada," Beck replied, "I don't want to leave you."
Jade just hugged him tightly, "You won't. We'll find a way."
"I don't want to leave you."
The young couple just stood there, clinging onto each other as tightly as they could.
"I will never leave you." Jade whispered, tightening her hold on Beck.
Beck kissed her temple and closed his eyes, breathing in the sent that was uniquely Jade West, and he knew that, no matter what, everything would be okay between them.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you