Chapter 1:

Before I begin my petty little life story, I would like to introduce you to the ultimate effects of a true downward spiral. Everything was in my hands. I crafted whatever I saw fit. I was like a god in a way. I controlled my own life, but not as tightly as you may think. I had a loose control – a type of control you would not quite understand. Ironic, isn't it? I do not happen to understand it myself, but the only thing that mattered is that I knew it, and I had to fix it quickly, otherwise my own little world would fall apart, taking my life with it. I am not one to handle a situation firmly, or quickly for that matter, but this is my life, and I had to pull myself together. My life was ticking. Fate seemed devoid. Everything I cherished would be soon corrupt. Did I have the power to own the things that owned me?

I heard that your mind is one of your worst enemies. I fully agree with this. My mind had done things to me that had happened to no one else I knew. It had done things to me I never expected to happen – it completely ruined me. It turned me into a monster; however, extra chances to redeem myself kept swinging around me. It was like this terrible charade would never end. The war in my head was ceaseless. I had to find a way to just end it all. I needed rest. I could not fight for as long as I thought. My mind was something I loathed. I hated my mind so much that I considered it a physical thing. I wanted to kill it, but then I realized how stupid I was being.

Did I have a chance to stop myself from losing everything? I seems everybody has a chance to redeem him or herself once in a while. If he or she played their cards right, they would get out and start with a clean slate. They would save their lives, but my situation was so different. I was completely lost. I was in a container I couldn't get out of. I was being tortured without a minute of rest. Yet I still live and recollect on my past mistakes. Killing myself would do no good – my conscience always got to me. I never considered my conscience to be an enemy of mine – sometimes it has even saved me from making worse mistakes. Something inside told me to live. What was my real purpose? I was just a useless organism. Was I to change history? Was I to mark my name in every single person's mind that would spawn from generations upon generations? I reconsidered it, for no one's heart could possibly be more rotten than mine. What did I deserve?

With that said, it is about time I start with the beginning of my descent down the spiral of insanity. My name is Rufus Silverwing. I am a bat in a small Silverwing colony in a reclusive part of the forests in which Silverwings usually dwell. Why are we cooped up in this lonely area? Why did we separate from the others? Apparently, this little colony was paranoid and superstitious. They feared death, and I pity them for it. Was I the only one who thought the same? It's funny how some people could be so similar they almost seem to be the same person. I was a small speck of dirt that did not gain any real attention from anybody of the colony. I considered flying to live with another colony, but what good would that do? We were so far away from any other colony that I would surely lose my way and eventually be eaten by some ravenous predator. I hated the fact that I had to be contained within this pathetic colony. Not much activity went on at all, and adding the fact that no one talked to me, you could guess that it was nothing more than a bore-fest. I did not even know my own parents. The elders said I was born, but my mother and father had disappeared mysteriously. They were probably lying, but what could I do about it?

There was only one bat I knew that would actually bother to converse and hunt with me on some occasions. Dayla Silverwing was her name. I looked as her as an angel that would be with me in my times of need. She was kind, and so different from the others. When we first met, I was speechless. It was like she was some alien creature from some distant land. How could anybody think about talking to me? I was boring anyway – I usually had nothing to add to a conversation, so I let Dayla do a lot of the talking. She had a lot of interesting things to say – one time she talked to me about how she had seen an owl hunt. The feathered beast caught himself a rat and tore it up to the bone. I heard that this type of activity was not common among owls, but Dayla saw it before her very eyes. She described every bit of flesh torn and blood spilled from the process. It was just one of the joyful times we had together. That was a subject we usually talked about, and sometimes it would last for hours. There was nothing more interesting than what Dayla had to say. I began to think she was much like me.

When I thought my life had finally come to a high point, the elders had seen me commit strange activity that alarmed the colony. I had special techniques dealing with sound. I was a bit older than a newborn at the time, and I was not even supposed to have developed these powers. I could craft things with mere sound waves – I could even move things with the force of sound if I wanted to. I could make illusions, visions in one's mind, and many other amazing things. When I developed these skills, I never expected things to get worse for me. I was so jovial over the discovery, and right then, my life had been torn apart. The elders were superstitious over my strange powers and forced me out of the colony. I was banished for the rest of my life. Dayla, as I expected, came to defend me from their sentencing, but her inspiring words did not even touch their cruel hearts. I felt so cold and so hopeless. I lost everything.

Why should I care if I was banished? I still had my unique powers. Dayla was gone, but it was not like hope was completely demolished from me. I was glad to be out of that hellhole, and now I live carefree and wild. I found myself to be a rather reclusive bat. Since my banishment, I did not want to make friends with any other friendly strange I would come across. Over the days, my life of freedom had become nothing to me. I was bored, and I eventually wanted to visit my old home once again. I wanted to see Dayla. Mating season was close, and if I could have secret meetings with her, then maybe…

Maybe we could mate! Maybe we could start a family together! Perhaps my life is not useless after all! I felt the happiest I could feel as I dwelled on these thoughts. I hurried back home secretively. Around the forest I saw the Silverwings flying around, hunting nonchalantly. None of them spotted me. I could not be caught going back. Everybody practically knew about my banishment since that day. It was then that something very odd happened. A bat had spotted my location. He was hanging from a branch above where I stood on the ground. We both stared for a long time, and I felt my insides melt. I felt cold once again. The male bat looked at me strangely and then cocked his head.

"You're weird." He said. "You should fly like all the others. That's how bats hunt!" Then the bat flew away without another word. My senses gathered together again and I noticed that my armpits were drenched in sweat. My wings felt a tad numb, and I sat down against a tree to think. What exactly was going on? Did everybody really know about my banishment? I could not stop to make any seconds thoughts, so I got up and continued my secretive scavenger hunt. Dayla had to be somewhere around the place. Suddenly, bats from all around me fluttered towards my position and started to ridicule me. They laughed, jeered, and mocked me with insults. I noticed that the male bat I had met before was among the group. With a hot head, I shook off their banter and pushed my way through the shrubs ahead, trying hard not to pay attention to them.

It was then that I finally found her. She was perched near the Tree Haven. I hid in a shrub under her and made a shrill sound to get her attention. Dayla had swerved her head around in confusion. I called out her name and she looked downward. She sang out a couple of echo waves and jumped from her perch. She landed beside me.

"Rufus, I was looking for you! Want to hunt?" She said. I was immediately baffled at her question. How could she say this after what had happened to him?

"Dayla, you know I have no time for that." I responded. She looked confused.

"But we always hunt together don't we? We talk, and play, and – " I stopped her with a flick of my wing. I put a claw to my lips and shushed her.

"Don't talk so loud! If anyone else knows I'm here – "

"What's wrong with you?" She asked with an offensive tone. I did not know what to say. I was so confused that my throat was clogged. "Do you want to hunt or not?" I couldn't risk losing the only bat that mattered in my life.

"Fine, but afterwards, we need to talk."

"Fine." She finished, fluttering into the forest. I followed behind, still immensely confused.

After we finished our hunt, Dayla chose to perch near the Tree Haven once again.

"No!" I whispered fiercely at her. Dayla shot me a glare.

"What??"

"We have to fall back. Let's perch farther from the Tree." I said.

"Today, you are stranger than you usually are." She replied. I did not bother to get into a quarrel with her. Together, we perched on a tree far away from our home.

"I was banished, Dayla. Don't you remember?" I asked the oblivious bat. She just raised her brow at me with a look of confusion.

"No, you aren't. The elders wouldn't think about doing that to you."

"That isn't right. They knew I deserve it. They are superstitious after all!"

"Don't say that so loud, Rufus." She said with a quick flick of her wing. "Unless you really want to get banished."

"I really wasn't banished then." I asked. She shook her head. I laughed hoarsely and Dayla just stared at me strangely. "I really don't understand this." I said as I laughed.

"Well don't try to, because you are scaring me."

"Sorry." I apologized. Dayla was honest. Whatever she said was right; however this seemed too strange to be true. It was not a dream, this or the day of his banishment. It was all real to him. I would find out if she were speaking the truth this time. Without saying another word to Dayla, I started to fly back to Tree Haven. I heard her flying behind me.

I had a talk with the elders. They had no remembrance of the time they had banished me. I started to feel dizzy. I had never felt so confused in my life. They suggested that they would never think about doing that to any member of their colony, just as Dayla had said. I dismissed myself from the elders' roost and flew outside to breathe fresh air before I would faint and possibly never wake up again. Dayla was beside me the whole time. It was like she was waiting for me to admit that she was right. For the first time she started to become an annoyance. I wanted to be alone. I did not want to accept this, yet, in my mind, I wanted to. I wanted to become one with the colony once more. Was all this just a trick on my mind, or was this for real? I had to find out quick, before I would probably do something stupid to get myself in trouble again.