Listen to this song while reading this story
Artist: Melissa Etheridge & Josh Kelley
Song: Feels Like Home
Fate(Feito) Papa
'Fate-Chan sure is late.' I thought as I sat on the bed we shared. It was nine o'clock late in the evening and it was past Vivio's sleepy time 'Mou! Fate-Chan where are you?' I was seriously worried that something happened. Should I have gone with them.?
I was worried and fear attached itself to my heart. Tears were welling in my eyes, barely able to stay where they were.
Fate-Chan was never this late when she and Vivio spend the day together.
And today was a special day.
And I wasn't sure why Fate-Chan would want to do something like that on a day especially…
For fath…
I heard the front door open and quickly got up. Leaving the room suddenly became an unbearable task…Why? Why does this feeling won't go away? Did something happen?
So many questions revolved inside my head. All my fears and uncertainty made it hard…
So hard… to just go to the door before me. Afraid of the one thought I hoped to never come true.
Raising my left hand. Reaching out for the doorknob. Holding my breath. Brazing myself with the little resolve I had within me.
I opened the door. Light flooded my vision but subsided the further I opened it. The material under my feet changed as I passed from our bedroom onto the floor.
A warm feeling erupted within me. When I reached the stairs I slowly walked down.
I didn't bother to turn on the light. Not when the lights of my life were staying right before me.
The moonlight plays silly things with us. Or else I wouldn't see what I see before me. Soaked wet from up and down. My little one was in the arms of…do I sound crazy if I say that right before, the woman holding my little baby in her arms… looked actually even more beautiful than ever. Her hair was wet from the pouring rain earlier today. Some loose strands of hair clutched onto her skin and clothes. I was such a nice idea of her to wear a azure blue shirt with long sleeves and black jeans which reached her dark shoes ,even if it is soaked now it still looked beautiful on her.
But what made it special was the golden chain around her neck. I haven't noticed it before but…it looked as if it was made just for her.
Ah she saw me. What to do? I'm still in my pajamas, which is only a long loose shirt.
She moves.
She stops.
Right before me.
And smiles.
Why is it whenever…I look at her, that…more so her eyes...
So beautiful, so kind but…But?
Now! This time now my heart stopped for real!
Those beautiful burgundy eyes. The very eyes which attracted my attention. The eyes which made me want to understand her. The eyes…these eyes which always held this ping of sadness since back then…
The eyes I look into now. The person standing right before me with that dazzling smile of hers. My precious best friend since the age of nine. The one I have saved from her mad mother. The sole one always standing by my side with me at hers.
My dear Fate-Chan, who always hid her feelings behind her eyes. Who still suffered from the abuse of her mother.
Here she stood before me.
Her eyes looked deep into mine and…
Those eyes I was staring into…they held no longer pain. The pain, she told me would never vanish was now nowhere in sight.
Instead…instead soft eyes lightly closed ,probably from exhaustion, radiated with so much love that I can't help but fell dizzy. I run towards her and…I hugged her. With my little baby girl in between.
The tears I thought would never fall were freely running down my cheeks. I felt an soft touch which wiped away the tears. I opened my eyes, which were closed without me noticing and saw my other light looking right into my eyes.
My little girl.
Vivio.
The little one reached out to my face with those tiny hands and patted my lightly on my head. It is amazing how the simple touch of your child can sooth you so much. To think that just a year ago my little girl was still captured in a world full of nightmares. And each time I think about it made my heart ache and reawakened the fears I had back then.
Two years ago…
Such a little time has passed since back then and the little one between my and Fate-Chan's embrace had a look in her eyes…
''Nanoha-Mama?'' Ah, how could I forget…our little girl was still pressed between her Mamas, and she may think that…that I'm sad that ''We are sorry for being late…'' taking one hand away from Fate-Chan I gently took the tiny hand of my daughter. 'How soft' I thought when I squeezed her hand.
This soft and tiny hand.
When I first touched it ,all of me knew that I wanted to protect this girl.
I still remember vividly.
A small girl laying on an hospital bed. She was connected to some machine with wires. The little girl laying there was sleeping so innocently that I couldn't help but smile. A strange sense of protection went through my heart and each moment I looked onto her sleeping face – so small, so soft, I wanted to caress that puffy cheek of hers but…but when she silently called out for her mother 'Mama' that word triggered something within me and the feeling from before go even stronger. So I did what I thought was the right thing to do - - I held her hand reassuring her saying her mother is soon with her.
The meeting in the garden was sudden but…still I knelt before her ,helped her up and brushed the dust from her cloths. Maybe in that moment - no I'm sure of it – in that moment when her eyes connected with mine…I knew I have fallen.
Just like Fate-Chan.
I wanted nothing more than to protect this little girl. And when I officially became her Mama I was more than joyed. A part of me I didn't even knew of began to awaken - Maternal Mode -
So many things happened in the short time we knew each other and one of the happiest things that could happen in that short time was Fate-Chan deciding to raise her together. I was happy because Fate-Chan had more experience with children who had some kind of trauma then me – Not that I ever had any experience with children other than my students to begin with!
Fate-Chan sure has grown very important to Vivio. When I was teaching my students mostly Fate-Chan would stay with her. She would hold her when I had to stay up early. Vivio wanted to hold someone she could trust and that would mostly be me. But Fate-Chan had no problem becoming Vivio's second mother.
I wasn't sure of it but…I think Fate-Chan sees herself in Vivio. Maybe because both are artificial mages or maybe because of the fact that they shared nearly the same hair color or that one of Vivio's eyes had the same color as her own, burgundy…but whenever I see these two together I couldn't help but imagine that the scene before me was a real mot - no a father interacting with his daughter, patting her, laying beside her when her mother wasn't there to hold her when she had nightmares, singing sometime or playing …I have to say that I would always laugh when Fate-Chan gets spear tackled and fall over with Vivio laughing on top her.
But whenever I get a glimpse of that…my heart couldn't help but beat faster.
That was when Fate-Chan held our – yes our! - daughter in her arms resting her head on top of Vivio's head and smiled with her eyes closed. A smile I never saw before on her face but I could have sworn that I have seen a similar smile a long time ago. But this smile – even thought it looked just like her usual smile – was special and…and my whole being dreaded to see this smile for the rest of my life. That smile was dazzling – but it would blind me from everything but her and our baby - when she opened her eyes and looked at me. She knew I watched them but didn't say anything – but that didn't matter because…
That smile with her clear burgundy eyes – made me fell whole.
And now she wore the exact same expression – no it was even more dazzling than before.
''Nanoha, sorry that we're so late. The wetter got us and we had to stay in a cave waiting for it to stop.'' she said out of the blue as I stroked Vivio's wet hair…wait - - - a cave?
I looked up to her and met an cheap excuse of a grin ''What do you mean with that?'' I asked her.
Just what did happen when they were gone?
''NeNe! Fate-Papa should I tell Nanoha-Mama what we did today?'' Vivio asked Fate-Chan with an cheerful but sleepy...wait…stop…
''Fate…Papa?''
NOW I sure must have looked silly because Vivio began to giggle together with Fate-Chan. Ok I was seriously not getting what was going on here and even thought it's past bed time – I wanted to know!
''No Vivio, let's tell Nanoha-Mama tomorrow.'' Fate-Chan said yawning and turning her head slightly as she sneezed. She looked kinda cute like that…I mean her nose was getting a little red and she…I seriously don't know if someone could describe the look she had just now.
But back to business Vivio was pouting right now and that meant she wouldn't give up so easily. ''But Fate-Papa!'' I smiled sweetly at my little girl and as much as I wanted to hear what happened it really was too late for my little girl.
''No Vivio Fate-Papa is right you have to go to bed now. Tomorrow you can tell me everything.'' She looked at me and I saw little tears in her big eyes.
''See even Nanoha-Mama says it's too late for you. But don't worry, you know what?''
Me and Vivio looked at her as we saw her smiling and questioned her at the same time ''What?''
She opened her lips and I noticed just how soft they looke…what did I just think? But I can't concentrate on that when Fate-Chan said:
''The memories you made today will never be forgot, because we never forget the happy ones. So don't worry you can tell every little detail to Nanoha-Mama tomorrow. Because the next day is there for us to tell the tales from the previous!'' you smiled so softly when you said that.
But when...
When you talked about the past you…
Have you always thought that way Fate-Chan? I can't seem to remember that you ever thought that way. You used to say: ''I will never forget what the day before brought to me, happy or sad ones will never leave me but it's still best not to remember them. We still have to go to the future together right?'' with an half smile that didn't reach your eyes. The pain and resentfulness gleam which shone in her eyes made clear how she really felt. The ghosts of these days were still floating around you and…whenever something happened to me, even if it's only a little scratch, made you worry.
And only in these days after the whole thing revolving around Vivio and with me staying out of the military, made me realize that I was the one who gave you a new beginning… that your whole life seemed to only revolve around me and…and I was the one, who made you worry the most. I never wanted that…but-but you always thought of me and could do nothing but worry.
I saw it whenever I wasn't near you…I-first of: I didn't know that you kept a photo of me in your wallet. But when I spied after you ,just for fun, I saw it.
You sat on a bench. With great view on the sea. But you wouldn't look on the scenery-a view so beautiful that…Well I couldn't take my eyes of it at first but when I heard you speak - - -or was it singing – I can't be sure of anything right now because you seemed to fit too perfectly with the whole picture…and then there was your singing. That song you sang held many emotions but what stood out the most was your voice. I'm sure that that was how an angel would sound – but you would always say that mine was more beautiful. Then you would bring out your wallet and your emotions- the sadness, the worry- flooded your voice as you opened it and tears fell onto the picture within the wallet. I had to move like a ninja behind her to get a better look at the image…
Was that person so important to you that you would shed tears for them, I thought as I was getting a closer look at said picture. 'Fate-Chan!' I couldn't help but stay still as I watched the woman before me breaking down – The photo she had in her wallet – the reason she was crying right then – it was me – just…me.
When you got home back then now traces of tears could be seen and you would act around me as if nothing happened. But you – you noticed that I was somehow different and you hugged me.
Whenever Fate-Chan hugged me my very soul began to sooth…but I wanted to comfort you! Instead I was the one who got comforted. For the first time in my life with you I realized that-that I also couldn't life without you.
But I couldn't help but wonder why your looking so different.
Today you've changed.
I don't know what but- I couldn't help but look at you with different eyes.
Vivio finally surrendered to Fate-Chan and stopped her antics. I let them go so that we can go to the bedroom together.
We make our way to the bedroom and she clung onto Fate-Chan's hem rather weakly. She is really tired. Her eyes were half closed and red. She was clearly fighting to stay awake. And then there was Fate-Chan. She also looks tired and…but this strong and protective gaze she holds never seemed to fade…
Fate-Chan lay her onto the mattress of our king size bed. Now that I think about it. We shared this bed for quite some time. It was kinda cute that we could still share one bed with each other even thought we are already twenty…it makes me wonder why anything didn't go on with us…I have to stop getting this weird thoughts!
Fate-Chan also lays down beside Vivio and…she holds out her hand for me. I take it without hesitation…this is different then usual – her hand…the feeling I'm having now…she never held out her hand that way towards me. When I grabed it she pulled me down. Not letting go of my hand .
My face leans against the crook of her neck. A strange feeling of comfort was washing away my mind and when I tried to to push myself up, Fate-Chan quickly rolled over.
I was now beneath her.
I was blushing.
And Vivio was watching us with an rather wicked look and smirked at us…wait she smirked? Why?
My gaze wandered from my daughter to the blond above me. Her eyes looked deep into mine. Was she continuing the staring contest from earlier?
'What is it your eyes try to tell me now?' You never looked at me that way and it made me feel funny inside my tummy.
What foreign feelings.
I never felt like this.
No I remember now.
The look she's having now…the way she looked at Vivio…I knew that look oh-so well…
No wonder Vivio changed the way she called out for Fate-Chan…the look she had was the same as when my father would look at me and my siblings. That look held so much love and comfort in them and I would always feel save when he looked at me that way…even now he hasn't changed the way he looked at me:
Comfort, compassion, love.
I know that when ever he held me in his arms…he had the same look as Fate-Chan.
How couldn't I realize…
The reason why Fate-Chan's eyes looked nowhere near how they used to be was…was because she finally found something that made her feel human-
Don't think I haven't noticed. That you've always thought of yourself as if you were not human…no you even thought sometimes, way back then, that you will never be who you are in our eyes. That your nothing more than a clone of a dead child and shouldn't be alive…
You not only hurt yourself with thoughts like that…you also hurt me.
You, who never surrendered to anyone before. Who was so stubborn that you wouldn't give up to anyone. Whose eyes radiated your feelings and silently called out for me to save you…
If you had never looked at me with your eyes like that, then…
I don't know what then…
And I don't want to.
You are so important to me… you lean down - - and our foreheads touch. That smile of yours never leaving…what is it? Why are tears coming out of my eyes? Fate-Chan explain! What are you doing to me?
This feeling only gets stronger the more I wait…Wait what am I waiting for?
It's so complicated…our noses touch and your breath is tickling my lips.
You seem so confident and strong.
Only inches were between our faces.
You lowered your head further.
I could swear that…our…breaths were…mixing with each other…as if…
We're inhaling each others air…and this scent.
You always have this faint scent of…strawberries.
I love strawberries.
I close my eyes, only bit for bit.
I want to keep looking at you.
And then…
you kissed…
my cheek.
And now I remembered when I saw the smile, the look you had this time:
When I was little, around the age Vivio is now, I also used to sleep between my parents.
Papa always came home late because of his job as a bodyguard and Mama always used to stay up late waiting for him to come back home.
I remember.
I always laid beside Mama in their bed and waited together for Papa. Mama didn't know that I was still awake. Then the bedroom door opened and Papa would come in. He looked pretty beat but smiled none the less when he looked over to us. Mama would then stand up and give him an hug inviting him to come to sleep with us.
He always would lay right to me and Mama at my left. I slowly turned around and he gave me an hug telling me that he's back and that everything was alright, that he would stay with us as long as he could. I felt this feeling of comfort wash over me as I clutched his shirt.
And then he would look at Mama.
Yes I remember.
The way he looked at her.
Then he told her that…
He told Mama…
Tears welled up as I opened my eyes. Meeting yours…
I know what your going to say now…I want you to say it.
More than anything I wanted to hear it – from you – because…
Because I wanted to know how my mother felt back then…because when my father said it – she would always look so happy and hugged us.
You look at me.
And I held my breath.
Vivio still stared at us with that little smirk of hers and…
Now I saw it…the look I wanted to see since we knew each other.
A look which held nothing but comfort, compassion and love.
''Thank you for giving us our sweet angel.''
Here it was…and the happiness my mother must have felt when Papa told her that…I felt it too.
I felt it so strongly.
Ever inch of my body was reacting to my happiness.
Now I know how Mama always felt.
It sure is the most beautiful feeling I ever felt.
''And''
And?
Wait…
Papa also said something like…my eyes went wide…THAT!
''Nanoha…'' she called out to me. The grip she has on my left hand tightened, but not unpleasantly.
Why am I so excited from just her saying my name…but the way she said it…it was just like when Papa said to Mama that he lov-
''I love you''
Just like that...Oh-my-gosh!
The first confession I ever received.
You said it in such a pure and lovingly way, and tears were flowing freely onto the cotton. I looked deeper into your eyes.
I can't do anything but…but throw my still free arm around her neck and hug her hiding my face in the crock of her neck.
This feeling…inside my chest.
I blushed and my heart made DokiDoki.
Does this mean…
I don't know…but what I knew was that my sweet little girl hugged Fate-Chan's back. It was kind of heavy but…but no unpleasant heavy.
My left and Fate-Chan's right hand still connected and me holding her close. I don't know what to say after she finally came to say the words I – somehow – I- I really am happy. It was overwhelming.
Why? … this happiness I feel now tops the one I felt before. It was…as if everything within me wanted to hear those words – or only just my heart –
Yes I wanted to hear those words from the bottom of my heart.
Since I was little I always wished to hear those words from someone who…who would say these words with only me and my happiness in mind.
I have to answer her…I have to! Because…I have to tell her that the feelings she confessed to me were mut…
''I-I''
I stuttered, I was still nervous, but then I notice that she fell asleep.
And Vivio on top of her too. I haven't noticed that Vivio moved nor did I notice her weight…'So light'
It must've really been a long day for them. I smile to myself and slowly turn so that we would all be sleeping comfortable side by side. I pulled Vivio over Fate-Chan and placed her next to me. I tried not to wake her. Then I softly pushed Fate-Chan to the other side.
I faced the woman who just told me the one thing I wanted to hear since forever and placed Vivio between us.
I pulled the covers over us 'Ah' I remember Mama also used to do that when we fell asleep next to her.
I do as I remembered my mother do it to me and Papa.
I look at you lovingly and…kissed you on the cheek and Vivio also…well on her forehead that is.
I can't help but giggle at the sight before me.
Tomorrow sure is promised to be an interesting day. I really really want to know what made you realize who you are and that made you so happy...because I am happy when your happy and I want to know more of it.
Oh and before I forget I whispered to you softly:
''Happy Father's Day Fate-Papa''
This tale will have three parts. Please enjoy it and R&R
Yours dear
She Yurigami