AN: So sorry about the delay in fics- university/life have been extremely hectic. As always, comments/prompts are greatly appreciated!
Returning to her house is like a punch to the gut. Even with Stefan's arm securely around her waist, Elena feels like any moment she'll collapse, like her legs will just give way completely and she'll never be able to move again.
Another funeral. Another double funeral. She has no idea what to do. When her parents had died, Jenna had been there to talk to lawyers and funeral planners, to talk to the neighbors who brought over casseroles and pies. She supposes she'll have to do that now, though she doesn't know how she'll manage that, considering she can't even look at the living room and Jenna's stack of textbooks without freezing and her mind going blank.
Sensing her hesitation, Stefan scoops her into his arms and carries her upstairs, gently placing her on her bed. She looks up at him, an expression of loss and confusion on her face.
"Did that really just happen, Stefan?" she whispers. He sits besides her and strokes her cheek. "How? How could he do that?"
Stefan's not sure which "he" she means- John, Klaus, or Elijah. Maybe all of them. Scooting as close to her as possible, he kisses her forehead and she falls against him heavily.
"Why did she have to die?" Elena whispers and then suddenly draws back from him. "And what the hell were you thinking, just offering yourself to him?" Enraged, she half beats at his chest. "Klaus could have killed you, he almost did kill you, and what would that have accomplished? How could you be so stupid, so selfish-," she breaks off into huge sobs that seem to take over her entire body. Stefan quickly gathers her against his chest and rubs her back, tears tricking down his face as he buries his face in her hair. Before long his shirt is soaked through with her tears.
It takes a long time for her to stop crying. Even when the tears are gone, Elena's still heaving out dry sobs, ones that leave Stefan panicking about her being unable to breathe properly.
"Easy, love, easy," he whispers, feels her grasping frantically onto his shirt. "I love you, Elena, I love you."
Eventually her body stops shaking and even her dry sobs run out. Elena stays against Stefan's chest, squeezing her eyes shut as if hoping that this is all just an insanely bad dream. Maybe it is. Maybe any minute now she'll wake up and stumble out of her room and see Jenna and Alaric, both half-dressed and giggling over ice cream while trying to sneak back to their room. But that's not going to happen, not any more. She won't be able to tease Jenna about her hair again, or cheer her up, or beg her not to attempt Everything Stew again. Neither will she be able to worry about trusting John again or snap at him or hope that he's not trying to betray them.
Elena's really had five parents: two biological and mostly disappointing, and three who were anything but. And they're dead, all of them, because of her.
Stefan seems to know what she's thinking. "This isn't your fault, baby," he whispers. "None of this is your fault."
Maybe someday she'll believe that.
Slowly, she pulls herself up. "I have to shower," she says blankly. Stefan nods, watches her as she crosses to her bureau, pulls out sweatpants and one of his shirts. She pauses at the bathroom door. "When's Jeremy getting here?"
"Soon," Stefan replies. "He took Bonnie home and is making sure she's all right."
"Oh," Elena says. "That's good," and closes the door behind her.
Stefan closes his eyes and reaches for his phone. Time to check in with the rest of the world. "Alaric," he spoke quietly. "You all right?"
Alaric's voice is unsteady. "How's Elena?"
"She's... she's in shock," Stefan says. "I... she has to meet with people, with-"
"I'll help," Alaric interrupts. "Whatever Elena and Jeremy need."
"Thank you," Stefan sighs. "The bodies?"
"We're taking care of it."
"Thank you."
"You take care of Elena."
Stefan hung up, glanced at the bathroom. Hearing Elena scream, he quickly goes inside and finds her hitting the wall, her palms already red and sore and more than a bit bloody. Ignoring the pounding water, he steps in besides her and grabs her hands, trying to prevent her from hurting herself further. Fresh tears stream down her face and she collapsed against Stefan, visibly shaking. Gathering her against him, he lifts her out of the tub, grabs a towel to wrap around her quivering body.
"Elena, your hand," he says quietly, touching the small cuts on her hands gently. Wordlessly she presses her hand against his lips. She knows he hasn't had any blood since Klaus had staked him- from the old house he'd driven directly to her house, ignoring everyone's advice to stop and get blood.
Before drinking, Stefan kisses her hand and Elena ran her other hand up to grip his hair. When his teeth latch onto her skin, Elena softly exhales and closes her eyes. There were so many things about the night that she wanted more than anything to forget. These mostly involved Jenna, her terrified eyes and the way Klaus smirked before he staked her, but a fair amount of these also involved Stefan- watching his face as she backed away from him, watching Klaus stab him. She also wanted to forget Klaus and her moment of "death"; maybe she was selfish to think about it, but she'd give anything to forget the moment when he drank from her, how she'd felt her life completely slip away.
When he released his mouth from her hand, Stefan again kissed her palm and hesitatingly kissed her lips rubbing her shoulder. Elena grabbed his face and kissed him, a hard kiss that almost knocks both of them off balance, pushing Stefan against the counter while Elena snakes her legs around him. When Stefan's arms again encircle her body, a wave of relief sweeps through her and for a long time they just stay there, alternating between rough, hard kisses and slow, gentle ones.
"Are you going to stay?" she whispers, already knowing the answer.
In return he simply gives her a look. She kisses him again before slowly unwrapping herself from him, reaching for her clothes. All the while Stefan keeps his hand on her back. There's so much to do, plan for the lawyers and arrange for the funerals and prepare for other people and call the remaining relatives (if there are any, she thinks darkly) and talk to Jeremy.
"You can sleep, love," Stefan whispers to her. She turns to look at him, taking in his exhausted face and grimy clothing, thankful beyond belief that he's here and loves her despite what a mess she is. To which he'd blush and tell her that he's really the lucky one.
While Stefan changes into dry clothes, Elena curls up underneath the covers, a tiny part of her wishing they had stopped at Stefan's if only to get her bear. Her room just seems different now. Granted, she hasn't been in it for awhile, but it seems less "hers", less friendly and open, less comforting than Stefan's room. The whole house seems that way- as if her parents and Jenna had made it a home and without them it's just a building.
Stefan slides into bed besides her and she moves closer to him, pressing her face against his chest. For a long time, Stefan listens to her breathing and knows she's still awake, probably reliving the nightmare that was last night over and over again.
"I love you, 'Lena," he whispers, so softly he's not sure she hears.
"I love you, Stefan," she murmurs, intertwining her body even more with his.
He can't get the image of her earlier, Klaus draining her blood and her eyes losing their life, out of his head. Or later, when she was lifeless besides him. One of her hands snakes into his and he's relieved, grasps it tightly. Vaguely he hears the front door open, Jeremy and Alaric talking quietly. By now Elena really is asleep, breathing softly against his chest. In an hour, maybe two, she'll wake, from a nightmare most likely, but at least for now she's at peace.