Nessarose Thropp sighed. If she could, she would plop down onto her bed. But Nessarose (or Nessa, as she was called by practically everyone) was confined to a wheelchair. She was born with her little legs twisted up. People always pitied her because she couldn't walk and run like most people. Walking and running, though, weren't the things Nessa wished she could do. Her overprotective father, Governor Frexpar Thropp, wouldn't allow her to go anywhere outside the Thropp Mansion. Nessa didn't have much company besides her green sister Elphaba. But today Elphaba was busy making arrangements for a royal visitor who would be arriving in two days time, leaving Nessa to fend for herself. With nothing better to do, Nessa decided to write a script. A movie script. She had never seen a movie, but she heard that they were very popular in the Emerald City. Using a pen and embroidered journal Elphaba had gotten her, Nessa began to write.
INT. A SWEET SHOP - AFTERNOON
Generous fairy MISS FAIRYDUST FLYER is arguing with loyal prince PRINCE NEAL CHICKENSWORTH. FAIRYDUST tries to hug NEAL but he shakes her off.
Please Neal, don't leave me.
NEAL
I'm sorry Fairydust, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
FAIRYDUST
I am such a person!
NEAL frowns.
NEAL
I'm sorry, Fairydust. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
NEAL leaves.
FAIRYDUST sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, proud knight SIR KNIGHTLY BUMPSBY barges in looking flustered.
Goodness, Knightly! Is everything okay?
KNIGHTLY
I'm afraid not.
FAIRYDUST
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
KNIGHTLY
It's ... a vampire ... I saw an evil vampire suck the blood of villagers!
FAIRYDUST
Defenseless villagers?
KNIGHTLY
Yes, defenseless villagers!
FAIRYDUST
Bloomin' heck, Knightly! We've got to do something.
KNIGHTLY
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
FAIRYDUST
You can start by telling me where this happened.
KNIGHTLY
I was...
KNIGHTLY fans himself and begins to wheeze.
FAIRYDUST
Focus Knightly, focus! Where did it happen?
KNIGHTLY
The train station! That's right- the train station!
FAIRYDUST springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
FAIRYDUST rushes along the street, followed by KNIGHTLY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. TRAIN STATION - SHORTLY AFTER
WITCHY OGREPOO a mean vampire terrorises two villagers.
FAIRYDUST, closely followed by KNIGHTLY, rushes towards WITCHY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
What is is? What's the matter?
FAIRYDUST
That's not just any old vampire, that's Witchy Ogrepoo!
KNIGHTLY
Who's Witchy Ogrepoo?
FAIRYDUST
Who's Witchy Ogrepoo? Who's Witchy Ogrepoo? Only the most mean vampire in the universe!
KNIGHTLY
Blinkin' knickers, Fairydust! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean vampire in the universe!
FAIRYDUST
You can say that again.
KNIGHTLY
Blinkin' knickers, Fairydust! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean vampire in the universe!
FAIRYDUST
I'm going to need onions, lots of onions.
Witchy turns and sees Fairydust and Knightly. He grins an evil grin.
WITCHY
Fairydust Flyer, we meet again.
KNIGHTLY
You've met?
FAIRYDUST
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
A young FAIRYDUST is sitting in a park listening to some classical music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees WITCHY.
Would you like some peppermints?
FAIRYDUST's eyes light up, but then he studies WITCHY more closely, and looks uneasy.
FAIRYDUST
I don't know, you look kind of mean.
WITCHY
Me? No. I'm not mean. I'm the least mean vampire in the world.
FAIRYDUST
Wait, you're a vampire?
FAIRYDUST runs away, screaming.
INT. TRAIN STATION - PRESENT DAY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
KNIGHTLY
(To FAIRYDUST) You ran away?
FAIRYDUST
(To KNIGHTLY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
FAIRYDUST turns to WITCHY.
FAIRYDUST
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
FAIRYDUST runs away.
She turns back and shouts.
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with onions.
WITCHY
I'm not scared of you.
FAIRYDUST
You should be.
FAIRYDUST and KNIGHTLY walk around searching for something.
I feel sure I left my onions somewhere around here.
KNIGHTLY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly onions.
FAIRYDUST
You know nothing Knightly Bumpsby.
KNIGHTLY
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, WITCHY appears, holding a pair of onions.
WITCHY
Looking for something?
KNIGHTLY
Crikey, Fairydust, he's got your onions.
FAIRYDUST
Tell me something I don't already know!
KNIGHTLY
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
FAIRYDUST
I know that already!
KNIGHTLY
I'm afraid of dust.
WITCHY
(appalled) Dude!
While WITCHY is looking at KNIGHTLY with disgust, FAIRYDUST lunges forward and grabs her deadly onions. She wields them, triumphantly.
FAIRYDUST
Prepare to die!
WITCHY
No please! All I did was suck the blood of a bunch of villagers!
NEAL enters, unseen by any of the others.
FAIRYDUST
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those villagers were defenseless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Fairydust Flyer defender of innocent villagers.
WITCHY
Don't hurt me! Please!
FAIRYDUST
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these onions on you right away!
WITCHY
Because Fairydust, I am your father.
FAIRYDUST looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
FAIRYDUST
No you're not!
WITCHY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
WITCHY tries to grab the onions but FAIRYDUST dodges out of the way.
FAIRYDUST
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, WITCHY slumps to the ground.
KNIGHTLY
Did he just faint?
FAIRYDUST
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly onions.
FAIRYDUST crouches over WITCHY's body.
KNIGHTLY
Be careful, Fairydust. It could be a trick.
FAIRYDUST
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Witchy Ogrepoo is dead!
FAIRYDUST
What?
FAIRYDUST
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
KNIGHTLY claps his hands.
KNIGHTLY
So your onions did save the day, after all.
NEAL steps forward.
NEAL
Is it true? Did you kill the mean vampire?
FAIRYDUST
Neal how long have you been...?
NEAL puts his arm around FAIRYDUST.
NEAL
Long enough.
FAIRYDUST
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Witchy Ogrepoo.
NEAL
Then the villagers are safe?
FAIRYDUST
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable villagers enter, looking relived.
NEAL
You are their hero.
The villagers bow to FAIRYDUST.
FAIRYDUST
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Witchy Ogrepoo will never suck their blood villagers ever again, is enough for me.
NEAL
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the villagers passes FAIRYDUST a magical locket
NEAL
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
FAIRYDUST
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
FAIRYDUST
Well, if you insist.
FAIRYDUST takes the locket.
FAIRYDUST
Thank you.
The villagers bow their heads once more, and leave.
FAIRYDUST turns to NEAL.
Does this mean you want me back?
NEAL
Oh, Fairydust, of course I want you back!
FAIRYDUST smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
FAIRYDUST
Well you can't have me.
NEAL
WHAT?
FAIRYDUST
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a vampire to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
NEAL
But...
FAIRYDUST
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Knightly.
KNIGHTLY grins.
NEAL
But...
KNIGHTLY
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
NEAL
Fairydust?
FAIRYDUST
I'm sorry Neal, but I think you should skidaddle.
NEAL leaves.
KNIGHTLY turns to FAIRYDUST.
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
FAIRYDUST
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly KNIGHTLY stops.
When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to distract the vampire don't you?