It wasn't supposed to lead anywhere. It wasn't supposed to happen again – and again. It wasn't even supposed to happen the first time. It just happened. Then it happened again. And after it happened the third time, there was no way the both of you could have just stopped. And why would you? No one forced you. It still was weird, right?
Of course you were attracted to her. The better question would be who wasn't attracted to her. But that didn't have to mean anything. And maybe you had a little crush on her too. But feelings can fade. You would never forgive yourself if you'd ever hurt her because of something stupid like that. So this was easier. Sleeping with someone doesn't have to mean anything. People do it all the time. Still, it was more than a simple one night stand. It wasn't even a one night stand by definition. It had happened more than once.
You were being secretive about it. You didn't want anybody to know. Both of you did. At least that was what you were being told. And what would you even tell the others. You were having sex occasionally. After parties when you were both drunk. After a stressful week. Whenever you wanted to. You had fun. It definitely was fun. But the others didn't need to know that.
It was not like it was going anywhere.
It was not like anyone wanted it to go anywhere. Even if there were some kind of feelings. You hadn't exactly talked about it but it was pretty clear what the deal was. You had sex. That was it.
Well, it had been in the beginning.
The first time, when you were quite drunk, it was just about the sex. Then you fell asleep, exhausted and sweaty. But in the morning the other side of your bed was empty. And there was no sign the last night had even happened if it wasn't for the rather large hickey on your skin where neck meets shoulder. You were just glad you had a single room in the Bellas House. Otherwise it would have been pretty awkward for your non-existent roommate if they had walked in sometime last night.
You had danced around each other all of your last year. But nothing had happened, other than the constant flirting and the hanging out after class. Study sessions in the library. Midnight coffees and talks... You finished college. But you couldn't leave. Something was holding you back. You felt like you weren't finished here. Finally being friends with the other girls. Finally getting your life back on track. Finally having someone who understands.
So you stayed. Graduate school. Finishing your Master's degree. That was even something your father could agree with.
You stayed. The Bellas celebrated. And it was that night the two of you had sex for the first time.
You can't recall how it got to this point. The party had started relatively early. Barely evening, but all of the Bellas, the Treblemakers and others were already drinking as if it was the last drop of water. Standing in a corner, watching all of your friends dance to one of the latest pop song, you reminded yourself that this was a new beginning. No goodbyes.
"Reminiscing the good old days?" It was her, suddenly standing next to you.
"Good?" You scoffed. "Are we talking about the same old days?"
"You know you weren't always a dictator." There was that smile.
"Yeah. But most of the time. And almost all of the girls are kind of scared of me."
"Well, now is the time to change that." She bumped her shoulder with yours. "To new beginnings." She said raising her cup.
It was a few hours later – definitely drunker – when every Bella was on the dance floor and she suddenly got closer. Dancing seductively. Bodies brushing. Hands touching. And suddenly you were pinned against your own door in the new Bellas House.
Confusion was the first thing the next morning. Loneliness the second. You didn't understand. You watched her dancing with so many other people. Grinding into them and giving them the time of their life. At least for the night. So why now? What did it mean? Were you just one of them?
You didn't talk about it. Never mentioning it ever again. But still treating each other like nothing ever happened. You started watching her closer now. Waiting for something, but not knowing for what exactly. You kept quiet and swore yourself that it would never happen again. That it was a onetime thing. She wouldn't even talk to you about it. So no, it would never happen again.
Until it did happened again. But this time both of you were sober.
It was after a rather stressful week for both of you. Early assignments from some professors were due and the Bellas rehearsals were starting again. The week ended with the traditional movie night. All Bellas were somehow sitting in the small living room of the house. Scattered on the couches and the ground. Of course she was sitting next to you. That was how you always sat – sharing a blanket and a bucket of popcorn. Thighs touching because there wasn't much space. While the movie was running and all the other Bellas were concentrated on the tv, you noticed her slowly inching closer. Not sure how that was even possible, given the amount of non-existent space between you. But you could feel strands of her hair tickling your arm. And then a hand slowly made its way on your thigh. You froze. Her gaze was still on the tv. Was she aware of this? Of course she was. Her hand didn't move on its own. Then why was she acting like everything was normal.
You were definitely confused and it made you slightly uncomfortable. You never were in this situation before. She was your friend. That made it kind of weird. And there was this nagging feeling in the back of your mind. But you enjoyed the attention. God, when was the last time someone was interested in you. Emotionally or sexually. Definitely too long ago if you can't remember it. Or it wasn't simply not worth remembering. Either way, this still felt good. Her thumb drawing circles on your thigh and her head falling slowly against your shoulder.
You had lost your focus on the plot of the movie by now. The hand on your thigh had started wandering again landing on your stomach as she curled against your body. You could feel her drawing in a long breath against your neck. Why did it have to feel this good. You swore yourself this could not happen. So you made the most logical decision you could come up with.
"I have to go to the toilet." You told her and quickly stood up as she detangled herself from you. It wasn't the most creative solution but it would do the trick. You closed the door behind yourself and washed your face. Cold water to clear your head. This was not going according to your plan. And then suddenly there was a knock on the bathroom door.
"Are you alright?" It was her voice. Of course it was her, you thought.
"Yeah. Just give me a minute." You replied.
"You've been gone quite some time. Are you sure everything is good?" Why couldn't she just leave... You sighed and opened the door.
"I'm fine." You tried to sound convincing. She furrowed her brow. "I just wasn't feeling so good. But I'm fine now." You put on your best fake smile. She stepped further into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
"What is really going on, Aubrey?" She asked and took another step in your direction.
"Nothing." Protectively you crossed your arms in front of you and took a step back. Obviously the wrong thing to do as she took this as a challenge.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" She asked and raised a brow.
"What? No!" You answered too quickly and not very convincingly. Suddenly she grabbed one of your hands and dragged you out of the room and up the stairs to your single room. She pressed you against your door – for the second time – closing it at the same time and kissed you. Not really thinking you kissed her back and let your hands wander up and down the curves of her body.
You didn't really talk much while you two were both kind of busy. But afterwards laying next to each other on your bed, sweaty and breathing heavily, she started talking. And if you remember it correctly she did sound nervous.
"You know I wasn't avoiding you after the first time." She said quietly. "I just wasn't sure if you remembered. I know we were both drunk and I didn't know if you regretted it."
"I didn't regret it." You replied quickly.
"I like having sex with you." She added so softly you almost didn't hear. You turned around facing her and becoming braver. Leaning forward you brushed your lips faintly against hers.
"We are quite good at it, don't you think?" A smirk formed on her face.
"Yeah." She chuckled. "So you are fine with this? Us having sex?"
"You know, if I wasn't you would not be here right now." You laughed quietly. She hit you softly on the shoulder. "Hey!" Before you had the chance to say more her lips were on yours again and her hands were wandering further down your body.
And that was all that was said about your deal – or whatever you would call this... arrangement.
It was going great the first few weeks. Whenever the house wasn't full of Bellas there was a high chance that you two had sex. Sometimes it even was just making out between the end of your classes and the start of rehearsals. It worked well. And it really was a great stress reliever. You also talked to each other more and more. And you started doing stuff together a lot. Even without sex afterwards.
"Hey." She said as she walked into your room. You were sitting on your bed with a book in your hands. "Are you free?" This was almost always the question before 'it' happened.
"Yeah. Just let me finish this chapter." You moved to the headboard of your bed so that she could make herself comfortable at the end of your bed. Surprisingly, she laid down with her head and an arm around your stomach instead. You didn't even flinch as she did so. It wasn't uncommon for you to be in this position with her. Usually it involved less clothing. But this was actually nice.
You couldn't concentrate on the rest of the chapter with her drawing random patterns underneath your shirt. It wasn't even sexually. It was just distracting – but not in a bad way. You sighed defeated and closed the book. She didn't stop her movements and without thinking you started stroking her hair. It was silent for a while.
"I have something I want to show you." She suddenly said.
"Yeah. Sure. What is it?" She sat up with the help of her hand on your thigh. Her hand of course stayed there.
"It's one of my favorite movies. So don't judge me." She ran out of the room and came back seconds later with a DVD behind her back.
"Let me guess." You smirked. "It's a romantic movie." She plopped down onto the bed again and pouted.
"But it's a classic. And it's also a comedy." You chuckled. She slowly held up the DVD in front of her.
"Pretty Woman." Was the title you saw. Your grin got even bigger. Of course it would be Pretty Woman... It was kind of ironic. "Is this movie the reason for your reputation. So you can also find yourself a rich man?" You laughed. You know it was kind of mean but her kind of humor. And she laughed and slapped you with the back of the DVD.
"Don't be mean." She paused. "Your dad has money, right?" She raised her eyebrows teasingly. Your jaw almost hit the ground.
"You want to 'bang' my dad?" You said jokingly but got the reaction you wanted as she looked at you with pure shock.
"What? No! I'm just making sure you have a nice heritage on top of all the money you are going to make with your fancy degree." This conversation was heading into dangerous water but you didn't realize.
"Don't you forget that I know about your nerd side. Miss scholarship." You replied with a smirk.
"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." She said nonchalantly. "Let's watch this movie."
So you did. You watched the movie. She cuddled into your side and you let her. You played with strands of her hair or softly rubbed her back up and down. As the end credits began you realized she was asleep. Her head on your shoulder and her arm around your midsection. You watched her for a while. What you didn't realize at that moment was that – if someone was watching – you looked like a couple. This was such an intimate position. But you didn't realize it at that time. Because at that time you thought it was just about sex. And when you weren't having sex maybe you could be friends.
Your agreement worked well. Either you were having sex or you were becoming friends. Well, flirty friends. But it was comfortable. You felt comfortable around her. You could let your guard down and have some fun. It was like last year just with an added bonus. You still had study sessions and coffee dates and all the things you did. But now she would sometimes lay her hand on your thigh under the table where no one could see. And she would lace your hands together under your shared blanket at movie nights with all the Bellas.
And then there was this one time she called you 'babe' when you were alone studying in your room.
"Could you give me your marker, babe?" She asked without looking up from her book. You just froze on the spot. Deer in headlights. After still no movement from you she met your eyes. "What?" She asked puzzled.
"You called me babe." You replied hesitantly.
"Oh." She paused and tilted her head. "Is that a problem for you?" That wasn't a question you expected. Your mouth hung open again.
"No." You said a little too fast. "I just wasn't... I didn't..." Then she chuckled.
"You're cute." That brought you back.
"I'm not cute." She chuckled again laying her book to the side and crawling in your direction on the bed.
"Don't pout. You are way too adorable. And hot." You rolled your eyes. "What? It's true. Haven't you seen yourself?" She was now merely inches away from your face. And you had too look down. Cheeks red from the blushing. There was a hand stroking a strand of hair behind your ear. Then going down to the back of your neck. "Bree, look at me." She whispered softly. You glanced up carefully staring right into those gorgeous eyes that you easily could get lost in. "You are so beautiful. Like it's not fair." A smile grazed your face. Hearing her say things like this did things to you that you couldn't quite understand yet. The kiss that followed was different. Soft and affectionate. Almost as if this was more than what was agreed on.
Laying alone in your bed that night you couldn't stop thinking. You couldn't define what you two had. It wasn't simply friends with benefits. But it wasn't a relationship either. Right? But it was great. Even if it was the most confusing thing to you. But one thing was clear to you...
Whatever it was that you had with her, you didn't want it to end.