Disclaimer: No, it was not my idea to have the X-Men abandon Remy in Antarctica. Blame it on Marvel.

Author's Notes: located at my FF forum for the story.

ALL THAT HATE

Ch.1 - Unfamiliar Familiarity

The last time he had been here, the possibility that he was not going to return had not occurred to him. It had been just another mission. When you went on a mission: you left, spanked the bad guys and then came back. Not that time though. Had he known, he might have taken a really good last look at the place. Even when it came to his near photographic memory of blue prints and expensive places, some details had faded. Sometimes he had wanted to remember everything about this place, others, he wished he could forget it all.

Who would have guessed a giant metallic room could hold so many fond memories? Or that those memories could be so painful?

He never thought he would see the place again. He was half convinced it was because he did not want to, but no matter how hard he tried to stay away, something stronger than his fear of rejection called him back. When Storm made him the offer of returning to the mansion, he had not been able to refuse. He had said he would think about it, but his mind had already been made up, and it was not long before he gave her his answer.

He had once been told he was not welcome back here, that there was no place for him amongst those he had come to think of as family. He hoped that it had been a lie, or a truth that had vanished with time. He was home now. This place was his home and he did not wish to leave it ever again. It would be so much easier if he could just become part of the furnishing though, or a fly on the wall. He wanted to see everyone, but not be seen by them. He supposed he might be more like the noticed fly though, one that everyone disapproved of. One that would more than likely get squashed.

Hope was a funny thing. It had given him strength when he was weak and a reason to live when he was dying. So then, if that same hope was to be shattered - he figured he might as well have stayed where they left him.

It was these thoughts that caused him to linger at the top of the jet ramp, before descending back into a world he was not familiar with anymore. The X-Man world. In truth, he was not sure he could have moved from the spot if he had wanted to. It was like all of the energy from his body had fallen straight down and into his feet. They felt heavy while the rest of him felt light and lifeless. He had to fight to stay up right and he was supporting his weight by leaning onto the frame of the jet. He worked with the presumption that it simply gave him a look of ease, even though no one was currently looking at him. The hangar was just a big metallic room, with little warmth encompassing it. Not that Gambit had been able to find much warmth anywhere, of from anyone for a long time. He was always cold. Nothing about the appearance of the hangar was welcoming and Gambit feared it was just a sign of things to come.

He should not have come back. He knew it would be difficult, but he never imagined this. The overwhelming fear that had gripped him stronger than it had at any other point since he found Storm and Jubilee and rescued them. This had been a mistake, but it was too late now. He had to do it. One foot in front of the other he reminded him self. Do what you do best Lebeau, act indifferent and don't let on how… just don't give anything away.

"Gambit, are you coming?" Breaking him out of his reverie, Remy looked up to see Storm standing several feet in front of him, her hand resting loosely on her left hip as she looked at him from over her shoulder. He decided to start the façade immediately.

"Just admiring the view Stormy." He leaned his head sideways and a smirk graced his lips. There once was a time where Storm would have scolded him and insisted he not call her by that ridiculous name, but they were not that familiar anymore, and all Remy had accomplished was making them both feel awkward, as was apparent by the sad and forced smile she gave him after the comment. She waited for him to follow, which made hiding his discomfort all the more difficult, but he made his way over to her with some effort and they left the hangar and entered the elevator together. They had some of the most advanced technology in the world and they were only going a couple of floors up, yet the elevator seemed to be moving agonizingly slow. Remy could feel Jubilee's eyes on him, but he had nothing to say, so she just started to hum a tune he was completely unfamiliar with. When the elevator doors opened, the three of them stood looking awkwardly at one another. Jubilee. Never one to indulge in silence of any kind, decided to say something.

"So thanks, for saving my life and stuff."

"My pleasure petite."

"Well I am going to, like, take a shower. I probably smell like Toad on a good day." Awkward silence was now filled with awkward non-silence. Storm shook her head and turned back to Gambit.

"The rest of the team is currently out. If you would like to get some rest, your room is still available." Remy was somewhat surprised by that. What did that mean? Why was his room still available? The mansion always had people coming and going, they probably needed the room, so why was it not being used? "I can call you down for dinner," there was a change in the tone of her voice as an after thought she added, "or have it brought up if you prefer." He had to admit, it was weird talking to the woman in front of him. They had been so close once, they had been able to communicate without speaking. He could tell what she was thinking and feeling just by observing her body language, which was not easy because she hid her emotions well. He knew it was because she had to, if she didn't control her emotions a flash flood could occur. So while it had been awhile since he last saw her, he thought he sensed an un-easiness about her. At first he thought it was just him, seeing him again put her a little on edge. It had hurt, but what he was thinking now was frightening to say the least.

"Dey know I'm here?" She looked at him, not saying a word at first, then in a tone that suggested she was trying to convince them both of it she replied.

"It will be fine." He did not believe her. Storm placed a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Get some rest." He nodded and slowly moved towards his old room, now more certain than ever that things were not going to be fine.

…..To Be Continued…..