Why am I like this?
What am I truly fighting for? The yelling, the screaming…
Why the fuck do I say things I regret later?!
I don't know why I act the way I act. Maybe I'm just tired?
Tired of my family's successes?
Tired of seeing my sister Anais succeeding in school with ease? Could I be jealous?
My mom is so proud of her when she brings her report cards and test results from school, it
Send my mother in such sheer joy for every paper she holds in front of her.
When has she ever smiled at me like that?
Then there's Darwin. He's not as smart or bright-minded like my sister, but he's so cheery and lighthearted, it makes up for the lack of intelligence.
He has such a huge social circle in school. Everybody loves to be around with my brother. Tells so many jokes and stories that even makes Miss. Simian grin from ear to ear.
Me? None of that… I distanced myself from everyone. All my relationships with everyone soon faded and changed… Darwin notices this and doesn't even want to do anything with me anymore. He always with Carrie or Tobias, his new best friend.
I'm nothing but a stranger to everyone...
Fucking shit… Looking back at all this while writing it done…
It's eating me…
Gumball places his pen down and pushes himself away from his computer table. It's 9:25 PM, the remaining Watterson were tucked in their beds and fast asleep. Gumball, being the only exception, was currently up writing down his thoughts with the computer light illuminating the whole room, being his only light source.
Gumball looks up at the ceiling and takes long, deep breaths. A lump forms inside of his throat and his eyes tingle again. He's on his breaking point once again.
Pushing his feelings aside, he once again brings himself towards the computer table and finish up his letter.
It doesn't make it any better that my Mom tries to rub it in my face every time I go into the fucking kitchen!
Tears now spewing from his eyes and rolls onto his cheeks. Two droplets falls and make contact with the letter.
Every time I go to the fridge to get something to drink, I'm forced to see that stupid fucking chart my Mom made up. She thinks I don't give a shit about it. She thinks I'm all rainbows and sunshines every fucking day. BUT SHE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT SHE SEE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY AS A WINNER BESIDES ME?! I'M NOT EVEN ON THE FUCKING CHART! I'M JUST SOME FAILURE TO HER. WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, NICOLE?!
He right wrist soon ache in pain as he finishes the sentence. The tears were now in a constant trail of sorrow that flows freely through his cheeks. His eyes, bloodshot in rage and sadness. His teeth, pressed hard against each other in response to the aggressive writing.
His heart, breaking.
He's angry that Nicole, his mother, doesn't acknowledge the good in her soon and mainly focuses on the other members. But sadly, on the inside, Gumball knows the reason for the lack of attention from his mother.
After two minutes of a long, needed pause, Gumball resumes writing
I'm sorry…
I snapped again, I keep doing that when I feel sad. It's not her fault that she doesn't notices me or put in her Reach for the Stars chart. I am a failure. I'm a failed son, an abortion that should've been planned…
What have I truly done in life? Chaos and damage? Who would be proud of that? Who would be happy to be related to a man who does nothing but destruction?
I'm the reason why she still has that stupid factory job. If she didn't have to pay all those fines, she'll go into part-time and pursue her dreams into a real career…
No… I had to fuck everything up.
I'm so sorry Mommy… I'm sorry I did this to you.
I promise to repay all those hours of stress and damages…
I'm sorry to everyone I hurted, I truly do hate myself for what I've done. I promise, for tonight, I'll be Breaking the Habit.
Three hours ago, I was having dinner with my family. Silence filled the entire living room once again.
Once again too many.
My sister tried to break the silence and told my Mom about a silence fair coming up, and had an amazing theory she wanted to present to everyone in the school, but that didn't help, cuz my Mom was more focused on me.
She said my name and asked what was wrong with me lately. I didn't know what to do at that point. For some stupid ass reason, I became irritated by her attitude towards me.
So, I hold back my feelings and said nothing was wrong, but it wasn't enough. She slammed down the fork and demanded an answer from me.
She followed on saying why I've been distant from everyone, and why I've been 'moody.'
I wished I told her the truth.
I wished I cried in front of them and open up my feelings.
I wished I did anything else besides getting pissed off…
I-
This time, Gumball stand up and tried to regain himself once again. He turns around and focuses on Darwin's fishbowl.
Darwin was like almost everyone else in the household. Sleeping deeply. However, he didn't have a peaceful look, the one he usually displays when asleep. He looked, angry. He usually sleeps with a cheerful pout on his face. Instead, he lacked the pout and was frowning inside of the fishbowl.
That, and a noticeable cut marking on his forehead displayed in front of Gumball.
Guilt ran through Gumball's body.
A Few minutes later, Gumball once again, returned to his chair.
I snapped and threw the plate across the table…
I was so angry, didn't even think about what I was doing… I just did it!
Mom and Dad were enraged, Anais looked at me in fear of what I did.
Darwin fell from the chair and had one of his fins on his forehead.
Darwin began crying loudly at the dinner table and started wailing back and forth. At first, I thought he was trying to fake being hurt because he wanted the attention or some shit.
But when Dad tried reaching over him to see if he was okay, Darwin moved his fins away from his forehead and blood was gushing down to his eyelids…
My stomach dropped, along with my heart. I walked over towards Darwin and tried to apologize to him, but my Mom immediately grabbed me by the neck and shoved me towards the walls of the kitchen.
From there, she smacked me senseless. Back and forth, my cheeks fired up and started to burn. My throat, feeling the pressure from her intense grasp… She didn't say anything until she laid one last slap across my face that sent me flying to the kitchen floor.
I cried hard. I cried loud, but I still heard the sobs from Darwin across the living room.
I hesitated to look up at my Mom, I was afraid she was going to kick me or something…
Instead, she started yelling at me…
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, GUMBALL?! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?!" Nicole yelled, balling up her fists. Gumball was currently on the kitchen floor. The cool flooring plates pressed against his arms and legs of the floor, but all he could feel was the afterburns from his mother's slaps.
Exactly one minute ago, Gumball was heated with rage and annoyance, now he's in fear and regret. Fear, for what is about to happen next once he opens his mouth.
Regret, for unintentionally attacking his younger brother, who was nothing more but a bystander at the living room table.
The only sounds that filled the entire house were Gumball's cries and Darwin sobs. Occasionally, you'll hear the voice of Richard, trying to calm Darwin down and the bandage wrappings being split open apart.
That's only if you weren't trying to focus on the cries from the two young boys.
"ANSWER ME NOW, GUMBALL!" Nicole yelled once again, stepping closer to the weeping kid. In response, Gumball dragged himself away from his mother.
Nothing came out from Gumball's mouth. Other than sobs, no other words came out that Nicole was hoping to hear.
Suddenly, Anais came running in the kitchen and started yelling at Gumball also. A stream of tears ran across her cheeks.
"WHY DID YOU HURT DARWIN!? HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO US FOR?!"
Even with Anais now being in the kitchen, Gumball still couldn't come up with any reason as to why he suddenly changed towards everyone. All he did was remain on the floor and cried his heart out.
Having enough of this, Nicole charged towards Gumball and grabbed him by the collar of his turtleneck. Gumball let out a loud cry, fearing for the worse to come. Instead, Nicole dragged him across the living room and threw him down onto the stairs that lead to the upper part of the house.
His jaw made contact with one of the steps, but it wasn't enough to cause any noticeable pain to the mouth. Gumball looked up at Nicole's eyes once again.
Confused, Gumball brought himself up from the ground.
"UPSTAIRS! NOW!"
I didn't even get the chance to see if Darwin was okay or not…
I didn't mean to hurt him. I love him, and I would do anything I can to stop myself from ever throwing a plate at him again.
I don't expect him to forgive me for what I did to him. I don't expect for anyone to forgive me for the years of misery I have caused.
I don't know how I ever became this way. I don't think I'll ever be alright.
Which is why I promise to never fight with anyone ever again. To never scream, yell, or snap at my Mother ever again. To never hurt any of my siblings ever again.
I promise to end it tonight. To end it all…
To end my life. To bring joy to my family, once and for all...
Hope you guys enjoy this one-shot. This is my first ever fanfic, so it might not be as good as the pros. Hopefully, it was well-written. This story was based on one of the Linkin Park tracks Breaking the Habit (Hence the title for this story).
Was it good? Was it subpar? Leave a review.