There was something that placed her in an uncomfortable state.
Rachel Alucard took a small sip on a special tea prepared by her loyal butler Valkenhayn Hellsing. Her crimson eyes gazed at the field of red roses on the castle's garden. The roses danced at the wind's direction. She let out a short, faint sigh. What had become of her?
It was the time where she arrived at the scene where a redhead named Tsubaki Yayoi was about to continue her search for Ragna. Rachel took the initiative to ask how she could see Ragna in her clouded eyes. She replied with a strong determination that Ragna is an evil that must be destroyed, and she would inherit Jin Kisaragi's responsibility if she fails to kill her target before he falls to his natural demise.
Rachel was slightly bemused at her words. She could feel her potential rising up to be released. All she needed was to prove that she can do it. Without thinking, the blond vampire told Tsubaki that Ragna's life was on the end of the line, and asked the redhead to use her Izayoi's Immortal Breaker, to end her life in their battle once Ragna's dead.
The girl had finished her cup of tea. She carefully placed the small cup on the the saucer. Rachel stood up from her seat, her mind flooded with uncertainties. She went to the balcony not far from where she was to smell the soothing aroma of the roses. Her lips formed a small frown.
Why was she not able to supply an answer to her own question? She averted her gaze from the roses and stared at the night sky above. Why did she requested Tsubaki to kill her once Ragna dies? She reached out her right hand above, clenching it in the air. Why was she giving up her own life when a pathetic and fragile human like him dies?
She had no answer. No answer at all...
Or was she just denying the truth? Reluctant to even accept the actual answer she was looking for?
Rachel let her hand drop down to her side, her arms slightly swinging in an idle motion. A wave of unknown emotion splashed inside her that made her chest heavy in pain. She placed a hand on her chest, trying to calm her breathing., to regain her composure. What was she feeling right now? Sadness?
Rachel closed her eyes, as she thought deeper on the matter at hand. There was no escape. She could not discard the unnecessary emotions she feels when he disappeared. She tried to bury the feelings inside, hoping it will disappear one day. She did everything she could to deny it, to ignore it.
But these feelings would not leave. They kept getting stronger each day.
Rachel returned to her seat and poured another tea on her teacup. With a dull state, she drank the tea in one motion, like a drunk man taking a shot on the bar. She did not know what to do now. If Ragna was dead, was she ready to get killed by Tsubaki's hand? If Ragna was still alive, would she kill Ragna herself? Save him, perhaps? Or would she rather die by his own hands?
She must be getting tired. Her thoughts was giving her an unbearable headache. She stood up from her seat and went to her bedroom.
Rachel would accept whatever events that will transpire in the future. Easing her doubts, she reassured herself that she would think more of what decision to make on these emotions that never left.
What she was still unsure of was the man himself. If she had to confess her feelings, would he reject her, lash her out because of it, and crush her heart? Rachel could honestly see that happening, as their interactions were mostly banters and arguments that pisses each other to no end. But what if the odds were in her favor and he returned her feelings? How would she react by then?
She would had to wait and see when that happens.
This was a short headcannon of mine about Rachel's decision on asking Tsubaki to go all out on her to kill her. Hope you all enjoy.