AN:
Disclaimer: If you see anything similar to the book or movie then, you know it's not mine. The photo is also not mine. I just googled it.
I loved the story and the movie at the same time and I felt really sad that I encountered them both only now. I like their pairing a lot. So this is OOC for them both, I think. And this idea came to me because I really would have wanted Carol's POV because I would love to have seen her struggles like in the movie since the book it solely focused on Therese with just a few hints here and there of Carol's real struggle with the divorce and custody battle which (although I have no experience of) I know can be really messy and painful.
Don't get me wrong, the ending was perfect, I think. I just changed it to coincide with the plot I am working on which is I have no idea of, really. TBH.
I also decided to branch out more on this since I want to know more about their life together seeing that the book and movie ended the way it did and I just hope that someone would want to read it. This will be pulled out of my very little imagination and I apologize in advance if my writing is very poor, in my defense, I have no training nor experience and as you can see (if you will check) I write very little fanfics. I do not write often because I don't think I have that innate talent for it.
Anyhoo, this is the first part of my TPOS/Carol fanfic. Hope you like it.
Timeline: I have no freaking idea. Will try to decide on later chapters since I am debating with myself whether I will make this on the 2016 timeline or in the book/movie timeline. But with the tat on Therese, it'll more likely come out of the 2015's or 2016's. It was set two years (at least) after the road trip.
Characters: Some are from the book, some are from the movie and some are out of my head. Mostly OOC.
Rating: T, for now. I love smut and will eventually get there, probably on the next chapter. Not sure though.
Please be kind. I do not consider myself a good writer and I did not research on any of these things so if you see some false facts, i apologize.
I - The Price.
It was a gala of some sort, she didn't want to come but she didn't want to be cooped up in her new apartment either. It was already almost filled and arranged, each corner, each furniture, reflecting her persona; save for one room. She could not make herself stay in the room, she went in once, twice and felt like she could not breathe when inside and as though the void that fills her when inside seeps out so she had kept that door closed. All her things she got from the house Harge and her has sold was in that room and it remained closed. She could not dare open it, she feels like it will swallow her up and she won't be able to pull herself out of it. She made Abby put the other things that wasn't hers that they had packed up. Simple things really, a toothbrush, two pairs of pajamas, the white dress, her perfume (which she made Abby take away immediately because it filled her nostrils, watering her eyes for no reason even with the bottle sealed close) some books, and her letter.
It was a benefit gala. She now realized, it was for a dorm school of some sort, a dorm school slash orphanage and each plate costs a thousand dollars which she was amused to realize she had not paid for. She asked Abby about it and her best friend told her it was actually for someone else but since the couple who was supposed to go had other plans and Carol was in dire need to get out she accosted her and dragged her to the event instead.
"Was he even a close friend of yours?" Carol asked sipping her martini, "No." Abby answered simply and gave no further explanations and they both laughed.
Then it hit her. Like a ton of bricks dragged by waves, it hit her. She gasped and her laughing face turned ice-cold all of a sudden and she grabbed Abby's hand whom, surprised, sploshed a bit of martini down her slacks which was thankfully black. "What the hell—" Abby started but Carol had cut her off "Therese" she whispered so low if Abby had not been so close to her she would not have heard Carol "What? Where?" she asked flinging her head this way and that narrowing her eyes to see people about in the dim light of the room. The only bright light was at the front where a small stage of some sort where all the spotlights where focused on.
"I don't know." Carol said hoarsely and if not for her worry over her friend, Abby would have rolled her eyes. "I can smell her" Carol said and Abby had to laugh, a worried kind of laugh. She had thought about Carol crazy before, but crazy good. Not this time though.
"Carol," she began but a voice, a name cut her out and they both turned to two women almost right in front of them.
"Terry, please." It was the actress, Genevieve Cranell. They both recognized her from the poster outside the ballroom when they arrived. Abby had remarked how much Carol resembled her and Carol scoffed at her and they had both laughed.
"I have to go, they will call for me soon." Therese said not even taking a glance back at the actress almost running to catch up to her.
"Tell me who Carol is!" Genevieve hissed and Therese whirled around at her only because the actress had caught her arm and pulled her back, a bit violently. Carol's grip tightened on Abby for a second and the brunette looked at her, Carol's whole focus was on the scene before them.
"A dream." Therese replied hastily and tried to tug her hand free "What?" Genevieve asked with a frown "Carol…" Therese said then faltered, biting her lower lip "…is a dream." She said sighing "What?" the actress repeated frown deepening in her face, but when Therese tried to get free again, she pulled her close making Therese tumble into her as Genevieve kissed her on the mouth her eyes closed but Therese wasn't.
Her eyes is wide open, her fists balled, and Carol had to smile. She felt proud for some reason that Therese was not enjoying this exchange at all but of course a little more jealous and curiouser as to how this actress had known her name at all. The two was too focused to even notice their table filling in and a woman with red curly short hair sat beside Abby also watching the scene. When Genevieve finally let Therese go, she was out of breath but Therese just stood there stoically.
"I love you, Therese." Carol smirked, she had pronounced her name wrong. She never liked actresses and she dislike this one with a vengeance it seems.
"Okay." Therese said and anger flashed on the actress' face "Okay?" she spat but before she could say more, someone, a man on a boom mike had called for Therese.
"I have to go. They're calling for me already." She tugged her hand free and made her way to the front. She was introduced as the stage designer for this short play that they will be performing and they honored her as well as one of the successful students of the school, it surprised Carol since she has never asked Therese the name of the dorm school she had gone to or maybe she had forgotten, but she had not and cannot forget anything Therese ever said to her and she was sure the name of her school was never mentioned. The lights faded and there was a collective murmur that ran through the crowd and Carol had lost sight of her through the dark. She started to get up but the voice across her caught her off guard and she stayed on her seat.
It was the actress Genevieve and a red haired woman with a round face.
"Who the hell is this damned Carol?" the actress said to the redhead.
"What did Terry tell you?" Genevieve gave an irritated huff and lit a cigarette.
"Was she in-love with this Carol?" she said saying Carol's name like it was something disgusting and she found herself smiling despite the vehemence in the voice.
The redhead just grinned "Is she still in-love with this woman?" the actress asked again "If I tell you 'no' would you believe me—or Terry for that matter?" Genevieve groaned.
"She said that this Carol was a dream, do you think maybe she had been a nightmare of some sort?" the actress said with a smirk at the end. The redhead rolled her eyes and carol found this funny for some reason since the actress gave out an air of superiority and a plain round-faced redhead to roll her eyes at the actress seemed laughable straight out of a comedy.
"Do you think terry would stamp her name on her skin if she had been such a nightmare?" Genevieve's face turned red and she looked as though she was about to explode.
"Who the hell is this woman? What does she even look like?" she asked and the redhead shrugged taking a sip of her gin, "I think she looked like you" Genevieve rounded on her "Is that why she kissed me?" the redhead shrugged again "She was very drunk and she did call you—".
Genevieve had stamped her foot and got up on her knees so fast her chair nearly toppled over "I love her Gracie, I love her and I will not let her go. This Carol woman is gone. I will be Terry's Carol if that's what she wants." The redhead, whose name is Gracie was shaking her head. "Good luck with that." She mumbled under her breath as the actress stormed off she shouted after her "Keep her drunk, then!" but the actress did not turn back but the small pause indicated she had heard as well as most of the other guests.
"Is she always like that?" Abby had asked the redhead and she frowned unsure then re-focused on Abby.
"Yes." She took a sip of her gin again "Very possessive. Very childish." Carol had not let go of Abby's hand.
"You together?" Gracie asked looking pointedly at their clasped hands. They did not let go like most people do "No, best friends." Abby answered and Carol was grateful for Abby's ability to be a chatterbox most of the times and this is one of those times. She still felt out of breath for some reason and she was still trying to make out Therese of the shadows on the side of the now lit up stage again, she must be there. There were little girls singing on stage and acting something out that Carol had no care for. Gracie snorted "Yea? That's what they always say. Best of friends." And she snorted again. "Have you known Therese long?" Carol asked finally finding her voice, it was a little raspy and she had to let Abby's hand go and take a big gulp of her martini. Gracie quirked an eyebrow "You know Terry?" she asked and Carol shrugged "You pronounce her name correctly. And yes, a bit long, if you consider a couple of years long."
Then Gracie squinted her eyes at Carol "Grace Fenderberg, you can call me Gracie, everyone else does." she said holding up a hand which Abby caught instead.
"How do you do, Gracie. I'm Abigal, just call me Abby and this is Cary." She said indicating Carol who took her hand in turn and shook it. "So, do you know Terry?" Grace asked again, neither answered and was glad of the momentary distraction as a boom of a drum suddenly sounded catching everyone's attention and Gracie seemed to have forgotten or perhaps no longer interested with whether they knew Therese or not.
"There's a real party after this if you care to come." Grace asked, and when Carol was about to refuse albeit politely, Abby cut her off and told the Grace they would love to go and got the directions.
"You wanted to see her, don't you?" Abby argued on the car, "But does she wants to see me?" Carol asked with a trembling voice. "Doesn't matter. See her. Talk to her. You were never a coward Carol. Just ask her." Carol was shaking her head feeling the prick of tears in her eyes but she steeled herself and sniffed it off which was so unlady-like but she was with Abby, she can be unlady-like as much as she wants.
"She must hate me." She sighed heavily "I don't want to see her, Abby. Turn back. Please." Carol said. Abby slowed to the side of the road and turned to her friend.
"Carol." She said and Carol looked at her breathing heavily, fear in her eyes, uncertainty but wanting was more dominant than the others.
"Let's just mingle at this party and then when she sees you, say hi or wave or nod or whatever. If she did not respond, we leave and you have your answer." Carol looked away towards the dark road "Is she someone to make a scene?" Abby asked just in case Therese started screaming in the crowds.
"No, No. Therese isn't like that." Abby shrugged, "You've not seen her for almost two years. She could have changed." Carol gave a laugh. "She has changed. Did you see her? She looked so beautiful. She looked more grown-up." Abby nodded "But no, Abby. She will not make a scene. She hates having the spotlight on her. Have you seen her on stage earlier? She was fidgeting." Carol said with a giggle. She missed Therese like a flower who misses the sun. "Okay?" Abby asked and Carol nodded, she glanced at Abby when the card didn't move "Okay." She said pointedly and Abby sighed then continued with her driving.
The house was in full swing when Carol and Abby pulled up the driveway which was already packed with other cars. They felt like there were at least a hundred people already and Carol didn't know if she felt relieved or disappointed that she and Therese may not even get the chance to see each other in this big house full of people. They made their way in earning a few pointed glances and although they had expected it, they were still a bit surprised to see men and men and women and women hooking up with each other. It was a different world entirely and although they know they are a part of this world, they had belonged to the other side for far too long to not be surprised. Gracie spotted them because she said they stood out like a sore thumb which she also said was a good thing since they will be a target of attention and not two seconds after she said this someone had already offered them drinks and started chatting them up. Abby was in her element all of a sudden and Carol would have been too if not for her ulterior motive for coming to the party. She didn't dare ask Gracie if Therese was there and sort of roamed about letting herself be dragged along with the crowd and found herself sitting on a chaise lounge by the pool where women and men are all dancing across a wide catwalk in the middle of the pool lights dancing on the water. That's where she found her.
Therese was wearing a dark red bikini top and a matching boyleg. Her hair was tied up and she was sitting on the catwalk, her legs dipped in the pool and she was cradling a glass of beer. She was smiling at another girl carol did not recognize but then, she does not recognize anyone at the party at all. She seemed like a different person but at the same time, she looked like her Therese. She looked more matured as she had pointed to Abby in the car. She looked more beautiful and carol's heart ached so much she feels like she was having a heart attack. The girl Therese was talking with pulled her face and although it was small, carol saw it. Just right there below her right ear, a small butterfly tattoo. It was in an intricate pattern, like a tribal design of a butterfly and she had wondered when Therese had it done. The girl kissed her on the lips and the same hesitation was reflected on Therese's face and Carol felt that jolt of pride and satisfaction which she knew she should not feel at all. The girl left oblivious to Therese's discomfort and left her and that's when she turned her head towards Carol.
It was as though her head had snapped and clicked in place right in her line of sight. Therese looked stunned for a moment and all around, everything disappeared for Carol. The music had died down, the chatter and laughter had gone mute. Time seem to stand still and it gave her a bit of a jolt when Therese looked away. She started to call her but stopped herself. She watched as Therese stood up, walked off the catwalk with grace like a model which she never had two years ago. Gone was the awkward little Therese that she knew. But her love for her seemed to have grown instead. She watched her unable to look away following Therese as she disappeared and was swallowed by the crowd.
Her eyes seemed out of focus and she blinked a couple of times. Before she finally saw Abby who had been saying something but she sounded so far off and she was wiping her cheeks and that's when she realized that she had been crying. "What happened?" Abby asked. "She hates me, Abby." Was all she could managed to get out. She sniffed and let out a deep sigh then wiped her face dry and composed herself. "I want to go home." She said with a forced smile and she did not wait for a reply as she made her way through the crowd back to where they had parked the car. She did not even care if Abby was following or not, she just felt like she will be sick if she did not get away from the place at all.
She started seeing Therese leaning on the car, her eyes cast down smoking a cigarette. She was wearing a black robe hugging herself. She was a salamander, carol remembered and she must be freezing. She felt unsure what to do for a moment. She felt like backing away from the car and from the girl leaning against it when Therese looked up and locked eyes with her. Carol composed herself and schooled a smile and with a grace ingrained in her since childhood, she made her way towards the car. "You look cold." She said and was glad there was no tremble in her voice, she thought there might be. Therese said nothing and glanced at something behind her and when she turned around, Abby was there, looking as uncertain as she was. "I'll get some drinks. Do you want one, Therese?" Therese nodded "It's good to see you again, Abby." Therese said and Abby smiled "It's very good to see you again too." And she turned and made her way back to the house with a quick glance at Carol who looked at her helplessly. "Let's get in the car—" she started to say but then she remembered that Abby had the key and she said so, "It's okay." Therese said, and moved forward and offered her a cigarette which she was happy to take, to keep herself from fidgeting, she have her cigarette case and lighter in her pocket but she wanted to be closer to Therese, she stepped closer. She had not gone into the pool, carol thought looking at her still dry hair and of the smell of her perfume which lingered in the air and assaulted all her senses.
"You know, you look very fine." Carol said. "You look more grown-up,-acts more grown-up. You've come out all of a sudden. Is that what comes of getting away from me?"
"No," Therese said quickly then cast her eyes down again. Carol stared at her and took in every single of her. She missed Therese so much all she wanted to do right now was to run to her and lock her in her embrace and never let her go. "You must hate me." Carol said a hint of sadness in her voice, there was a sort of lilt at the end of her sentence that it seemed like a question rather than a statement. Therese shook her head, "How could I hate you?" she said softly. Carol could not peel her eyes off of her. When Therese looked up she stared back and then asked, "What?"
"Nothing." Carol answered automatically. Then was at a lost of what to say and she remembered that void of a room in her new apartment.
"Harge and I are selling the house, and I've taken an apartment up on Madison Avenue. And a job, believe it or not." She blew another smoke and finally was able to tear her eyes away from Therese, "I'm going to work for a furniture house on Fourth Avenue as a buyer." She looked at Therese. "Have you seen Rindy?" Therese asked suddenly and it was still a sore subject for her but Therese of course have all the right to know. "Once or twice. She's living with Harge." She sighed then added. "For now," and left it hanging there. Carol thought Therese wouldn't really be interested in that and seeing Therese cast her eyes down again, she figured Harge was a sore subject for her if not, Rindy. "Anyway," she began again and braced herself for what she was about to ask Therese. It may have been over-confidence or desperation but she could not care anymore. She wanted her back, she missed her so bad she felt like she had died when she had not seen Therese all these time. "The…apartment's a nice big one—big enough for two. I was hoping you might like to come and live with me, but I guess you won't." she added the last part hastily with a nervous chuckle. She had wanted to say it from the moment this conversation had started but she had been afraid but also hopeful but she knew she would never but still, she had to ask. Therese stared at her, eyes wide and she stared back, hoping, hoping, hoping. They said nothing, Therese said nothing. And with courage she could not even begin to imagine she possessed, she asked "Would you?"
Therese's face was a blank sheet and carol only saw resentment in her eyes then when she thought she would not answer, "No," Therese said. "No, I don't think so." Shaking her head slowly, eyes still locked with her. Carol's world had crumbled but it was either stupidity or sheer stubbornness or just desperation, she tried again. "Maybe we can have some coffee? I can call for a cab and you can invite some of your new friends if…" she trailed off taking a deep breath "If you change your mind?" she added her voice was trembling now. But Therese just continued to stare at her and Carol felt like sinking to the ground below and would have begged she was going to but Therese's face softened and she saw pity in her eyes and all the beams she had kept to keep her from falling on her knees crumbled slowly and she knew, Carol knew without a doubt, Therese would never again be hers. She shrugged with a forced half smile that was painful to do, keeping the tears that were screaming to be let down "Well, that's that."
Carol knew this would be the last she will ever see of Therese. This was it, her answer. The answer Abby had said she would get. She should be happy enough that at least they got to talk, she got to hear her voice, say her name, one last time. She was happy but she knew she was dead inside. She had died the moment Therese had said no. "I love you." She let out in a clear voice that surprised Therese even she herself was surprised that she was even able to say it so clearly. She saw Therese trembled slightly hugging herself tight and Carol wished she could be the one to do that but this is it. This is their period. There will be no more commas or semicolons for them. This is their end and such a sad desperate ending it is. Therese moved her lips as if to say something but a woman, Carol have no idea whom nor does she really care to know called Therese making them both jump.
"Therese Belivet! Your lovely presence is wanted inside. You are the guest of honor, didn't you know? Genevieve is harassing everyone already." The stranger started a bit when she saw Carol. Therese turned to the woman who was still in her own one piece bathing suit but Carol had started taking a step backward, away from Therese. "I'll be there in a minute," she called back then turned to Carol who stopped in her tracks "Join us?" Therese said and Carol felt like she had been slapped, she didn't know why but she just felt Therese cruel to even invite her but she was an angel, she meant no harm, Carol knew. Therese only wanted to make sure she was alright, she still cared for her but not enough. Not anymore. "No, Darling. You go on ahead. I'll go look for Abby. I want some coffee and I have an early meeting tomorrow." It was an impulse or at least Carol blamed it on impulse when she strode over to her to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and later she would think how long Therese's hair had grown. Then before she could do anything else or say anything else, she turned and strode like she was on a mission which technically she was, of finding Abby and getting the hell out of this wretched place.
Therese did not call out to her, Carol did not think she would, she didn't look back either.
AN: Reviews? Anyone? No one? Okay. *sigh* I will upload the next part...later. Or tomorrow or next week. It's in the works already and I promise myself that I shall finish this fic and will think of nothing else all through the week.
Big many thanks for those who read it. Please consider this note my virtual hug to you.