Another story, neh neh. xD I hope you enjoy it! It's a short-short-thingy sort of thing... Yes. o-o; Something along the lines of that.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kishimoto's characters~!!
PAIRING(S): ... Lots of peopleXItachi. But... I guess you could say the very main one is MadaXIta? ^^ Enjoyyyy~
WARNING: Naughty language and naughty activities!
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Chapter One: My Adorable Apprentice and The Beautiful Blondie.
BITCHSLAP!
I smirked when it happened. I was on the verge of laughing out loud, but I contained myself. Mostly for appearances. I was standing in the main room of the Akatsuki base when it happened. Itachi, my adorable little nephew, had given his partner a good hard slap across the face. Everyone in the room jumped when they heard it. I stood in the shadows with my orange, swirly mask covering my face as I watched. Kisame looked totally shocked, an angry red handprint appearing on the side of his face. Itachi was staring at him blankly, but I could tell that deep down inside, my adorable little prodigy was angry and hurt. He was so cute when he was like that; it's just too bad he as well as I was trying to hide our true selves.
"Itachi..." Kisame looked like he was having trouble speaking. Itachi continued to stare at him.
"From this point on, we are only partners. We shall only remain partners. It's over, Kisame." With that said, Itachi brushed past me and went to his room, slamming his door shut. I shivered in delight and watched Itachi with a grin behind my mask. I looked back Kisame, who looked horribly sad. Aw, poor little sharky-boy didn't get his hands in Itachi's pants after all. Good, because nobody was good enough for my perfect little angel. Nobody, except me, of course. To divert any awkwardness, I broke into the silence.
"Aw, poor Kisame-san! Itachi-chan hits hard, ne?" I exclaimed in a squeaky voice. Kisame sent me a sharp look and left the room. I tried not to giggle. Beside me, my so-called partner, Deidara, scuffed. He folded his arms over his chest, his blue eyes darkening in color as he ducked his head.
"What an idiot, hmm. I knew fishface wasn't good enough for the Uchiha snot, hmm." He muttered. I smirked behind my mask. Despite his insulting and hatred for my nephew, I found myself rather fond of Deidara. He wasn't frightened easily, however, he was quick tempered. He exploded, just like his bombs, once they were hit.
"Deidara-senpai, who do you think is best for Itachi-chan?" I asked curiously, making my voice as annoying as possible. Deidara snorted and whirled on his heel.
"If anyone ended up with that fool, it'd have to be someone obviously able to put him into a submissive state. Itachi's too free, hmm. A wonderful piece of artwork, but he has no artist to control him, hmm." He explained as we walked down the hallway. I was a little thoughtful then.
"Does Deidara-senpai have anyone in mind? Ne, ne?" I asked.
"Che, it's none of your business, Tobi." Deidara replied heatedly.
"Awww, Deidara-senpai is so mean to Tobi." I whined, although, secretly I was becoming extremely curious... Was Deidara referring to himself? There were times when I found myself extremely stressed by what this little blondie said. And just the thought of him with Itachi... Well, honestly, the first thing that I thought of with those two together would be:
Who's the seme and who's the uke?
I giggled at the thought. How amusing!
"And what're you laughin' about, hmm?" Deidara demanded. I perked up to attention at Deidara's voice.
"How funny it would be if Deidara-senpai tried to be Itachi-chan's artist~" I cooed honestly. Deidara stopped in his tracks, making me smack into him. I jumped back and looked at him curiously.
"Is something wrong, senpai? Did Tobi say something naughty?" I asked. Deidara looked at me with a deep frown.
"Che. You're such a big-mouth, hmm." He replied and strode off. He left me standing in the hallway with a curious thought. Hmmm... If I could trick Kisame and Itachi together, why not Deidara and Itachi? I chuckled at the thought. How entertaining would that be?! Kukuku...
xxx
I was sitting in the main lobby, faking my annoying persona as I sat beside Kisame. I was going to need information to get Deidara and Itachi together. But how would I do that? Easy. Badger the previous boyfriend. I was practically in Kisame's face with questions.
"Does Kisame-san miss Itachi-chan, ne? Does he? Does he?" I asked. Kisame glared at me.
"Don't you have a hobby? Go away, Tobi!" He snapped.
"Tobi's only curious. Kisame-san doesn't need to get so mad at Tobi. Tobi only wants to be Kisame-san's friend." I whimpered, easily conjuring up a flow of tears down the single eyehole in my mask. Kisame sweat dropped.
"Don't cry, jeez..." He grumbled. Ha, sucker. A lot of people fell for my magically delicious tears like lucky charms.
"Maybe I miss him..." Kisame murmured.
"What does Kisame-san miss more about Itachi-chan?" I asked.
"Everything... His voice, his feeling... His eyes, his hair, his face, his laugh, his tears... God..." Kisame dropped his head in his hands. I frowned. Che... Itachi has a yucky taste in men. Damn it! I've got to control my real personality or I'll be that annoying bastard Tobi for the rest of my pathetic being!
"Awww... Tobi's sorry. Tobi didn't know Kisame-san loved Itachi-chan so much."
"Yea, well..."
"Did Kisame-san do anything with Itachi-chan?"
".... Like what?" Kisame asked, turning pink. I was tempted to glare at him with all my might, praying to Hidan's foolish god that I could activate my Sharingan and just blow his head off. But instead, I just forced a grin.
"Kisame-san knows what Tobi's talking about... Did Kisame-san have sex with Itachi-chan? Neee? Nee?" I asked coyly. Kisame blushed red.
"Er... Not... No."
"How far did Kisame-san go?"
"I got... Him... Undressed... But, uhm..." Kisame stopped. He looked uncomfortable. I bet you he had a hard on, the sick shark. How dare Itachi let him see him naked! I, and his mother, was the only one to see him naked! It was making me angry and I don't think I could control myself any longer. I jumped up.
"Uh oh! Kisame-san looks uncomfortable! Tobi's sorry! Tobi has to go on a mission! Bye-bye, Kisame-san!"
"Er, bye?" I ran from the room. As soon as I came into an empty hallway, I clenched my fists, growling low in my throat like a tiger that had missed his meal. This was going to be harder than I thought. I didn't think the people I tricked to date Itachi ever saw him naked! I always tried to them apart before that could happen! I need to blow off some steam. I went to my own private room and shut the door, locking it. I tore my mask off, throwing it on my bed. I undid my hair, letting its long, wild locks free. I undid my cloak and dropped it on bed as well. Instead of my old armor, I now wore a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of Akatsuki pants. I sort of missed my old uniform of heavy armor, but... I wasn't going to risk getting caught. I sat down at my desk and propped my feet up, rubbing my temples. Life could be so complicated... It's like... Like pouring tea for Hidan. Or maybe getting Deidara to take a bath with a rubber ducky. Yes, I have tried to do that, but Deidara was such a stubborn child. Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan, the youngest members, were all such children sometimes. Hell, all the members are children compared to me! Even Kakuzu and he's fucking ninety something years old! I sighed and dropped my head back, closing my eyes to concentrate.
All right. The plan? To get Deidara and Itachi together, somehow. Some way. Why do I want to do this, you young people may be wondering? It's obvious... I want to prove that no one will be as good for Itachi as myself! I've gotten Itachi with so many people and each and everyone of them turned out to be a nightmare for him. And when he finally has no choice, he'll come crawling back to me. Begging for my attention. As for getting those two together... I could just try getting them in the most awkward of positions.... Aha! I had an idea! Ahhh, how wonderful it is to be a total genius~
xxx
"Senpai! Senpaaaaai!" I called. Today I was so happy to play Tobi since it seemed to match my rare cheery mood. Deidara glared at me as he slammed down his tea up on the counter in the kitchen.
"Shut up, damn it! Can't you find a fucking hobby, hmm?!" He demanded. I shrugged.
"Tobi's sorry, senpai..."
"Tsk, well, what'd ya want? We have a mission soon, which includes weasel and shark, hmm." Deidara said, turning his back on me as he sipped his tea. I giggled.
"Itachi-chan wants to see Deidara-senpai." I stated. He whipped around to stare at me.
"What? Why, hmm?!" He demanded suspiciously. I shrugged, throwing my hand up dramatically.
"Tobi doesn't know! Itachi-chan only said to get senpai."
"Ugh, great. Probably to gloat like stupid rodent he is, hmm." Deidara muttered as he got up. I had to follow. Deidara went into Itachi's room and I watched from the hallway. If my timing was correct, Deidara would walk in on Itachi, seeing him naked. Yes, I had to risk it. My plan of having Itachi never seen in his nakedness was flawed by Kisame's stupidity, but there was no point in trying to hide Itachi now. I kept my back against the frame of the door, giggling wildly at the thought of Itachi being embarrassed. The pink heat in his adorable cheeks, his obsidian eyes wide with confusion. Ohhh and his body dripping wet from a bath. Oh my god... I squirmed uncomfortably now. Damn! What a shitty time to get hard!
"Tobi, you snotty little brat!" Deidara gave me a hard whack on the head, sending my old brains racking around in my head and my eyeballs almost about to pop out. I yelped, holding the back of my head.
"Owwwieee... Why did senpai hit Tobi? What did Tobi do?" I wailed, although, I already knew the answer. Deidara was pink in the face, embarrassment etched as a vein pounding in his forehead in a comical manner. His eye twitched angrily.
"You snot! Itachi didn't tell me to come to him!"
"B-But, Kisame-san told Tobi that Itachi-chan wanted to see him!"
"What?!"
"Itachi-chan told Kisame-san to tell senpai to come to see him, but Kisame-san was busy, so he told Tobi to tell senpaaiiii!" I whined. Deidara looked a little more than just embarrassed. I think he felt a little guilty for hitting me. Good, he should! He could have knocked my brains out my eye sockets for all I know!
"Ngh, nevermind. Get ready. The mission starts soon and you better not fuck it up, hmm!" Deidara scolded me like a child when I was definitely much older than him. He probably assumed I was, like, sixteen... Oh, those were the days~
"You did that." Itachi said from behind me. I turned around slowly, smirking behind my mask. Itachi glared at me, a towel wrapping tightly around his body. I gave him a once over, starting with his cute little feet and going up those slender, sexy legs. Too bad his little ass was hidden by the towel as well as his chest. I did get a good look at his graceful arms and his perfect neck... And his drop-dead gorgeous eyes. All in all, his body was a perfect mixture of cute, hot, sexy, and beauty. He could be beautiful, he could be cute, he could be sexy and hot, he could-
"So what?" I asked, remembering Itachi had spoken to me. Itachi glared up at me, seeing as I was at least a few inches taller.
"Why did you do that?" He demanded.
"Because... Tobi's being naughty." I answered truthfully. Itachi scowled.
"Quit playing your games with me... Madara." My grin fell away when he spoke my real name and I quickly glanced up and down the halls. I hurriedly shoved Itachi into his room and jumped in after him, slamming the door shut. I pulled my mask to the side to glare at him.
"I said never say my name aloud within these hallways." I growled. Itachi had stumbled when I shoved him, so he was now on his ass on the wooden floor, glaring up at me.
"Nobody was around to hear me and if Zetsu was, he already knows who you are." He snapped. Of course, Zetsu knew! I told him because he's a loyal subordinate! Until the ungrateful snot rags the Akatsuki was filled with. I frowned at him.
"I don't care. Deidara just left and he could have been listening. You will either refer to me by my code name or simply not refer to me at all." I commanded. Itachi wasn't going to argue. He knew better to do that... After all, I held many secrets about the Uchiha that not even he himself knew. Isn't that a bit sad? That his uncle knows more about him than himself? I chuckled. Itachi was getting up and I got a good- No, perfect view of his beautiful wet ass. I almost died at that moment. Again.
"I don't know what you're trying to pull, Madara, but it won't work. You're wasting your time." Itachi explained as he went for his dresser. I smirked at him, placing a hand on my waist in a sassy sort of manner.
"Oh, trust me, Itachi... I'm not trying to pull anything. And you did it again." I scolded. Itachi looked at me blankly.
"Did what?" He asked.
"You called me by my real name."
"We're alone. Don't have a heart attack."
"You need a heart to have a heart attack..." I murmured softly. Itachi stopped digging through his drawers to look at me. I could see some regret of his comment, some sadness of what used to be between us... Something that Itachi's foolish little brother had to ruin. Not only him, but also everyone else...
"Be quiet." Itachi muttered at last. I smirked dangerously, slipping my mask back over my face instead of answering as the strange presence of something neared the room. As expected, there was a knock at the door. I waved.
"Ta-ta, Itachi-chan... Tobi will be happy to be going on a mission with Itachi." I said with a gentle ring to my voice. Itachi shivered and I knew he liked it when I made my voice so hypnotic like that. I left the room, brushing past Pein, who stiffened at my presence. He also knew my secret... And he knew better than to disobey me. I sent him a look out the corner of my single eyehole. Pein bowed his head as I passed by. He tended to be loyal, but his peaceful nature irritated me so. I disappeared down the hallway, leaving my evil presence behind me to suffocate my adorable apprentice and my peaceful pawn. I chuckled as I entered my room once again to find comfort. I was taking off my cloak when I felt another presence coming. I recognized it as Zetsu's. I was correct when Zetsu made his appearance known behind me. I didn't turn around as I took off my cloak.
"You rang?" Zetsu's white side asked. I nodded, but didn't face him.
"Yes... Could you do your master a favor and go check on Deidara? I'm sure he's very... Very embarrassed from the show he got of my nephew." I chuckled darkly. I was feeling so evil, so perfect at that moment. Zetsu nodded behind me.
"Right." The white side announced.
"Same procedure." The black side mumbled. With that, the giant plant-like creature disappeared from my room. I removed my shirt and went to take off my pants. I needed to take a shower before this lovely mission... Definitely needed to be perfect for what I had in store for my perfect partner... And my pupil, Uchiha Itachi. Such innocent children... I loved playing this game of false matchmaker. It gave me chills...
xxx
The mission had begun and my team as well as Itachi's were both out together on the path. To maintain my fraud of a persona, I babbled about absolutely nothing in particular.
"It's such a nice day out! The sun is shining and Tobi is so happy he gets to spend time with his senpaiiii!" I sang, grabbing onto Deidara's arm for emphasis. Deidara flinched at my touch. I knew how he hated it when I did that... It gave me joy. For the moment, I was Mr. Joy. Mr. Annoying. Mr. My-Plan-Is-So-Gonna-Work!
"What was the mission again?" Kisame asked aloud, annoyed at my voice.
"We're supposed to sneak up on a bunch of Kumogakure ninja who've camped out in the mountains," Itachi informed like the good little boy he was, "We merely must observe... And then wipe them out, taking any informational scrolls that they happen to have with them."
"So exciting!" I sang. Deidara winced.
"You screamed that in my ear, Tobi!" He snapped.
"Tobi's sorry!" I cried. Deidara rolled his eyes.
"I still don't get why this mission matters, hmm. It's so stupid! I don't want to be in a fricking group with fishface and weasel brat, hmm!" He complained. Itachi glared at him out the corner of his eye.
"Shut the Hell up, Deidara!" Kisame snapped angrily, obviously very offended by Deidara's comment. There were times when I didn't really hate Kisame and simply pitied him... Especially for not being able to figure out my secret as fast as Zetsu and the others. Only he, Deidara, and Hidan didn't know who I was. How silly. I wonder what Hidan thought when Kakuzu showed me respect. I chuckled at the thought.
"What's so funny?" Deidara asked me.
"How Kisame-san is so sensitive!" I fibbed with a fake giggle. Deidara laughed at that. Kisame silently fumed and Itachi gave him a sort of sympathetic look. That made me suspicious... And angry. He couldn't possibly still love that man! He should be falling for Deidara, the squirt. Well, he'll learn that Deidara is better than Kisame soon enough... I was already hatching a very devious, at the same time oh so sexy, plan. Yes, plans can be sexy because I said so... Especially if they include Itachi being completely exposed to an entire campsite of Kumogakure shinobi!!
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A/N: O-O Madara's such a pervert. :D I hope you guys liked this one. It's another short... shot... thing... xD To help me get over my writers' block. I just thought it'd be sorta cute. :3 It may have some randomness in it because... Well, just because. ^^ Please enjoy and if you'd like, you can click that oh so tempting review button and tell me what you think~