(A/N) This is part of my THis Reminds Me Of A Movie Series... People might get what this is from in a couple of chapters. But hopefully this still will be enjoyed. Hey this is specifically just for enjoyment purposes.
THIS REMINDS ME OF A MOVIE
Tony couldn't believe what he was roped into doing now. I can't believe this. He thought as he rubbed shaving cream up and down his leg which was propped up over the sink of the NCIS bathroom. Of all the missions he'd been given, this one was the worst by a long shot. The team needed someone to go undercover as a transvestite hooker to hang around a bar to find marine that was buying drugs from a transvestite and supplying it back onto base. They had to catch him in the act.
"What?" Agent Wilson asked as he entered the male toilets. His jaw dropped as he noticed Tony standing in his boxers with his shaving cream on his leg which was propped onto the sink. Tony DiNozzo was shaving his legs? This was too much information to take in all at once.
"Can I have some privacy?" Tony asked in a mad voice. Fortunately, there was nothing else said by the agent.
As soon as I shave my hairy legs, I'm asking for a raise. Did I just think that? "Damn," Tony thought. Of course Abby had offered to shave his legs but she didn't want anyone with a razor near his legs.
Tony pulled the trousers over his 'Marvin The Martian' boxers and buttoned up. He brushed his trouser legs; he could feel the draft already. I'm going to shoot the first person who laughs. Tony thought as he rinsed the hair down the sink and flushed the toilet to make it sound like he was doing something else. Tony met the rest of his team down in Abby's lab.
He visibly cringed as Abby, Kate and McGee greeted him with large grins. "The trouble with girls," Tony said unsmiling.
"Strip," Abby said excitedly.
"Excuse me?" Tony asked in shock.
"Take your clothes off," Kate said.
Tony smirked as he removed the trousers and placed them on Abby's table. The cold draft touched his hairless legs. "Well, now what… Kate," Tony asked, His voice stoic, to hide the anger and embarrassment.
"Marvin The Martian?" Kate raised her eyebrows. "Get those boxers off and put these panties on," Kate ordered.
Tony never thought that he'd be fearful of stripping off in front of the girls. "Turn around," Tony said as he traced imaginary circles in the air with his finger. "Turn around." He told them a bit more forcefully.
"It's not like you have anything we haven't see before," Abby spoke up clasping her hands together.
"Hmm, maybe he does," Kate said.
"All of you just turn around," Tony ordered. He had to admit that the bright blue silky panties felt nice against his skin. That was something he'd never share with another soul… EVER. He adjusted it around the waist and crotch. "Ok," he said.
The three turned around at the same time. "Oh, they fit you perfectly," Abby exclaimed.
"How'd you guess his size Kate?" Abby asked.
McGee turned back around and paced the other side of the lab as he reached into his pocket to pull out his cell. "You take one photo of me and you're dead Probie," Tony warned him. "So are these silky blue panties yours, Kate… Ow," Tony felt Gibbs slap him upside the head.
"I would never lend you my panties, Tony," She said.
"Bra," Abby said as she handed it over and Kate fastened it up and stuffed it with tissues to fill out the cups.
"When I signed up to NCIS, I didn't sign up for this," Tony whined. "And when I said I wanted to get into a woman's panties… I did NOT mean it literally," he said.
"You know about someone dressing up as a transvestite to buy drugs from someone reminds me of a couple of episodes of Twin Peaks… Directed by David Lynch. David Duchovny plays a," Tony told them to cover up his embarrassment and hoped he wasn't blushing.
"Kate!" Gibbs pointed at Tony.
"On it," Kate knew exactly what Gibbs was asking for and she smacked Tony upside the head to shut him up.
"Hey," Tony huffed as Kate finished stuffing the bra. This also reminds me of The Birdcage in a twisted way… Make me a woman.
"Now for this dress," Abby smiled brightly.
"Actually that looks really nice," Don't tell me I just said that out loud. He opened his eyes again and they were all looking at him with their mouths hitting the floor. "Oh, man," Tony complained.
He donned the dress that was missing its back and was low cut at the front. "Oh, that looks really nice on you Tony… That shade of blue really suits you," McGee joked trying hard to keep himself from laughing. Gibbs hid a large smirk behind a cup of coffee.
"Oh Tony," Abby said. "You look so cute in that dress. But we need to shave your back and chest where the dress dips," she commented.
"Shut up," Tony said.
"Tony, come into my office and I'll shave your back and chest where the dress exposes you," Abby winked at him, took his hand and dragged them into her office.
Tony was glad she pulled down the blinds. He felt her take the electric shaver and do his front and back. He now felt even more mortified if that were possible. He didn't even say a word as Abby used her skill and repeated the action a few times.
"There, now the dress looks better." She smiled, "Tony, you look so nice, but now we have to do the make-up, nails and wig, oh and the jewelry." the excitement in her voice made Tony more uncomfortable.
"Abs, please." Tony held up his hand to make her stop.
"Oh sweetie, it will be alright." Abby winked and then brought him back into the lab. "Better?" She looked around to everyone.
The only one who answered was Kate. "Much"
Tony just groaned. Could this get any worse? Oh wait, I still have the make-up and stuff to do. This day wasn't turning out the way he thought it would, he huffed and sat down.
"Tony, don't wrinkle the dress. A lady straightens out the dress and then sits down." Abby gently corrected, wanting him to calm down a bit before they started on him again.
"Abs, you and Kate finish him up." Gibbs groused before he turned to hide the grin. He hoped that someone would take photos with their cell camera, if he knew how he'd do it.
"How about time for some lipstick?" Kate asked.
"Definitely red," Gibbs had to turn away. This was just getting too funny to control himself.
"Red would really suit him. But Gibbs, a woman has to put on foundation first before the other stuff, oh and blush," Abby said quickly and then applied the foundation that she had picked out to match Tony's skin color. Then she added blush and then rubbed it in. She looked and admired her work. "What do you think Kate, just right?" Abby grinned at her work.
"Would you stop and finish me up. I'm not a Barbie." Tony huffed.
"No, you just date Barbies, or are they bimbos?" Kate snickered as she took the red lipstick.
"Ha ha, Kate." Tony said flatly and sat back on the stool, ready for his fate.
"Hold still Tony," Kate said as she tried to apply the lipstick evenly. "Now press your lips together," Kate showed him how to and he complied.
Tony had tasted plenty of lipsticks before but never off his own lips. "How does it look?" He asked nervously.
"Wait till they finish," Gibbs ordered. He was eager to see the reaction to the whole picture.
"Ok Tony, eye shadow and eye liner. And remember as hard as it is for you, stay still." Kate informed him. She held his lid closed with one finger from her hand. And then applied the eye shadow and liner with her other hand. "Perfect!" She exclaimed admiring her work.
"Tony, I love the blue eye shadow and black eye liner, wow, it matches your dress perfectly." Abby bounced with excitement.
Tony sat in silence, thinking the make-up was done, resigned to his fate, or at least for the moment.
He sighed realizing there was more to go. Geez, how much make-up can a woman where? All the girls I've been with don't look like they wear all this. I now have a new appreciation for what they go through, he thought. Maybe he could get out of some of this female stuff.
Abby approached him to start applying the mascara. "Wait, isn't this taking things a little too far?" Tony protested as he leaned his head back as far as he could.
"DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted across the lab. "Just have it done," he ordered.
"Keep still," Abby said. "Don't move or the magic mascara wand will poke your eye out," Abby tried to sound threatening. She then pointed with the wand in her hand to show what she meant.
McGee rubbed his mouth eagerly as they finished applying all the makeup. "You know, I need a name," Tony said. "A really good name… I was thinking about Brodie or Pussy Galore," Tony grinned at getting his suggestions in first. "Or…"
McGee and Kate turned bright red while Gibbs and Abby rolled their eyes. Gibbs cut Tony off before he could give anymore of his ridiculous suggestions. "I've got the perfect name for you DiNozzo… Honey Dust," Gibbs pointedly told he senior field agent.
Kate sniggered and McGee couldn't believe that Gibbs would even suggest that after what he heard. "Come on Boss… I told you that was a mistake," Tony pleaded for him to change the name. "The post office messed up," he tried to explain the situation. "It wasn't my fault," Tony said. "Please change it."
"No, Honey Dust," Gibbs replied flatly as he expertly didn't laugh at Tony's distress. He walked towards the elevator.
"Where are you going Boss?" Tony asked. He realized that he would be outnumbered and McGee will always side with Abby.
"Going for Coffee, Honey Dust," Gibbs answered gruffly, still hiding his laugh.
"Really funny Boss," Tony huffed and pouted. "Hey wait!"
Gibbs waited till the elevator doors closed and the smile that he's been holding back for some time broke through to the surface. He silently laughed as he rode the elevator.
"Damn," Tony cursed as he walked to the main part of the lab. "Do you think he was serious?" he looked hopefully at Kate and Abby.
"Yup," McGee, Abby and Kate answered in unison.
"I need a massage," Tony said. Oh no, I did not just say that either.
"Now for the perfume," Kate said as she held onto a small bottle. "Here's a nice bottle," she said. "Now I spray it in the air and you just walk through it," Kate explained.
"Ah, Kate, why do I walk through it?" Tony asked with a curious look. "Why don't you just spray it on?" His eyes searched hers for an answer.
"I'll field this question, Kate," Abby said excitedly. "You want the perfume to smell nice… Not stink," Abby scrunched her nose and waved her hand like a fan. "And chase the boyfriends away," Abby concluded.
"I like that explanation Abbs," Kate commented.
"You would, Katie, you would," Tony was clearly annoyed.
"Come on Tony," Abby said while smiling. "Be a man and walk through that perfume mist," she concluded.
Tony sighed once again and tried to impersonate the women walking through sprayed perfume at a perfume counter. "Something still doesn't look right," Kate said.
"Shoes," McGee chimed in. This earned him a DiNozzo's you're dead stare.
"He's right! And, he needs stocking, the wig and jewelry." Abby grabbed a box from the monitor and wheeled a chair around for Tony to sit on.
Tony reluctantly put on the stockings. He then saw the shoes and wondered how the thin heels of the shoes were going to support his weight. Abby fixed his stockings and then put the shoes on. She then buckled the two straps on each one up. "How am I going to walk in these things?" Tony complained as he stood and immediately thought he was going to fall forward. As soon as he stood up, he felt like the high heel was slipping beneath him. "These are just impossible," Tony said. "What?" They were all laughing at him again.
"Ok, you have the nails glued on and I have to say I did a nice manicure. Now it's nail polish time, Tony," Kate said, holding up a few bottles of polish.
"I've got the wig," Abby said as she adjusted the long blonde hair on Tony's head and began brushing it as Tony placed his hand palm down on the desk.
"What color nail polish would you like?" Kate asked.
"Chrome blue," Tony answered, too quickly judging by the others' reaction.
Kate looked at Abby and McGee before fishing out a small chrome blue bottle. "There we are…" She was about to unscrew the lid to reveal the little brush.
"Actually how about a nice green to match my eyes," Tony said with a smile.
"How about black to match the black eye you're going to get if you don't make up your mind," Kate retorted.
"Chrome blue," Tony said quickly and waited for Kate to paint all his nails.
When Abby was finished with the wig she added the jewelry.
Tony was glad that nobody was on the NCIS floor except for Gibbs. Thankfully nobody else was there to poke fun at him. Abby and Kate thought it would be good to for Tony to actually practice walking around and not just going back and forth.
"Glide… Glide," Kate told him. "Now, remember you step with the heel first and do it like we showed you downstairs and add some hip movement."
"I'm not Miss Congeniality," Tony responded impatiently.
"Christ, you want everything?" Tony glared before he did as he was told.
"Oh oh, don't forget your voice. Remember how we told you how to use your voice?" Abby excitedly asked.
Tony raised his voice higher, "Yes, I sure do, Abs."
"Tony, just remember what all your girlfriends sound like." Kate laughed.
Gibbs stood up as soon he heard the voices approaching. He had to sit down again before he was noticed. Tony was surprisingly a good looking woman.. He wasn't surprised at how well Tony followed direction with his voice, now they were working on the walk. He had confidence, Tony was good undercover, even if it was to this length. Gibbs cleared his head to rid his mind of that horrible thought before standing back up.
"You're still walking like a man, Tony," McGee said.
"Walk this way," Kate said as she walked ahead of him while letting her hips swing side to side as she walked very much like a lady. "Just like I told you before, heel and then toe, heel and toe. And put some Swagger in it."
"Come on," Tony did so, except he started overdoing it, since he thought it looked too ridiculous.
"Stop being silly Tony," Abby raised her voice at her friend.
"Alright, Alright!" He walked exactly like Kate did, making sure he planted one foot directly in front of the other foot. Tony copied Kate perfectly for about ten steps. "Argh," Tony fell over.
McGee helped him to his feet and Tony nonchalantly walked the way Kate was and met up with Gibbs in the bullpen. "I see you're doing well with your walk Honey Dust," Gibbs said flatly, causing the others to giggle.
"About my name, Boss," Tony said.
"Hey Ducky," Gibbs said as Ducky walked into the bullpen to hand over a folder for Gibbs to read.
"Who do we have here?" Ducky asked. "I am Doctor Mallard," he introduced himself in the usual gentlemanly manner.
"No Ducky its," Kate began to say.
Ducky held Tony's hand in his and went to kiss the back of it as any gentleman would. Tony withdrew his hand quickly and slapped the ME in the face almost knocking him off his feet. "Whoa, you know, I knew a woman like you back in the early seventies," Ducky rubbed the sore part of his cheek before he continued the story.
"You never knew a woman like me, Ducky," Tony responded in his normal voice. He had thought of playing along with it but didn't want to give the team more ammunition.
"Anthony?" Ducky asked in shock. "Actually, I knew a guy like you in med school," he said. "I will see you tomorrow about the results there… Abigail, Caitlin, Jethro," he looked in Tony's direction. "Anthony," it was almost said in a hissing tone.
"This is for a case," Tony vigorously defended himself. "Hey, Ducky… Come on… Argh," Tony slipped once again and almost fell face first onto the floor. "Damn it," Tony cursed as he hit the desk in front of him.
"McGee!" Gibbs barked. "Get the surveillance equipment ready. Kate, bring the surveillance truck around. We leave in half an hour. Abbs, you can come help us out," Gibbs looked Tony up and down who was now fully dressed as a woman. "DiNozzo, don't just sit there and look pretty… Go practice in those heels being a woman," Gibbs said. In his mind, he could picture Tony grinning widely. "Tastefully!"
"About my name," Tony said.
"No chance in changing it now," Gibbs told him. "Practice walking… How is it said? Glide, heel and toe and don't forget to sway. Like Kate told you, think of how your girlfriends walk and act," he ordered.
"Yes Michael Caine," Tony mumbled.