Okay this is completely random fic, no idea what set it off...guess you could say it was a combination of the last scene of Last of the Time Lords, people mentioning Martha's phone in their fics, and the first scene from Smith and Jones...just a completely random one-off I couldn't help sharing. Oh and this starts part way through Voyage of the Damned...no real spoilers for it, but no real background explained out either. Enjoy!
The Doctor had only just managed to pull Morvin away from the Host when something very unexpected happened. His pocket began to vibrate! As a tune resounded through the stairwell, he quickly pulled the offending article out – Martha's phone!
"Hello?" he asked as he flipped it open, ducking around the debris of obstacles that had fallen onto the stairwell.
"It's a nightmare, 'cause Dad won't listen, and I'm telling you, Mum is going mental, swear to God, Martha, this is epic, you've got to get in there and stop him---"
"Information – kill, kill, kill..." the Host declared, just a few steps down from the Doctor.
"Umm this really isn't a good time. Martha's got a new phone...uh, bye!" he yelped as he dashed up the stairs. "Brixton!! Get them through!!" he yelled up the stairwell, growling softly as the phone rang again. He opened it holding it to his ear but hadn't a chance to speak before the person on the other end did.
"Martha, if Mum and Dad start kicking off---"
"Not Martha's phone anymore sorry," he cut off the male voice. "Can't talk, bye!" and snapped the phone shut. Going to the nearby console he relayed a message to the bridge before racing to push Morvin through the gap. His annoyance at the phone calls was lost as he got back to the task at hand.
A couple of nights later the Doctor was enjoying a scrumptious dream. He didn't sleep often, but when he did it was usually because he was completely and utterly exhausted, as he was this night. It was also very infrequent for him to not have nightmares during those few hours of sleep, so to anyone that might have seen him lying in his bed that evening might be surprised to find him actually smiling in his sleep, sighs of words from long ago brushing across his lips.
"Come on man, stop trying to pretend I'm not here. I am. Just pick it up, pick it up!"
Even the Tardis refused to translate the exclamations the Doctor gave at the phones loud ringtone and vibrating from across the room.
For a moment he considered not bothering answering it, to try coax his mind back to that delectable dream. But worry that Martha might be in danger got the better of him as he hopped out of bed, somewhat annoyed to find the room quite chilly for his state of undress.
"Come on man, stop trying to pretend I'm not here. I am. Just pick it up, pick it up!" the ringtone sounded again as he hunted through his pockets.
"Alright, alright, give a Time Lord a chance!" the Doctor huffed, finally pulling it out and opening it. He managed to get a feeble 'Hu' portion of his greeting out before the voice on the other end barrelled over him.
"I don't mind your father making a fool of himself in private, but---"
The pure rage at being woken from such a luscious dream for this coursed through him as he cut off Francine's comment. "Ms Jones I don't even want to know why you would be thinking of what my father did in private considering he might have just hit oooh his 3000th birthday near to when you were born? Well give or take a century or three either way," he added, not entirely certain in the haze of sleep. "Not to mention it would be highly unfair considering all the false accusations of cradle snatching I've received over the years, and I'm not even a Century yet!"
Feeling slightly better about his rude awakening now, he continued in a far more polite tone, "Martha's got a new phone, no idea what her new number is sorry. Good nightmares," he finished, snapping the phone shut before realising his mistake. "Ah, would serve her right anyway," he consoled himself, thoroughly annoyed to find he was now wide awake and the dream he was so hoping to savour for a few more hours was now but a distant memory. Sighing, he went and showered, deciding he would have to do a lot of tinkering to relieve his frustration.
Which is where Donna found him when she awoke a few hours later, grumbling away to himself under the main control panel. "Ooh did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" she asked, having had a fantastic night sleep after their harrowing adventure the day before.
"Don't start," he told her slightly more harshly than he intended as he added the pain on his forehead to the list of things he was trying to ignore, having bashed it against the underside of the controls when she'd startled him.
"Good morning to you too, sunshine!" she retorted, slumping into the jump seat.
The Doctor sighed, reigning in his frustration once more as he pulled himself out to face her. "Sorry, didn't have a good night's sleep," he mumbled, hoping just this once she could take it easy on him. No such luck though.
"Oh don't tell me you're going about to cry me a river over one lousy night's sleep!" she retorted looking positively disgusted.
"What? No! I just, ugh!!" he growled as a voice spoke from his pocket.
"Come on, pick up! I'm ringing here. This is your phone, I'm working hard here, man! Pick up!"
He couldn't help wondering why he'd actually put it back in his pocket. Glaring at Donna as she raised an eyebrow at him, not bothering to hide her amusement, he pulled it out and opened it, not even bothering to try say 'Hello' this time.
"Martha, now tell your mother---"
"Mr Jones, Martha---
"Whose Mr Jones?" Donna cut the Doctor off as he cut off Mr Jones.
"What? Shhh!" he shushed her before addressing the phone. "Sorry about that, as I was saying---"
"Don't shush me space boi!"
"Donna, I'm on the phone!" the Doctor replied, wondering how she couldn't grasp that concept since it was a human tradition.
She glared at him. "So? No need to be rude about it!" she scolded him.
He actually paused mid-breath to contemplate that statement for an extra second. "So me shushing you while I'm on the phone is rude, but you talking to me while you can clearly see I'm on the phone isn't rude?" he asked, raising a brow. When she didn't immediately answer, he sighed with relief. "Sorry Mr Jones, as I was saying---"
"Yes!"
"What?" the Doctor asked Donna, completely confused now.
"In answer to your question, yes!' she said, with an evil smirk.
The Doctor had been holding onto his patience by the skin of his teeth, but had finally lost his grip. "Donna I'm on the phone so could you please shut. Up!" he told her firmly.
He hadn't known Donna very long in the grand scheme of things, but he'd known her long enough to have known better than to say that. And knowing her as well as he did, he knew what was coming.
SLAAAAP!
The Doctor wasn't sure which impressed him more – the fact the slap was so hard that it sent a cracking noise echoing around the control room, or that it had somehow managed to dislodge the kink in his neck's Jackie's had created that not even a regeneration had been able to cure. It was only having contemplated this for a bit that he realised impressed wasn't exactly the emotion he should be feeling and with that became aware that Donna was finishing what appeared to be quite a long tirade. He wasn't entirely surprised to find impressed was indeed the emotion he should be, and was, feeling, but more at himself for somehow having missed it all as she stormed out the room.
"Sorry about that Mr Jones," the Doctor said into the phone once he'd picked it up off the floor where it had landed after being sent flying from the slap. "Mr Jones? Mr Jooones?" he sang into the phone. "Bugger hung up on me!" the Doctor declared, not amused in the least. "Oh that is it Miss Jones, I hope you're not in trouble right now because a storms headed your way!"
The sounds coming from Martha's bedroom needed no explanation. Although such sounds hadn't been heard there for some time, anyone hearing such sounds would have no trouble deciphering what they were. For her part, Martha was somewhat embarrassed that her neighbours would no doubt think she was the vocal one because of the slightly feminine pitch of the sounds, but none the less it was sufficiently enjoyable.
She said sufficiently because she was certain if it had been more what she was hoping for she probably wouldn't have noticed the sound that was, although an unusual and uncommon noise in itself, more common in her living room than the current ones coming from her bedroom.
"Oh god," she mumbled.
The man above her smiled, "Well I try my best," he replied, causing her to groan, which seemed to only encourage her.
"No, get off," she said pushing him aside and having managed to just pull the sheet to cover herself when the Doctor stormed in.
"Right Miss Jones, here's your phone back, I now see why you were so keen to get rid of it in the first place!" he told her as he slammed the object on her bedside table. "Bloody thing just never stops does it!?" he asked before sighing slightly at the hurt look she gave him. "Oh don't look at me like that! I'm brilliant remember? I'm in your phone book under Dr John Smith," he added with a charming smile, before glaring at her as he pointed a stern finger. "But that number is ONLY to be used in PROPER emergencies! One more cry of wolf and even the Family Blood will feel sorry for you!" he warned, before the smile was back on his face, "Good night." And with that he swooped back out of the room.
Martha stared after him, mildly wondering if he was even been remotely aware of what he had almost walked in on, when as though reading her mind, he returned, frowning at her.
"And really Martha, I thought you had better taste! I mean he's a self-proclaimed twat!" He sighed. "Ah well, humans, can't live with 'em...no that's about it really...oh no, can't live with 'em, they can't seem to live without me," he said to himself as he walked back out to the Tardis, the usual spring back in his stride thanks to getting rid of the thorn in his side. He honestly just didn't know how humans lived with them glued to their ears.
The man beside Martha cleared his throat after a moment. "So, your Doctor make house calls often then?"
There you go folks, hope you liked it. Yeah if you're a TW fan you probably have an idea of who the man could have been. It's not that I hold anything against him, just...well looking at his track record of the ladies at TW, it kinda follows his pattern...I actually like him though, he has some BRILLIANT one-liners!! But then it might just be some complete random guy...left it open to you guys ;) Please review, think this is my first attempt at just plain comedy, so would be nice to know if it flopped or flopped abysmally :p Hopefully will have updates for other fics by the end of the weekend...hopefully...