Edward and Bella were gazing lovingly into each others' eyes and tenderly caressing each others' hands under the moonlight. A cool breeze pervaded through the trees and rustled the plethora of discarded Del Taco wrappers strewn about the couple's feet. "Oh Edward, you're the best boyfriend ever and this is the most perfect anniversary date I can imagine," Bella said softly as she leaned over to a box of wine and refilled her glass.
"Bella... there's something I need to tell you." Edward furrowed his brows and looked at Bella with a cold severity only a vampire could portray.
"Oh Edward, you know you can tell me anything," Bella said reassuringly but with a slight tone of nervous uncertainty in her otherwise emotionless voice.
Edward closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, they were glistening with sparkling vampire tears.
Bella stared at him, biting her lip.
Edward stared back at her, his disheveled hair blowing in the wind, much like that of a teen heartthrob you would find on the cover of Tiger Beat.
Bella continued to stare and bite her lip.
Edward returned the stare.
Bella blinked, startled at a fly that landed on her forehead. Swatting it away immediately, she quickly regained her stoic composure and stared at Edward with concern.
20 minutes of romantic yet troubled gazing later, Edward spoke up. "Bella... about what I needed to bring up. There's something I've kept hidden from you, that I shouldn't have. I know I was wrong, but it was so difficult for me to confront you about this, since I'm such an anguished vampire and all the odds are against us and we are fraught with peril and relationship complications constantly. But we're meant to be and all so I know we can get through this no matter what."
Bella bit her lip and gazed intently.
Edward continued, "I... I..."
Bella gripped Edward's hands firmly and stared.
Edward stared.
The two stared at each other.
"Bella... I... I'm pretty sure there was something that didn't agree with me in the fourth fish taco I had tonight. I tried to ignore it because I didn't want to spoil this perfect evening, but I can't keep it hidden any longer. And by hidden I mean in my body. And by that I mean I'm seconds away from explosive diarrhea. The liquid kind, not the solid kind. So I must go." Edward rose up and ran into the forest, sparkling like a faggot as the moonlight hit him.
Bella thought to chase after her beloved, but the amount of Del Taco she had consumed earlier kept her planted firmly on the picnic blanket. Instead, she sat depressed in the middle of the forest, with nothing but boxed wine and impending digestive doom to keep her company.