Summary: -oneshot- It's Christmas, a time of warmth and happiness. But for Naruto, there's only coldness and emptiness. She didn't want to go there… it's just too painful… But for Him… she will.. only for Him.. because… "Sasuke…" SasuFemNaru
Pairing: SasuFemNaru
Warning: Character death
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
As I Cried, Snow Turned into Tears
by Aesura
It was Christmas morning.
A time when families come together, share tales, give gifts, and be merry. A time when the sweet lyrical voices of carolers were heard in the distance. A time when even the greediest of people learn to share. A time when naughty children behave. A time when lovers come to celebrate their true love.
A time full of Laughter, Happiness, Love, and Warmth.
Except…
Alone in a snow white cemetery, a young woman knelt down before a crippling old tombstone, a blank expression on her face. Icy white snow gently cascaded down to the earth, falling on both the woman and the stone…
There was no Laughter, no Happiness, no Warmth…
However, she did not seem to mind or notice.
The bitter cold wind tugged harshly at her blonde hair, she seized her long coat and held it tight against herself until the wind faded. She shut her eyes tight, holding on to her grasp. Once the wind stopped, she released her grip on her coat and looked down at her hands. In her tan hands was a small wreath of holly with sweet red decorative berries scattered across it. The young woman placed it against the stone so carefully, so lovingly…
She inched a few ways back before her cerulean eyes softened. Snow had covered the stone… With her bare hands, she wiped away the white blanket, wincing. It was so cold…
"Merry Christmas…" She murmured towards the stone, her voice shaking.
It has been so long…
"I know I haven't visited here in a while… Do you still remember my name?" She tried to joke but her voice was weak and tearful.
"It was… just too hard… to visit…" Naruto whispered, tears finally streaking off her cheeks. "But I'm here…" The wind blew once more, but softer this time. Naruto readjusted the wreath, making sure it looked perfect.
Just for him.
"I've been doing well… We all have been doing well… but yet we all still miss you… I missed you…" She said, wiping her eyes.
"I became Hokage…" Naruto began as she hesitated, her voice a little less depressing, as if she was trying to brighten up the mood. "I kept training everyday, I never gave up… And whenever I tried to give up…" Her voice began to crack. "I remembered how you called me 'dobe' and 'usuratonkachi'…when we were young… You kept me going…" She softly laughed bitterly to herself. "I wanted to prove you wrong…so bad…"
Snowflakes gently danced and twirled in the breeze, settling upon Naruto. Her blonde hair was now covered in specks of snow… Tears streamed down her face, but yet she did not cry. She would not allow herself to cry. Tears were a sign of weakness, and she could not be weak.
Not in front of him.
"I remembered the times when you beat me when we sparred, the scars you gave me…" She began again once she took control of her tears. "They're beginning to fade now…" She lightly touched her arm. "But… would it be selfish if I didn't want them to fade?"
Naruto could feel her voice choke up. She could feel the tears processing in the back of her eyes. She shook her head but the pain would not go away. Giving in to her angst, her knees buckled as she fell down in front of the tombstone, her trembling hands that clutched the icy snow becoming a watery blur to her as she cried.
And cried.
And cried.
"I don't want them to go away…" She whispered through her crying. "They remind me of you…they keep me content at night…"
She looked up from her hands. "W-Why did you have to go? Huh?" She wept as she pounded her fists before the grave, digging her numb fingers into the snow.
"Doushite…" She cried, unable to stop the flow of her tears. And after about a good minute, she tearfully looked up at the grave. She stood up and straightened out her jacket and wiped her eyes.
"Gomen… You wouldn't want me to cry… You'll just call me a 'crybaby ninja' again…" She shut her eyes tight, trying her best for painful memories not to resurface. "Was I…a burden to you?" She whimpered.
The tombstone just sat there, Naruto whimpered even more.
"Is that why you left…?" She murmured, her eyes understanding.
There was another long silence…
"Did I tell you…?" She said, recollecting herself, trying to break the silence. She couldn't bear the stillness of the cemetery.
"That I gave birth to a daughter…?" White snowflakes blanketed the holly Naruto placed against the grave, oblivious to the pain around it.
"I named her Hikari… She's so sweet…" Naruto laughed lightly, her voice still tearful. "She just turned five… She looks so much like you, she acts so much like you…" Naruto began, stroking the grave. "It's not fair…she deserves to meet you…" She stifled a small cry.
"Sometimes… she even asks about you…at night." Naruto paused, it was too hard…
"She wants to know why you don't visit us…she wants to know if you're happy without us." Naruto wiped her eyes once more. "I tell her you're very happy because we are happy, I tell her that you're her guardian angel… just for her…" Naruto once again broke down, tears flooding out of her eyes.
"She looks at your picture every night and says she can't wait until she goes to heaven to be with you." She looked up at the grave. "It hurts me…all she wants is to see you… and it hurts when she sometimes sees me crying at night…"
Naruto looked down at the grave remorsefully. "I worked so hard for you… and you left me… I try hard not to cry…but I can't promise you any longer…" Naruto put a hand to her face, trying her best for him not to see her tears.
"Kaa-san!" A voice cried out from behind her. Naruto whipped her head up and faced towards the direction of the voice. A small little girl came running towards her, throughout all the graves. The small girl about the age of five happily ran towards Naruto, her bright cerulean eyes shining, her raven hair slightly tangled. She ran into Naruto's arms, which made Naruto smile. Naruto picked up her daughter and held her in her arms. She wiped away the snow that had fallen on top of her daughter's black hair and she looked into her daughter's bright cerulean eyes…
"Kaa-san… Why are you sad? It's Christmas!" She giggled as she flung her hands in the air, Naruto smiled through her tears.
"Can I make you feel better?" Hikari asked. Naruto couldn't help but hug her daughter tight. She set her daughter down and knelt down before her, refastening her buttons on her white winter coat that had come undone.
"You don't need to do anything Hikari-chan. Kaa-san is feeling much better now." Naruto faked a smile, which caused her daughter to smile genuinely. Then Naruto kissed one of Hikari's blue mittened hands, which cause Hikari to giggle. Hikari then looked around and walked closer to her mother, burying her face in her mother's coat. "I don't like it here… can we go now?" Her muffled voice asked, Naruto rubbed her back, comforting her.
"Yes, in a moment." Naruto stared at the grave once more. "Look Hikari-chan." Hikari poked her head up and looked at the grave her mother was pointing at.
"What is it?" She asked innocently as she approached it. She put her hands against it and felt the stone, trying to make sense out of it. Just like a five year old would do.
"It's him…" Her mother whispered towards her, Hikari's face lit up. The small girl turned back towards the stone, excited. Naruto smiled sadly at the scene as she stood up, putting her arms across herself for support. Silent tears still streamed off her face. Her daughter… looked so happy with the grave…
If only he could actually be with her…
"Why did you have to leave me?" Naruto thought has she tried to hold back tears, for her daughter. She put her head back in her hands, crying. She was happy that her bangs flew over her face. She didn't want Hikari to see her cry…
She looked up at their daughter, who was having her own conversation with the tombstone, saying things like "I'm Hikari!" and "What's your favorite color?".
"Ne, teme… You two would have got along well…" Naruto thought to herself, sadly smiling. Her thoughts were suddenly broken when she felt a tug at her coat.
"I'm done talking to otou-san now," Hikari said sweetly. Naruto kneeled down in front of her daughter.
"Wait for me at the entrance, okay Hikari-chan?" Naruto said, the depressing mood returning. Hikari, not catching the disheartening demeanor, nodded happily before running along in the snow, her laughter trailing behind her. Naruto watched her daughter leave for the exit, and once she was out of sight, Naruto turned back towards the grave.
"Sasuke…" Naruto murmured as she knelt back down once more, painful memories flooding back.
. . .
It was cold, it was wet…And the floor was covered in a strange, thick substance. Naruto slowly regained consciousness after temporarily passing out, shaking her head slowly to remove the dizziness. What had happened? Oh, yeah…That kid Haku had her and Sasuke surrounded, and he'd almost killed her with those senbons of his.
Pushing herself into a seated position, the blonde lifted a hand to her face and frowned. Blood? Was it hers? Looking around the area, she realized with some relief that it didn't belong to her. Did it belong to Haku? No, he was slumped on the far side of the clearing, and he didn't seem to be bleeding. The last person could only be…Her heart froze momentarily.
"S-Sasuke?"
The dark haired boy shot Naruto a glare over his shoulder.
"What is it, dobe?"
His voice sounded weak, and the blood pooling around his sandals was beginning to freak the young kuonichi out. Had Sasuke saved her? Would she have been the one dripping with blood, if the other hadn't been around?
"Why? Why did you do it? Why Sasuke?" Her words were bordering on hysteria.
A low chuckle escaped the Uchiha's exhausted body, and he slumped forward slightly. "Y-you're always in the way." He paused. "My body did it on its own."
And that was it. The last of the Uchiha clan fell, and Naruto screamed.
. . .
Naruto's lips curled into a slight bittersweet smile at the memory. That was the first time Sasuke had saved her from being killed, and again at the Forest of Death, …and again as they gotten older. She would've expected that from anybody else, but not from Sasuke. …He'd said that he'll always protect her.. he'd promised… But…it was all because of that promise that he's—!
Naruto let out a shuddered breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Looking back down at the grave, tracing her fingers over the characters, she realized that she'd never once thank him for saving her life. Ne, …Sasuke? Is it too late now?
"…Arigatou."
. . .
Everything was slightly hazy after that. Kakashi had killed Haku, by accident of course. Zabuza was dying next to his young partner, and Sakura… Her anguished scream had finally ceased.
"Naruto!"
The blonde turned around, her gaze firmly fixed on the floor. No way in hell was she going to cry again!
"Naruto! Sasuke-kun's alive!"
What? She finally looked up, and there he was. Alive…Barely. His hand rose in a silent gesture, and he looked away. Naruto's mouth broke out into the biggest grin, and she swiped impatiently at the moisture gathering at her eyes. Sasuke was alive.
. . .
"Aishiteru…" Naruto hugged the small grave one final time before standing back up and heading back towards her daughter.
Christmas.
That day for her, there was no Laughter, no Happiness, no Warmth…
But there was Love.
And that was all she would need.